If one had the nerve to ask Draco Malfoy what he liked most about himself, one would receive three ridiculously plausible answers. Draco might have said, "My disturbingly grey eyes that can penetrate your deepest, darkest, most coveted secrets with a rather unnatural ease." Or he might have answered, "My Adonis-like physique which oftentimes causes jealousy amongst men and women alike –though I must admit I find the constant ogling of my body by members of my own sex to be a trifle uncomfortable." Or, he might have said, "My astoundingly acerbic wit which could very well burn through the ancient, stone walls of Hogwarts." And he would have uttered all of this with a completely straight face and perhaps a slightly sardonic brow.
Nonetheless, anyone who knew Draco Malfoy knew what he treasured the most. And it was, in fact, his wit. Sure, Harry Potter had embarked on numerous life-threatening adventures… but you have to admit… he isn't known to have a deliciously snarky personality (actually… I don't recall him ever having a personality… It's a very controversial issue, but that's a debate we'll have to partake in at a later date). Same thing with the Weasley twins. Sure, they almost burned Umbridge to a crisp (you won't hear any protests from me), almost blew up the school (okay… I'm protesting a bit here… a teensy weensy protest, mind you), and almost killed Ron with the Unbreakable Vow (well, now I've incurred a full-blown riot; trumpets, drums, and fluorescent "Ickle Ronnikins is oh so Precious!" banners included), but they never said anything extraordinarily amusing- something that made you bite your tongue and blush like a ripe tomato (or like a virgin amongst Neanderthals, AND NO I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS! STOP PESTERING ME! I'M THE BLOODY STORY-TELLER… Honestly!... Story-telling is not the profession it once used to be… Back in the old days, story-tellers were revered, respected, WORSHIPPED…Alas, the youths of today have such a knack for being rather rambunctiously inquisitive imbeciles…). Nevertheless, you all know that "The tongue is mightier than the sword". Hence, Draco Malfoy should be respected for mastering the strangely elusive craft of being, well, rather witty.
In fact, Draco Malfoy specializes in the art of one-liners: short, concise sentences which can literally scald a person halfway to Jupiter's third moon. His victims range from Hufflepuffs to the Slytherins in his own social circle. That's where I come in. If you haven't figured it out yet (You probably haven't… not that I'm denying your intelligence… You're all VERY intelligent… perhaps a bit slow… but intelligent all same… but I digress), I was one of Mr. Malfoy's victims. And like a good victim, I've decided to take my well-earned revenge. And what better way to do that than to steal Draco Malfoy's most prized possession, his most defining quality… his wit?