The Moment I Said It
97. Writer's Choice: Those three words
Song: The Moment I Said It by Imogen Heap
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Disclaimer: I do not own the song "The Moment I Said It" or the characters Remus or Sirius.
Warning: Slash, if you don't like gays then don't read this.
The night had started out fun. Remus and Sirius had left their flat with their friends and returned home past midnight. They were slightly drunk when they opened the door to their flat, Sirius more so than Remus but both too intoxicated to rest so they stayed up.
They were lounged in the living room playing cards when something about the alcohol eased words past Remus' lips. Those three words that would haunt him forever.
"I love you."
"The moment I said it,
The moment I opened my mouth."
Remus slammed his mouth shut; he tried to look anywhere but Sirius. However, his eyes followed the beauty of the raven-haired boy and his ever growing rage.
"Lead in your eyelids
Bulldozed the life out of me."
Sirius' eyes closed and it looked as though he were trying to breathe, trying to control his rage. Remus felt one hundred times worse seeing this expression on his friend's face.
"I know what you're thinking,
But darling you're not thinking straight
Sadly things just happen we can't explain"
"I-I don't know why I said that." Remus stuttered.
"You're gay? You're fuckin' gay!" Sirius exclaimed getting up.
"No," Remus wanted to whisper but he didn't. He was.
"It's not even light out
But you've somewhere to be
No hesitation"
"Where are you going?" Remus asked from where he still sat.
"Out." Sirius snapped.
"No I've never seen you like this
And I don't like it
I don't like it
I don't like it at all."
Sirius was stomping around the flat, finding his shoes and jacket. Then he started searching the closet for his motorbike helmet. He slammed the living room door so hard that the small glass mirror on the wall fell and broke. Remus followed him and grabbed Sirius' arm when he caught up with him. His pleading look was ignored when Sirius ripped his arm away. Remus shrank back.
"Just put back the car keys
Or somebody's gonna get hurt."
Remus wrapped his hand around the keys to Sirius' motorbike in an attempt to stop him from leaving. Sirius only sighed and left the flat, replacing his helmet in the closet beside the door. Remus heard him take the stairs; he could not be bothered with waiting for the elevator. Remus crossed over to the window and looked down. Sirius stood in the moonlight and had pulled out a mirror; but Remus knew better, it was the two-way mirror.
"Who are you calling at this hour?"
Remus knew he was calling James. Probably to tell him the freak werewolf was also gay. But James might already know, he had confided in Lily during the years they were at Hogwarts. Remus sat down on the couch before getting the courage to run downstairs.
"Sit down,
Come round
I need you now.
We'll work it all out together
We're getting nowhere tonight"
Remus could see from the doorway that Sirius was getting no answer on the mirror he walked up to him as shy as a mouse and said.
"Please Sirius, come back up. I'm sorry. Please, can't we talk?" He pleaded.
"Now sleep,
I promise it'll all seem better somehow,
In time"
Remus' hand came up, a bad move when he looked back on it. He grabbed the other boy's hand but Sirius jerked away and stuffed his hands in his jacket pocket.
"Will you shut up, werewolf!" Sirius' voice was harsh and Remus shrank back again and allowed him to turn and walk down the street.
"It's not even light out
But suddenly, oh suddenly, you've somewhere to be
No hesitation,
Oh, I've never seen you like this
You're scaring me
You're scaring me
You're scaring me to death"
But Remus couldn't let go. He had to have Sirius, to know he was in their flat. So, Remus tried to stop Sirius from going again and this time Sirius lashed out. His hand hit Remus' cheek and due to Remus not expecting it, he lost balance and fell to the floor.
"Don't you dare touch me again." Sirius growled.
"Don't…..ooh (smash)
Please don't….ooh (Not a-pleasenother one)
Don't…..oooh (smash)
Please don't…..oooh (Not apleasenother one)"
Sirius hit and kicked Remus a few more times and so Remus finally gave up. It wasn't that he was hurt; he was used to pain due to the full moons but it was the pain that this person was doing to him and then even though the man was hurting him, those three words kept running in his head, wanting to slip past his lips again, but Remus didn't let them.
He took the elevator to the third floor and sat down watching through the window. Then Sirius was walking back up. But Remus didn't move. He didn't look up when Sirius got his keys and helmet. He just watched him leave.
"I'm losing you, I'm losing you
Trust me on this one
I've got a bad feeling,
Trust me on this one
You're gonna throw it all away
With no hesitation"
Now their friendship was gone. Remus saw Sirius turn the corner on his motorbike but still did not move. Their friendship was over. He had lost the best friend he'd ever had because of those damn three words. Remus kicked the wall hard, not caring the it was a wall, then fell back against the couch.
"(smash)
Bye bye bye bye
Bye bye bye
Bye bye
Bye."
I t was all over.