Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue, any of its characters, content and so on and so forth. I am just borrowing these amazing characters, and putting them into my own universe.
This is my very first fan fiction story, so I am really nervous. Reviews are highly appreciated, and I cannot wait to hear your opinions. At this moment I have no idea where I am going with this story, and how long it is going to turn out. Feel free to comment on any irregularities when it comes to Police-stuff, UC- stuff or similar things, because all I know I have learned on TV…
This picks up at the end of 3x13. Sam is alone at the Penny, and Andy is on her way to UC. As said, at the moment I have no idea where I am going with this story, so bear with me.
Every time the door swung open, his eyes darted in the direction, and every time he got more and more anxious. What if she did not show? What if she had meant it when she said it was too late? He cursed himself for being stupid enough to brush the seriousness of what he was saying at first with his 206 bones, and Grey's Anatomy. However, she had not said no. She had not bluntly refused to give him a second chance.
The door swung open again, and as on cue his eyes flew across the room to see who it was. Once again his heart, his cold, stupid heart, sunk to his stomach. It was Peck. Her eyes scanned the entire room, no doubt looking for someone.
"What are you… drinking alone?" Gail said with a small smirk on her face.
"Looks that way," Sam responded disappointed while searching the room with his eyes quickly one more time.
"Have you seen Nick at all?" Her voice sounded a bit concerned. Sam could tell she was anxious.
"No, sorry." Sam hated to admit it, but he felt bad for Gail. If she had the same feeling inside like ha had now, she needed a drink. "You know what? Let's celebrate, till Nick gets here!" Sam tried to say it with a bit of enthusiasm, but to be truthful he had a bad feeling about this. He shoved one of the shots over to her.
Gail looked like she considered it for a few seconds before caving inn. "Alright, but only because you seem so lonely and pathetic here by yourself."
"Tell me again why the rookies don't like you…" Sam said with a smirk before they both downed their shot. Sam wanted to ask Gail if she had seen Andy, but he was pretty sure she would not know where she was anyway.
Luke was giving his final instructions, and Andy was doing her best to pay attention to him. When he had asked if there was anything else she wanted taken care of, she had wanted to say "Sam". She wanted him to know that she was not leaving because of him, but because she needed this. If she was ever going to be able to move forwards - with or without him - she needed this.
"… zero contact." Andy's mind flew instantly to Sam's last UC, the Brennan case. She meeting him, being in his apartment, it had almost gotten him killed. Even though it was mostly Boyd's fault, she knew in that instant how important the no contact rule had to be this time. There was no way she could call Sam, let him know where she would be, let him know if she had shown at the Penny had she not gotten the UC. Would she have shown? She was not sure herself. It had all happened so sudden, so she kind of did not have the time to consider.
"Okay, that's him." Luke nodded his head towards the car that pulled up behind them. Andy turned in her seat. This was it. She was actually doing this. The fact that Nick was coming along made things a bit brighter. At least she had someone to lean on.
"Good luck!" Luke looked straight in to her eyes. She did not return his smile, but unbuckled her belt and got out. She slid into the waiting car, and re-buckled. They exchanged a few words with the driver who would be their handler, and connection to the outer world.
As they pulled away from the curb, Nick said; "So, you ready to say good bye to your old life?" She let the situation run through her head for a few seconds before replying.
"Yeah, I guess I am." She really was. She needed this, both to prove to herself, and to the world, that she was good at her job. To prove that she could manage without someone holding her hand, and keeping her safe. She needed time to think, and if there was one thing you got while undercover, it was time to think.
"I don't think he's coming" Gail said with a defeated tone in her voice. "I think we're drinking alone." She looked over at Sam, who threw one last glance around the room. Why was she not here? Sam motioned for the barman to bring them another round of shots.
"To drinking alone." Sam raised his glass and looked at Gail, who took the other one. Together they downed their shots, and sat there in silence a while longer. Neither was willing to give up on the possibility of their person walking through that door and them not being there.
"I'm gonna go home, and drink another bottle of tequila" Gail announced before she stood up. "See you in the morning." She grabbed her jacket, and turned for the door. Right before she left she turned to Sam. "I'm sorry she didn't turn up."
"Me too," Sam said, not quite willing to give up yet. What if something had happened and she was just late. Or in the hospital? God, what if she was in the hospital? Sam's head was working overtime, doing exactly what he told her so many times not to do. Don't overthink it. He was such a hypocrite. When the bar was almost empty, and the barman announced that they were closing up. Sam slid slowly of his chair, and grabbed his jacket. Defeated he made his way to his truck. Was this it?
As he started on his way home, he was just driving on autopilot. Without knowing it, he had turned right towards Andy's apartment. Suddenly he found himself outside, just staring up at the dark windows. He had a long discussion with himself, contemplating whether or not to go knock on her door. It was nearly 2 a.m., and their shift started at 7 a.m. He really needed to get some sleep, and so did she. It had been a long and eventful day, if you could call it that.
The next morning came way too soon for Sam's liking. If he added the time of sleep he may have gotten three hours of restless sleep. It was definitely going to be a long day at work, not to mention facing Andy again. He was nervous, like really, jittery, on edge nervous. Was she not showing up the final rejection?
As Sam drove in to the precinct parking lot, he still had not found what to say to Andy when they came face to face. He would just have to wing it. Oh crap, he was totally going to blow it, again. In the locker room he had not found the right words and decided to wing it, and look where that got him. Anyway, he had meant what he said. He would show her, he would do everything, anything, as long as she would give him a chance.
When he did not see her as he walked in to the station, he decided to wait till after parade. After parade he would tell her. Tell her everything on his mind; tell her how much she means to him. How she is everything. He did not know exactly how yet, but he could not lose her again. Not that she was his to lose at the moment, but he had to try.
As he sat down in the back of the room, he scanned the crowd. No Andy. Where the hell was she? A bad feeling had started growing in his gut. Something was off. As Best started parade, there was still no sign of her. Sam kept darting eyes at everyone, especially Best, who had done his best to avoid Sam's glare. Nash looked confused, while she was scanning the crowds, and throwing worried looks towards the door. Peck looked hung over. She had probably had her date with the tequila bottle when she got home, not that he could blame her.
"Nash/Williams, Shaw/Epstein, Peck booking and Swarek/Diaz front desk. McNally and Collins are out on assignment." Sam's eyes grew wide at the realization. She had gone. Left. She had taken the UC, and God knows what will happen to her. Sam felt anger build up, and he threw his worst glare at Best who finally looked at him. "Serve, protect and do not do anything stupid." The last one was directed at Sam. Sam just shook his head as people left the room. He could tell that Best wanted to bolt for the door, but even Frank knew that he would have to talk to Sam eventually. Might as well get it over with.
"Swarek," Best started as Sam approached him. "Sam, don't" Best tried to be firm, but he knew it was going to be a fight. It was going to be a struggle till she got home, she had to come home.
"Where the hell is she?" Sam said as controlled as he could, but his jaw was clenching and hands fisting as he came closer.
"You know that I can't tell you that." Frank looked intently at his friend. He could see that he was hurting, hell everybody knew he was hurting. The last thing he wanted to do was to take McNally away from him, but she had said yes to this by herself, and there was nothing he could have done to prevent it.
"Frank?" Sam glared at him. He wanted to punch something. He wanted to go out and find her. Tell her how stupid and dangerous this was. Tell her how much he loved her, how much he needed her. Frank just shook his head.
"Don't do anything stupid Sam." He looked intently at his friend. He hated to pull rank, but he needed Sam to not look for Andy. It could be dangerous for the both of them. "Don't put her in any more danger than she's already in." He could see by the change in Sam's face that he had gotten somewhat through to him.
Sam knew Frank was right. Him looking for her could get her killed, it could get them both killed. Not that he cared all that much about himself at that second. His mind wandered back to the Brennan case for a second, and if he was to be the cause of something like that happening to Andy, he would never forgive himself.
"I won't do anything stupid," Sam said quietly. "but don't you for one second think that I am happy about this." He promised himself at that moment that if she got home safe, he would never let her go again. All he wanted to do was to find Luke Callaghan and beat the living crap out of him for sending Andy UC, but he knew deep inside, she had probably asked for this. She would not do it if she did not want to.
The shift was probably the longest and most painful in his entire life. Not only were Andy gone, but he had nothing to distract himself with. Working the desk was not exactly the most exciting job, and the more spare time he got, the more could he contemplate the different ways of Andy's UC going south. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got with himself. Angry that he could not say the words until her hand was clenching around a bomb. Angry that he had pushed her away when he needed her the most. Angry that he never found the right moment or the right words to tell her everything he felt, everything he thought, everything he knew she needed to know.
After shift Oliver came searching for him in the locker room. "How you holding up, brother?"
Sam shrugged, and looked away. "I don't know man." He was feeling defeated, and all he really wanted was to go home and drink a bottle of scotch. No, all he wanted was Andy, but since that was out of the question he would have to do with a bottle of scotch.
"You know she is coming back, right? It's going to be OK." Oliver tried to calm his nerves a bit, and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Sam?" Sam looked up and Oliver could see the hurt in his eyes. "She is going to be fine". Sam nodded distantly, and packed his bag before heading out without a word.
At home he sat staring at the bottle. He had taken a few sips, and even though drunk seemed like the best state of mind right now, he was reluctant to take another sip. Suddenly an idea flew into his head. If he could not say it, maybe he could write it. In that way the words would be the way he meant them to be, instead of the way they always seemed to clutter and make a bigger mess when he tried to say them out loud.
He grabbed a pen and a notepad, and sat down in the couch. Dear Andy…
So let me know what you think, and while you're at it throw me some ideas. I have no clue how long it's going to be, what is going to happen or even if I am cut out for this writing thing, but how can you know if you never even try?