Why Bother?
By
Denise
"Hope you didn't have any plans for tomorrow," Jack said walking into Sam's lab and plopping a folder down in front of her.
She set down the magazine she was reading and tiredly picked it up resisting the urge to shoot him a dirty look. She opened it and read the mission detail inside. "Edora?" she said recognizing the designation. "Is something wrong there?" she asked seeing a look of distaste on her CO's face.
"Wrong? No nothing's wrong. We've just been summoned is all," he complained.
She read the report closer. "I don't see how we've been summoned sir. SG-5 just says there's a festival and we're invited," she said holding back a sigh. The absolute last thing she wanted to do right now was go off world, to a festival or not.
"Carter, there's invited and there's 'invited'. This is the latter one."
"Sir, if I didn't know better I'd swear you didn't want to go."
"Ya think?"
"Sir… I thought you …enjoyed you time there? Nice quiet planet, nobody shooting at you, friendly natives." Jack shot her a look that confirmed the true nature of his reluctance. "Unless of course it's not the where but the who." He remained silent. "It's Laira isn't it? You don't want to see her?"
"Back off Carter," he warned.
"Why? I thought you two got along? Why the sudden…"
"Damnit Carter I said back off."
She ignored his warning. "Did you two have a fight or something? I mean that when we rescued you the mood seemed friendly enough. Maybe when you went back?"
"We didn't fight."
"Oh. OK. So why don't you want to see her?"
"I just don't," he said petulantly.
"Well she wants to see you. Major Wilson says so. You're personally invited."
"She can stick her invitation…"
"Colonel," she chided.
"Look Carter. Just butt out ok? I have to go but there's no rule saying I have to enjoy it."
"Sir?" Sam asked, pushing the matter. Perhaps the smart thing to do would be to back off but…he'd started it and she just wasn't in the mood to be the dumping ground for his bad moods. Not today.
"Stop it. That lying bitch can…" he started angrily then stopped at her reproachful look and continued more calmly. "Look, that last day. She said she heard voices but you told me the last time you used the radio was right before the gate closed. When I found Teal'c he was almost out of air. An air supply that lasted four hours. For four hours she sat there, thinking about it. She nearly got Teal'c killed."
"She couldn't have known that."
"It doesn't matter what she knew. What matters is that she kept quiet. She knew Teal'c was somewhere on the planet. That you guys were up to something and she didn't say a word," He ranted.
"Maybe she was afraid?"
"Afraid?" Jack snorted. "What the hell did she have to be afraid of? No one from the SGC so much as raised a finger against her."
"I don't think she was afraid of us," Sam said thoughtfully.
"OK. Then what?" He demanded.
"Permission to speak freely?" He nodded. Sam took a deep breath. "Maybe she was afraid of losing you? Of being alone again." she suggested.
"What?"
"Laira's a widow. She raised Garan mostly on her own. She's a leader for her people. She was lonely. Then here comes this stranger and she begins to….feel things. And then you're stuck there. All of a sudden the future doesn't look lonely, there's someone to share it with. Just as she's starting to think it's real, that the fates have given her a second chance…there comes this voice on the radio telling her that it's all about to change again. Her one chance for a future comes to a screeching halt. Maybe she thought if she ignored the voice it'd just go away," Sam said quietly.
"That still doesn't excuse what she did," Jack insisted.
"Loneliness can be a powerful emotion."
"Lonely. That's a good reason to risk a man's life," Jack said sarcastically.
"You've never been lonely have you?" she asked.
"I…"
"You never fell asleep at the library and got locked in all night because not only did the librarian not notice you but your own father didn't even realize you never came home.
You never hurried home to tell someone about your latest breakthrough only to realize no one was around save a few plants and a stray cat. You never woke up from a nightmare at 3 am and wished desperately for someone to hold you and tell you it's gonna be ok. Or someone to even give a damn if you DO come home. You never sit alone wondering why you even bother. If it'll ever be worth it…" She paused. "Look, why, why don't you go back there and give her a chance to explain. I think you owe her that much," she said, dropping the folder and leaving the room.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Jack exited the gate and surveyed the familiar pastoral scene. He rested his hands on his rifle and felt more than a little silly for even bringing it, SOP or not. Heck he'd lived here for three months and knew the most dangerous thing on the planet was that homemade hooch of Paynan's. Seeing Daniel fiddle with his clip on sunglasses reminded him to warn the archaeologist away from it. If one beer would go straight to his head, then one glass of that stuff would knock him straight on his ass.
"It's too bad Sam couldn't come," Daniel remarked following Jack as he led the way to the village.
"She has her reasons," Jack said, closing the subject. He knew her sudden request for downtime stemmed from her outburst of yesterday but who was he to call her on it. Anyway, he figured she deserved some time off.
"So Jack, why exactly are we here?"
"The report I read stated our presence was requested by the Edorans," Teal'c replied falling into step with his friends.
"Some party or something," Jack said unenthusiastically.
"You don't sound like you're in the party mood."
"Nah just…"
"Fair day!" they heard. They looked up to see several Edorans approaching.
"Fair Day!" Daniel called, hurrying forward.
Jack wished vaguely for another meteor storm as he put his game face on and joined the welcoming party.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Jack followed the group into the village pleased to see that repairs had progressed rapidly with the return of the rest of the refugees.
He acknowledged the friendly waves and fair days from the people of the village recognizing most of them. He was reminded of the last time he'd returned to the old neighborhood in Chicago.
"Jack." Laira rushed towards him and hugged him warmly. "You did come."
"Laira, how are you?" Daniel asked.
"I am well Daniel. And you look well Teal'c."
"I am," the jaffa replied with a nod of his head.
Laira looked around. "Sam couldn't come?" she asked frowning.
"No she …had some important things going on. She sends her best though."
Laira's face fell. "We were looking forward to her being here, especially Rayna," she said motioning one of the women forward.
Daniel remembered her. She had been one of the refugees who had lived in the SGC for three months, and of special concern to the general given that she'd been pregnant…very pregnant.
"You had your baby. Congratulations," Daniel said, noting the bundle cradled carefully in her arms.
"Yes that is the reason for our celebration," Laira said as Daniel and Teal'c dutifully admired the child.
"She is the first child born since the fire rain. Thanks to Sam she could be born here, on her native soil. The celebration we are having is for her naming day."
"Really?" Daniel asked. "What's her name, if I can ask?"
"I am calling her Samantha, in honor of the person that enabled her to be born here," Rayna said.
"That's why we were hoping Sam would be here. It is a great honor to be a namesake," Laira said.
"Laira we didn't know what this party was all about. If Carter had known I'm sure she would have made every effort to be here," Jack said.
"Perhaps one of you will stand in her place?" Laira suggested, leading them further into the village.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Jack sat at the fringes of the celebration content to merely observe. It had been a nice ceremony. Quaint, simple just like a baptism. Carter was going to be sorry she missed it and meeting her namesake.
"Jack," a quiet voice said as he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Laira standing by him.
"Hi."
"May I sit with you?" He made a sweeping gesture and she joined him on the bench.
"You've been avoiding me."
"No…yes."
"Do I make you uncomfortable?" she asked.
Jack shook his head. "No."
"Then why? I thought you would be glad to see me but…have I done something wrong?"
"No…Yes. Laira, when you heard the voice on the radio, why did you wait so long to tell me?" he asked pointedly seeing no need to beat around the bush.
"What?'
"Teal'c nearly died. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"I…I guess I didn't realize how much danger he was in. I expected to see your friends coming for you but…as the hours passed I realized something had to be wrong. I'm sorry Jack. I should have said something but…I knew I was going to lose you I just…wanted a little more time."
"Laira…"
"Jack. Had I known the situation I would have told you immediately. And as much as I regret what I did…I can not change the past."
Jack sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. He may not understand totally and certainly didn't agree with what she did…but she was right. Arguing about it wasn't going to change a thing. And he knew all too well, all the wishing in the world couldn't change the past…no matter how much you might want to. "I guess it didn't work," he said abruptly changing the subject.
Laira frowned. "What?'
"The aah…" he made vague gestures towards her belly.
"Ohh. No. There was no child," she said wistfully. "I had thought for sure but…it was not to be," she said with a small smile.
Jack nodded, clearly at a loss as to what to say.
"It…we could try again," she said in a small voice looking at her hands.
"Umm…Laira I…I'm flattered really and under different circumstances…"
She laughed. "Jack I understand."
"Laira, I…" Jack turned and pulled her to face him. "I want nothing more than to be a father again…but…I want to be a FATHER not just…someone who shows up at birthdays and Christmas."
She frowned at the strange term then smiled. "I thought you would say that. I knew you only laid with me because you couldn't go back," she said sadly.
"Laira, the time I spent here…the…you took me into you home. And I'll always be grateful but…"
"Your home is on Earth," she finished.
"And yours is here."
They fell silent listening to the sounds of the party. "You can still visit," she suggested. "Garan misses you…even Paynan asks after you."
"Maybe the next time I have some leave," he conceded actually considering the idea.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Sam lay in the sofa idly scanning through the channels as yet another infomercial began. Worse yet, it was one she'd seen twice already. Then again what did she expect at 2am? What she should be doing right now is getting some sleep. Especially since exhaustion was the excuse she'd used to get out of the Edoran mission. She was pretty sure the general had seen through her excuse but showing up at the base with bags under her eyes was no way to repay his understanding.
A knock at the door startled her causing her to drop the remote.
She got to her feet and padded to the door, wondering vaguely who it could be. She certainly hadn't had the TV too loud and since the rest of SG-1 was off world she really couldn't think who could be dropping by.
She peeked through the peephole and frowned as she saw Jack standing in the hall. She opened the door. "Colonel? Is something wrong? I thought you were still on Edora?"
"No. Nothing's wrong. You mind if I …" he gestured.
Sam stood back. "Of course sir. Come in," she invited. Jack walked past her and into the living room.
She closed the door and followed him. "Can I get you something to drink," She offered.
"No. It's ok. I'm…this'll just take a minute. I just wanted to give you this." He held out a small picture.
Sam took it and frowned. "A baby?" she asked looking at the picture of an infant in its mother's arms.
"The newest Edoran. Her mother was among the ones evacuated to Earth. Rayna made it back just in time to give birth. At home, with all her family around her. Seems it's a big thing for them. That party we were invited to was her christening," Jack explained. Sam looked at him, still not quite getting why this was important enough to come to her home in the wee hours. "Her name is Samantha by the way."
She looked at the picture again. "Samantha?"
"Yeah. The parents were so glad you got Rayna home in time they named her after you." She looked at the picture again. "That's why we bother," he said quietly.
She stared at the picture. She had a very vague memory of Janet telling her about one of the refugees, how distraught she was to face having her baby all alone on an alien planet.
"It's late. I should go," Jack said, walking past her.
"Are you sure?" Sam asked, coming out of her stupor. "I could…"
"No. It's late. And some of us have to be in early tomorrow," he said opening the door.
"Colonel?" she called to his back. He turned. "Thanks," she said, holding up the picture.
"Any time Carter, any time."
Fin