What Schemes Are Made Of
Tsunade's Office
Tsunade thought about everything rationally. However there are always mitigating circumstances. At this moment Tsunade needed a quick roll in the haystack. It wasn't the first time she thought of usurping her political power. She could easily order anyone on this "special mission." After all, it has been far too long. There was the legendary Kakashi who was too intelligent for his own good. There were many other candidates. Perhaps what she needed was someone more blunt, but someone who can maintain a certain amount of anonymity.
Sitting at her desk she flips through her profiles of every ninja but she already knows the perfect candidate. Who else but this low rank ninja would jump at an A-rank mission assignment? And in his time absence training he has certainly grown. "Bad Tsunade." She thought.
Moments Later…
"Kakashi's Team has arrived for his 5 o'clock appointed summoning."
"Send them in." Tsunade called.
Kakashi, Sakura, and Naruto materialized in the center of the stone tiled office. Naruto is smiling so that his eyes were squinty and his arms behind his head. "Yo! Old Lady Tsunade!" Tsunade bit her lip. She hated being called old. The rest of the team merely bowed. What was she thinking? He totally wouldn't go for it. In fact any idiot would see through it.
"Sakura you and Kakashi are to escort a supply shipment. The details are in this envelope. Naruto, I have a mission for you. In fact it's an "S-class" mission. You interested?" she winked an extremely obvious wink however everyone in the room mistook that as a wink of acknowledging Naruto's developed strength. Kakashi is smart, hopefully he did not accurately interpret the gesture. Tsunade had to be careful not only communicate this thought to Naruto and to him alone.
"Yeah!!!" he jumps. Energetic as always she smiles.
"Due to the sensitive nature of this assignment we need to discuss the details of this assignment in private."
"Forgive my intrusion Hokage, might I suggest, Naruto is not ready for an S-class mission." Kakashi stated.
"You don't even know the details of the assignment. It's a special mission but well within Naruto's caliber. Naruto you are to meet your informant at this location and time. Do not be late. The rest of you are dismissed. Naruto, wait a moment as a prepare you with something." Tsunade passed Naruto a piece of paper folded with Tsunade's office seal on it. Presumably, the paper contained the details of the mission. The team bowed and vanished. Tsunade gave a wicked smiled as she set her devious machinations in motion. Naruto stood there looking at her.
"Oh you won't regret this! I won't let you down."
"Shut up." Naruto paused after hearing Tsunade say this. "You are to never speak of this mission. You will never ever discuss it. You will only report to me. Before we begin we need to talk about safe locations. Places where we can meet without suspicion."
"Is there an mole within our village?"
"Yes that's why we must trust no one but you and me." Tsunade continued. "Theres also something else Naruto. I am going to give you kind of power you've never felt before. Are you brave enough to embrace it?" Tsunade looked at Naruto's crotch and then met his eyes again. She stepped forward to a nervous frozen statue of the boy demon. Her hands glow with chakra and she wraps an arm around his back and moves slowly lower and lower. The other hand takes hold of Naruto's free hand and then she moves it in between her legs and in between Naruto's legs. He feels the vibration and sensation. "Do you know what this power is?" Tsunade, get a hold of yourself. She thought as she broke off the hold she had and teased a little kiss on his neck. "When you meet your informant, wear something nice. "Do you have evening wear?"
"Like pajamas?"
"No idiot, like semi-formal wear."
"Nope." Naruto's grin got wider and wider. She couldn't tell if Naruto was excited as she was. Or if he was completely thick skulked and thinks this is a real mission.
"I get it! I need to dress slick because I am going to be a Ninja-Spy!!!!!" Okay so Naruto wasn't very bright. But he was the only real candidate in Tsunade's twisted game.
"Naruto. I want you to be sharp about your whits. Careful what you mention to people. You are my right hand man. Your services will be rewarded." she whispers into Naruto's ear. "Now go…"
Naruto whispers back. "Why are you whispering, are people watching us?" Tsunade grabbed Naruto by the head and pulled his head to her large breasts and hugged him. Why are you so stupid?, she thought as she rocked him slowly.
"I understand!" Naruto yelled.
"You do?" Tsunade winked again. No could mistake this sensual hug.
"This mission is obviously so dangerous I may not return! Only in times of peril you can show you truly care. Thank you Hokage! I won't let you down." Naruto hugged Tsunade back and then stepped back. He saluted her and disappeared. Tsunade sighed in disbelief. Cute kid really.
Outside the Tower
Naruto walked the night street excited as ever. "What does it say?" Sakura exclaimed. She had waited for her shinobi friend to come out of the meeting. She was truly proud that her comrade was getting the recognition he deserved but really. She resented it. The past two years she trained hard under Tsunade and yet no sign of recognition.
"A ninja can't disclose that kind of information! This is an S-class assignment! I am finally getting the recognition I deserve despite being a Genin! Yahhahah!" Naruto's arrogant comment snapped the ego-centric girl and now her jealously was in full effect.
"Idiot! Don't think you're all high and mighty just because."
"Naruto," Kakashi interupted. "This is the highest honor, Naruto. However, You need to be careful and not let this get to your head. In fact, usually S ranked mission usually ends with causalities. You must not let your arrogance prevent you from accomplishing your task." Naruto bowed at his sensei's wisdom and then stuck his tongue out at Sakura. Sakura's blood boiled.
"Behold, Sakura-chan! I am to meet my secret informant at the ….the…Ichiraku Ramen Bar?!!" Naruto jaw dropped.
"Ahhhahahahahah." Sakura laughed. "You should be glad they honored the great Naruto's taste for cheap road shop Ramen!" Sakura was going to be there to spy on Naruto.
Naruto still shocked grumbled off to his glorious location. "Hey maybe you can get a pork combo from your informant as a bonus! Ahhahaha." She laughed. Naruto bit his lip. What kind of serious mission could this be? Maybe the briefing will be conducted over food. There is nothing wrong with that.
Ichiraku Ramen Shop – The way to a mans heart is his stomach…
Naruto saw only one dark figure silhouetted by the light from the noodle stand. He approached the hooded figure. "Naruto. Please sit." The figure revealed herself as a makeup applied sexy disguised Tsunade without looking toward Naruto.
"Hey Tsuna..acckkk" Naruto was silenced by a hand over his mouth.
"Shhh. Quite down idiot! Now before we begin with the details Naruto-kun, lets start with some Ramen."
"Yes! Two orders of the regular please!" Tsunade turned to the Fox boy.
"I like a man who know what to order for a lady!"
"What are you having Tsunade?" Tsunade's forehead vein pumps. This boy will give her an aneurysm.
"Ayame! water please!"
"Oh my I forgot, Naruto you've grown so much. You're so big and strong it's about time you had your first shot of Sake." Tsunade winked and signaled for two orders of sake. Naruto began to let the ego of his first S-class assignment get to him. Naruto placed one hand behind his head and felt flushed. What an honor Naruto thought. My first alcoholic beverage with the Hokage!
"I suppose I am old enough to finally enjoy a good drink!" Naruto said as raised the dish. The blond woman in front of him that always seemed so old in his eyes was smiling something sinister. Perhaps this was a test? Oh well. "Cheer, old lady!"
Hours later….Tsunade was kissing Naruto up and down his neck that made him nervous and uneasy. It was not even secretive, classy, or discrete. They were the only people there except for the Old man and his daughter Ayame who could totally see the shameless act but Tsunade's judgments was impaired and she wanted Naruto. Tsunade was a vicious cougar and Naruto was an innocent demon fox to the slaughter.
"You know old Lady you're actually fun to drink with! I feel like laughing all the time."
"Oh Naruto-kun? I am more fun than you know. Take a look for yourself." Tsunade was pouring herself sake to her flat shot dish with the bottle pressed between her bosoms. "another round Naruto?"
"Hey Old Lady Tsunade! If you're really old, how can you hold that bottle up!" he pointed. That was followed up by a punch to the head! Tsunade tried to stay calm. "Finish this idiot!" Naruto started to drink the rest of the bottle and placed the empty container on the bar next to several other empty bottles. "See ya Oldman! Ayame!" Naruto reached for his wallet but found it was not there. Tsunade took this a third opportunity to gain his attention. "I'll spot you but you need to walk me home. I'm afraid I had too much to drink!"
"of course tsu-HIC!" Naruto said hiccupping and then stumbling face first to the dirt pavement. This was harder then expected. Tsunade grumbled and tried again.
"Okay, lazy boy, I'm gonna walk you home." She helped him up and supported Naruto like a crutch. "Left foot, right foot, left foot!"
"Tsunade, what was the mission again? What happened to my Ramen? Why is the floor spinning?"
"BAKA I already told you it's a secret training mission. You ate it two hours ago. The floor in fine, its your head that's spinning and stop yelling!"
"Yes!"
Standing on Top of a streetlight.
On top of a streetlight was the perfect spot during the night time. With the lights casting down ward at night, there was no way anyone could see her. Lurking in the distance, Sakura spied and gasped at the sight of what she had been witnessing. She had to save Naruto and expose the Hokage! But this is my sensei!
"Hey ugly forehead girl!" said a blonde skinny girl. "What are you doing up there? Stalking cute boys like hideous creature in the darkness?" Okay so there were some flaws with her hiding spot. Sakura jumped down and yanked Ino into the bushes.
"Quiet! Tsunade is making perverted moves on Naruto! We have to save him!"
"Why should I? Why should you? Are you jealous?" Ino inquired."
"No way! Its just that Naruto is our friend and it would be irresponsible to let a friend in need be taken advantage of!" she stated
"Boys don't want to be saved from woman like that!"
"Shes really 50 something years old." Sakura muttered.
Kakashi was reading his perverted book lurking in the darkness as well behind Sakura. She didn't even notice the sneaky ninja. "Sakura. Your curiosity has now left you with a predicament. If you try to persue the Hokage by yourself, she will detect you allowing her to know what you know that she knows. Naruto's purity hangs in the balance of your next move. If you do nothing, Naruto maybe in danger."
"What do you suggest?"
"We shall disguise ourselves as pedestrians and compromise her position..."
"NO TIME!!!!" she yelled and charged with Ino in her clutches.
Hasty idiots.Kakashi began to read his book once more.
Sakura ran after Tsunade in a flight. Disguises were easy enough but there is a certain amount of satisfaction Sakura needed by allowing Tsunade to know it was her who knows her current position. Sakura needed to cockblock Naruto for his own good. Tsunade was way too old. "Tsunade, what's wrong with Naruto!" Sakura waved. Ino waved too. This began an awkward chase forcing Tsunade to quickly change into Naruto. The two Narutos acted drunk however one was really a hasty Tsunade who threw the other Naruto on his back and started to run. With her superhuman strength, she could run off with Naruto on her back with ease. Ino would not be able to catch her. However Sakura was also strong and materialized in front of the two Narutos with her arms folded tapping her feet.
"Hey Sakura! What seems to be the problem?"
"You tell me old lady Tsunade!!!"
"What makes you say something silly like that?"
"We saw you try to take advantage of Naruto!" she pointed. Ino soon caught up.
"I was drinking by myself and only I pretended to be Tsunade to get served Sake! Now I have to get home by myself so why not use a shadow clone to help. Well got to go, bye bye!" Tsunade said in Naruto form running while piggy backing another Naruto. The more wasted Naruto was holding and looked up.
"Oh Sakura-san, what are you doing here cutie? I feel dizzy. You look so pretty tonight that my head is spinning!"
"Shut up!" said the other Naruto.
And then Sakura knew for sure. Since when did shadow clones act independently with their own thought. Two can play at this game, thought Sakura. Game on.
Outside Naruto's apartment.
Sakura waited at the door. There she saw two Narutos walking up to the apartment. "Naruto why do you need two of you if you're trying to get home? Which one is the real one and which one is the clone? Wouldn't the clone be just as drunk?"
Both Naruto's looked up. "I am the real one!" They both said. "I'm drunk, sorry, hes' the real one." they both said pointing at each other. "I have to pee!!!" Tsunade in Naruto form started to fiddle for the keys from the other Naruto's pocket. The real Naruto was eyeing up Ino and Sakura stumbling and squinting. The more sober Naruto-Tsunade pulled the other one in the door and slammed the door. However Sakura blocked the door with her foot.
"Naruto? Wouldn't you invite me in? I know you always had a crush on me!" Sakura said winking. One Naruto was applying inhuman strength to close the door while the other Naruto was trying to pry the door open pull Sakura in.
Finally Tsunade shoved Sakura out the door and finally locked the door. Tsunade grabbed Naruto in a heat of passion and kissed him.
Ino and Sakura tried to peer in to the window and tapped on it when Tsunade pulled the blinds down and turned back. into her form. Yes, I finally have Naruto all to myself! Naruto laughed. "That was fun but please don't kiss me in when you look like ME!!" The drunken fox boy started to make out with Tsunade and felt her boobs. While dragging the demon boy to the bed, there was a pounding at the door.
"Is everything alright in there? Naruto let me in. I need to talk. I'm busting in the door!" Tsunade imitated Naruto's voice.
"Go home! I'm busy! I'm tired. Long day ahead of me. Don't bust in. I'm fine."
"Are you sure? Why was your Shadow Clone making out with you! Are you playing with yourself using Shadow clones? That's gross!"
"Yeah!" agreed Ino "Unless someone were to come clean. Say a certain old woman!" In the distance Sakura can hear Naruto's voice kissing and moaning.
Sakura stomped her feet and beat her head against the door. Tsunade stopped making out with Naruto and finally got up. She was irritated. No irritated as several blocks ago. Angry was more accurate. Very very angry.
Tsunade got up and yelled in a Naruto voice, "Both of you go home!"
Ino exclaimed, "But Sakura and I are horny and we need some Shadow clone attention!" Ino winked at Sakura who was sighing in disgust.
"I'm not feeling well tonight. Maybe tomorrow?" Tsunade said wondering what freaks this newer generation has yielded.
"But Naruto you always take care of me when I'm this hot." Yells Ino.
"Sorry not tonight baby maybe tomorrow morning?"
"Ah ha!! I've never done it with Naruto. Hes an uncharismatic, unromantic brat! Oh you're definitely Tsunade and you're gonna get in trouuuubblle! Because I'm gonna tell my dad whose on the council. Oh enjoy that fox while you can because tomorrow there's going to be hell to pay!"
"Whose going to believe a skinny, attention craved bitch! Like you!" Tsunade said. Ino and Sakura pounded on the door until finally it sopped.
Tsunade sighed with relief and turned her attention back to find Naruto passed out on his bed snoring!!! Damn it she cursed.
"No no no, Naruto-kun wake up," she pleased trying to wake up the drunken fox boy. "Time to make Granny Tsunade happy." She started to kiss him all over and slide her hands down his pants but she soon gave up realizing Naruto was out cold. I was so close, he was going for it!!!!
Part II. The Morning after!
Tsunade was wearing Naruto's T-shirt only and started to make breakfast for two. The smell of eggs, sausage and toast filled the air. Naruto's whiskers twitched and he started to move. The light was hurting his eyes.
"Turn off the lights!" he yelled.
"Oh yes, Naruto you're awake! Good!" said Tsunade. She ran over and pounced on Naruto with the spatula still in hand and kiss him all over. "Granny Tsunade what are you doing?
"Don't you remember anything from last night. You were really frisky Naruto-kun!"
"Um no…"
"yeah you do. I can remind you." Tsunade said stroking naruto under the sheets.
"Naruto's eyes rolled back but the he spring to life.
"Whats the burning smell!" Naruto yelled. It was the eggs and sausage! Oh no. Tsunade you're an idiot! She thought to herself. She ran over to fix the mess. It was still salvageable. In the background, Naruto got up to pee. When he finished he stumbled back into bed and pulled the covers over his head. The blonde woman moved the food on to the plates and brought them over to the bed. She sat down next to Naruto and elbow nudged Naruto to come out. Naruto was reluctant but finally got up.
"So what happened" Naruto picked up a plate. I don't know what I did. Is Tsunade my girl now? Did we go all the way?
"I'm not telling, lets try to reenact it after breakfast." She winked. I need to stop winking. Naruto doesn't even get it and I'm developing a habitual eye twitch. Naruto looked down at his plate and slowly took a bite from him toast. He looked sad and then tears started to stream down his eyes. "What is it now idiot!"
"I can't even remember my first time! I'm trying and trying. But I can't remember anything. I mean you're a beautiful woman but I can't seem to remember." Naruto's mood changed and he wiped his eye. "I'm not really broken up about it." He put the plate down and put one arm around Tsunade. "Sasuke told me we are defined and made strong by pain. True pain comes from the suffering from the bonds that we make. Tsunade, you are now a bond and I always avoided these bonds because I don't want to hurt like that." Tsunade looked down at her plate. She no longer saw Naruto as piece of meat. She saw him as a boy. It was disgusting what he was doing to him.
"I'm sorry. Narut" she was cut off. By a kiss. Naruto was making out with her. She wanted to say this was wrong. She meant to say it. She wanted to apologize and run out. Naruto is young and fragile and maybe he is falling in love. She pulled away panting.
"Naruto…….. nothing happened last night………. We just made out." In between gasps for air, there were more kisses. They were a full salvo of kisses and she enjoyed it. She wanted to tear Naruto out of his clothes but she needed him to stop first. She finally mustered the courage to push him off.
"Tsunade! Its okay. I want this." Naruto smiled. Naruto pulled her in and undid his pants. Tsunade rocked on to her back when suddenly the alarm went off. It was the village alarm. The people were in panic. Tsunade looked at the time.
"Oh shit, shit, shit! I have to go!"
"What?"
"Its two in the afternoon!." Tsunade started to dress herself really fast. There was a knock at Naruto's door.
"Who is it?" Naruto said.
"Open up. There is an emergency. The Hokage has not shown up for work this morning at 8. We are doing an investigation. She was last seen with you Uzamaki-brat! Last night female ninjas has reported her at the Ichiraku. The chef claims she left with you after eating!" Naruto opened the door to a crack.
"I'm not changed yet but I'll cooperate. I'll open up in a minute." Behind the door Tsunade was rubbing Naruto and kissing his neck.. "We'll meet up after work" she whispered. Naruto held the door in place while the ANBU inspector tried to peer in however Naruto was blocking and he waited as Tsunade slid out the back window. She ducked down and blew him a kiss and ran away.
"Its to early to suspect the worst but we find her. The village depends on her safety." The inspector shoved the door in and found a pants less Naruto on the floor. He was using a pillow to cover himself. The bed was messy there was two plates and one fork had lipstick on it. The Inspector squinted his eyes and turned and smiled. "I see. I'll call off the investigation. This is ANBU 5 I suspect the Hokage will turn up shortly."
Part III. Tsunade's OfficeTsunade tiptoed into her office. Her hair was ruffled. Her eyes were shot and makeup smeared. She looked good in a trashy way. Shizune was standing there the whole time. "You know you should have called in so the village wouldn't go full standby."
"Its not my fault the village always has a stick up its ass. I can't drink. I can't gamble and when I show up late to work, everyone is in a fit. Can't I sleep in once and awhile?"
"Vacations need to told to me in advanced. Plus we checked your house and no one has been in it all night. What were we to think?"
"Maybe I was getting laid. Ever think of that?"
"But miss! Aren't you a little old to be fooling around?"
"Shizune! 53 is not that old. There are plenty of hot older women that are 53! Just call off the search. I just want this day to be over!" But the day wasn't over. Sakura and Ino had entered as Shizune left. Sakura had angry hateful eyes. She brought her usual tea and cookies for Tsunade.
"Sensei, I am reporting in today." She said grinding her teeth. "How was your night?"
"What do you care about my night she?" said looking at her paper work as if nothing was happening. "Don't you have training to do?" Sakura clenched her fist.
"What did you do to him Hokage-sama?" Sakura said
"My my Sakura! I never knew you wanted him all to yourself." she sneared and then went back to flipping paper work.
"Its not that. He is my closest friend since Sasuke left." Sakura looked at the floor. "Its not love that makes me protect him. Its just that he's always done the same for. If you hurt him, I won't forgive you." Tears ran down her face.
"Is that all?" Tsunade said in a cocky manor. Sakura ran out of the office. Sensing the hostility. Ino tried to back out. It wasn't a good time for a joke or a scheme. "What do you want?"
"Well I think that if this information got out, there would be a problem. I wouldn't want to see anything scandalous happen." Ino smirked. She was a sly one. "I think I need some company perks to help maintain my silence." Ino plopped herself on Tsunade's desk and started to file her nails. "I was thinking that you needed to place me to position of power for starters."
"I can name you enemy of the state and have you assassinated in your sleep. I could also have your life a nightmare unless you leave my office at once!"
"Eep" Ino ran out of the office. "I'll just shut the door and let you think about it."
Office VisitIt's late at night. Naruto showed up to Tsunade's Office. He looked solemn. His eyes were serious. Tsunade was aroused by his stature. He approached her. "I told you Uzumaki, when I'm off of work.." She was truly becoming a workaholic. Tsunade stood up and approached the still silent boy. "I suppose I need a break." He kisses her and pressed against the desk.. He shoves her and she tears at his clothes. "Whats my name she pants?"
"Tsunade!"
"Again! Naruto!"
"Tsunade!"
"hmmm Naruto!"
"Tsunade!" Naruto's voice sounds like a girl. What? Then the world melts away. Tsunade wakes on a puddle of drool on the table. "Shizune!"
"Miss you shouldn't fall asleep in the office. I think someone didn't get enough sleep last night. Or maybe you're getting too old. Showing up late and then sleeping at work."
"Shizune! Why couldn't you let me dream a little longer? No matter what happens Tsunade always gets interrupted. Something happens where she just can't get Naruto. First he was too stupid, then he was too drunk, then we ran out of time and I was late for work and now I can't even fantasize. "I need a vacation. The Hokage appoints you and Sakura to do all the work for 2 weeks. I just need to be free for two weeks." Tsunade got up and left the tower. Her frustration has made her paper work sloppy. Her ninja skills were sloppy and now Ino, Sakura and the ANBU inspector all know about her discretions. Tsunade needed to just get free from it all. Well not all. She just needed time for a plan to come together and with no work for two weeks, she'll be sure to get what's coming to her. Shizune looked dumbfounded.