Ladies Night

Olivia had reported in sick for a night off from Special Victims, she had switched off her cell phone so nobody could contact her, and she stopped off at an all-night store to pick up a few things for a night to herself.

"I don't think I can make it to the end of my shift," she remembered telling Cragen with her eyes half closed in pain, and she winced every time she inhaled, "My head feels like somebody's bashed a pickax right in the center," she said as she placed her hand on the back of her head.

Cragen knew Olivia well enough to know that she never wimped out on her job, so it must have been serious.

"Go on home and get some rest," he told her, "We can handle things from here."

"Thank you, Captain," she had told him in a weak voice.

Now she was going through the convenience store aisles humming a tune to herself as she picked up a bag of sour cream potato chips, a bag of chocolate chip cookies, and a six-pack of beer. A quiet evening to herself, normally that's the kind of thing she pulled extra shifts at work to avoid going home to; now that was all she wanted, to go home and sit in the dark and watch the bad late night movie on cable and pass out in her bed, alone. Tomorrow was her day off anyway, so if she decided to go on a binge, she could get sick and have all day tomorrow to recover from it and still show up at work the following day with her dignity intact.

She looked to see if she had everything she wanted and then turned to get her things rung up. Turning around, she heard her stuff clink against somebody's bottles as she walked into another one of the customers.

"I'm sorry, I…" she saw who the other person was and couldn't hide her surprise, "Toni?"

Toni Keller, a young woman that she and Elliot and the others at Special Victims had had the fortune or misfortune depending on how you looked at it, of trying to help her on three separate cases. She was 20 years old, been to hell and back, and didn't seem to have a worry in the world.

"Hey Olivia," she said, "Didn't know you came to places like this."

Olivia looked at the woman barely out of her teens, with reddish-brown hair that she always kept cut short, and she looked like she'd put on a few more pounds since the last time Olivia saw her.

"How've you been?" Olivia asked.

"I'm doing alright, how about you?" Toni asked, "I thought you were working until late."

Olivia gave a small, mischievous smile and said, "You caught me, I'm playing hooky."

Toni nodded her head and said, "Understandable, you need a night off now and then from the kind of work you do."

Olivia saw Toni was hauling around a couple four-packs of wine coolers, "What about you? What're you up to tonight?"

Toni lifted the four-packs in her hand and answered, "Just getting drunk, you?"

"About the same," she answered, "Is your dad here?"

Toni shook her head. Both women remembered fondly, Toni's father, Tony Keller, an ex-con who looked almost exactly like Elliot and whose behavior was the complete opposite of his, "He's at home asleep…nope, it's just me out and about for the night. And you? You on a date or something?"

"Not hardly," Olivia laughed.

"Oh yeah I about forgot, Elliot has a tendency to chase those away, doesn't he?" Toni asked.

Olivia just smiled and tried to think of what to say.

"Hey Olivia, my car's outside, you want a ride?" Toni asked.

"That would be great," she answered.

They got checked out and headed over to Tony's white Cadillac and got in.

"So where do you live?" Toni asked.

"I don't really feel like going home," Olivia told her, "Just take us somewhere you want."

They pulled out of the parking lot and Toni drove a short ways and then stopped, and Olivia noticed it was in the Kellers' driveway.

"You sure your dad's asleep?" Olivia asked.

"Oh yeah, you can't wake him up unless the house's on fire," Toni answered as she pulled her keys out of the ignition, "We don't have to go in, we can just stay on the porch if you want."

Olivia nodded, "That'll be fine."

They walked up the sidewalk to the porch and sat down on the porch swing. Olivia cracked open one of her beers and started chugalugging it. Toni opened a wine cooler and just watched Olivia for a minute.

"You a heavy drinker, Olivia?" she asked.

"It's a gradual process," she answered when she came up for air, "It gets easier in time."

"No doubt," Toni replied, "I've only been drinking for half my life, if anybody should know…but you seem kind of down and out tonight, what's up?"

"Oh I've just been feeling burnt out at work lately, thought I deserved a night off," Olivia stabbed the cookie bag with her nails and took out a cookie and chewed on it as she added, "You know, Munch takes so many days off from work all the time, and we never even know what he's doing."

"Well lately he's been looking for a bar in New York territory to buy," Toni answered.

Olivia turned and looked at Toni, she swallowed the lump of cookies in her throat and said, "He told you this?"

"I've seen him around, I've been to three different bars in the last two weeks and each one I go to, he's there asking questions," she answered, "You know he's trying to talk Fin into partnering with him…like he did back in Baltimore."

"I know," Olivia said.

"Has he asked if you want to be a partner?" Toni asked.

Olivia shook her head, "And I wouldn't want to. I don't know anything about running a bar."

"Well that's okay," Toni told her, "Based on his last escapade, clearly neither does Munch."

Olivia laughed a little and said, "I don't know."

"Well think about it, you'd be co-owner, could be a bartender, get a nice halter top and you'd probably get a lot of tips, and if business did really well, you could quit SVU," Toni said.

"I don't want to quit Special Victims," Olivia told her.

"Well why would you want to stay in it?" Toni replied, "You meet people like me all the time, who wants that?"

Olivia grumbled something to herself and said, "Don't sell yourself short, Toni, you've turned out better than most of our victims."

"Oh sure," she laughed humorlessly, "12 year old who sells her body for food and a bed, breaks a man's neck, gets packed away in the loony bin, attempts suicide, is lead suspect in the shooting of an executive assistant district attorney, hospitalized after massive beating by a gang of Aryan Brother nuts…"

"And look at you now," Olivia told her, "You got an education, you finished school, you're a writer now…"

"Yeah, 20 year old lives at home with her father, absolutely refuses to consider ever being in a relationship…"

"A 10 year old girl who throws herself off stairs to try and get a minute of her mother's attention, a woman who helps her husband chain a girl in the closet and beat her and drug her so the husband will stop doing it to the wife, a woman who beats a teenaged girl in the head with a hammer because she might take away her sleazy boyfriend, a teenager who kills the man she's sleeping with because he won't take her to India with him, a mother who poisons her baby because it won't behave," Olivia recalled the many sordid and twisted cases she had worked over the years, "Trust me, Toni, you weren't the most screwed up case we ever had, you're not our most screwed up victim we've ever had."

Toni looked over at her and replied, "You're not so screwed up either, Olivia."

Olivia murmured something and said to Toni, "I wouldn't be too sure about that. I was the result of a rape, my 'father' was a violent rapist, and my mother was a violent drunk who never wanted me."

"She kept you, didn't she?" Toni asked.

"She had to, abortion wasn't legal back then," Olivia told her.

"It doesn't matter if it was legal or not, women still did it," Toni said, "And your mother could've done it, she could've even tried it herself like so many people do, but she didn't, and then once you were born, she could've put you up for adoption or left you on somebody's door in a basket or she could've even drowned you in the bathtub and threw you in the garbage, but she didn't do that either, she still kept you, and she raised you, and why would she do that if she hated you so much?"

"I don't expect you to understand, Toni."

"I know she was a horrible person, and that she was a bitch to you…but you have to wonder about it, don't you?" she asked.

"It's not just that though," Olivia told her, "I have never had a single, meaningful relationship with a man."

"So? Neither have I," Toni said.

Olivia laughed and said, "Well you're younger."

"So what? I was still raped countless times and I still slept with dozens of people in the name of survival, nothing ever came from any of them though a few did have some potential," Toni said.

"I guess we're more alike than we thought," Olivia commented.

"Of course there's one aspect you're overlooking in regards to your relationships or lack thereof," Toni told her.

"What's that?" Olivia asked.

Toni looked at her and said, "I know about you and my father."

Olivia turned and looked at Toni with wide, unbelieving eyes and she said, "Toni, nothing's going on between me and your father."

"I know that," Toni said, "But I know you like him, and it's no secret he likes you…you're both adults capable of making your own decisions and I think the two of you would be good for each other."

Olivia didn't say anything and she just hung her head low, as though she were waiting for everything to go away.

"I know that you guys never announced anything, not even to each other, but I can tell, I can see that there's something between you and my father, and if there isn't, there should be."

"Is it really that noticeable?" Olivia asked.

"Well I don't think you have to worry about Elliot getting wind of it if that's what you mean," Toni said, "I can tell because I'm around you guys all the time, and when I was in the hospital last year, I heard you two talking…my father easily let his guard down with you, he never does that with anyone. I just want you to know that I know about it, and if you guys want to walk into this and start something together, that's fine with me, I won't fight you about it. I don't have any childish notions about you trying to take my father away from me, he needs someone else in his life, it's just the two of us all the time and I'm not always going to be here, it's important that he has somebody else, someone like you."

Olivia couldn't help smiling and even in the dark and the cool night air she could feel her cheeks turning pink.

"When I was in the hospital, I heard him say to you 'don't be so formal, don't call me Mr. Keller, call me Tony', he's never told anybody that, when Jack was shot and the homicide detectives were questioning us, he never told Lennie that, or Rey, or their lieutenant, only you, that's how I can tell he likes you."

"I don't know," Olivia said, "I don't think a relationship between me and your dad would work out."

"So what if it didn't?" Toni asked, "At least you'd know, and you know my father's not a vindictive person, he's very accepting about a lot of things, he'd understand…hell, I'm amazed he's finally started looking after all these years for another woman. You'd think as soon as he got out of Rikers, that would've been his first stop."

Olivia shook her head, "I don't think that would work out…you know, several years back, before Fin transferred into SVU, Munch had another partner, a woman named Monique Jeffries, and one day we all had to talk to a psychiatrist for evaluation…and Monique told the woman that she had gone home with a man who was a suspect in one case…"

"And that's when Cragen kicked her out," Toni said.

"He didn't kick her out," Olivia said, "She transferred out, but yeah, once word got out about her hooking up with an ex-suspect…"

"Well what's the matter with that?" Toni asked, "You said suspect, he wasn't the real perp, was he?"

"No."

"Well then I don't see what the problem is, my dad was never a suspect in any of your cases, and besides, you don't have to tell Cragen or anybody at SVU, it's nobody's damn business what you do with your life, you're a grown woman, you know what you're doing."

Olivia managed a weak smile and said, "I wish I had your enthusiasm. Unfortunately, not much stays secret where I work, and if Elliot ever found out…"

"I know, I know, he plays the perfect role of a big brother in that he loves to drive off any guy who comes within 10 feet of you," Toni said, "That's the way he is, I know…I know he's just concerned, but Elliot's a grown man and he needs to learn how to mind his own business. You'd think with a wife and four kids, his nose would be tired of sticking in everywhere."

Olivia nodded and drank some more beer before looking to Toni again and saying, "Alright, Toni, no holds barred…is there anyone that you are interested in?"

"Me? No," she shook her head immediately, "Never have…not since I was 15 and binged out on vodka and honest to God thought I was talking to Ziggy Stardust, that along with the company I did keep during those years, cured me of ever wanting to be involved with anybody."

"Do you ever think about the future?" Olivia asked.

"As little as possible," Toni said, "I have no illusions of growing old with a husband and children, grandchildren…I don't even entertain the notion of living to be 35, the way I see it, I don't know how it's going to happen but the odds are I'm going to die not too long off from now."

"And that's why you want your father to have someone else in his life," Olivia was putting the pieces together.

"Like I said," Toni replied, "I'm not always going to be here…it'll be nice if he has someone to grow old and gray with. Me, even if I would live long enough to see it, I don't need anybody in my life. I don't want anybody to love me, I don't want anybody's love, I don't need it, I can't use it, it's no good to me."

"Do you really believe that?" Olivia asked.

"Right now, yes, I do," Toni said, "But that's just me. So tell me, Olivia, are you involved with anyone right now?"

"No," Olivia answered as she shook her head.

"Alright, so that clears that up…what are your thoughts about 'open' relationships? Have you ever, or would you ever be in a relationship with two or more guys simultaneously?" Toni asked.

Olivia fell back laughing.

"And would you engage in sex with all of them at the same time?" Toni added as she hovered over Olivia, who was still incoherent with hysterics.

Early the next morning as the sun was starting to come up, Tony went down the stairs in a pair of his blue jeans and a gray muscle shirt as he headed for the shower. He was still half asleep and almost walked right past the living room before something caught the corner of his eye and he stopped and turned back and saw Olivia curled up on the couch asleep, covered with the afghan that was usually on top of the couch. On the floor were her discarded shoes and her cell phone lay on the coffee table.

Tony was still in mild shock by this sudden and unexpected sight when Toni came padding out of the bathroom, dressed similarly to her father and with her short hair lying temporarily limp on her head from her shower. "Good morning, Daddy," she said.

Tony pointed into the living room at Olivia and asked, "Was she here when I went to sleep last night?"

"No, she came over later," Toni answered, "Had a bit to drink last night and she's sleeping it off now."

"Ah," Tony said with a nod of his head.

"You like her, don't you?" Toni asked her father.

He looked at her and replied, "Who wouldn't? What's not to like?"

Toni nodded and said, "That's what I thought." She found her shoes under the dining room table and stepped into them and told her father, "She's going to be waking up soon, and this is her day off, so I'm just going to get out of here and let you guys have the house to yourselves and let nature take whatever course it has with you two."

Tony laughed and asked her, "What're you talking about?"

"I'm going to let you guys figure that out," Toni said, "Meanwhile, I'm going to go look for a bar fly that wears dark glasses, I have a proposition to make with him about a bar he's looking at to buy."

Toni was out the front door before Tony had a chance to respond. She pulled the door shut behind her and murmured, "Have fun, you two." And with that, she stepped off of the porch and headed out into the morning light; leaving her father and one of the few people she would privilege with the title of friend, in complete privacy to find out what there was between them, and see just where a little luck and booze would take them, and she hoped it was someplace better than they both had been.

It was becoming apparent to Toni that Olivia didn't realize how lucky she was; it was true that anything about her private life was bound to go through the grapevine at SVU and become common knowledge with her coworkers, but she had three partners who were all in her corner, and all for different reasons: with Fin she was a partner, with Elliot it crossed past that and she was a sister, and with Munch it was obvious even though he'd never admit it, that what he felt towards Olivia crossed the boundaries of a platonic partnership. This last one, for some odd reason, escaped the attention of everyone else at SVU, including Olivia; but Toni knew, she could tell just by looking at Munch. She also knew that when Munch was still in Baltimore, he went to unimaginable lengths to find out the identity of his Sergeant, Kay Howard's mystery boyfriend, so she was going to make sure he was too distracted on this bar business to even suspect there was anything going on in Olivia's life that he ought to know about. There were some things that these guys didn't need to know about their partner's private life.

"Leave it to old Baldy to get rid of the only other member in the unit she could talk to," Toni said as she walked through the empty streets.

But she quickly thought better of that statement, all the blame didn't belong with Cragen for Jeffries leaving SVU; she should've kept her mouth shut when they were being evaluated by the shrink, Munch was the only smart one that time, he kept his answers vague during the times he actually bothered to answer the questions.

Maybe it was better if Olivia was going to confide in anybody, it wasn't in the department, but to Toni; because she didn't owe her loyalty to anybody: not Elliot, not Fin, not Munch, definitely not Cragen. Despite the members of SVU being so 'understanding' towards their victims and encouraging them to open up, Toni knew there were still things that couldn't be discussed among partners, especially when every partner in the department was a man. To be brutally honest with Elliot or Munch on a delicate subject would be no problem for her, but Olivia still had things to her that Toni had lost long ago: dignity, modesty, a desire for privacy, a right to a life without scrutiny that didn't require her cursing out everyone around her in order to get it, and a right to fall in love with another human being and to be loved in return. And Toni knew that unlike herself, Olivia deserved to have those things still in her life, and she was going to do whatever was in her power to make sure Olivia got them.