Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own Degrassi, Yellowcard or Ryan Key . The song is "Trembling" by Yellowcard.
A/N: Kind of unoriginal, but what the hell... I'm writing this at 3 am because of insomnia... Kind of fluffy material, with some angst thrown in just for the hell of it. I was listening to "Trembling" and just got an idea. This is written about one character, but it's written through the other character. This could be considered slightly AU if you're in Canada and have seen Anywhere I Lay My Head. So uh, enjoy, I guess....
You look up from your homework and glance at the clock beside it. The little hand points towards the eleven while the big hand is almost at the twelve, making it 11:57 pm. You set down your pencil and abandon your homework. Shakespeare will just have to wait....
After grabbing your hoodie you head out into the cold night air. Your feet take you across the street and down the sidewalk, having traveled this path so many times before. Soon, you find yourself on a familiar dirt path, leading you into the park. It's completely dark. And though you can't see two feet in front of you, you don't stop walking. Your feet know the way.
Eventually, you see a light amongst the darkness.
There she is, sitting on the bench like she is every night. You can't help but smile, for some reason she has this effect on you. Stopping to her left, you sit down on the empty spot of the bench. Though she doesn't look up, you know she knows it's you. No one but you. Half the time you wonder if she leaves that empty space for you, just waiting for you to come and join her, like you do every night.
You say nothing, not wanting to shatter the peaceful silence surrounding the two of you. You lean back against the bench, breathing in the crisp night air. Looking up at the stars you contemplate what to say when the time comes to break the quiet. Your mind comes up blank, so you simply stare at the ground, willing your mind to come up with something intelligent.
Finally, she breaks the silence.
"He's not coming home..." She mutters, fiddling with one of the many rings on her left hand.
Your smile fades, replaced by a frown. You let out a sigh, knowing how disapointed she must be, though her voice doesn't reveal it. Wrapping and arm around her, you pull her close. She rests her head on your shoulder and the two of you sit in silence. Words aren't needed.
Trembling, hold me now
Then you feel your shoulder grow damp and realize she's crying. Out of the all the months you've been together, you've never seen her cry. Never. Even when her mother nearly died from alcohol poisoning, or when the two of you had that huge dispute a few months ago... she hadn't shed a tear. Yet now, here she is, silently crying her eyes out on your shoulder.
You shift uncomfortably in your seat. It's hurting you to see her in pain. Why, you don't know, but it does. It feels like someone's slowly tearing your heart apart, piece by piece. You could just walk away, leave her and all these emotions behind. Like you'd done before, with Emma.
But for some reason you can't, there's something drawing you to her. An invisible force that makes you smile in her presence (even though it could ruin your image), put up with her openly gay best friend and give up the wild parties. And somehow, you know she's worth it.
If only Jay could see you now, consoling the girlfriend he'd despised so much in the middle of the night. He call you a wuss, say you were whipped, and probably spread it around the school that Sean Cameron had lost his backbone. Then again, if he did any of those things, you'd kick his ass right on the spot. No questions asked.
I'm torn between silence and violent expression
tired of believing everyone wants to care
and cherish someone I'm so scared of never having anyone
After a few moments pass, you glance over at her and notice the tears have stopped falling from her eyes. She looks up at you, her eyes red and swollen from crying, a frightened look in her eyes.
"Sean... I-I'm scared..." She whispers.
It's hard to believe this is the girl whose never cried, who always put on a straight face and never let anything get to her. Yet here she is, some lost little girl, scared and unsure, coming to you for help.
"It'll be alright El, don't worry." You hear yourself say. The words sound weird, probably because you've never said them before. Now that you think of it, you can't remember a time before you met her that you actually comforted anyone.
She simply nods and stares at the ground, as if trying to convince herself you're right. You can tell she's trying to be strong, trying to cope and believe you.
In attempt to appear even more convincing you gently grasp her hand with your free one and rub your thumb over her cold hand. She continues to stare at the ground,
"Trust me, he'll be home soon." You whisper in her ear, hoping that one of the popular ending lines the hero says to the worried damsel will work in this scenario.
"Y-you don't get it Sean... My dad's..." She mutters, trembling while trying to hold back tears as her eyes once again grow watery.
"....Dead."
Haunted by my abandoned dreams
Tiny voices where would be screams
Tears come streaming down her cheeks, and you feel like you've been punched in the gut. All the air in your lungs exits as you simply stare out into the darkness in front of you. Greg Nash, a member of the Canadian Armed Forces, husband and father, and your girlfriends hero. Dead.
"D-Dead?" You manage weakly. You're supposed to be tough, death doesn't bother you. No, it doesn't. It shouldn't.
She just nods, tears continuing to fall down her cheeks, leaving red stains behind them. You pull her close again, wrapping your other arm around her.
"I'm so sorry Ellie..." You whisper in her ear, running a hand through her hair as she just sobs into your shoulder.
The two of you just sit there, letting silence fill the area with the exception of quiet sobbing. Eventually even that grows quieter, as she calms down and her eyes have no more tears to cry, they've all been spent on your shoulder.
She pulls back from the embrace and stares down at the ground once again, a scared look in her eyes.
"They called this morning. T-there was a raid, and he was shot... He didn't make it." She says, in a quiet voice.
You lean in and gently kiss her forehead. "I'm here for you, I always will be." You say in a quiet tone, forcing a smile in hopes of getting her to smile too.
She doesn't.
Now be still, it won't be long
"Just promise me something...." You whisper. She looks up and meets your gaze.
"What?" She quietly questions. For a moment, you almost loose yourself in her eyes. They're still watery from crying, filled with fear and insecurity. It makes you begin to feel guilty, wanting to mention it at a time like this. But you have to...
"That you won't...Cut." You finish, swallowing the lump in your throat.
She immediately looks away, staring down at her arms instead.
"I'll try... It's just.... Hard. Especially with her, being her..." She mutters, pulling her hand away from yours and gently rubbing her arm. You nod, suddenly realizing how tired you are and how late it must be. Now would be the time to walk her home, but you don't want to walk her back. It stabs you in the gut everytime you take her back there, to her Earthly equivilent of hell.
"Then come home with me." You mumble and manage a small smile, slowly breaking away from the embrace. As you begin to head back down the dirt path, she removes her hand from her jacket pocket and slips it into yours.
You look up from the ground and look over at her, to find the smallest of smiles replacing the frown from earlier. Then you realize something....
She's no longer afraid....
We will be together in search of a new life
Striving as one in this world to find something pure
I'm missing you now
I'm quite sure
That I've finally found someone
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