Notes: Written originally for the weekly prompt: Play at litafics on LiveJournal. My intended pairing is Lita/Punk and I base this off my own speculation. I don't claim to know what she's thinking.
~**~
Lita wonders sometimes, as she sits backstage by herself for a little while, if she'll ever truly be able to walk away from this business. A business that has defined a better part of her life, a business that she gave so much to and a business that, at one time, she thought she might not ever want anything to do with again. A part of her realizes that unless she separates herself completely from it, cuts off all possible forms of contact, then she'll never truly walk away.
That's why she's here tonight, after all, because she's realized that it's nearly impossible to completely separate herself.
Lita isn't here in her own locker room and she's not being paid to be here. She's most certainly not here to wrestle or walk someone down to ringside. And while she's back here, with a little bit of time to herself to think about all of this, she's not here to hear the boos or insults from the fans.
Those same fans, who at one point, probably adored and worshiped her; held her on a pedestal so high that she was just bound to fall.
Maybe the thought has crossed her mind, from time to time, that what if scenario... that she could very well come back. If she really wanted to, but she's not quite certain if she wants to, if it will be worth it again. If the possibility of regaining glory can erase countless tears and humiliation. She's also unsure if she wants her private life to be on display again, because she knows the possibility is definitely there.
Of course, there's also the band to consider, she has an obligation to the Luchagors and to their fans.
So for now at least, possibly until the next time she comes to visit or possibly between then, whenever she finds herself with the time to play the what-if game.. Lita is content to sit inside Punk's locker room, which has become partially hers anyway, with some time alone until he comes back from his match or until a visitor shows up.
And she's fairly certain that at least one person will show up at some point, Jeff usually does and lately, Maria has too.
Lita will be happy to visit with them because they bring a little bit more of what she has missed, what she sometimes misses. Jeff will tell her the latest stories like the best of the divas dishing dirt in the locker rooms and Maria will chit chat and sometimes ask for advice. The former WWE diva will be happy to do both because she misses it sometimes and just enough that she looks forward to their visits.
Plus, with Chris and Christian around, moments are never dull and they always bring back good memories; one in particular that involves a whole Canadian dollar.
Until the day comes that she is absolutely certain as to what she wants to do, if coming back is what's best or not, Lita is okay with spending time with him before his match, the visitors while waiting and when he comes back. Not that her life revolves around him nor would she ever want it to, but because she is there to spend time with him, it is a necessary element. And it is as he comes back from his match, still sweaty, seated on the bench to unlace his wrestling boots and remove the medical tape so he can take a shower... no need for modesty here, because really who else is going to come into this locker room now?
Not that they could anyway, since the door has been locked, because this time just like the time before his matches, is their time alone.
And really it's not as though she can't watch him like this anyway, in more familiar and comfortable surroundings but, there's just something about this particular time and this particular setting. It definitely gives her something to think about, as does the inviting and promising look in his eyes as he watches her openly watching him.
But that's another game, a more delightful game, for another time, with less ears to possibly overhear.
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Disclaimer: I lay no claim to any person, place or thing that you may recognize. I do lay claim to the plot, the actual words and any OC's that may appear. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made from this work of fan fiction.