The "Great" Sarah Palin
In a land not so far away, in a time not so long ago, there was an election of epic proportions, leading to the first black president. The losing vice president, Sarah Palin, narrowly avoided an assassination by the late John McCain. She believed herself to be a great escape artist after accidentally falling through a trap door in the wall of a government-controlled experimental zombie pit and having a snipers bullet be deflected by a sabotaged voting machine – both set up by her late partner The Maverick.
Confident in her abilities, Sarah posted a video on YouTube challenging Cris Angel to an escape contest, challengers' choice. Cris heartily accepted, challenging her to survive a trimester of Mrs. Deledda's eleventh grade English Class; however, the self-proclaimed "Great Sarah Palin" declined. She explained how that was impossible to survive, so Cris said, "At high noon, we shall be buried neck-deep in sand, and we must escape before fire ants eat us alive!" Sarah agreed, with a confident grin on her face.
Somewhere in the largest desert in Asia, the Gobi Desert, Cris and Sarah casted a panel of the greatest judges: The Grim Reaper, God, and Simon Cowell. The two escapists were buried neck-down in sand, by Simon, and then were asked if ready for the deathly challenge they were to attempt. Both said yes, and the Grim Reaper let the fire ants lose. Sarah was nonchalant while Cris concentrated on his escape. When the fire ants were just inches away, Cris rose out of the sand and levitated for a few seconds before returning to Earth, away from the fire ants.
Sarah was so amazed by Cris' performance; she didn't notice the ants charging for her. Just seconds later, her skull was stripped of all flesh, and her screams still hung in the judges' ears. The judges, already over Sarah's death, scored Cris and Sarah's performances. Cris was given a 6.5 from God, a 1.5 from the Grim Reaper, and a 3 from Simon. All claiming his escape artistry was a mere joke; however, Sarah received two tens, and a eight from the Grim Reaper, who was unhappy to have her soul.
Cris was so enraged by the judges; he conjured a nuclear explosion nanoseconds after teleporting away. There were no survivors, and Cris' body was never found. Three days later, he performed his Las Vegas show Believe, with no questions asked.