Appendix A to Ripples of Chaos. Here follows the account of the conversation and ensuing activities of Masters Glorfindel and Erestor which were mentioned in brief in Chapter 19 of Ripples of Chaos. ---
Erestor, knowing that he could no longer run from this fear, drove himself to where he had seen Glorfindel sitting doubled in a pain that was very familiar to the advisor. If Glorfindel heard his approach, he did not acknowledge it. Suddenly Erestor gained an understanding of what it had been like for Glorfindel every time Erestor had pretended that the Balrog-slayer did not exist.
Erestor took a deep breath. He had come very close to doing this in Gondolin all those years ago, and since Glorfindel was of the mind that Minas Tirith reminded him of the old hidden Elven city, perhaps this was his second chance. Glorfindel was still ignoring his presence when Erestor sat beside him, nearly overcome by the desire to dry the tears he had seen earlier on the Golden One's fair, perfectly carved face. How strange it was to see sadness in those ordinarily merry eyes.
"Glorfindel?" Erestor whispered, swallowing a minor lump in his throat that seemed oddly like pride.
Hearing his name, Glorfindel was torn. Something in him simply did not want to see Erestor now, but as ever, he did not truly wish to see him not. In fact, he wanted to look up to his long dark hair, his serious dark eyes, and the midnight black robes that he was ever found wearing. Erestor was as walking night, and his face, to Glorfindel, was as beauty as all the stars. At length, Glorfindel slowly raised his head.
Erestor's brow creased in concern immediately. He had never seen Glorfindel in such a state, not even after the many times he had returned in need of Elrond's care. It was more than his physical state, though. What disturbed Erestor most was the utter hopelessness that had dulled the sparkle in his sea-blue eyes.
"Let us talk, mellon. What say you?" Erestor said gently in a tone that he rarely employed.
"Talk?" Glorfindel said with an unhappy laugh. "I have not forgotten the last time we talked," he muttered, most un-Elf-like.
"Nor have i," Erestor said straightforwardly.
Glorfindel was momentarily unsure if Erestor referred to the recent incident, during which he had nearly had his head removed or the one before that when he had nearly had his tongue removed. Glorfindel sighed, he had desperately wanted Erestor to come to him for so long, and now he was wary. He was beginning to see why he had never fallen in love before, it is far too complicated. And yet, looking at Erestor he thought that it was worth even the strange pain it put him through, and that in some way, even that pain had a sweetness to it as it reminded him that it would not be present if it was not real. Glorfindel nodded. "Aye, we will talk, Erestor."
The advisor almost subconsciously moved a little closer to Glor'. "I... more than anything, i want to tell you that i am deeply regretful for what i said to you a couple days ago. It was not so true that i should use such a grave word. I do not abhor you, Glorfindel. The truth is that... that i...." Erestor paused to take a deep breath. He could not seem to say it after keeping it in hiding for so many ages, and yet to keep it inside for any longer he feared would be to kill it. "The truth is that i... i love you, Glorfindel," he said in one breath, then quickly added, "i have since i first saw you... in Gondolin."
Glorfindel looked at once very relieved and very confused. "Gondolin? But you have always insisted...."
"I know what i insisted, but it was not completely true. I was afraid, Glorfindel, and i did all i could to put distance between us. I was not always as cold as i now seem to be," Erestor confessed.
"Afraid? But what could you have been afraid of?" Glorfindel asked in bewilderment.
"Afraid that you would reject me, afraid that even if you did accept me something would go wrong. Most of all, i was afraid that my love for you would cause something else to happen to you." Erestor spoke so quietly it was almost hard for Glorfindel to hear.
Glorfindel had now forgotten his own pain, seeing clearly what Erestor had suffered in silence for so long. "What do you mean by that, though? What would happen to me that could be caused by your affections?"
It took Erestor a moment to gather his response, there were so many ancient memories involved. "After you died, i went with Eärendil and we became fast friends. I loved him as a brother and confided much in him. We all know his fate. When Eärendil left Middle-earth, i went with Gil-galad and we worked closely for much time, i came to be very loyal to him and he trusted in me greatly. Again, his fate is known to all. You yourself recall the state of things in Imladris when the boys brought Celebrian home that day, and how we feared for Elrond's life after she sailed. We nearly lost him."
"Erestor!" Glorfindel said in shock. "You can not think that you were the cause of these things."
Erestor turned to look at Glor'... Valar, he was beautiful! And more then that, he seemed concerned with what Erestor thought and felt. The advisor had not expected that. "No i do not think i caused them. But i was sure that the curse of the Noldor lived yet within me."
Glorfindel fought back the temptation to sweep Erestor into his arms and prove him wrong, he so wanted hated the sadness he saw in the dark one. But he knew now that he could make no sudden moves around Erestor until trust had been earned. Just the fact that Erestor would open up this way was more than Glor' had hoped for, and he intended to return the favor. He could not rightly explain way, but he wanted to tell his deepest secrets to Erestor. "Though we might not have always agreed or been dear friends, i would never think you a curse. Look at all you have done for Imladris, and always without a jot of praise. I know that there are those who find me boastful, but in truth i have always admired you for your quiet composure. I think that many of the times i have been so... what did you call it? Garish? I think part of that might have been borne of insecurity."
"Insecure? You?" Erestor asked, hardly believing.
"Insecure, i. I really dislike the attention i receive, particularly from those of the elleth variety. I know why i receive their attentions, and it certainly is not because they know me and care for me. What i have longed for is someone quiet who despises me but is willing to find out who i really am."
"Is that why," Erestor asked, sounding dry-toned, "you made it a point to interrupt my work so frequently? So that i would despise you?" There was a small, hidden laugh at the end of that sentence.
Glorfindel felt his own usual personality returning and grinned. "No, i interrupted often so that i might have an opportunity to watch you. You are beautiful when you get angry. I should very much like to know how you are when you are happy." Glorfindel's tone intimated much to Erestor.
Erestor decided to ignore the intimation for the time being. That could be taken care of later, now was the time for questions and answers that had long been left neglected. "What is the other part of what causes you to be so... garish, then?"
Glorfindel rolled his eyes. "If you must term it as such, very well. I, however, prefer to think of it as being merry and spirited. If you really want to know, though," he said, turning serious, "the reason i have chosen to be joyful, even despite the dark times, was because i know what it is to die. It is not truly so terrible to reside in Mandos, but when i came back here i resolved to enjoy every moment of life and to never take anything for granted. An Elf can die, Erestor, and no one can know with certainty what may befall. Many times i have wished that i could see you joyful also, enjoying everything that life in Middle-earth has to offer."
Long had Erestor wished the same. He wished to be again the Elf that some had once termed as lazy, but he knew that those days were over and that he had come to gain a sense of pride from a task well done. Though, perhaps it would not be too much to ask if he were to just relax a bit more.
Suddenly, everything seemed clear to these two Elves. It was as though they were seeing for the first time how solid their bond was, and how real their love could be. All doubts vanished like shadows from the sun. Grounded in reality, they knew that they would not always agree and would more than likely still grate on each other's nerves with regularity, but they now knew that despite that there could be strength enough in the two of them together to always forgive and forget, because each had what the other needed.
Glorfindel reached out to touch Erestor's hand and looked deeply into his eyes. "Erestor, i apologize for everything i have done wrong. I only want you to forgive me. I love you so much, my dark one."
Erestor did not shy from Glorfindel's touch and he reciprocated the gaze. "I do forgive you, for i love you too, my golden one."
A smile washed over Glorfindel's entire being and it seemed that he glowed a little more than usual as he reached out to softly touch Erestor's cheek, encouraging him to accept his kiss. Their lips met first tremulously and both felt breathless as their kiss deepened until Glorfindel rose and enfolded Erestor into his arms as he had longed so to do. They stood in each other's embrace for a few moments, savoring the feel of willing body pressing against willing body.
Erestor felt himself becoming more and more excited with every moment - to be held in the arms of the one he had longed so long for was exhilarating. Erestor pulled himself from Glorfindel's kiss only long enough to flick his tongue at the tip of Glor's ear-point, a simple technique that had the ability to drive an Elf mad with desire.
"Erestor...," Glorfindel gasped in entreaty. The smirk on the other Elf's face told him he knew much more than he let on, as did the long fingers adroitly undoing Glorfindel's tunic laces. Glorfindel could stand it no longer and plunged his tongue back into Erestor's mouth as he shrugged off the garment and started to fumble anxiously at the clasps of Erestor's robes. He was reminded of why he never wore the things himself and, reluctantly breaking the kiss, gently pressed Erestor's hands to the clasps as he began to undo the little hooks on his own shirt. By the time he glanced up again Erestor's dark robe was cast off and both their shirts were now open, and Glorfindel took Erestor's fingers from the laces of his leggings, resting them on his own laces, as he took to Erestor's.
Pulling back just slightly to look into Erestor's eyes, Glorfindel was amazed by the passion he saw there. "You are certain, meleth-nín?" Glorfindel asked in a deep, lust-saturated voice.
Erestor's response was to guide Glorfindel's fingers under the loose laces of his leggings, and the question was answered immediately. "Aníron le... Glorfindel," Erestor breathed.
Glorfindel was torn between guiding Erestor to lay back on a bed of their freshly shed clothes and going back inside, but the balmy starry night and Erestor's starry eyes whispered "here and now" to the Elda. Moving to cover Erestor's body with his own, Glorfindel groped for a small pouch on his cast aside belt. Finding it, he withdrew a tiny vial, the contents of which he spilled onto his palm. Taking several more of Erestor's willing kisses, Glorfindel lubed himself before teasingly treating Erestor's passage to the same.
As slick fingers pressed inward, Erestor's grip on Glor's back tightened with need, desperate need. He needed Glorfindel to take him and....
Glorfindel gazed down into Ere's eyes... nay, into his soul, and saw his need and felt the writhing form below him. Glorfindel grasped Erestor's length just as he positioned himself and gave a long, slow inward push.
Erestor gasped at the sudden dual sensations. He knew at once that pleasure of this magnitude was not going to last long. Lifting his head, nuzzling a gently rocking Glorfindel, Erestor again let his tongue trail along the edge of Glorfindel's ear. The golden Elf gave a deep shudder and almost involuntarily began moving faster, harder, and more erratically. His movements were exactly what Erestor had been hoping to elicit and savored the enigmatic combination of pleasure and pain that trembled through him, shaking loose the tears from his eyes.
As they both came closer and closer with each breath to their sweet release Erestor wept of fulfillment, feeling himself complete in that moment of blinding, deafening ecstasy before his body liberated itself. His moans, shudders, and clenching sent Glorfindel over the edge of rapture as he too felt his essence explode within.
Panting, the two Elves collapsed in each other's arms, neither having the energy yet to move away from the wall. It was only then that it dawned on Erestor that they had just made passionate love in a relatively public place, though the hall from which that balcony extended was being neither used nor guarded at the time. "Do you think we should have gone inside?" Erestor asked after he managed to gather enough breath.
Glorfindel's blissful smile was still all over him as he lazily shook his head. His words came out more as breaths. "No, not in this city of Mortals. Any who caught sight of anything deserved what they got for having sharp eyes."
Erestor laughed softly. "Aye, maybe so." Pausing again to regain lost breath, Erestor reached out, stroking Glorfindel's blond locks. "Hir-galad, nedh dúath im utuva le," Erestor mused softly of the irony.
Glorfindel pulled Erestor close to him again and the dark-haired one tucked his head against Glorfindel's shoulder. After a few more moments, they both began to feel a recovery. Glorfindel grinned, rising up and offering Erestor a hand. "Your chambers or mine?"
---
Hir-galad, nedh duath im utuva le - Master of light, in the darkness i find you.
Jeepjaa: I hope this ending moves you too. I honestly think the only way for their differences to be settled is in fact to sit and talk. I'm glad you like my work, though, and hope you will keep reading. You certainly have not offended me, and for the record, your English is much better than most people who have spoken it since word one!
Glorfindel: I have not seen any problems with Chapters 14, 17, and 19 from Ripples. One thing i have noticed is that if you get email alerts, sometimes they send the alert with the link before the story is actually available. Then, if you are like me and you are constantly checking your email for story updates from your favorite writers, you have to wait a few hours or so and try again. Did anyone else notice trouble on those chapters or any others?
Thanks to all my reviewers, particularly the most loyal Haldir's Heart & Soul, and to my closet readers too (you know you are out there!) More coming from me soon. Maybe a few other one-shots, i have a few vignettes in mind since i am currently re-reading Fellowship.