Fusion.
It began with a dance, a joining of energies and ended with a surge. It was like energy it was so addictive. The feeling of being powerful, confident, whole. A permanent dance were you were no longer yourself, with all of your faults and needs. Your past didn't matter because you weren't there anymore. During it she didn't haunt your thoughts and memories.
It was so addictive, the need to be whole and alive. And then it ended and the wait for the next fuse was torture. Because you'd been complete and confident, without the need for orders and reassurance and now you were alone. The feelings of others stopped mattering, not until you fused again. They'd understand, you whispered the first night. You almost stopped but the memory was too much. The feeling of not existing as yourself, like the music had swept you away as you'd danced and replaced you with a perfect version of you.
He'd laughed as you'd worked, cheering and it had made everything better. Because he was proud and that meant she was as well. You were doing something right.
…Right?
But you needed it. So they'd understand eventually.
Just one more victory. One more moment of not being alone anymore.
They had to understand. And you'd admit your sins. What you'd done and why.
You'd admit you'd made a mistake and you'd laugh and everything would be ok.
Just one more fuse.
That's what you kept telling yourself at least.