34 Things I Cannot Do

(Katie's Footnote: This is an add-on to "I Do Not", inspired by the story, "The Assignment", by Corbin-Bleu-Luver. It is nothing like it. I hope it's funny, though...)

by g.a.bi

(10:30 pm, June 26th, 2007)

I cannot eat anymore M&Ms. I will get sick and die if I do.

I cannot call Troy because he is on a date with Susan Sommer.

I cannot crash Troy and Susan's date because that would not be cool.

I also cannot crash Troy and Susan's date because I promised Troy I wouldn't crash any more of his dates with Susan.

I cannot watch a movie because our DVD player is broken.

I cannot call Taylor because she is on a date with Chad.

I cannot call her because the last time I interrupted one of her dates with Chad, it was their first kiss and she nearly strangled me.

I cannot eat anything because all we have left in the house are those Lean Cuisine meals (which aren't yummy!).

I cannot go on a date because I actually don't want to go on a date and if I WERE to go on a date I would want it to be with my best friend.

I cannot go on a date with my best friend because he's on a date with his girlfriend. Susan Sommer.

I cannot do any homework because it is summer, and no teacher would give me any summer homework.

I cannot call Ms. Darbus and ask her to give me summer homework, because the last time I did that, she was in the middle of watching "The Wizard of Oz", and she rambled on and on about personal space and school being out and BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I cannot have any worse timing.

I cannot talk to my mother, because she is not speaking to me, due to her having a sore throat.

I cannot call Sharpay because she is on a date with Zeke.

I cannot text (NOT call) Kelsi because she's working on a composition with Ryan.

I cannot eat the leftover chocolate cake in the refrigerator because I am on a diet.

I cannot stand being on a diet.

I cannot keep making random lists about things I can and can't do.

I cannot watch any of my VHS tapes because I only have one and it is "Richard Simmons: Rockin' to the 50's".

I cannot do Richard Simmons because he screams a lot and my ears bleed everytime I do the dumb tape.

I cannot look at the clock again to check the time because I have looked at the clock twenty hundred times tonight.

I cannot count to twenty hundred.

I cannot count to twenty hundred because that is way to high.

I cannot Google "butt-dwelling monkeys" on the computer, because it saves the history, and the last time I searched "butt-dwelling monkeys", my mom found out and she asked me if I was on drugs.

I also cannot Google "chewy goodness", "Teddy Graham strippers", "Cheez-Wiz", "Troy Bolton is HOT", "Susan must die", "sexy Youtube founders", "Google", "Gabi is fat", "Weight Watchers sucks", "i h8 u! U kno who u r...cough, susan", "dirty pictures of Cheese Nips", or "dog food for humans, especially ones named Sharpay".

I cannot call my History teacher who's name is Mr. Her, just so I can call and say "Is Mr. Her's wife there?" and hang up because he found out it was me, and he told my mom, and she grounded me.

I cannot, again, eat any M&Ms, because I am on that stupid diet!

I cannot watch that episode of "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody" where there are two people who look a lot like Troy and Sharpay in it just so I can call Sharpay and say, "YOU'RE ON TV KISSING TROY!".

I cannot do this, because the last time I did, Sharpay was in a mud bath and she screamed really loudly and dropped her cell phone in the mud, and she had to buy a new cell phone. I also cannot do this because Sharpay is on that date with Zeke.

I ALSO cannot run around my house singing "Breaking Free" at the top of my lungs, because my mother is sick and sleeping.

I cannot watch TV because nothing good is on.

I cannot order WWE wrestling off of PaperView, watch it with my mom, and then tell her I will become a woman's wrestler and my name will be "The Freaky Wrestler Chick Who Pins People And Then Screams 'WHAT NOW, LOSERBOB HAHAPANTS!'"

I cannot think of anything else I cannot do.

List Add-On

35. I cannot sleep.