Note- The title of this comes from a Keith Urban song.
Making Memories of Us
Chapter One
March 2010
"Marry me," the words were spoken in a low and quiet tone, as he held her naked body against his. A white sheet covered her from the shoulders down. He had his back against the headboard while she held him around his waist.
Her ear had been resting against his heart but now she jerked her head up to look into his eyes.
The early morning sunlight drifted in through the window, just moments after sunrise. It was a quiet time in the world. Still hours to go before the hustle and bustle of the work or school day started. A time that was peaceful and serene.
And that is how they had been too till five seconds before. Just peacefully laying there. A long night of lovemaking behind them and the rest of their lives laying before them.
A life he wanted to share with her.
Derek Morgan used to swear he would never give up his bachelor ways. Never get locked down. Never bother with having babies. He would laugh when anyone mentioned that kind of lifestyle to him. That was for someone else.
He wasn't made to be a husband or a father. He didn't want to feel that kind of fear. His whole world depending on a pair- or pairs- of brown eyes.
He had thought he could avoid that feeling if he avoided marriage but he thought wrong. Married or not, his whole damn world depended on Penelope. He'd probably always call her Garcia, when he wasn't calling her some little pet name that made them both smile or laugh, but he wanted her to be a Morgan.
To be his Mrs. Morgan.
To be in his family, officially. To be his partner for life. To know that what they had right this second would be forever.
He didn't want to get out of this bed and have to be afraid they were about to walk into a minefield littered with fear, pain, questions, confusion, regrets or doubts. Maybe that wouldn't happen. Maybe when they went into work today she'd wink at him, call him Hot Stuff, and joke that she'd be showing him another good morning soon. Maybe they would fall into a fun dating relationship- a hybrid of what they used to have, with their movie nights and their times at the bar, and of what they wanted now, fantastic sex to cap off their fantastic dates.
But he couldn't deal with maybe.
Because maybe could always go the other way. Maybe she would get out of this bed, take a shower, kiss him good bye and go back to her long term boyfriend, who would be back in town in just a few days.
And maybe she would tell Derek it had been nice but she loved Lynch. And maybe she would feel bad that she hurt Derek and maybe she would even hurt some too but she'd honor her commitment to Lynch- her promise to him that he had her heart- and she'd go back where she felt she belonged.
Maybe she would say she loved that hacker too much to let him go over a one night stand.
Maybe she would beg Derek to just be who he always was to her and not push her for more. Maybe she would ask for time and space to clear her head. Maybe the break between them would turn into a break up, their own version of it at least, and Derek would lose her forever.Maybe.
Maybe could mean anything. He just couldn't risk it. It would feel so good to know she was his wife. So right. So perfect. His baby girl wearing his ring and coming home to him each night. Yeah, he could be down with that.
The words marry me just slipped out of his mouth as his mind went round and round about all the ways this impromptu first night of lovemaking could change their lives. There was only one way he wanted it to go. To have them know for sure for every moment from now on that they were a couple. In this together. All in forever.
The words in his head came off his lips before he could brood them away and never say anything at all. Before he could shove them down like he shoved down everything. Before he could think himself into a corner. Or let his fear talk him into believing he'd never be enough to make her happy.
They just came out, filled the quiet air, and sat there.
The immediate thought that came to his mind was that he could force a laugh and pretend he was joking. Call her a nickname and slap her ass. Roll her over and cover her neck with kisses till she was sighing and smiling in bliss. Tease her that she better not think about giving up her chance to get this kind of good loving from him every day. He could tell her what he wanted- them- and do it in true Hot Stuff style.
But he didn't.
Instead he let the words stand as they were. They said all he wanted. Even if it sounded crazy to get engaged to someone after the very first night you had sex together. That was the behavior of someone either completely insane or very old fashioned. Insane if you didn't know their last name or how they take their eggs. Old fashioned if you were already smitten and the lovemaking made you want to commit forever right there and then because having sex without having a ring was some kind of sin.
But they didn't fall into either of those categories.
They were much more than two people who fell into a sexy romp and then rushed into a hasty marriage that would probably lead to a hasty divorce. And they also weren't two people who thought sex had to equal marriage and get God's stamp of approval on it.
They had known each other nearly six years. Loved each other for so long that it was hard to pinpoint when it started. But he knew, down to the minute, the moment it became the most important thing in his life. It was when he was standing in a hallway at the hospital and it happened in between the breaths that a stranger- her surgeon- was taking. In that moment, when Derek waited to hear if his baby girl would live or die, he knew his whole happiness rested in that man's words.
And now his whole happiness rested in the words Penelope would use to answer his proposal.
Her eyes searched his. He thought he could see in them what she was thinking as her emotions whirled across her face. First there was confusion (Did he just say what I thought he said?) and then there was doubt (Is he sure?) and then a look of peace came to her eyes, as she found her answers staring back at her in his eyes, which he hoped conveyed all his love.
He fought his inner demons to not pull away. To not laugh this off. To not joke away all he wanted most. His body was coiled tight as he waited for her to respond.
When she did it was with just one word "When?"
He didn't have to think twice before he answered "Today."
More shock registered on her face. A long moment passed. Her eyes clouded with doubt and he could tell she was about to start rambling about the craziness of this idea.
He cut her off by begging "Please," his tone was hushed, filled with begging and need. "Please, baby girl, I need this."
Another pause. Lasting just a second but it felt so much longer to him. And then a small, sweet smile came to her lips and her eyes softened just like the way she looked the first time he ever told her that he loved her.
Her answer was just one word. "Okay."