Fated

Chapter 1: Memento Mori

BY: Nikki Deez

AUTHOR'S NOTE: First of all, I would like to thank Bioware for giving us such incredible and creative games. Seriously. If it weren't for Bioware, I'm pretty sure I would have lost it years ago. LOL. This is the first fan fiction that I've written in YEARS. Seriously. So be gentle while reviewing. I haven't quit writing, just moved onto writing on role-play boards. But fan fiction will always have a special place in my heart, since it was writing fan fiction that got me started in the first place.

This is a story that I started shortly after wrapping up the Horizon mission on mass Effect 2. It was just one of those things I needed to get out creatively. I had always loved Garrus. He was the favorite from the first game, and like many other fans, I too was rather disappointed that he wasn't a romance option for a female Shepard in the first game. So after I saw his epic return in Mass Effect 2, as well as finding out that he was a romance option, I knew that I was going to have to write something! So here it is folks. My version of events that ultimately led up to the greatest Bioware pairing (in my opinion, sorry Shenko fans!) to grace the screens. There will be a lot of flashbacks to scenes from the first game, and I'll continue to further the story as I continue to move through the second game. Hope you enjoy, and please read and then review!

PS: I would also like to personally thank all the awesome people on youtube for giving us lowly writers all those great in-game dialogue shots. I would have never been able to get the dialogue (which I have shamelessly tweaked) if it weren't for you! Thank you!

Disclaimer: Mass Effect and it's characters belong to Bioware. Unfortunately. *Cries in the corner at the realization of this fact.* Didn't make any money from this however. Just wrote it up for the fun of it and because my brain told me so.

SHEPARD SAYS…

"People used to tell me that death was painful, and acted like it was some nightmare you had to run away from. As if worst thing that could happen to someone was the realization that you were about to meet your end. All sentient beings fear death. It logical to fear it, to fear the pain, to fear the finalization of your existence. I know different however. There were worse things then dying. I would know. I've died once already. There are worse things then death. Worse things then dying. Seeing the love of your life walk away? That's one of them…"

ON HORIZON…

Her heart pounded. Her pulse raced. And the world seemed to have come to a stop. Seeing Kaiden again, seeing him standing there, alive… was possibly the greatest feeling in the world right now. She had been so afraid. The moment the Illusive man had told her that Kaiden was on Horizon, and that Horizon was about to be attacked by the Collectors, she had been in a state of panic. But it was over! He was fine! They were together again at last! When she had felt his arms go around her, she could scarcely believe her senses. She almost expected his arms to disappear, like a dream. But he was there, alive! Alive! She would have kissed him then and there… if it weren't for the look on his face when he pulled away.

"I thought you were dead Shepard. We all did…"

Jaina felt her body go still, seeing that the relief and joy was gone from his eyes. What replaced it… was anger. Wanting to avoid the fight she knew deep down was coming, Jaina forced herself to smile, a mask slipping over her features, her bright green eyes meeting his. "Kaiden. It's been a long time. Too long…" she said it, trying to be light about it, trying to keep it casual, not wanting to unload there and then in front of Garrus and Jacob. But she wanted to, oh god she wanted to! She wanted to leap into his arms and kiss his lips. But that wasn't what she did. Instead she held back… and was the person they had always needed her to be. The cool, calm, collected leader.

She had thought that Kaiden would sense that, hear the message hidden within her words. She had thought he would smile, and reach out to hold her again. Instead his face just darkened with resentment. "That's all you have to say? You show up after two years, and act like nothing happened?" he demanded, his words harsh with anger. "I thought we had something Jaina! Something real. I loved you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?!"

Jaina's heart thundered in her chest, unable to fight the feeling that things were somehow going wrong. This wasn't the Kaiden she remembered. Desperate to salvage the situation she forged on, her words quicker now, her blood rushing to her ears. "It wasn't up to me Kaiden!" she practically yelled. Then, hearing herself, Jaina sucked in a breath and forced herself to calm down, her voice returning to its normal pitch. "I spent two years in some kind of coma while Cerberus rebuilt me… I was basically lying dead on a operating table…"

Kaiden held up a head, his eyes wide with shock… and horror. "Wait… you're with Cerberus now? Garrus too?"

Jaina blinked, and felt her head twist back to look at the Turian that stood behind her, their eyes meeting… and tried her best to not to let her terror show. But he saw it anyway. Jaina had never been able to hide much from Garrus. Ever since she had met him he had proved time and again how perceptive he was. She figured it was his detective skills. Little did she now that there was more too it then that. Trembling, Jaina forced herself to look away, her green eyes going to the ground, biting her lower lip, the pain clearing her mind. Then she looked back at Kaiden, her gaze level and hard. "Yes. He is." She said simply. And then she fell silent. But deep inside… she was screaming. She could feel it. The distance between her and Kaiden, once so small, so intimate… was growing with each passing second. And it hurt. It hurt a lot.

Kaiden stared at her as if she were a ghost, his face etched with shock. "I can't believe the reports were right…"

Garrus took a step forward then, the anger making his voice thick and harsh, Jaina too shocked by Kaiden's words to be able to say anything. He… had known… He had known that she had been alive… "Wait a minute. Reports? You mean you already knew she was alive?! Since when?" Garrus then let out a furies hiss of air. "Why didn't you tell anyone?! Tell me? Or the others?" the Turian demanded.

Kaiden's eyes narrowed at the Turian, almost as if to say why should he have told him anything. Then he looked at Jaina, his gaze frosty cold. "Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies. They got a tip that this colony might be the next one to get hit. Anderson had stonewalled me, but there were rumors that you weren't dead. That you were working for the enemy…"

"So they sent you…" Jaina murmured softly, her mind going to the only person that could have been responsible for the 'tip.' The Illusive Man. Playing his mind games once again. Now not just with her. But with her friends as well. With Kaiden. The bastard. Stifling her anger for now, Jaina continued, trying to keep her voice neutral. She had to get Kaiden to understand… "Cerberus and I want the same thing; to save the human colonies. That doesn't mean I work for them."

Kaiden snorted at that, his dark eyes going to Jacob, who stared back at him defiantly, before letting his gaze return to her own, Jaina seeing the doubt there, the anger. "Do you really believe that? Or is that what Cerberus wants you to think? I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this…"

And that was when Jaina became angry. He was JUDGING her. After everything they had been through together! How could he?! Taking a step forward, Jaina gave Kaiden a furious glare, her green eyes lasers. "Like what Kaiden? Go on, tell me." Jaina demanded, her voice thick with rage. "You always were the 'honest' one. Remember? My little angel sitting on my goddamn shoulder, always telling me what was right, what was wrong. So tell me. What didn't you expect?" she demanded, and she gave him a savage look that had made lesser men tremble. This is the line, the look said. Don't cross it.

Kaiden wasn't a lesser man however. To his credit, he stood his ground. And said words that Jaina never expected to hear him say. "I didn't expect you to be like this! You turned your back on everything we believed in, Jaina. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed ME."

Jaina felt it. Her face paled. Her eyes widened. And she reared back as if he had struck her. There was only one word that could describe what she felt at that very moment. Heartbreak. Behind her, Jaina heard it. A thick snarl. A clawed hand gripping a trigger on a sniper rifle, and without having to look back, Jaina knew that Garrus had stepped forward, probably about to lash out. So she raised a hand, and turned back to give the Turian a look, their eyes meeting once more. And after a moment of looking into her hollow eyes, Garrus stopped. Jaina looked back at Kaiden… and struggled not to cry. "Kaiden… you know me. You know I'd only do this for the right reason… I do what I have to… to protect… You KNOW that… You saw it yourself. The Collectors are targeting human colonies. And they are working with the reapers!" Please believe in me… her mind begged him. Please trust me… like you always did…

But Kaiden just gave her a tragic look. And Jaina knew then that whatever they once had… was over. "I want to believe you Jaina. I do. But I don't trust Cerberus. I remember what they did. I remember the test subjects. I remember General Kahoku. Maybe you forgot, but I haven't. They could be using the threat of the Reapers to manipulate you. What if they're behind it? What if they're working with the Collectors?"

Jaina couldn't speak. Couldn't talk. She was still too shocked. She didn't want to believe that this was happening. And when she didn't speak, someone jumped to her defense. Someone she never would have expected to do so. Garrus. "Damn it Kaiden!" the Turian snarled in disgust. "You're so focused on Cerberus that you're ignoring the real threat! Shepard wouldn't align herself with Cerberus lightly. Not if there was no other choice. You know that!"

Kaiden glared at Garrus, and Jaina saw his hands start to glow, sensed the pull of biotic energy tug at her mind, and knew that Kaiden was summoning his biotic powers to silence the ex C-Sec officer. Not wanting things to get bloody, Jaina stepped forward, desperate to find some level of control of the situation. But she couldn't. She felt as if she had been left adrift in some endless sea… a sea she was drowning in. It was all wrong… all of it… "Please listen to him Kaiden… You're letting how you feel about Cerberus get in the way of the facts. You're letting it cloud your judgment!"

Kaiden just shook his head before taking a step back, as if he already needed to get away from her. As if she were something dangerous. Something wrong. "Maybe. Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight. You changed. You're not the woman I remember… not the soldier I fell in love with… But I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not."

Jaina almost felt her jaw drop. She couldn't believe it. Kaiden… was going to walk away. From her. She couldn't take it. She just couldn't. He had always been her rock, her anchor, the eye of the hurricane that was her life. When she had chosen him on Virmire, it hadn't been because it was the right thing, or that he was a higher rank then Ashley. Deep down Jaina knew she had chosen him because she had loved him. And now he was going to walk away! "Please Kaiden… Come with me… It'll be just like old times…" But then she fell silent. No. She would not beg. If he wanted to leave… then so be it.

And Kaiden said the words she had been waiting for. "No it won't." he said stiffly. "I'll never work for Cerberus. Goodbye Shepard. And be careful." And with those final words, Kaiden turned… and walked away.

Jaina watched him as she walked away, feeling her heart turn cold with every step that he took. A part of her felt numb. Shocked. And the other part was screaming. She wanted to fall on her knees and cry. She wanted to hit him until he bled. She wanted to do a lot of things. But she couldn't. Not with the others there, watching her. Not with Garrus's eyes burning into her back. Instead she stood there. And let him walk away. And with every step he took… she felt her pain and anger grow. She had to get out of here. NOW.

Activating her omi-tool, Jaina connected to her comm to the Normany, her voice a mere whisper, feeling it, the shake start to take hold. She needed to get off of this damn rock. Now. Before she let go. Before Jacob or Garrus saw her loose it. "Joker," Jaina snarled into the mic. "Send the shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this colony…" And not even waiting to hear Joker's response, Jaina signed off, turned, and stormed away, ignoring the stares she knew were following her. She would not look back. No matter how badly she wanted to… she would not look back.

* * * *

Garrus watched Shepard as she walked away, the Turian silent, his scarred face set in a tight scowl, his mandibles twitching. Standing next to the former C-Sec officer turned vigilante, Jacob Taylor said nothing, his face only wearing a look of pity. Garrus on the other hand… was fuming. He had worked with humans for years, decades even, and never had he felt such a murderous need to throttle one before. Before he used to accept their eccentricities, and simply called them 'human nature.' But today… today he actually wanted to KILL a human with his bare hands. And not just any human either. He had wanted to kill Alenko. Garrus wanted to throttle the man. He had walked away from Shepard. Said she had betrayed him. And not only that… he had also broken her heart. Garrus had seen it in her eyes. Saw it in the way she stood. Smelled it on her skin. Heard it in her heartbeat. Today Kaiden had broken her. And then he had walked away, leaving the pieces behind. The bastard!

Ever since that fateful day back on Omega, Garus had looked at Jaina's return as a sort of gift. He had lost her, and upon losing her he had felt as if he had lost a part of himself. Before she had died, Garrus had a purpose, a reason for living… but when she had died… it had been like he too had died. He lost his purpose. He had lost his meaning. It had been why he had gone to Omega, and became Archangel. To try and get a taste of what he had lost. But it had never been the same. Ever since she had died, he had felt like something was missing something. Like when newly made amputee still feels fingers. He had felt the loss. And now that she was back, he wasn't going to let her go. She had saved him just by being alive! She gave his life meaning, direction. Garrus had thought that Kaiden would have felt similarly. After all, he had been the 'lucky one' to have won Shepard's heart. Surely he would have known better. But Garrus had been wrong about the human male. He may have loved Shepard… but his loved his 'priniciples' and the Alliance even more. And his carelessness, his thoughtlessness, with which he spurned Shepard's love, enraged Garrus almost beyond thought or meaning.

With a snarl, Garrus turned around and started to stalk his way after the departing Alliance soldier, ignoring the wide-eyed stare he got from Jacob, not caring what the human Cerberus agent would think of him storming away. All Garrus cared about was catching up to Kaiden, and give the human a piece of his mind. It took only a few steps of Garrus's long legs to get him to catch up with the departing soldier, and before Kaiden had a chance to even turn, Garrus reached out with a clawed hand and grabbed Kaiden by the arm, the Turian spinning Kaiden around. And just like that the two were nose to nose. Kaiden gasped, clearly surprised. This kind of attitude wasn't normal of Garrus. The Turian was usually so uptight! Sure he was brash and reckless, but he wasn't violent. Not like this anyway! Half the time he was like a damned uptight, anal robot! He rarely let his emotions get the better of him! To see the Turian so obviously upset was disturbing, like seeing a rock talk. It just wasn't… normal. "Garrus! What the hell are you doing?!" Kaiden yelled. Then Kaiden's training kicked in, and the Alliance soldier yanked his arm out of Garrus's grip. And winced, feeling the claws in those three fingers almost rip skin. If it hadn't been for his armor… Garrus would have hurt him! "Have you lost your damned mind?!"

Garrus gave Kaiden a glare that made the biotic almost step back. And then he snarled. "I should be asking you the same question. What are you doing Alenko! She needs you!"

Kaiden stared at Garrus, shocked. "What?!" he yelled. Then Kaiden looked deeper into Garrus's gaze. And saw it. The rage. The need to protect. And understood. All this time… he had thought that he understood the Turian, understood why he fought with Shepard. But now he knew. It had nothing to do with saving the galaxy… and everything to do with being with her… "This has nothing to do with you Garrus." Kaiden said in warning, his voice thick with emotion. Anger. Shock. Denial. He couldn't take it. He needed to get out of here, needed to escape that look. "Say out of it." And with that Kaiden started to turn to leave.

Garrus didn't let him. Moving with the speed of a six-foot tall predator, Garrus stepped into Kaiden path and glared down at the shorter human, his long arms crossing over his broad, chest, needing to do something with them to avoid punching the human. "I said she NEEDS you." Garrus snarled. "You know she does! How could you just walk away from her?!"

Kaiden inhaled sharply. And he didn't need to look down to know that his hands were glowing, waves of biotic energy dancing off his hands. "Because. I'm done Garrus. She's changed. The Shepard that I know wouldn't have joined with Cerberus. The Shepard that I remember, wouldn't do that. She would rather die then join with those monsters! The Shepard I know, that I remember, that I loved, DIED that day."

For a minute there was silence. Wind danced through the empty colony. And the two warriors, once former comrades in arms, gazed at one another, unable to make heads or tails of the other.

Garrus stared down at the human, an incredulous look on his face, his reptilian eyes wide, his mandibles flaring. Then he shock his head, and stepped back. "I used to think that you were an honorable man Alenko. A good man. A smart man." Garrus murmured, his voice thick with disgust. "But today… you just became another fool who didn't know how good he had it." Garrus snorted then. "Do not come crying to me when you realize what you have lost today… because you HAVE lost something Alenko. You lost the best thing that ever happened to you."

And then Garrus turned, and walked away, heading back to his Commander, while Kaiden watched him leave, a look of horror on his face.

FIN

So now we know why kaiden sent Shepard that 'I'm sorry, I still love you' email. Mwahaha! Thank you Garrus! MORE COMING SOON!

I know that Kaiden probably came off as a total jerk, but like I said, this isn't a Shepard/Kaiden story! So I hope I haven't offended any Shenko fans out there. If so, then gomen! Please read and review!