Warning: Serious snogging! Be warnnnnned! And much much much Zadr goodness. That means alien love. Xenophilia! If you don't like it, don't read it. Seriously. It will freak you out.
Disclaimer: I am NOT held accountable for the bazillions of run-on sentences you may or may not find in the work below. Invader Zim belongs to poor Jhonen Vasquez and his ill-prone belly, though I hardly think he would claim them after what I've made them into. What any Zadr fanatic has made them into.
Today, he didn't even bother to announce his departure. It had been far too long since anyone had remotely cared whether he was even alive.
And so, the rather lanky, dark haired boy shut the front door behind him and proceeded down the street. Today was not much unlike any other day.
The only difference was that now, it was six years since he first stepped out of his house in the relentless pursuit of unmasking the green kid that moved in a few blocks away. Zim. The alien had made a mockery of him since day one. Not that he needed his help with that. He just couldn't understand how humanity could be so…so…ignorant. But it's not like it was RIGHT in front of their faces or anything. Not like it sat in class with them EVERY SINGLE day.
This boy had lost his credibility long before that, though. Ever since he told his father he had no interest in going into the field of Real Science, there wasn't a single being who didn't think he was insane. Except, of course, Zim. But technically, that didn't count. Even if lately he had been wondering about his own motives of going after the alien.
Today, he had a new plan, though older plans and far too much trial and error had also aided him. This time, he decided his plan was perfect. However, as he thought to himself for the millionth time that afternoon, every plan had been deemed perfect before until proven otherwise. He'd use his (now waterproof, thanks to previous events) invisibility suit to get in. He'd download the virus that took up two entire hard drives onto Zim's main computer, and with all of the Irken's security and resources blown, he'd call the Swollen Eyeball and the alien would be exposed for what he really was. An evil alien bent on world domination! That's been…trying to dominate the world…for six years…. Yeah.
Deep down, Dib was fully aware that his plan was more than flawed. But he also had something else that might appeal to his enemy, something he'd stuck in his back pocket to tear the alien to pieces if need be. It would fix anything he hadn't thought out completely in the original plan.
He'd seen Zim leave in his ridiculously obvious space cruiser, so he knew the coast was clear. He approached the peculiar house, not even worrying about the attack garden gnomes. When he came to the door, he took off the mask part, thus shutting off the rest of the suit.
He knocked.
"Issunlocked!" An obnoxiously high-pitched voice called from inside. Dib rolled his eyes, shaking his head, and let himself in. "Hey, Gir-"
"ISSUNLOCKED!" The undisguised robot screamed as he jumped up from his seat on the couch, spilling an oversized bowl of popcorn everywhere.
"I…know…" Dib affirmed with a pinky in his hear in a too-late attempt to soften the piercing shriek.
"ISS—oh! Hiya Dib!" Gir grinned broadly, finally seeming to recognize his company.
"…Yeah. I'm just gonna go down to Zim's lab for a while and plant a massive virus, okay?"
Suddenly, Gir screamed bloody murder, his eyes turned a venomous red and he began shouting something about an intruder before returning to the usual complacent blue and giving Dib a thumbs up. "Okee dokee! I'ma make more popcorn for the pig an' me!"
"…Right. You do that."
"I DON'T WANNA!"
"Okay."
Dib had never quite figured out what made Zim's accomplice (if he could even be called that) so…stupid. But without caring to listen to anymore incomprehensible contradictions, he made his way to the trashcan-elevator and stepped inside. It was hardly the first time he'd been down here, and so he knew his way around almost as well as he knew his own house. "Uhm…computer?" He said sheepishly, never really feeling comfortable talking to someone other than himself when there was clearly nothing else there. Zim hadn't programmed it for voice recognition, which didn't completely make sense, but Dib didn't question it. It was good for his intentions.
"What?" The computer replied, almost annoyed.
"Take me to the…main…computer…thingee."
And without further questioning, the elevator jolted downwards and opened its doors three seconds later, allowing Dib to step woozily out into the heart of Zim's base.
The main computer was a rather obvious thing, since the screen for it was three times the size of that in your average movie theater. Infecting this sucker is going to be a piece of cake Dib smirked to himself as he slid his mask back on, reactivating the suit. He quietly thanked his tech class as he pulled out a few wires and began hooking the hard drives up. The ginormous screen flashed on, and began a taunting pixilated animation of Dib's own creation. Just to put the cherry on top. In it, a green alien was carted away in a van as a dark-haired boy with a scythe lock cheerily waved him goodbye. Moments later, the van stopped. The alien was dragged out and strapped rather forcefully (or at least as forceful as something can appear when it looks like something out of the first ever edition of Mario) to a table. A man in a light blue smock and a white doctor's mask pulled out a mercilessly large needle, and it all sort of went on from there.
Dib had forgotten how long ago he'd drawn it; it had to have been years. Now, as the loading bar twitched its way full beneath the violent display, something tugged at the boy's insides. He found himself searching for the right word to describe it, but the only thing he arrived at was,
"Guilty. Caught red-handed, isn't that the phrase?" an aggravated voice spat from a few feet away.
Dib froze, trying to remind himself that Zim couldn't see him. There was no way. Just…keep his head, and he would be alright. Just. Stay. Calm.
"I know you're here." He continued as he eyed the barbaric animation. "As if this HORRIBLE display of your contempt weren't a sign enough, Gir has kindly informed me of your largely unwanted presence."
The boy backed away as stealthily as he could, leaving his hard drives in the computer since there was no way to take them out without letting onto his location. If he could just make it to-
"The elevators are locked, Dib. There's no getting out. Consider this the last time you'll be in my base. Consider this the last time you'll be anywhere…alive." He cackled at his own wit as he approached his computer.
Dib watched him stare up at the animation for a few moments, not sure what to do next. Zim's skin was a brightly colored green in the pale lighting. He'd grown quite taller in the time they'd known each other, though the human was still just a couple inches above him. There was something about the way he never wore his disguise in Dib's presence anymore that made the boy smile, it was strange, too how-
He quickly snapped himself back into reality as the alien spoke again.
"Allow me to humor you, Dib-worm. I'll give you five seconds to run and hide before I turn on the heat seeker and find you that way." He pulled the cords from the hard drives, stopping the loading process less than halfway through. With the screen shut off, the room became much darker, lit only by the dull elongated bulbs scattered on the ceiling.
Dib's eyes grew wide in panic, having a difficult time adjusting to the new lighting. He made a few sprints for the elevators he knew wouldn't work in a last attempt, but halfway there, a hand grabbed him by the upper arm and turned him around, ripping off his mask none too kindly. He found himself mere inches away from his smirking sworn enemy.
"Enjoy our little game?"
"…" Said Dib, feeling the sudden need to avoid eye contact, and so staring at Zim's shoes and chewing the inside of his cheek instead.
The alien looked him over for a moment before turning on his heel and dragging the human away. "I would have thought by now you'd know better than to try anything as stoopid as this. Especially that disgusting…THING you barfed up on my screen." He scoffed. "What was that, anyway?"
Dib shrugged, still rather speechless in Zim's hold until seeing where it was he was being dragged. And so, more out of habit than anything else, he began to struggle against the Irken's grasp. There, on the wall, stood a vicious-looking device with claw-like restraints and a colossal laser-needle. "You won't get away with this, Zim!" He finally managed the tired phrase, lacking anything better to say in response and twisting to get away from his captor.
Zim snorted and shoved the boy into the possession of the machine. It reached out instantly and grabbed him by the wrists, tugging his hands behind his back with an iron grip. "I'll get away with whatever I please, earth-stink. I don't see you in much of a position to stop me."
No, after all these years, not a lot had changed. Just that thought almost had Dib grinning, but the situation didn't exactly call for any such thing, so he continued to glare at Zim instead.
The alien stared at him for a moment, suspiciously, before stepping up and poking him once. He lowered his gaze to Dib's pants before shoving his hands in the front pockets and fumbling around for anything that might be in them.
Dib's eyes snapped open wide. "What the hell are you doing?" he shouted, writhing in the metal claws. He wasn't sure why, but he suddenly felt a wave of nausea at the idea of Zim getting ahold of the little message he had brought along.
"Checking you for your pitiful recording devices I know you so enjoy carrying when joining Zim in his oh-so-amazing base."
"Well I hate to disappoint you, but I d— What are you doing?" His voice cracked as Zim's hand slipped shamelessly lower, running along the waist of Dib's jeans. Ignoring the obnoxious human, he brought his hands around to the back pockets.
The boy tried desperately to get ahold of the other's fingers as they brushed past his own in an attempt to stop him, but to no avail. The right pocket was searched first, the hand of the alien slinking in and causing the heat to rise into Dib's cheeks, before removing itself and slipping into the other.
"Aha! And what, Dib-monster, might this be? Eh?" Zim tauntingly waved a folded up sheet of paper in Dib's face.
"No!" He shouted, suddenly going pale in great contrast to his previously flushed state. "I mean…it's…that's nothing. Just…throw it out!"
The alien snerked deviously as he unfolded it once. "Not important, is it? Well then, might as well take a look. After all, what is it you worm-babies say? One person's trash is another person's underwater cavern full of super-dooms-day-devices?" He unfolded it once more, leering cruelly, so that is was about 2/3 of the way open, the ink already visible from the other side.
"OKAY!" Dib finally broke. "What do you want this time!"
Zim stopped in his unfolding, eyeing the boy with a surly grin. "Amusing. But there isn't a whole lot Zim wants from you. Unfortunately your existence won't really be needed much longer, so there's no point in holding too much over your gargantuan head." He unfolded it once more, leaving one last fold before it was open just for a touch of suspense.
"But you could use it!" Dib shouted, trying to fight the solid grasp around his wrists. "For…something! I'm sure! Before you…kill me…or whatever you said you would do!" His brain couldn't process an excuse fast enough to come up with anything too good. Besides, he really doubted Zim would kill him. He'd been in a position much like this several times before, and it was all starting to get a little old, even if somehow each time still managed to awaken a small flame of adrenaline.
"Ohh," Zim's wicked grin spread even further. "This is far too good to pass up, huuman. I couldn't possibly let something that quite obviously means this much to you go." And with that, the paper was opened.
Zim's eyes scanned over it a moment, and immediately the grin changed to a look of sheer confusion, which was promptly masked by pure rage. "WHAT is the meaning of this! I DEMAND an explanation!" He shrieked.
Dib lowered his eyes to the ground, feeling dizzy. "What…what are you talking about? I don't…it's…that's not mine!"
"Obviously," He replied instantly, seeming to be taken for just a moment. "Where did you get this?" The Irken hissed, collecting himself and frowning deeply, running a finger over the ink. It didn't make sense. This was a note from the Tallest, and clearly so; no matter what kind of alien technology had come into the huuman's possession, Dib couldn't have reproduced this if he tried. The Tallest had never used their seal on anything they ever sent to him, (something he'd questioned before…but this sure explained a lot) so no one on this useless ball of filth would have even seen it before. Dib couldn't have copied it, he couldn't have—"This is FORGERY! Do you think I am blind? FOOL! You dare make a mockery of ZIM?"
Dib, at a loss for words, shook his head. "It's…Zim…they…I mean…"
"This is the most RIDICULOUS plan of yours yet, Dib-filth. In ALL your years of STOOPID plans to stop me from taking over your revolting mud rock, this surpasses them all. It's almost disappointing, really. You should know better than to think my Tallest would say something as obviously far-fetched as this."
"But…I didn't!" Dib at last collected himself enough to form sentences, fragmented though they were. "I was here…you weren't…and…they called, and I answered…they were…" he wasn't quite sure what had him so worked up. Wasn't the original plan to use it to tear him to pieces? The sight of it now almost hurt. He'd imagined how the scene would go, and it wasn't like this. Zim was reacting the way he was supposed to, that much was right. But that was really the only thing right. He wasn't supposed to feel sorry about it. This was his victory. It was supposed to feel like it too. But it just…didn't.
Zim stopped short in his ranting to glare at the human, narrowing his eyes dangerously. "They were what." It was more of a statement, more of demanding an answer than asking for one.
Dib chewed his lip hesitantly, now almost moved to laugh. How could Zim be so deeply in denial? It should have been so obvious that this was coming, and it should be obvious what his "Tallest" were doing as they delivered said message. But returning his attention to Zim's face, he was thrown back into his previous train of thought. The alien was clearly furious. He was aware. He had seen it coming. And it was obvious to Dib that this was Zim refusing to accept it. Nothing unusual, just slightly more…pathetic. Now that the truth was being rubbed in his green, noseless face, and it should have been impossible to refute.
He didn't answer.
"What were they doing, human-filth?" His tone was irate, yet it managed to borderline pleading.
"Look, I know that you're-"
"WHAT WERE THEY DOING!"
"THEY WERE LAUGHING, ALRIGHT?" He took a second to sigh before continuing. "You can't say you didn't figure this would happen. You had to know there was something weird about the way they treated you while you were here! You know…something! Maybe they didn't really seem to care when you called in, I don't know. But you saw it. I know you did. So don't get all…indignant about it, Zim." His eyes moved back and forth across the alien's face, trying to predict the reaction.
Zim stared back. It had to be the first time Dib had ever been able to apply the word 'speechless' to him. However, he didn't really need to speak. Gloved hands clenched the paper so tightly that a tear had begun to form down the center. That pretty much said it all.
"I'm sorry, Zim. Really. I'm really sorry." He offered as he watched him crumple up the note, feeling the need to console him. Despite the fact that the past six years have been spent trying to do just the opposite. Yeaaaah.
"Don't be. This is some horrendous trickery. My Tallest wouldn't-"
"But they did! I didn't make up that note! I couldn't possibly have forged those signatures! And that…weird…stamp thing! I don't even know what the hell that is! Zim! This. Is. Real!"
Zim walked a few steps to toss the message into a silver box, which opened and accepted the wad of paper, only to incinerate it and dump its ashes into an everyday wastebasket, before coming back and just standing.
Dib blinked a moment at the fiery display, then coming back to the situation, decided that maybe he needed some actual proof. "…If you don't believe me, then…call them! Call your leaders. They won't answer. You can try, but they're not going to-"
"I KNOW, DIB-CREATURE!" Zim practically screamed, his voice cracking painfully. He wanted to keep glaring daggers at the other, but couldn't seem to find the energy, having spent it on that little outburst. He turned away so as not to let Dib see just how defeated he felt. "The Tallest haven't answered a call of mine in a week."
It was left at that, since neither of them had much else they could or knew to say.
Dib shifted a bit, remembering that he was locked up, and decided at last on saying, "So…will you…let me out of this now?" He twisted around to accentuate his point.
Zim turned around and looked at the device blankly. After a second, he turned to his side and pressed a button, causing the machine to release its prisoner and shove it forward a bit.
"Go." He said, his finger still pressing down on the button. "Leave. Now."
The boy took a few more steps forward, not wanting to just run along his merry way and leave Zim like this. He looked at Zim's back for a few seconds, just thinking. Finally he arrived at a conclusion. About several things. But mainly coming to terms with why it was he didn't want to leave, and what he was going to do next. And so, he approached the alien, placing a hand on his shoulder sympathetically. "Zim, you know…" he laughed weakly. "This doesn't mean you can't still try to take Earth."
Zim flinched slightly under the touch, but took no time at all to resume his statue-like composure. "I have no need for this…filthy…place. If my Tallest don't need it, why should I."
"Well, if you hate it so much, you could…I dunno, destroy it or something?" He laughed again, this time more at himself than anything. It was ridiculous, and he wondered what had become of "Earth's protector" in the last ten minutes.
This time, Zim didn't respond. He couldn't see his face, so he didn't really know what to think. His antennae were still rather droopy looking, so he felt it safe to assume he hadn't improved his mood as much as he had hoped. Not seeing any kind of reaction, though, Dib began to pull his hand away, but was quite surprised when the other reached back at practically lightning speed and took it back, just holding it atop his shoulder.
The boy stood, frozen in place and not sure at all how to respond. The alien's hand remained there for a while, his body seeming to relax in the least noticeable way. When Dib collected himself and realized his position fully, his face flushed with color once again. He opened his mouth to speak, but finding no words had come to help him out, he shut it again and just stood there.
Seconds passed and no one moved.
Then, Zim let his shoulders sag and his head slump forward. Dib could feel his grip tighten, despite all else but his other hand on the button going lax. He dared to step forward a little more. "…Zim?" He expected at any moment for the other to turn around and thrash him, but at the same time he somehow felt that he wouldn't. When there was no reply, he gently brushed his fingers along Zim's arm to take the hand that was pressing so firmly against the knob, capturing it and weaving his fingers into the other's. "Aren't you going to do anything?" He whispered, leaning his head down beside the Irken's.
"About what, Dib-human?" he asked in a low tone, unmoving. "My excommunication or the fact that you're clinging like some…smelly…cling…beast…?" He laughed feebly, but made no move to do anything about it.
Dib brought his head back up, but kept his hands in Zim's. "Well…either one, I guess…"
The alien gave another limp laugh and let go of Dib's hands to turn around, only to take one back again as though the contact were necessary for his response. "There's nothing I can do to be back in my Tallest's graces. I should think the letter would be proof enough of that, Dib-brain. 'Zim, we've decided that any more contact with you would destroy our brains completely. So we've shut off your communication lines permanently. Go away now.' Pretty fucking clear, I'd say. Or is that little tidbit not plain enough to squish its way into that disturbingly large head of yours?"
Dib frowned. This was unlike any way that Zim would usually act towards a situation. Though Dib supposed that if all purpose in life had been ripped away from him, he'd be a little out of sorts too. Apparently the letter had burned itself into Zim's brain. It was unsettling, to say the least. "Do you really need them to make this planet yours?" He asked, barely believing that he was still pressing this side of it. "I mean, I know you originally did it for them, but…you could just do it for you. Take it for yourself."
Zim raised his head to look Dib straight on. "And how would you take that, if I did decide to?" He narrowed an eye, as though it mattered what the human said.
The corners of Dib's lips turned down, as he thought about how to answer. He wasn't sure what Zim wanted to hear. It was a strange question. So instead of trying to dig up the alien's motives, he thought about what things would be like if he should succeed. Wouldn't it be sweet revenge? Proof. Recognition. All the things he'd been out for in the first place.
No, no. It would be destruction of the human race! This planet would be in ruins!
But who needs it when it doesn't need you? Maybe it would be a one-way ticket out of this hellhole and off to see other planets?
Your family. Dad. Gaz. Your classmates. What about them? Do you really want them dead? Or eternal slaves?
Maybe.
It would be awful. Terrible. Immoral. Inhumane.
Don't they deserve it.
With a smirk, he answered. "I would help."
Zim seemed to take this well, if not with a certain amount of surprise. He took a step closer, invading the other's personal space; still holding his hand in his own gloved one. "And what makes you think I need your help?" His tone was low, considerably provocative.
Dib could feel the heat radiating from his face as he answered, "Well, seeing as it's been six years…and here you are…as unsuccessful as ever…" He raised a brow in a fill-in-your-own-blank kind of way.
The Irken scowled, not saying anything for a moment, debating something in his head. Finally, he spoke. "If, Dib-thing, and I mean this mosthypothetically, you WERE to help me…what would you be doing for me?"
Dib blinked for a second. "I guess…I mean, I know enough about your race and the way their stuff works, their technology…I could help you build things. It has to help having someone that'll work with you as opposed to…" His eyes moved upwards to where he knew a particular demented robot was doing something unpredictable.
Zim let out an amused huff of air. "Be that as it may…" He began, but stopped himself, struck by another question. "What are you getting out of this, Dib-monster? I think I know you better than to figure you'd pull something like this without any personal gain." He narrowed his eyes, waiting for an answer.
Dib laughed a bit loudly. "I guess I want them gone as much as you do." He said without even thinking, then almost wishing he could take them back. It sounded so horrible. It sounded so unreal. The enormity of what he was considering doing just seemed so impossible that saying it felt consequenceless.
The alien grinned with half-lidded eyes, letting go of Dib's hand to poke at his scythe lock. "Something's infected your head-meats, Dib-thing." He said, resting his hand on top of the other's head, running his fingers slowly through the hair.
Dib repressed a shiver, barely leaning into the touch, vaguely aware that this was more than slightly abnormal and that he should not be doing any of this at all. Anything that occurred in Zim's base today just…shouldn't have. But personally, he didn't really care.
"All it would be," the alien leaned closer, inches away from the boy's face. "Is another, a better, form of servitude than the rest of your kind would be exposed to." He smirked. "Is that really what you want?"
"Since when have you even cared what I want, Zim?" Dib replied, his voice just as low, and a bit shaky.
"An unwilling slave is nothing but a useless burden to me." His hand moved down to the back of the other's neck, his smile spreading wickedly across his face revealing serrated teeth. "Are you willing, Dib?"
Red flags were going up in every functional portion of Dib's brain. Unfortunately, the part he was making use of right now…wasn't…exactly…functional. He leaned forward, minimizing the space between them even more, whispering, "Yes," before filling it up completely and pressing his lips against the alien's.
Zim didn't react at first, the grin falling from his face in his surprise. He just stood there allowing the human to continue on in his display of affection, not making any hints that he would throw him off or turn away.
After a few seconds, Dib pulled back, feeling a little sheepish. It was stupid. He shouldn't have done that. That was just…stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Not unlike him at all. He'd been doing a lot of that lately. Stupid. Now Zim was going to get angry and they'd be right back where they started. Good job, Dib. Way to go. Now he-
The human hadn't pulled back for more than three seconds before Zim gripped painfully the hair on the back of his head and slammed his mouth back against Dib's, using his other hand to pull him closer. He licked at his lips, nearly begging entrance, before being accepted and curling his serpentine tongue around the boy's own.
Dib's mind went completely blank. This wasn't a reaction he had been counting on, not that he protested it. However, he hardly had time to think about it at all as Zim deepened the kiss. He could taste the alien's hot saliva as he sucked gently on his upper lip, finding it in himself to bring a hand to the top of Zim's head and graze a finger along thin antennae.
Zim shuddered at the contact, every muscle in his body relaxing so that the hand that was clutching the boy's hair let go and slid down his back. He pulled away from the other's lips for breath, but that didn't stop him from turning and backing him up about six paces while trailing small kisses along his jaw line. He dragged Dib's hand away from his head and side, and pulled them both behind his back.
The boy felt himself being shoved backwards until something grabbed his wrists, obviously the device that had been holding him before. Zim's hands came around to Dib's front and sides, then down lower to his waist. He placed another kiss on the other's lips and pulled away, only to give him an additional, more heated one and pull away again. "You taste like human." He said, before attacking his neck, licking and biting none too kindly.
Dib had to laugh at this, but when he opened his mouth, the only thing that came out was a choppy sort of groan. He hated not being able to do anything with his hands, though on the same token, he felt it safe to assume that were he not being held in place, he would surely fall down. He leaned his head away so as to allow the alien more space to do what he pleased. "So," He managed in a husky tone. "I take it this is you accepting my offer? Ow! Hey!" Dib yelped as Zim clamped down especially hard on his skin.
"What this means, Dib-human," the Irken replied, allowing his tongue to dart out, not letting up on his assault even as he spoke. "Is that I'm allowing you to stay alive," he moved back up to the other's jaw line, pressing his lips against the skin to suck on it lightly. "Longer than the rest of them." He pulled away to return to Dib's lips, trying to shut him up for a little bit longer.
The boy was taken aback at first, since he was about to say something, but he settled for responding with as much enthusiasm as he felt, bruising his lips back against the alien's eagerly, grinning into the kiss. He felt Zim wrap his tongue around his own, and he muffled a needy sound against his mouth, still wishing for the use of his hands. Ohh the things he would do right about now…
Zim pulled back once again, this time actually taking a small step backwards, leaving Dib leaning as far forward as he could in an effort to make up for it. "What it means is that the sooner we get started, the sooner this planet will be MINE! So I suggest we begin." He sounded a little out of breath himself as he spoke, and stepped forward once more to give the human another rather intense kiss. "Very shortly," one more kiss. "Meaning now." And another, slower one, allowing his lips to linger on the other's, bringing his hands down behind Dib's back to take what he could of his hands.
When finally Dib was allowed the use of his mouth again, he spoke. "Well then…" he cleared his throat so as to get rid of the raspy tone in his voice. "I guess we should…get started…" he felt Zim let go of his hands and watched him turn around and hit the button again. Though without enough time to react, when the machine let go of him, he dropped right to the floor with his hands out to break the fall.
The alien walked away, out of view, and called back for Dib to get his filthy human head meats working and figure something out for him. Dib pushed himself off of the ground and stood, dusting himself off and shaking his head.
This was bound to be interesting.