Disclaimer: I do not, have not and (probably) will not own FFXIII anytime soon.
Title: Justified Paranoia
Rating: G
A/N: Takes place in Nautilus. Also: Sazh deserves more love.
Sazh tapped his foot.
Now now, it wasn't irritably. No way. Not a bit. He wasn't jealous of no chocobos. Or suspecting that they were trying to kidnap his son for various nefarious, birdly purposes. Now that was, that was just crazy talk. No no, he was here, he was calm, he was-
YOU. BIRD. NO EATING MY SON-
Oh, sorry, I wasn't yelling, yes I'll be calm, no I wasn't shouting but that bird he (she? alright, she) was clearly trying to snack on my kid! Can't you convince him (no, not the bird, my son - and stop telling me to calm down. I'm calm! I'm super calm!) to maybe step three meters that way, and put the birds under some sort of restraining device; they're clearly feral and wild and rabid and probably have a really terrible case of halitosis that's masked by the smell of poop-
...
Yes. Yes I do realize there is a chocobo chick in my hair. No, I do not see the irony. At all. Zip, nada, zippo. See this face? This is a very serious face. Please stop trying to not laugh, you're making me feel silly. What you do not seem to realize is that the chocobo chick is about half a pound soaking wet while these beasts are a good half-ton while dry and could-
...
...
...
DAJH? DAAAAJH! WHERE'D YOU GO?
The still nameless chocobo chick sighed.