Author's note: Uuuuhm... this takes place after the recent episode of TVD Elena's been turned... Delena smut ensues but...
I shall warn you and say that it doesn't end the way you think.
Please please please read and review... even if you're absolutely disappointed at the end of it.
The water surrounded her the way it had done once a long time ago. The cold pressure steadily becoming too much on her, forcing its way down her lungs and filling them. Her breath stolen from her leaving her terrified for only a second before that familiar feeling came back. She knew this part, had been there before and forced back. This time was different, she would have to go. Everyone else would be safer this way. She closed her eyes, her body feeling eerily calm surrounded by water. Embraced by water, enclosed and overpowered by it, she let go, closing her eyes and letting herself drift. She knew that if she fought it would only be more painful. There was no fighting a creature as powerful as water, once it had surrounded you it wouldn't let you go.
She tried not to think but it was hard. It was hard not to remember all the people she left behind, the things she'd done to hurt them. There were a lot of things she should have done, people she shouldn't have run from. She felt like she was staring at the mess she'd made, the one she was leaving behind. For a moment it felt like she was taking too much with her as she walked away from it all. The regrets were very suddenly replaced with everything else, everything that she had done, all the things that she'd been lucky enough to see, to feel. All the people she'd loved and she'd been lucky enough to be loved back.
Elena Gilbert, the golden girl. Cheerleader, straight-A-student, popular and pretty, and loved. God only gave you one life, in most cases anyway, but now that she was fading, as the light was fading from her she realized that she'd taken every chance she'd gotten to do things other people couldn't, she had been daring and brave whenever she could, she'd been a good friend -mostly- and she had protected the people she loved with everything she had. And she'd fallen in love.
This was the starting of his greatest fear. Damon's heart was caught in a vice as he ran through the hospital, the phone call from Stefan had made everything stop. He had to see her, had to hold her, there was no way. This couldn't be happening. His mind was racing with memories of her, the few stolen moments he'd had with her were nothing. Images.
Her fingertips across his skin, the sound of her irritated voice, and the sweet silence that would linger in her eyes when he stared at her. He hadn't meant for this. This should never have happened to her, not her. They should have stayed away from her, he should have known better. He should have let her be, if not for her sake then for his. He should have known she would only bring him heartache.
Stefan was watching her laying on the metal slab in a morgue while Doctor Fell guarded the door and waited for Damon. There would be no forgiveness for this, he had heard what the doctor had said but he still couldn't make a sound. She would need him but he didn't know how to do this, she would hate them, both of them. And there could be no apologies for this, this was unspeakable, it was worse than taking her life. Stefan wanted to hit himself for this, he would gladly take her place. Take this for her, live it all over again, just so she wouldn't have to. He watched the changes take place, her hair growing just a bit longer and darker and her eyelashes matching it, the usual flush in her tanned cheeks was replaced with a coldness that could only be seen in his own kind. Her skin was a shade lighter than it used to be, as death settled in on her and changed her, he felt her drifting away with every second. He felt like he was lingering ten feet off the ground, soon he would fall and he would have to run with it whether he liked it or not. It felt like it was too late for him to do anything significant, everything would change now, she would understand everything and for that he felt the most regret. There was no turning back from this, from her, as much as he feared her hatred and her next decisions he was forced to wait. Lingering, and waiting to feel the impact of the ground beneath him.
Elena felt air fill her lungs, she thought for a moment that it was the last time but then it happened again except she felt like it wasn't real, like she didn't need to breathe but she was doing it anyway, out of habit. She opened her eyes and sat up with a start, feeling like some kind of foreign energy was shooting through her and forcing her to wake up. Her mind was lingering somewhere else, she felt a pulling sensation an urge to run but she didn't know where it was taking her, only the direction. She was pulled from her distracting mind, her strange mind by Stefan who was in front of her very suddenly and yet she'd caught every movement he'd made, when usually she wouldn't have been able to see that it seemed instead that everything around the two of them was moving increasingly slow. Stefan's arms found their way around her and a familiar sense of safety came over her, it was almost like her memories seemed very distant but Stefan was beginning to shake them loose.
She suddenly realized what she was sitting on and confusion washed over her in a way that it never had before, her fear was gripping her in an instinctual way causing her to leap off the slab at an unnatural speed, if it hadn't been for Stefan who was still holding onto her she would have burst through metal doors, she was sure of it. She felt terrified of her surroundings, it was the smell and the strange light and the fact that she'd been lying on a slab, not a bed. Why not a bed? She felt like crying, and screaming, curling up into a ball, and running all at the same time. Her mind was racing much too fast for her to process and Stefan holding onto her wasn't doing anything, he didn't steady her the way he used to, his presence though familiar wasn't soothing and calming the way it used to be. She felt lost in his arms, tears overtook her and she whimpered.
His blue eyes were filled with a new sense of wonder when he came through the door and took her in, she could see the wonderment, the curiosity and confusion all over his face and she didn't care what he thought, she moved, breaking away from Stefan and feeling that pull towards him that she always had.
Damon's arms surrounded her with an ease that had always lingered between them, his love for her overtook him, uncaring of whether or not Stefan was looking he kissed her and held her and he felt tears coming to his own eyes as they fell into her neck.
"I thought I'd lost you." He realized that he had almost watched her fade, almost been forced to live without her light and his need for her only grew stronger at that knowledge. "Don't ever do that to me again. Don't ever leave me here alone."
"Damon, don't let go of me." Her words came out through broken sobs and Damon's heart sank again, the realization that he had in the first place made him want to kick himself. He picked her up and took her in his arms, he wanted her safe. The tears kept on coming freely and Damon held her tightly to him, his lips coming down over her face, her neck and his hands placed securely over her body as he whispered to her that she was okay and repeating over, and over again, like a prayer that he loved her. His instincts to hold her, and keep her in his arms, protecting her against anything and everything that might threaten her was exactly what she needed right now and he wouldn't deprive her of it. Not now, not ever. He took her home, not bothering with the car but running through the forest with her crying in his arms, she clung to him as if letting go would mean her disappearing.
Damon took her to the boarding house, and moved her straight upstairs to his bedroom. Her mind she felt, was slowly beginning to return to her but she felt broken, she didn't know why or how she could feel so out of place. She had died. That had really happened but for some reason she felt as if she was mourning her own loss, how could she feel so lost when she was fine. She was alive and breathing and with Damon. At least the fear had subsided, the moment Damon had put his arms around her she had felt it fade, had felt it crumble against his strength, his protection. She couldn't comprehend why it was like this with Damon and not with Stefan, Stefan had always been the safe one, before. It felt like a long time ago, she couldn't comprehend it, she couldn't understand the feelings that were swimming through her and bombarding her with questions she couldn't answer.
"Damon." She had been curled up in an armchair by his fireplace for a few minutes while he walked around the room, he seemed to be doing menial things to give her some time to think, she wondered how he could tell with such certainty what she needed and how much of it she could take at one time. He turned his head towards her, placing papers down on his desk and coming towards her, he knelt down in front of the chair where she was still perched in. Her legs curled up safely against her chest, well away from him. For some reason she felt that if he touched her she wouldn't be able to think straight anymore. She had formed a question in her head for him but it had left her just as quickly as it had appeared. She felt frustrated and confused.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't know, I feel-" He waited patiently for her to find the right words but they seemed to be escaping her just as much as her thoughts were. "How am I supposed to feel?" She felt proud of herself for forming a real question, one that wasn't nonsensical. But she could see the frown forming on Damon's face, his split-second reactions weren't so split-second anymore and it surprised her. To actually see him go through the emotional process without being left completely in the dark as to what he might be thinking, or feeling. She realized suddenly that she was asking him a pretty personal question.
"I don't know what you're 'supposed' to feel. But it's not as obvious as people think. You think you'll feel empowered but mostly I just felt- confused and completely disrupted and- hurt." Elena watched him carefully as his eyes fell back onto hers after remembering what he'd been through, that last one, she thought maybe she was just strange but it brought some kind of comfort to know that she wasn't the only one to feel that way, even if it was unjustly so.
"I feel like I'm not supposed to be here. But I am."
"I think it happens when you've resigned yourself to dying as a human. You don't expect to come back, and when you do you feel like you've lost some crucial part of your being." Her surprise couldn't be hidden, she was sure that it was written all over her face now. The realization that once upon a time, when Damon had been human he had been okay with dying, as a human. She always found it hard to imagine him human, it was a completely foreign thing to her. He placed his hands over hers then and brought them to his lips for a moment while he stared down at the floor. He was holding onto her tightly but the feeling of his strength was different again, it felt normal. He didn't feel hard and unmoving, his hands were softer than she remembered and his strength although still impressive was no longer impossible. He was pliable, moveable and more vulnerable to her now than he had ever been. Than he had ever allowed himself to be.
"Elena, I don't want to lose you. But if you don't want to go through with this- I want you to be at peace with your decision." Damon couldn't believe he was saying these words, he couldn't believe he was giving her a way out. But he knew the pain, he knew the heartache and the loss and the overwhelming despair that forever brought with it. He had almost forced her into it once before and it had been the worst mistake of his life, one he wouldn't make again. It was her decision and he couldn't believe he was reminding her of it, the old Damon would have forced her to complete her transition but he couldn't anymore. He couldn't be that person, he had never liked that person anyway and she had hated him then. He choked back tears, realizing how much she'd changed him over the past few years, how she'd dragged him up and out of his darkness and how much strength she'd given him.
"Damon what are you doing?" The unmistakable disapproving voice of his little brother appeared then and Damon lifted his head to look over Elena's shoulder to where Stefan was standing in the doorway to his room. Elena turned her head she stared at Stefan for a moment before she moved to stand and turned completely to look at him. "You're just going to give up?"
"Stefan I-"
"Please tell me you're not considering this."
"I shouldn't have been brought back Stefan. I- It's wrong I don't feel-"
"You feel confused. Elena you've been near death hundreds of times this is no different."
"I died Stefan. It's completely different, I was supposed to be gone but I was pulled back."
"Jesus, would you talk to her please?"
"This has to be her decision. Stefan, last time we were in this position you almost killed me for forcing her." Damon didn't want to be dragged into this conversation, he had made up his mind, as much as he hated himself for it he knew that it had to happen this way. He was never afforded the decision, Stefan had forced his hand and Damon had never completely forgiven him for it, until he fell in love with Elena. Then it hardly seemed to matter anymore.
Stefan's hurt was agonizing to her, and so was Damon's. She wished she could make him understand her reasoning, the truth was that she was confused, but the more her head cleared, the more she felt like she was regaining her train of thought, she felt like every time she regained something she lost something greater and the hurt, it was still there and it was pressing on her, telling her that it was wrong. That this, as much as she didn't want to leave either of them, it wasn't right.
"Elena please don't do this." Stefan pleaded with her and she felt all the love for him cropping up from some lost memory, she had no words to comfort him though. Those memories were part of the reason she wanted to let go. This was everything they wanted and it was everything they didn't, she would live but she would never be the same. In order to hold onto this new life she would be letting go of the person she used to be. She now understood why the two of them had struggled for so long, they had been fighting through all the muddled emotions, all the power and the confusion to grasp onto what they had once known. She shook her head, her eyes filling with tears at the knowledge that she couldn't fight the way they had, what was worse she didn't want to. She didn't want to suffer through all the loss and pain of an eternal life, all the while struggling with her own humanity and the urge to be something else entirely, something she'd fought so hard to save Damon and Stefan from.
Stefan watched her struggling and he couldn't help but wondering if he was fighting her to be something she had hated. He hated this, knowing that love was to blame but wondering how this could be love if she was leaving him. He watched the way she moved around Damon and realized quickly that even though he knew her heart so well, she was no longer his. He wanted to be far away suddenly, couldn't stand to be near her. He wanted her to be safe, wanted her to be happy but he hated this, hated love right now.
His heart couldn't take being near her right now, knowing that seeing her would only make the goodbye worse.
She turned back around to Damon after Stefan had left the room without another word to her. Damon was sitting in the armchair that she had preoccupied only a few moments ago. He was bent over cradling his head in his hands she moved around him and knelt down in front of him. She didn't want him to hurt, she didn't know why, in this moment she felt so connected to Damon. But she had thought about him too in her last moments in the car, she remembered being grateful for falling in love, and being grateful for him.
"Stay with me please."
"Damon-"
"I love you, no matter what you decide I will always love you. But will never, ever be able to let you go." She kissed him, her want to be close to him overtaking her. She wanted him to know that she loved him back, the only thing she had regretted when she was drowning was not showing him, not letting him know that he deserved her love more than she deserved his. She felt like they were crashing together, finally after everything they had been through and this was all they would have together, but she would make it worth it. She wanted his last memory of her to be sweet, to be filled with the knowledge that she loved him. She pushed the tears away and crawled onto his lap, kissing him more fervently as his hands found their way around her body and she wrapped her arms around his neck. They came out of the kiss with a sigh, and she looked at him carefully, taking in the intricacies of his grey-blue eyes and his wry smile.
"You'll make it without me Damon." Damon eyes closed whispered into her lips the most heartbreaking thing he'd ever said to her.
"But I'm never going to get over you."
He started with placing soft kisses in her neck, his hands slowly caressing the soft skin in the nape of her neck and into her hair. She tilted her head back for him while her own hands rested on his chest. He wanted so deeply to bury himself in her, to fall into her and never let go. Time wasn't on their side though, for all the years he had, all the centuries, this would be all he had of her. He let his kisses travel down, she was still straddling him, the smell of river water that clung to her clothes was slowly but surely giving way to the scent that was all her. Jasmine, orange blossoms, vanilla and white musk, he let himself get lost in her scent, hoping it would make him forget that she was leaving him. All the while knowing that the scars her touches left would never heal.
It was everything she wanted and everything she didn't. Every kiss was bittersweet and broken and filled with love and sadness for each other. Elena didn't let it hinder her movements, she made sure that it was about this moment, not about later. She made sure that when she moved her hands to take off his shirt she explored every bit of skin available to her. Every part of him that she'd forced herself not to touch.
She focused on him, on what it was like being with him, the intensity, the heat. The feeling of his body against hers, her new-found strength, though temporary, evened out the playing field. He was no longer a hard and unmoving statue, he was moveable and touchable, his movements weren't hesitated or strained in anyway. He stretched over her after shedding their clothes and laying her down on his bed. He covered her body with his, marking her with his scent and covering her in kisses that were glorious not just in where he placed them but they were hot. She had loved being with Stefan but vampires were cold, and now that she was one, being with Damon felt normal. It was exhilarating and new. Every touch left her burning for more of him as they each took turns exploring the others body. They weren't unfamiliar with each other, but they had both always kept a semi-respectable distance between the two of them.
Those barriers had been torn down and Elena was fully planning on using up all the time she had to be with him like this.
The despair of the situation quickly gave way to their passion. The one that had always lingered between them as Damon moved his hands down her body and started kissing every inch of her. His lips moving from her knees down her thighs and forcing her finally to arch her back against his lips, his fingers moving in time with his kisses. She stopped him, feeling like if she went flying she would never land back next to him, she needed to be there with him. So she turned him over, straddling him once more she explored his chest with her lips, focusing in particular on his nipples and the rippling muscles in his abdomen, and the area just below his belly button that was so sensitive.
He growled, actually growled at her movement, gripping the sheets, his breath coming more rapid before he reached down and pulled her up to meet him again. When they collided this time it was for good. She felt herself welding into him with a force that couldn't be undone. He pulled them both into a sitting position, their legs crossed around each other's waists when he entered her and she gasped. Her hands reaching around and pulling herself tight against him. The shock of having him inside her so suddenly made her feel small and vulnerable for a short moment before she felt his breath in her neck and the soft kisses he was placing there, waiting for her.
"Are you okay?" He whispered into her ear and she sighed at his tenderness, she tilted her head back to look at him and smiled, reaching up to run a hand across his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned his cheek into her hand before she pulled him gently towards her for another kiss.
"I love you Damon." It was nothing more than a whisper before he started to move inside of her. She held onto him tightly, everything else just fell away from her. His touches were almost too much as he continued caressing her even as he pushed in and out of her, every movement burned her skin into his as he filled her completely and shockingly.
He moved them over so Elena was on her back once more and he was covering her, his entire body pressed up against hers as he pushed into her with considerably more force than before. His lips never leaving hers for very long, and when they did they lingered over her, so she could feel his breath entangling itself with hers. She brought her hands around his back and onto his shoulders to hold onto him while he shook the two of them. Moving her so deeply it provoked moans from her, wrapping her legs around his waist in an attempt to be even closer. His movements remained excruciatingly languid and deep until the very end, his eyes never leaving hers as he pushed her further and further, increasing in speed at the very end and causing her to scream, actually scream, filling her and clinging to her. The two of them shaking and breathless and completely and utterly lost in each other.
Elena closed her eyes and focused on the feeling of him still inside her, the feeling of his arms around her and his kisses on her lips and her neck. The feeling of complete safety surrounding her, the knowledge that they loved each other overpowering the fact that outside the sun would be rising and setting and soon she would be leaving him.
She could tell that he didn't want to fall asleep. He was forcing himself to stay awake but she wouldn't let him. She was running her hand gently through his hair as his head rested between her breasts, it was the most comforting feeling in the world. The most blissful way to fall asleep, deeply in love. Except that she knew that if she fell asleep tonight she wouldn't wake up in the morning. She could feel his eyelashes fluttering against her sternum before they finally rested and he was asleep. She whispered softly that she loved him, knowing that it wasn't a real goodbye. Goodbye meant losing what you had with that person, what they had wasn't something that could be lost or forgotten. She closed her eyes, her fingers still curled in his hair, remembering lovingly the colour of his eyes before she fell asleep. Whatever power she had left, she used to send all her love and light to Damon. Willing him to be safe, willing for him to be alright. She wouldn't leave him. Not entirely.
The only voice that came back to him was his own echo, Damon had woken up to nothing, listening for a hint of her, a whisper, anything but instead he'd been met with silence. He stole himself against the loss of her. Her. The woman who had given him the strength to be the person he used to be. The person who had changed him so profoundly that he felt hollow without her. He closed his eyes for the thousandth time, pretending he was alright and all the while praying that when he whispered her name he would hear her voice calling back to him. Out on the edge whispering her name into the darkness like a fool, closing his eyes and pretending he was alright even though it could never be enough. Clutching her words to his heart once more, he let in the light and prayed it would turn him to dust so he could know her love, instead of the constant loss that lingered.
Author's note: Don't hate on me please... it's only a Oneshot... I dono what came over me, I guess I've been listening to some pretty depressing music lately... and I've been reading too many tragedies or something but this occurred to me. I'll be completely honest and say that I didn't intend to let Elena die... but then I was writing and it just spilled out this way. It is a ONESHOT. There will be no continuation on this, I've already been asked (begged is more like it), but I won't do it I tell you! lol.
If you would like to read something fluffier you could read my other stories... Waiting On An Angel OR A Queen's Love
Anyway despite the fact that I killed Elena, please tell me what you think. Reviews are always appreciated...
Peace and Love to all!
K.