Summary: Of course, you can't have everything in life.

Pairing: Regulus/Alice, M&MWP

Rating: T

Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own Harry Potter and Mew & Mor made up the pairing.

.o.

She's beautiful. The first time you see her, you're enthralled. Her light brown hair hangs strait down her back, her blue brown eyes sparkle with excitement. You hope she's a Slytherin for a split second, till you see her hug Lily Evans, that Gryffindor girl your brother talks about. In that moment, your heart breaks and falls in love at the same time.

Although, of course, you don't know it just yet.

You're only eleven and so you interpret your feelings as hatred, which almost makes sense. After all, she's a Gryffindor and a blood traitor and you're a Slytherin and a pureblood with pureblood ideals.

.o.

But by the time you're in fifth year and she's in sixth, you've figured out the truth. You're in love with her.

You tell yourself it could work. She's a pureblood, and even if you're not as handsome as Sirius, you're not butt ugly. You've got wealth on your side, but your soon-to-be Death Eater status goes against you.

.o.

You're tempted to ask her to Hogsmeade but you don't really know her and she doesn't know you and you're pretty sure she'd say no. It's at times like this when you wish you were Sirius, instead of Regulus.

You wish that you weren't a Black, that you weren't a Slytherin, that you weren't a pureblood. You don't wish she was a Slytherin with pureblood ideals though, because really, nobody deserves that.

You wish you'd been brave like Sirius and asked to be in Gryffindor, but you acted like the Slytherin you are and conformed to your parent's wishes. You wish you'd rebelled but you didn't and now you can't.

.o.

You're sixteen when you're branded with the Dark Mark. It stings like crazy and as you sit alone in your room later that night, you hate yourself. Alice would never date a Death Eater. Sirius would flip if he found out. You're parents are happy, but you find you don't give a crap what they think. And really, it all just feels wrong.

What would Sirius do? You ask yourself. He never would have joined in the first place.

.o.

"Hey Regulus,"

It's night time, way past curfew, but you're sitting out by the lake, contemplating life. And then she's there.

"Regulus," she says again.

You turn to look at her. "Yes?" you answer carefully. You can't screw up now.

She sits down on the grass beside you. "Couldn't sleep?" she asks.

"Too much on my mind."

"It's cold out tonight."

"I'd give you my cloak, but I left it in my dorm."

"I wasn't asking for your cloak." She says sharply. She doesn't want to be thought of as a weak female. You like that.

"I know." You say.

"Oh." She says. You drift into companionable silence.

"Regulus,"

"Yes?"

"What do you think of Frank?"

"…I have no opinion of him."

She rolls her eyes. "You're such a Slytherin." She tells you.

"I sometimes wish I was a Gryffindor." You blurt out. Then you're suddenly worried that she'll ask why.

"I sometimes wish I was a Hufflepuff." She tells you, not at all fazed by your sudden confession.

"Why?" you venture to ask.

"Because I admire their loyalty." She tells you. You like that she doesn't expect answers from you.

"Hmm."

"Mm."

You sigh quietly.

"What would you do if I kissed you?" she asks suddenly. You suppose it's the Gryffindor in her, because you'd never ask her that, no matter how much you want to.

"Kiss you back, I suppose." You tell her honestly.

"If I did, kiss you, that is," she continues, "Could it mean nothing?"

You hate yourself as you say "If that's what you wanted."

"Alright." She says, and then she's kissing you.

After your initial surprise, you start kissing her back. You're not kissing softly, sweetly and tenderly like she is, no, your kiss is hungry and passionate. She responds with just as much fire.

And then she pulls away and she's jogging back towards the school and as you watch her receding figure, you wish with all your being that the kiss meant something, even though you know it didn't and doesn't and never will.

.o.

And so you live in a dreamlike state. You pay enough attention in class to pass. You turn your brain off during Death Eater activities. You're on hyperaware whenever Alice is around. But she gives no indication that she thinks about the kiss, or that she even thinks of you.

The year after she graduates, Alice marries Frank. It hurts you more than the Dark Mark did, but she's happy and that's really all you can ask for. Besides, Frank will take care of her.

.o.

And then the Dark Lord asks for a house elf. You volunteer yours because you know Kreacher would be honoured. And then you find out why.

You're positively horrified. It makes you sick. You can't believe you once revered this man – but no, he doesn't even deserve to be called that.

And then an idea begins forming in your head. Yes, it will cost you your life, but all you really want is her and since you can't have everything in life, namely her, you can at least give your life for a cause she believes in. And hey, maybe you'll make some kind of difference.

.o.

But, of course, you can't have everything in life.

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