"Yadonushi."

I shut my eyes at the sound of your voice, even though it's dark and makes no difference. My breathing is calm and slow, my body relaxed, curled up on itself with my hands pillowed beneath my head.

"I know you're awake."

No. I'm asleep. It won't stop you anyway though, I know that.

"Do you want to know how I know?"

Your voice is closer now. I can feel your footsteps on the floor where I lay, nestled in the makeshift bed I've fashioned in the corner out of a blanket. A little nest even, like some kind of rodent. Perhaps I'll shred some newspaper for it in the morning.

"As if you would ever rest that soundly. You cry in your sleep."

Do I? I didn't know that.

"You're only this calm when you're faking. So get up before I get angry."

You're always angry.

"I didn't say you could sleep, and your act is just making me more pissed off, princess."

See? I told you.

Either way, I can't pretend any longer when your foot slams into my side. Of course the exact place with the rib I think is broken. You have very good aim. Or it was an accident and I'm just really unlucky. I hear myself groaning in pain as I get to my knees.

"That's better."

Your hand is on my head now, stroking through my hair. Your thumb brushes around my eye, down my cheek, and your fingers tickle the cuff of my ear. It feels good, I won't lie. I won't tell you either though, because you think it bothers me.

"Come here."

"..okay."

This is the only time I'm allowed on the bed anymore. You make short work of both of our clothes, exposing my rainbow of bruises and your flawless skin. I think it's funny that you still think any of this gets to me. I bow submissively before you and let you have your way, the same as every night.

It's much too rough to feel good, but I'm used to it.

I know full well I can never fool you into letting me be, but even you know you're a monster. It's easy for you to believe that I want nothing to do with you.

"Nng, Ryou..!"

I smile into my arms folded beneath me, feeling your sweaty body flush with my back. Your arms are tight around my battered torso and it hurts.

But you're embracing me and calling my name, which is enough to make me forget, at least for the moment, why I wish I could hate you.

You're panting, crushing me down onto the mattress with your entire body weight. I'm glad it hurts, it contorts my stupid grin back into the look you're expecting. Oh, if you ever saw.. I don't think you'd be so keen to have me beneath you.

You shove me off the bed and I hit the floor.

"Go to sleep."

I crawl back over to my little nest and collapse on it. As usual, my dreams are plagued with visions of a kinder, gentler you, soft kisses and a smile on your lips as you call for me.

I suppose I cry, too.