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Strange crack muse I got at about 5 in the morning because I started thinking about how my bed looks like a freaking army of cats destroyed it every morning and thought "I pity the poor bastard who has to sleep beside a rough sleeper... Oops, sorry, Reiner." I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin.

Now let's have one thing established here first: Bertholdt is one of the best guys I know and I wouldn't trade him for anyone else.

But that doesn't mean that he doesn't have any minor flaws that drive me insane.

I've known Bertholdt for years and there are still some things I don't know about him. For example, before the military, I had no idea what his sleeping habits were like since he always woke up before me and we didn't really sleep in close enough proximity.

Which lead to the problem I have to face every night now.

I had decided to bunk next to Bertholdt since we were used to each other's company and... why not, right? Well, then I discovered that Bertholdt was a rough sleeper. A very rough sleeper.

Rough enough to leave me with bruises in the morning while he's just happily snoring away.

After this discovery, nobody would trade bunks with me. Because 'after all, Reiner, you did volunteer.'

Then we all discovered how awkward, terrible, and just plain weird the positions Bertholdt ended up in by morning were. The other trainees started using him to predict the weather.

Now, I'm not really sure how the system works since apparently I'm part of it. I don't even know how that happened.

Anyways, I actually wanted a good night's sleep.

So one night, I waited until everyone else was asleep and started squirming out of bed. I froze when I felt a hand grab at my pants. I glanced down see that Bertholdt was subconsciously clinging onto me.

"Sorry, Bertl," I mumbled as I pried his fingers off.

I slipped off the bunk and tip-toed as quietly as I could to one of the empty bunks. I sighed in content as I finally slipped under the covers.

...Yet I woke up in the morning with Bertholdt's foot pressed against my face.

I groaned and looked around. Someone moved me back to my own bunk, as I saw the usual people gathered around for the "Morning Bertl Forecast".

So, I figured I'd try again that night. I sneaked into the other bunk and waited to see who had moved me.

"Alright, Marco, you grab his top half."

"Got it."

"I'll grab his legs. Connie, you get the middle."

"Why do I always have to be the one to grab his butt?"

"Hey, you're the one making it sound worse than it is."

"Shut up, Marco!"

I groggily opened my eyes when I felt my body get lifted from the bunk.

The first thing I see is Marco giving me an awkward smile.

"Ehehe... Good morning, Reiner?" he said.

I looked down to see Jean and Connie giving me equally awkward looks.

"What the hell!" I nearly yelled at them. "Put me down!"

"Oh, don't worry, we'll put you down," Jean said with a smirk.

I was ungracefully tossed back onto my bunk. The three of them scrambled back to their own bunks with a cheeky "Goodnight, Reiner!"

I woke up the next morning with Bertholdt somehow curled around my leg.

That night, I wasn't even given the chance to try and switch bunks. Connie stood at the end of my bunk, staring at me intently.

"What are you still doing up?" I asked him, making the annoyance in my voice very clear.

"I'm just making sure that you don't try to move again," he answered. A grin stretched across his face. "After all, you did volunte-"

SMACK.

Bertholdt had rolled over. His elbow ended up in my stomach, but Connie received a kick in the face.

"Ow!" Connie hissed. The cheek he was rubbing was turning red. "What was that for Bert-"

SMACK.

Bertholdt rolled over again, his other foot hitting Connie with enough force to knock him to the ground. Part of me was horrified while the other part was ready to laugh at the fact that Bertholdt could kick Connie's ass in his sleep.

"Oh, that's it!" Connie crawled up into the bunk to pin down the man sleeping next to me.

That night was the most disastrous night I've ever experienced in my life.

When everyone went to check the 'Morning Bertl Forecast,' there was more confusion than usual. I was pressed against the wall by Bertholdt's back despite my bunk being the one away from the wall. Connie was trapped in his arms, a look of horror was plastered on his face.

"Help me..." he whispered hoarsely to me.

"Sorry, Connie," I whispered back.

They still never allowed me to change bunks though.

I forgot how long ago I thought of this one-shot.

Anyways, review please!