You With the Sad Eyes
You wait by the phone for his call, because he always calls you at five each day.
When the clock chimes five, your ears are pricked up, hand is hovering over the phone, ready to pick it up the second he rings you.
He doesn't.
So you wait until six, because maybe he's just running a tiny bit late.
He still hasn't rung you by seven and you just sigh and get up from where you've been sitting for the past two hours.
You're not quite sure one person can drive you crazy, make you go insane, make you feel like you're lost.
But it's not his fault, it's yours. You're the one who rejected his love, because you've always thought that falling in love was showing weakness.
You put on a tough act so that no one notices just how weak and vulnerable you are. No one can use you when you act like a lone wolf.
Everything used to be so easy. He could just reach out and touch you and you wouldn't care, wouldn't read into it, make it something that it wasn't.
But you began to think that he was just using you. Every touch was something that it wasn't. You thought that when he said 'I love you', he was just messing around with your head.
It has been five days, four hours and twenty- five minutes, since you last heard his voice. Last heard him say your name. His voice filled with so much love. You're not quite sure how you didn't notice something to this magnitude.
And when he finally got the courage to tell you that he was in love with you, you were appalled. How could someone so amazing so gorgeous, be in love with you?
He deserved so much better than you, so you told him that you didn't feel the same way.
And you thought that it would be easy, that you could get over him, that you would forget him and your life would go back to the way it had been before you had met him.
Only it didn't.
You just couldn't forget him. The only thoughts you had were related to him and you realized just how much you missed him. All of him.
You didn't do anything about it, though. You didn't go looking for him, didn't call him. You just hoped and prayed that he would do what you couldn't. You hoped that he would forgive you.
But he didn't let up either and you realized just how much you relied on him, how lost you felt without him, how much of a mess you had become without him.
It was as if he was the only thing that had kept you together before, making sure that you didn't fall into pieces.
And now he was gone, you couldn't help but fall apart into tiny, tiny pieces, that only he could put back together, like he was the only one who knew the puzzle of your life.
You hadn't realized just how hard you had fallen in love with him. Without him, all you ever felt like doing was sit down and just cry, like crying could ever solve anything.
And then something inside you snapped, like everything inside you had been waiting for this exact moment.
You went for a walk and ended up in front of his door without knowing where you were going, as if your feet knew where you needed to be.
You stood in front of his door for what felt like a year, deciding if you should knock or not.
In the end you did.
When he opened the door, he stood in front of you, a huge smile on your face, the phone in one hand and some giggling girl in the other.
All I wanted to do was die.
"Are you okay?" he asks you, because you must have looked a sight. Hair messed up, red eyes, tears leaking out of your eyes, staining you face.
You turn around and begin to walk off, because really, that was the only thing that you could do. You hated yourself for coming here, relying on someone else, for falling in love.
"Merlin! Wait," he says, grabbing onto your arm and turning you around, so that you were face to face with him.
"Stop messing with my head," you hiss between your teeth, yanking at your hand, so that he would let go, but his grip was too strong.
"Why are you doing here?"
"I was just leaving," you say, attempting once again for your arm to be free.
"Why are you here?" he asks again.
"So- so that I could tell you. Tell you that, that…" You stop, because you can't tell him, you can't let him know.
"Tell me what? What?"
"I can't," you say, shaking your head and turning around, so that he can't see your face, can't see you crying.
"Merlin," he says, bringing up his hand to cup you chin, his fingers gently brushing away the tears.
"I love you," you say softly, because clearly he has this weird effect on you.
"What?" He pulls away and you think that you've just gone and done the stupidest thing ever.
"I love you, but whatever. It doesn't matter." You turn around and walk away. You expect him to come after you, but he doesn't. He just lets you walk away from him.
"Come back," you hear him say and you stop in your tracks. You turn around and he envelopes you in a hug, before you can even register that he's actually there, He pulls you as close as physically possible.
"What did you say?" he asks you softly against your lips.
"I love you," you say, leaning in so that you can touch your lips together.
"Say it again," he tells you, like he hadn't heard you the first time around.
"I love you. I love you. You're gorgeous and sweet and amazing. I love you." You kiss his forehead, lips cheeks, nose- anywhere that you can reach. And he kisses you back, a giant smile playing on his lips.
"I love you," you say once again, for confirmation, making sure that all of this was actually real.
"I love you too. You're perfect." He kissed you on the forehead.
"I waited for you to call, you know," you say truthfully.
"I was waiting for you to call too. That's why I had the phone in my hand. My friend came over to cheer me up, because she thought that I was moping around too much."
"I'm sorry," you say, because you realise that he's been thinking of you all this time.
"I love you," he tells you and the words sound a lot like a promise.