"Brian. Tell me!"

I'm on top of Brian, tickling him, so he laughs as he responds, "No!"

Then he shakes his head like a defiant 2-year-old, arms crossed and everything.

"It's none of your business."

"Come on…pleeeaaassseee…"

"Nope."

I sigh. "OK…just tell me how old you were."

Now it's Brian's turn to sigh.

"Fine. I was (something garbled)."

"I didn't quite catch that."

Brian sighs again, but much more loudly.

"I. was. 16. You happy?"

Shocked, I ask incredulously, "16?"

Brian looks at me with a mixture of amusement and annoyance, daring me to make a big deal out of it. "Yes. 16."

"So…the gym teacher didn't pop your cherry. Hmmm."

"You're brilliant. I'm surprised some top-secret think-tank hasn't snapped you up."

"I wonder who it could have been…"

"As much as I would love to continue this discussion, I have to get to work. So are you gonna come blow me in the shower or not?"

Brian doesn't wait for my response. He just climbs out of bed and into the shower.

"Arrogant asshole," I mutter as I follow him in.

"What was that?" he calls from the bathroom.

I smile brightly and reply, "I said, 'I'll swallow you whole.'"

"Hmmm…I like the way that sounds."

"I thought you might."

************

I don't have school today. So after Brian leaves, I return to Deb's and climb into bed. I don't even take my clothes off. Lying there, I try to imagine what Brian's first time was like. I must be tired from last night's love-in because I drift off almost immediately.

************

"I can't believe you are having a sleepover, and you expect me to go."

"You're my best friend! You have to."

"Mikey, we're 16 now. Don't you think we've outgrown slumber parties?"

"Sissy Melnik's brother is coming. She'll be here for a while, and she likes giving blowjobs."

"She's a girl. Why the hell would I want her sucking me off?"

"It doesn't matter. Just close your eyes."

"Fuck that! Are there any hot guys coming?"

"Well Tom Busida is kinda cute."

"He's a troll and as straight as an arrow."

"Oh. Sorry."

"I'll come, but I can't promise to stay all night. If it gets too lame, I'm bailing…"

"Ok."

************

When I wake up, It's dark out. I can hear people laughing downstairs.

I get up and pad down the hall. I peek downstairs and see Michael and some kids I don't know lying in sleeping bags on the living room floor. What the hell? Then a familiar voice surprises me.

"Hey kid. Who are you? Where'd you come from? Are you here for the sleepover?"

I turn to face Brian.

"Brian…"

What the hell? Brian looks like a teenager. He's still gorgeous as all hell, but his eyes look softer, warmer, and he looks less sure of himself. He's also an inch or two shorter.

"How do you know my name?"

This cannot be happening. I decide to wing it.

"Um…I was here for the sleepover, but…"

Brian laughs. "But it's kind of lame."

I smile bright. "Yeah."

He seems thrown by my smile.

"Hey, you wanna get out of here?"

"Sure."

************

God, he's hot. His jeans hug his gorgeous ass, and he's wearing a sheer blue top, tight in all the right places. Blond hair, crystal blue eyes. When he smiles at me, I'm lost. I hadn't fucked or been fucked by anyone yet. I'd told Mikey that I'd fucked before, but I'd lied. I hadn't met the one yet. He'd never believe that I wanted my first time to be special, but I did. I couldn't even believe it. Now it all makes sense. I was waiting for him. I am going to fuck this beautiful boy tonight. Maybe I'll even let him fuck me. I had the urge to do anything, everything with him. Everything I'd only seen in porn movies. I'd heard about this…being irresistibly drawn to another…love at first sight. But I'd thought it was a bunch of crap. Now I believe it. I believe everything now. If this boy told me that Santa and the Easter bunny were real, I think I'd believe him.

************

"So what's your name?"

Shit…uh. "Taylor."

"Taylor. Nice name. Different. I'm Brian."

"How old are you?"

"16."

16? No shit! Is he still…?

"How about you?"

"18."

"Really? You look like you're 14."

"I know. Everyone says I look younger than I am."

"Here we are."

"Where's here?"

"My house. My parents and my sister are at my aunt's for the night. We'll have the place to ourselves."

"Cool." I can barely contain my excitement.

When we reach his room, I can't control myself anymore.

Brian is sitting on his bed. I move his knees apart and sit between them on the floor facing him. I thread my fingers into his and lift myself up so that I am looking right into his beautiful hazel eyes.

"I know this is going to sound crazy, but I have to say it."

"What?" He smiles at me. So open. What a difference 12 years makes!

"I know you don't know me, but I feel like I know you. You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen, and, as long as I live, I know that I'll never see anyone as beautiful as you."

He blushes. Brian Fucking Kinney blushing!

"I know what a freak I must sound like, but…I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone, and I know that that won't change. Whomever I may be with over the years, I'll never desire anyone the way I desire you." My voice breaks on the last part. I know how completely weird it is for me to say these things, but I can't help myself. Everything I'm saying is true, and this version of Brian is much more open. I can just feel it.

Brian cups my cheek with the hand I'm not holding.

"I…kind of feel the same way. When I saw you, when you smiled at me, I thought that maybe this was what it was like to fall in love."

Oh. My. God.

"I knew right away that I want my first time to be with you."

"Your first time?"

"Yeah." Brian colors.

"I've given and received blowjobs, but nothing else."

I don't think I've been this turned on since my first time. This cannot be real. Just a fabulous dream. The best dream I've ever had. Or ever will have.

"Have…?"

I can tell Brian is nervous.

Brian Fucking Kinney nervous!

"Have you ever…?"

Shit, what do I say? 'I'll lose my virginity to you in 12 years.'

"Uh…my first time will be with you." There. That's not a lie.

He smiles bright. Christ, I need his lips on mine, his cock buried inside me, RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

I climb into his lap, straddling him. I rub my erection against his, nudge his nose with mine, and brush my lips over his.

Brian lets out a low, guttural moan.

I lick his bottom lip and push my tongue into his mouth. Brian pulls me against him tight and returns the kiss. Then we are kissing like it's the only way we'll survive.

I break away suddenly, tears glistening in my eyes. "Brian," I whisper, my breath ragged. "I love you. Crazy as it sounds, I know you're the only person I'll ever love. If we don't see each other after this, for a while, I'll be passing each day, just waiting until I can be here again. In your arms."

Brian returns my gaze; his eyes….are they damp?

I send my lips crashing back down onto his and devour him, his mouth, his tongue, his lips.

************

When Justin asked me about my first time, it took everything in me to act nonchalant. How could I tell him that my first time had been with someone who looked exactly like him? Whose name was similar. Taylor. Who was an artist just like he was. I knew that they couldn't be the same person. I mean, Taylor was 18 when I met him. 12 years later, I met 17-year-old Justin Taylor. But when I saw him under that streetlamp, I wondered.

Taylor had said that if we didn't see each other again for a long time, he'd just be waiting for the day he could return to my arms. I realize that I've been waiting, too. After that night, I couldn't get close to anyone. I didn't want to. No one was Taylor. Not even close. After a while, I refused to fuck blue-eyed blonds. Too painful.

Until I met Justin. That night, my life had been irrevocably altered a second time. I hadn't been the same since. The things Taylor had said, the feelings he'd evoked, even his scent…so like Justin's…It's hard to believe that they are different people. So much so that the first time I'd fucked Justin, I'd told him that I loved him. Words I hadn't said in 12 years…words I had so desperately wanted to say. I'd never said them to anyone else, except Mikey and Gus, but that didn't count. After our first night, I'd wanted to tell Justin that I loved him, every day, but I felt so guilty. Like I had betrayed Taylor. I kept pushing Justin away, but I couldn't stay away for long. I am as hopelessly drawn to him as I had been to Taylor.

************

I'm lying on top of Taylor. God, he's even more beautiful out of his clothes. Not super built, but toned. He has a nipple ring, and his cock is huge. As big as mine. His skin looks like porcelain. So soft. As soft as his silky blond hair. I caress his back, running my hand down its length, and, then, bury my face in his hair, nuzzling his neck.

Suddenly, Taylor flips over. I guess I look surprised because he says, "I want to look into your eyes when we do this."

I smile. He's so sweet.

"How?"

"I'll put my legs on your shoulders."

"Won't that be uncomfortable?"

"No. I mean, I don't think so. Even if it is, it'll be worth it. I want to see the look on your face when you enter me, when you cum."

I smile. "Ok." God, I never smile this much. I'm genuinely happy. I can't even remember how long it's been.

I put Taylor's legs up on my shoulders as he slips a condom on my cock and lubes me up. He places a lubed finger inside himself. Then a second and a third. Stretching himself for me. I've never seen anything sexier. He just flashes me a million-watt smile. Then he pulls his fingers out.

With a giggle, he says, "Ok. Your turn."

I'm so nervous. I'm afraid I'll hurt him. I think he can read my mind.

"It's ok. Even if it hurts, I won't mind. I need…need you inside me."

That does it. Seconds later, I'm pushing myself inside him. Christ. I have never felt anything so good. His ass is heaven to me.

Taylor grunts, and I pause. A moment later, he's pushing back. Pushing my cock deep inside him. He continues until I am completely buried in his gorgeous ass. Oh Fuck! That's incredible. Taylor shoots me a naughty smile, which quickly becomes a look of desperate desire. He whispers, "Fuck me, Brian."

I oblige. I begin thrusting. Taylor moves his ass around until my cock hits something inside him. The look on his face when that happens is amazing…as though he's never felt such incredible pleasure. I smile even as I moan. My cock caused that pleasure. I love knowing I make him feel good. I thrust more quickly, being sure to hit that spot every time.

"Oh. My. Fucking God. Brian. Brian. Fuck. Fuck me harder, please."

I couldn't control myself now if I wanted to. I hold Taylor's legs tighter and fuck him hard. He's moving against me. We are both moaning loudly. Taylor's mouth is open slightly, and his eyes wear an expression I can't read. Soon, Taylor is cumming on his chest, and I am cumming into the condom inside him. Neither of us had even touched his cock. Time seems to stop, and colored lights are exploding behind my eyes. Without even thinking, I moan, "I love you, Taylor. I love you."

I let my head fall onto his chest. I feel something drip on my hands. I look up. Taylor is crying. "I love you, too, Brian. God, I love you."

*************

16-year-old Brian and I are in his shower. There isn't much room, but we can both stand comfortably. I am so excited to show this version of Brian my superior cock-sucking skills. I am certain he's never had a Justin Taylor-quality blowjob yet. I kiss him on the lips. A gentle caress at first. Then I tilt my head and slip my tongue into his mouth. His meets mine eagerly, and he slides his hands behind my head to deepen the kiss.

I throw Brian a million-watt smile and lower myself to my knees, giving both of his nipples a lick-suck-nibble on the way down. He smiles at me shyly when he realizes what I'm doing. I lick the underside of his cock slowly, flattening out my tongue and tracing the vein that runs along it. His eyes immediately darken with lust, and he licks his lips. I tongue his slit until he is moaning and, then, suck on the head. Brian braces himself against the shower wall with his left hand and puts his right in my damp hair. I take his entire cock into my mouth and start sucking and licking, my head bobbing. Every few downstrokes, I bring the head of his cock into my throat and swallow. The first time I did this, his eyes rolled back, and he moaned my name loudly.

I start bobbing my head more slowly, wanting to make this last as long as possible. A couple minutes is all Brian can take of the slower pace. His left hand meets his right behind my head, and he pushes his cock into my mouth faster. I let him thrust as much and as fast as he wants, but I swallow on every downstroke now. Brian is close. Hot water is sliding down his arms and chest, his nipples hard and his abs taut from the pleasure he is experiencing. He looks at me with half-lidded eyes, his mouth open slightly, his eyelashes especially long and dark because they are damp. He is painfully beautiful in this moment; I want to engrave the image in my mind, an image I will cherish always.

I lube a finger (so glad I had the forethought to grab lube and condoms on the way in) and play with Brian's entrance. Then I slowly slip a finger in until I reach his prostate. The moment I touch it Brian shoots in my mouth. I continue sucking his cock until the aftershocks subside. I stand up, and Brian takes me into his arms, holding me tight. He lets his head fall on my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "Taylor, that was fucking incredible!" I smile brightly as he tenderly kisses my neck.

*******

After an amazing fuck (lovemaking session) and a spectacular blowjob, I am absolutely sure that I want Taylor to fuck me. He gave me so much pleasure, and I want to reciprocate. I'd like to suck his cock, too. Fuck, I have never craved anyone the way I crave Taylor. I want to do everything with him, lick, suck, touch, taste, and feel every single part of him. After the blowjob, I am so spent that I rest my head on Taylor's shoulder. After I tell him how wonderful it was, I whisper, "I want, no need, you inside me. Fuck me, Taylor."

Taylor must be surprised because for a second or two he goes limp in my arms. "You want me to fuck you?" he whispers back incredulously.

I just nod against his neck. I pull back, so I can look into his beautiful blue eyes, and I see that he's flushed. I smile.

Taylor turns me around, so I am facing the wall. He licks and sucks my neck a few times and, then, slides down to his knees. I am not sure why. He runs his hands over my ass, soft and slow, and, then, spreads my legs apart. Suddenly, I feel something hot and wet against my entrance. Fuck! That's his tongue. He licks my entrance with the flat of his tongue for a couple of minutes, and, then, I feel the tip inside me. He moves it deeper and, then, pulls out completely. The cool air sends a shiver down my spine. Before I know it, he plunges the tip of his tongue back in. That feels so good, I can barely think.

When he wiggles his tongue around inside, my cock starts throbbing and leaking.

I half-say, half-moan, "Taylor, I need you inside me now. Please."

Taylor stands up. I hear a condom package being ripped open. Seconds later, he whispers in my ear, "Are you ready?"

"Yes. Fuck, yes."

Taylor trembles a little. Then he takes a deep breath, puts his hands on my hips, and pushes inside me slowly. When he is only part of the way in, he stops, rubbing my lower back and licking and sucking my neck. The pain is excruciating. I'm glad he lubed his cock after putting the condom on. When my breathing slows, he pushes in until he is completely inside me. I feel his balls against my ass.

Taylor moves his body a little, putting it at a slightly different angle, pulls out, and thrusts back in. I am beginning to wonder why men like this when suddenly his dick hits some part of me, and I am enveloped by a wave of pleasure. Holy Fuck! I moan loudly. As though waiting for that cue, he immediately begins setting a steady rhythm, pulling almost all the way out and, then, thrusting back in. Taylor is panting, and I'm moaning. Fucking hell, I never thought it would be this good. I try to relax, delay my orgasm, but, even though Taylor hasn't touched my cock yet, I know I'm close. I feel like I'm going insane.

I moan, "Taylor, faster, harder, please."

Taylor obliges. He quickens his thrusts and, then, grabs my cock, pumping it fast. Three strokes and I am cumming like never before. My ass clenches around his cock, and, soon, I feel Taylor cumming, too. He moans so loudly and shouts my name a few times. He rests his head against my back for a moment or two before pulling out. I feel so empty afterward. Now that we have fallen back to Earth, we realize that the water has gone cold. We reach for the knobs at the same time, and our hands touch. We laugh.

Soon, we are warm again, in my bed snuggling beneath the blankets.

"Taylor, this is the best day of my life. Hands down."

He smiles at me and says, "Meeting you was definitely the best luck ever had. Ever will have. I love you, Brian."

"I love you, too."

I pull Taylor more tightly against me and fall asleep.

*******

It's morning, and I'm still here. With 16-year-old Brian. I thought for sure that if I fell asleep, I'd return to 2001. What do I do now? Brian's parents will return today. Where should I go? I can't tell Brian what's going on, just in case it's not a dream, but I don't want to leave him until I have to.

For the moment, I content myself with drawing my lover. I find some plain (unlined) white paper and a regular (#2) pencil in Brian's desk. I sit down there and start sketching. He's lying face down, his head resting on his left arm and facing me and his right arm hanging off the bed. I have an excellent view of his lean ass and the muscles in his upper back and shoulders. Even at this age, Brian was athletic. I wish I had colored pencils or paint. The sun is shining through the window, bringing out the red and blond highlights in Brian's brown hair. Suddenly, Brian stirs. He looks up at me with droopy eyes and murmurs, "Morning, beautiful." I melt, smiling brightly. I feel like I'm in heaven.

*******

I can't get Taylor out of my head. I trace a finger along my shell bracelet, remembering our trip to Texas hopping box cars. I smile. That was a wild experience. Then I look at the drawing he did of me, which is now lying on my desk. I sigh. I smile when I read what he'd written on it: "I miss you already—Taylor." I don't know what possesses me, but I pull out the framed drawing Justin did of me. My smile fades when I see Justin's signature ("Justin Taylor"). The "Taylor" on each is identical to the other. What the hell? They couldn't be…