I don't own Frozen. Duh.
I'm so so sorry this is angsty and sad ughh. But the idea was in my head and it would not go away, so have some really angsty Elsanna. Strongly implied self-harm, no explicit detail.
The first time Anna saw them, it was hardly a glimpse. So faint that she wasn't sure if they were there at all. It had been an absurdly hot day in Arendelle, and the queen had traded her signature long-sleeve dress for a short-sleeve that left her arms bare. A brief flash of movement as Elsa reached for a clean sheet of paper and the light caught her pale skin in such a way that there almost appeared to be faint lines littering her wrists. But they were so faint, and she couldn't see them when her sister returned to the shade of the room, so she dismissed it as a play of light.
The second time, they were much more prominent. The sleeve of Elsa's dress had slipped up her arm while she wasn't paying attention, and by the time she tugged it back down, Anna had already seen them. Angry, pink-rimmed red lines, unlike anything she had ever seen before. But she couldn't think of any way to ask about them, or even fathom where they could have come from, so she left them alone.
The third time, they were painfully clear. The sisters were alone in Elsa's room, enjoying the peace and quiet, and each other's presence. Anna had curled up against Elsa's side on the bed, watching her sister read. It was of no interest to her, but the contented smile on the queen's lips was enchanting. Her expressions changed with the pages, from shock, to joy, to anger, cycling through the emotions. She was so engrossed in the novel that she hadn't noticed the placement of her sleeves, and one had slipped down again.
This time, the marks looked fresh. New wounds, barely scabbed over – Anna knew what fresh injuries looked like from the many mishaps she'd had as a child. She observed them for a long, long moment, unsure. Did she really want to ask Elsa about them? If her sister hadn't opened up about this, did she really want to push her?
But she was worried, and some part of her needed to know. She bit her lip, snuggled a bit closer, and murmured softly, "Elsa?"
The queen glanced down at her before returning to her book. Multi-tasking had never been difficult for her, and although the tone of her younger sibling's voice put her a bit on edge, she could still read and speak. "Yes?" she asked.
The room fell silent again, and this time she paid attention. Anna was never quiet, especially not after getting Elsa's attention. "What is it?" she asked, marking her place in the book before setting it aside. Anna was biting her lower lip, uncertainty on her face, and it was worrisome.
"I…" She stopped, swallowing, and tried again. "Where… what are those?" the redhead asked softly, her gaze moving to her sister's wrist before turning to Elsa again. The emotions flitted across the blonde's face; shock, terror, shame, guilt, sorrow, one after the other until she finally looked away.
"They're… nothing," she murmured, hastily tugging her sleeves down so that Anna wouldn't see any more than she already had.
"They must be something," Anna murmured. "This isn't the first time I noticed them. This is just the first time I brought it up," she continued. "How did you get them?" She could almost guess, but it was such a preposterous idea that she dismissed it.
Elsa shook her head wordlessly, still not meeting the blue eyes so similar to her own. Every muscle in her body had gone rigid, and Anna could see she was fighting the urge to stand up and flee the room. So for once, she thought before acting. With a tiny half smile, she snuggled in closer to Elsa. "Okay," she murmured. "Forget I asked."
It seemed to flip a switch in her sister, and Elsa swallowed before looking down at Anna. "They… they were intentional." She was terrified of the reaction she would receive, of losing Anna's respect, and of even voicing it out loud for the first time. Never had she spoken of it, because there was nobody for her to speak to. She had to force herself to watch the redhead's expression, because she at least needed to know whether she needed to escape.
The younger girl's expression nearly crushed her. Anna looked so regretful, so sorrowful and broken, that she had a sudden urge to hug her tightly and erase everything bad. "I'm sorry," she added hastily. "I'm so sorry. I didn't—I never wanted you to know—I didn't want to show you the ugly side of me."
The words came out jumbled, nervous, weak, but Anna sat up and shushed her before pulling her into a hug. "It's okay," she murmured. Pulling away, she reached for Elsa's arm, then hesitated. "Is it okay?"
It was a wonder the queen hadn't suffocated yet. Her breath had halted, eyes wide in absolute terror. She started to shake her head, but the younger girl wanted so much to help… and just this once, she couldn't refuse. It was selfish and needy, but before she could argue herself out of it, she was pulling the sleeves up and showing someone the marks there for the first time. Nobody else had ever seen them, and they littered her forearms. The ones on the right were more jagged and imperfect than the ones on the left arm, an indicator of Elsa's right-handedness.
Gently, Anna took one arm in her hands and ran the backs of her fingers gently over the marred skin. In some places –the worst ones—it stung just a bit, but Elsa held back any sounds of pain. She wasn't sure she'd be capable of even a gasp without it turning into a sob, and that was the last thing she needed.
"You did this… to yourself?" Anna asked, so softly that Elsa almost didn't hear her. Trying to reign in the pounding in her heart, and refrain from yanking her arm back, she exhaled and nodded sharply.
Anna raised her gaze from the damaged wrist before her, catching Elsa's gaze before she could turn away. "How long?"
The queen's jaw worked silently as she tried to remember. How long… had it been? Six years? Seven? It had been a long, long time – too long.
"I… seven years?" she estimated, brows furrowing as she tried to remember before she closed her eyes and hung her head. "I'm so… so sorry… I couldn't… and it helped… and now I can't…"
Before she could say another word, warm lips stopped her. When Anna pulled away, she gave Elsa the warmest, most supportive smile she possibly could. "It's okay," she murmured, pressing a kiss to her older sister's forehead. "I love you." She rested her forehead against Elsa's, blindly reaching for the blonde's hands, and when she found them, lacing their fingers together. "If there's ever anything I can do…"
Elsa could feel the tears building in her eyes, and as a wordless reply, she grasped Anna's face in her hands and pulled her into a desperate, grateful kiss. "Thank you," she breathed against the redhead's lips. "You don't know… it means so much."
Anna smiled, moving to straddle Elsa's lap and pull her closer. The ice queen swallowed hard, determined not to cry as she buried her face in Anna's neck. Her relief was palpable, and she wrapped her arms tightly around the younger one's waist, pulling her closer, making sure that she was still there, that Anna hadn't taken her for some freak, that she still had her sister. "I love you," she whispered against warm skin, and felt Anna kiss the top of her head.
"I love you, too," she murmured, arms wrapped around the older one's neck. "I will always love you."
And the mighty ice queen of Arendelle, with those words, was reduced to the tears she had tried so hard to keep inside. By the time she had wasted all of her tears, the duo had somehow laid down on the bed, and her ear was pressed against Anna's chest. The steady tempo of her heart was comforting, relaxing, and the queen swallowed, closing her eyes and tightening her grip on her sister.
"Sweet dreams," Anna murmured, the vibration carrying down into her throat and humming against Elsa's forehead. She smiled slightly, snuggling closer, and slowly managed to relax.
This was the last thing she wanted her baby sister to find out, right after her ice powers and her… more than sisterly feelings. She never wanted to expose Anna to that kind of hurt and ugliness, the loneliness and pain that had come from it. The hopeless helplessness that had made her turn to something –anything—to distract herself, comfort herself. An outlet for the emotional turmoil that she couldn't get rid of, a punishment for every loss of control or errant icy blast.
Still, she was… relieved. Scared, but relieved. And for a girl who had probably never seen anything like this before, this self-inflicted pain, Anna took it better than she'd have expected. But what else would her feisty sibling do? Of all the people she could think of, Anna was the one with unwavering faith, trust, loyalty… Anna was the one who had always come back to her. Who had stayed by her.
She pressed a kiss to her sister's freckled collar bone, closing her eyes. It was still terrifying, but… maybe she could defeat her demons now. One by one.
That night was the most restful that she'd had in a long time.