To my dearest Martha, my heart has never stopped throbbing for you. I am single, and have been for several years. Throughout all eternity I will always remember you and the joy you brought to my life for the year and a bit we spent together. You are the most amazing, beautiful girl and I will never forget the way you could cheer me up with your wonderful grin. Your teeth are perfect and straight, and they are one of the billion things I love about you, my darling. It was six years ago when we finished it, and four years when I said what I thought was the last goodbye to you. That day is treasured in a special part of my heart where no-one except you has ever entered. I remember it exactly, and incase you forget, here is some of the day.
"Jack." you said, your eyes brimming with tears.
"Martha, I'm gonna miss you. Are you sure Micky is the right guy for you? Maybe you should stay in Summer Bay for a while with him before going off in the big wide world with that sleaze-bag..."
"Jack I know you are over-protective of me and you want the best for me. But Micky is perfect for me. You got Sam and I don't mind, so the least you could do is let me be happy." you pleaded.
"I want you to be happy. But I might never see you again."
"Summer Bay is doing nothing for me except wasting away my life. Don't get me wrong I love all of you here, just I need change, Jack. You understand, right?" you said happily.
"No, I don't. I need you to stay in the bay with us, Mac. This town is nothing without your lively spirit and amazing personality." I insisted.
You smiled weakly, and took my hand in your own manicured one.
"Thankyou." You spun on your heel and walked off. I was sure I heard a small sob.
I called after you but you were gone. Gone from the room, from the town, from my life. My world.
I remember the 'thankyou' clearly. It was deep and meaningful and you looked me straight in the eye. Or was I just imagining this? Do you really not like me at all? I wonder if you're still with Micky. Does he still look like a serial-killer? Does he still talk to you in the same way, like he owns you? Yes, I am jealous of him. You liked him at your first glance of him. With me you took a lot longer than one glance to love me... Have you got any kids? Micky's? Or perhaps someone else. Answer this truthfully, is he better than I ever was? Is he superior to me? I wonder where you are living? The city? Perhaps you moved to the country with your boyfriend or husband. I know you always wanted to. The thing is, I could've given you that life. Peaceful, laid back but also interesting and fun. I could've been a sympathetic lover, romantic, caring and kind. Also your best friend. Together, you and I could've had lovely kids. Hopefully a girl, and if it's possible she could've been as beautiful as you. Or the boy might've had your lovely thick curls, and maybe my eyes? Everyone would be able to tell it was our child. We could've moved to America with Josie, Tash, Rob and Ella. Maybe our daughter and Ella would be the best of friends. Or maybe if we had a son, one day he could marry Ella... I wish we could've had this sort of life together. I know you loved me, and I'm 100 positive I loved you, and still do. But perhaps you've even forgot me... if your boyfriend ever brings up past relationships you might have to concentrate really hard and search through most of your memory just to find my first name. Or maybe you just refer to me as the 'ex husband'. Thinking these thoughts break my heart all over again, but it's very possible. But maybe you think about me every day, just like I think of you. Maybe your unhappy in your relationship, and you wish you'd stayed with me. You know me, Mac, not the hugest optimistic in town, but I do believe anything's possible. All I want is a letter back, explaining the situation. If you hate me, that will reduce me to tears at the very least, but I want to know how you are going. Write back as soon as you get this, your ex husband + man who still loves you- Jack Holden.