+ A oneshot about how Kai talks to his penis.
+ Warnings: Tyson-bashing, OOC, penis-talk, penis-pump, masturbation.
+ Disclaimer: I own it not.
+ A/N: Did you know that if you squat, or grab your boobs, you get great inspiration?
This is true.
Especially if you do both at the same time.
If you have no boobs… Grab the nearest pair to you.
Little Kai
How would you describe a penis? Average? Small? Floppy? Wrinkly? Not Kai Hiwatari's. His was bigger than average. Much, MUCH bigger… When it was hard, it was as hard as stone. When it wasn't hard… It was still pretty firm.
Currently, it was being pumped up. Kai was using the penis pump with his tongue poking out of his mouth. From the doorway, Kai's lover, Tala, watched with raised eyebrows.
"Don't you think that thing is big enough already?" Tala asked.
"A penis can never be too big, isn't that right, Little Kai?" Kai cooed.
"You've given your penis a name?"
"Yes. I was contemplating 'Manuel', but I decided against it."
"Rightly so… That's a stupid name. As is 'Little Kai'," Tala said, shaking his head.
"'Little Kai' is not a stupid name for my penis… Look, you've insulted him, now," Kai said, gesturing to Little Kai, who didn't look insulted at all, but standing tall and proud.
Kai took the penis pump off Little Kai, and gave him a little stroke. Tala watched on, nearly drooling as Kai stroked his manhood. He wanted a piece of that action, but knew he wouldn't get any, as he'd 'insulted' Kai's penis.
Tala's mouth became increasingly dry, and his trousers were getting tighter, and as he watched Kai come all over the place, he could've sworn he'd had a tiny little explosion of his own.
"Who's a good boy?" Kai cooed, still stroking his penis.
"Kai, will you please stop talking to it. It's bloody disturbing," Tala said, frustration growing like a fungi.
"But Little Kai likes it…"
"Stop calling it 'Little Kai', too! It's not little, and it's just a penis. It does not need a name!" Tala honestly thought he was going to tear his hair out.
"I know he's not little… That's what makes his name so funny…"
Kai giggled, and began to play with Little Kai again. Tala shook his head, and walked out of the apartment, unable to take anymore of this sudden madness from Kai. He found himself walking along towards Tyson's house, where he knew Tyson and Max were hanging out for the day (they had invited him and Kai over earlier on, but he politely declined when he saw Kai's penis being removed from Kai's underwear). He had changed his mind now that he had discovered Kai talks to his penis.
Tala walked straight into Tyson's house upon reaching it. Max and Tyson were sat on the floor, reading comics. Neither looked up at Tala, but greeted him like they were expecting him.
"Hey Tala," Max said, turning a page.
"Hey," Tala replied, sitting down on Tyson's bed and frowning at the two in front of him.
"You look unamused," Tyson commented, finally looking up.
"Kai was talking to his penis, and he was ignoring my needs," Tala said grumpily.
"You've seen Kai's penis?!" Max asked, looking up in shock.
"Max… I've been fucking Kai for the past year and a half. Of course I'm going to have seen his penis," Tala replied, with a Max-you-are-seriously-retarded look on his face.
"Oh yeah…"
"Kai was talking to his penis again?" Tyson asked.
"What do you mean, 'again'?" Tala frowned.
"Kai's always talked to his penis. Ever since we first knew him, he'd whip that monster of a cock out, and start cooing to it."
"This is true," Max nodded.
"He's always done it?" Tala asked, staring blankly.
"Yup. It made us all green with envy. Well, it made Ray green with sickness. For some reason, the sight of another penis always made him throw up."
"Kenny has a monster penis," Max said, not looking up from his comic.
"Yours is not small, either," Tyson said to Max.
"Yours is tiny," Max said to Tyson.
"Yes, well… Let's not mention that," Tyson replied, frowning.
"You have a small penis?" Tala asked Tyson, grinning from ear to ear.
"Well… It could do with being a bit bigger…"
"HAHAHA! YOU HAVE A SMALL COCK!" Tala roared with laughter.
"Fuck off," Tyson yelled, throwing a spare comic at Tala.
Tala continued to chuckle, and decided it would be best to return home to Kai. Hopefully he had put that bloody penis pump away, and stopped talking to his penis. When Tala walked through the door, he was dismayed to find Kai still playing with Little Kai, and still cooing to it.
"Did you know Tyson has a small penis?" Tala asked Kai as he sat down beside him.
"Yes. Did you only just find out?"
"Yup. I also find out that you've always talked to your cock."
"Penises need love, too."
"In that case, let Little Tala give Little Kai some loving…"
A/N: Whoa… I'm finding it so difficult to write, recently… Hence why I've not updated for a while.
I'm not as proud of this as I thought I would be.
Also… This is my 50th story! :O
Review? :D