Introduction

This was not the way the story was supposed to go.

Things happen in life that cannot be fixed, cannot be re-done, cannot be erased. The blood that stains my hands and Caleb's cannot be erased. Moments I missed and wish to repeat cannot be re-done. And lives lost cannot be fixed. All of these mistakes and miss-calculations happened because of a stupid girl who dreams the future. A stupid girl who dreamed the man of her dreams into real life. A stupid girl who then dreamed his death. A stupid girl who fell for a vampire who kills humans for food. And all of these things happened because a pack of vampires vowed revenge for a love taken away. It's funny how love is the cause for most things, and how love is the reason people lose so much.

Finn and I were supposed to be together forever. Caleb and I were supposed to be able to be forever together. Nothing happens the way it's supposed to.

And remember, nothing was supposed to happen, the way it did. Daddy I love you, and I know you don't understand what I wrote above. I had so many things I wanted to say in this letter, to let you know I'm safe, the true story of everything that went down that made me leave. But none of it makes sense, daddy, and all I can say is, I'm safe, I will tell you the story someday, you're safe, and I'll see you someday in the future. Please understand and act like everything is normal. If you get in trouble…..if you get in trouble because people came looking for me, tell them I'm in Europe. And do everything you can to lead them far from you. I'll be safe, but I need to know you will be too. And when you give advise to other troubled teens, tell them you listen to you, because you were always right, and I should have just accepted that. I'm so sorry daddy. I love you.

P.S I know this does not explain much, but I need to leave to be safe. I love you, and I hope you understand someday. I am doing this for both of us to be safe. Always remember that. I love you daddy.

-Sophie

.

Chapter One

The Beginning To The End

Most stories start with the beginning of a brand new day, but this one starts with the middle of the night. A steamy August evening in West Haven, Oregon is the setting of this beginning. I remember the day well, I spent it with Finn, as I spent most days. Today was special though, today was the day I buried my mom sixteen years ago, and Finn and I became inseparable. He took care of me, protecting me from the people who thought I was some kind of freak, protecting me from the people who sought sympathy for me. And after spending the morning and afternoon baking cookies for his little sister's bake sale, and watching Pride and Prejudice, I watched him take off to work. I didn't kiss him goodbye, I didn't hug him, I was too busy dealing with an angry aunt, distressed about how yet again, my father and I would not be attending a family reunion. My mother would have wanted me to meet her whole family, and we were disgracing her memory. I shut the door on the love of my life, and expected a phone call at midnight, when he would finally get home from work. But, that's not how the night went.

My father came home, late, so he definitely did not want to hear his wife's sister's complaints about how the pair of us cause my mother to roll in her grave, nor did he want to hear why supper was take-out, again. The news was full of reports of deaths, something that always caused my father to go into panic mode. Too many murders around us often lead to arguments of his idea to move, to flee, to send me away, always leading to the same conclusions, I would not leave West Haven for anything other than school. Angry at his injustice, and the news only covering small tidbits of the stories, he retreated to his room, while I cleaned up the kitchen and then followed suit and retired to my room, where I lay reading Wicked. Somehow, I managed to fall asleep before midnight and had the terrifying dream that still haunts me.

Finn was walking the familiar streets home, and for some reason I'm watching from above, like some heavenly guardian. He was also so content walking in the dark, with the cool breeze swirling around him, the stars above him. But this, this seemed dark, cold, not normal for an August evening in West Haven, or even Oregon for that matter. He started walking faster, sticking his hands into his pockets, something he rarely did. He took the familiar alley that led right to his street, bypassing the three streets he would have to take if he was driving. He picked up his pace even more, almost rushing through when two dark figures popped out from behind a dumpster. Finn froze, watching the pair advance on him. I wanted to scream, wanted to tell him to run, to come towards my voice, I'd be his sparrow and lead him from harm, but I couldn't. I watched in horror as the tallest figure snapped his neck, and then the pair were on him, attacking him.

I never got to finish, I never got to know why they jumped him after snapping his neck. What was really the point of pounding him when you had already murdered him, because my dad jerked me out of dream land. I stared at him, perplexed. He looked upset, almost distant, like he looked when my mom died. He held the phone out to me, and my heart sunk.

'No, Sophie, it never happens like that, you know that. You have a day or two to warn Finn.'

But I didn't. For the first time in my life, the dreams that usually forecasted something that would come in a day or two's time, it had happened while I dreamed it. I listened to Finn's mother sob the story out to me. According to her report, my dream was right on target with the actual time-table, another first. I listened to her details, already knowing them. I listened to her sob the location of the hospital room he was in, though the doctors suggested no one see him, as he was too gruesome, and they needed his body in tact so they could get evidence. I listened in horror as Finn's mother told me she wanted me to help with funeral details. I listened to her sob, all the while, wanting to curl back up and wake up to find this was a horrible dream, and I could fix it all. She was sobbing about how I could come over, when I hung up on her. I dropped the phone onto the bed, and felt my father's arms engulf me in a tight hug, but inside I was dead. There was nothing left, the best part of me had been brutally taken from me, and all I wanted to do was scream, and so I did. I screamed, not even hearing all the calming things my dad was trying to tell me. Not hearing the phone ring, and ring, and ring, and ring. Not hearing anything, because if I had, I would have heard the crack of a tree branch outside my open window, and I would have seen the figure watching in amusement at my horror and grief, once again.

Chapter Two

The Ending

It's the day of the funeral, I should really be getting ready. My dad is downstairs on the phone with my school, explaining to them why I won't be returning this year. I should get up, get dressed, but all that I can think of is how Finn is laying in a coffin, dead, and I'll never see his smile. He will never make me laugh again. It's all over. After being together for eight years, it's all over. I roll over, angrily. My shades are drawn, blocking out the usual sunshine. Nothing should be happy today, today should be the end of the world, because it sure as hell is the end of mine. I pull my stuffed frog, Chortle, closer to my body. I'd give anything to open my eyes and have Chortle be Finn. My body feels weak, trying to hug Chortle to it, though it's never been an athletic type, more feminine, more curves than strength, and being only 5'3" doesn't help much in the strength department, as I'm too short for any sport, and not hand-eye coordination to do any sport. I look down at my hand, noticing that my normal pale skin is almost transparent now. I need sun. I need Finn.

"Fie…fie, are you going to get up and get dressed?" my dad asks, quietly. He sounds like he is at a funeral home. Speaking of which, why are funeral homes treated like libraries? Who ever said you had to whisper in a funeral home, the person is dead, they aren't going to hear you. Whispering makes it sound secretive, like whatever happened is a horrible mistake and we shouldn't act like we are affected by it. "Sophie, sweetie. You aren't going to want to miss this. I know, that sounds horrible, but when the shock wears off, you are going to regret not going. I know." My dad never went to my mom's funeral. My grandma, his mom, took me. He was in bed for months when she died, and my grandma took care of me. I remember sitting outside his door, playing Barbie's, hoping that would be the day he decided to come play with me again. "Please, get dressed." I pull my pillow over my ears. He pulls it away from me. "Sophie Renee McCay! Get your ass up and get dressed. I understand this is a horrible thing to go through, I've been through it. But, I'm not going to let you make my mistakes, now get out of this bed, put on your black dress and a pair of shoes and we are going to go to Finn's funeral," he snaps before leaving my room. I kick back my covers and sit up, the world spins for a minute. Black? Why black, it's so depressing. Finn wouldn't want me in black; he'd want me in that sun dress he loved so much. With leggings. And my converse on my feet. That's the kind of thing Finn would want, he'd want me to be the sun in the dreary black sea. I slowly pull myself to my closet, and pull the dress off the hanger and a pair of leggings.

"What are you wearing?" my dad demands as I come down the steps, my anklet jingling with every step I take. He looks amused, but is trying to be angry.

"Finn hates black on me. I'm going to be the sun in the dreary blackness," I respond, putting the usual ring on my left hand.

"You're probably right. So…are you ready to go?" He grabs his keys, and looks at me, hopeful. I sigh, and then nod.

"Yeah…if I must be." He opens the door and looks at me, wanting me to go first. I take a deep breath. I can do this, I can do this. I need to say goodbye, I need to go. Finn would be disappointed if I wasn't there. My dad is watching me, waiting. I breathe out and walk out the door, going straight to the car.

"Sophie, it's going to be ok. I know right now, it seems like this is the end of the world, but you're going to get through it. And I'll be here to support you," my dad says when he gets into the car. I want to thank him, but my voice has suddenly disappeared. I merely nod and turn my attention to the window, watching houses pass us by on our way to the church. It feels like my past life, all that time with Finn seems to have flashed by too quickly, and now everything is going in slow-motion and I don't know how to stop it. The car ride seems too short, and before I know it, we reach the church; it somehow looks like it's going to be ravaged by a storm at any second. How can it be so dreary above the church when everywhere else in the sky it is a perfect, cloudless, sunny day? I slam the car door shut and everyone stares at me, the freak in color. It's like Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy opens the door from the black and white world to the amazing Technicolor world of Oz, I'm Oz and everyone else is Dorothy's past life. Finn's little sister, Cassidy runs up to me.

"Soph! I've missed you," she says, hugging my legs. My throat closes up, and all I want is to pull her into a hug and sob; sob until this misery is all over. She looks up at me, innocently happy, but sad at the same time.

"I've missed you too," I say, kneeling to be level with her. She smiles and holds out her dress for me to see.

"You look pretty, mommy made me wear black. I kept telling her Finn hates black," she says, disappointed.

"But you still look pretty, and you know Finn would think so." She sighs a bit, twirling one of her pigtails.

"When is he going to wake up? I have no one to play with now," she asks, as only a five year old can. The lump in my throat is getting bigger.

"Finn has to sleep forever now. He doesn't get to wake up," I say, trying to break it gently. Her face falls.

"Well, that sounds like no fun. Mommy said he was having fun, in Heaven. But….if he has to sleep…how is that fun?"

"Well, he has to sleep down here. Up in, up in heaven he's watching us right now, about to go play video games and all that fun stuff he likes. We won't be…we won't be able to see him again until we go to heaven," I say, finding it more and more difficult to explain this all to her.

"But, Finn doesn't have fun unless you are there. Are you leaving too?" My eyes well up. I want to tell her how much I wish I was. Tell her the truth that some dirty assholes took the only brother who paid attention to her. Tell her how horrible life is now, without him.

"I can't, I have to stay here with you. Finn…Finn told me I did." She smiles a big smile, and hugs me.

"I'm glad he did. I miss him, but I like you!" My throat officially closes up now.

I wish the funeral would pass in a blur, like so many things seemed to have done. I am not patient, and I don't want to be here, looking at the box, closed due to the violent nature of his death, that holds the love of my life. The box that holds my dreams, my hopes, my future, my sanity, how am I supposed to look at that for an hour of my life, and not want to crawl inside with him, to leave this heartless world with him? The pastor takes his place, morosely looking out at us. He taps the microphone and begins with the cliché stuff they say at every funeral, "Today we are gathered to remember the life of Finn Lucas DeWitt. He was a talented young man, being musically gifted and academically gifted. But, he was also a lucky young man, having such a wonderful family of two brothers, a little sister, and a brave mother, but also the love of a young lady who has been by his side through some tough stuff. However; he was taken from us in the prime of his life by a horrible, tragic event. Even though people took him from us, we should be grateful to God that he is in a better place, watching over all of us as we speak. Let us mourn, and hear from some family about the life of a wonderful young man." Who says such nonsense in the real world? His mom turns to me, cueing me to the fact that I have to stand up there and pretend I believe in God after this, pretend I don't want to suffocate next to him in that box. That I'm not falling apart with every breath I take in, and breathe out. I stand up and move behind the podium.

I stare at his box, trying to form all my thoughts into collected words, to form a speech that shows my grief, without making me out to be a basket case. How do you form such words when all you can think about is, your whole life is in ruins and everything you thought would be, can never be. I take a deep breath. "Finn….Finn was everything to me. We became best friends after my mom died. I was so messed up then, and he knew just what to do, even though we were the same age. He was always there to take care of me, even when we got in that accident. He took care of people….that's who he was. And…we fell in love. And now, now he's gone because of the selfishness of others and I don't know how to go on. He was the world's greatest friend, always making you smile and laugh, and he could make you forget the evil of the world. He was the world's greatest boyfriend, by always knowing when you need a compliment, or when you just need your space to think. He was….he was the world's greatest brother. I…don't even know how to word my thoughts about him, because…I'm still dealing with the fact that when I wake up, he won't be coming over. When I need a hug, he won't be there to run to. When…when I need to laugh, he won't be there. I…I honestly don't know how to be ok with all of this. All my plans for the future involved him, because it just made sense that's how it'd work out. And now, now I don't know how to even plan it again. I'm supposed to be grateful he's in a better place? I can't even wrap my head around my need to crawl into that box beside him." I step down and run outside, where it's started to rain. I sink down on a step and just let the rain wash over me, to erase all the horrible thoughts flowing around in my head, to forget what the day is.

I walk back in and take my seat next to my father, knowing everyone's eyes are on me, judging me, questioning my sanity, giving me pity. I hate them all.

The pastor says some more cliché words, and now I'm being ushered out so we can go to the burial site. Burial. It sounds so final. It sounds so empty. Just you, and a box, and six feet of dirt. Not even close enough to actually hear the people who loved you once. Cassidy dances up the aisle, the only happy face in the whole place. Is she going to remember him when she's 15 and dating? Remember how protective and loving he was? Is she going to remember everything he did for her while their mom was at work. Is she going to remember how Finn protected her and her other two brothers from the monster that is their father? Is she going to remember Finn at all? Or just what people tell her about him? He adored her, and most times acted just like a father to her. I break from my father's hold on my hand, and scoop her up, making her giggle. I hug her tight and move her to my hip. She's the only true connection I have left. His mom smiles at me.

"Do you want to ride with us? I know Cassidy would love that?" Cassidy nods eagerly. I nod, trying to smile, but it doesn't work. His mom smiles again, and links arms with me.

Midnight. My clock is flashing its numbers at me, telling me to get sleep. This is the third night I can't sleep. 12:01A.M it flashes now. I pull the pillow over my head, hoping if I block out the world, Finn will appear behind my closed eyes, or his voice will whisper in my head. Something…nothing. I throw the pillow angrily at the wall and sit up. I grab the clothes I've been wearing since the funeral, four days ago, slip on shoes and sneak out my window. I can't handle this shit. I couldn't handle it with my mother, and I can't handle this. I aimlessly follow the streets I know so well, his mother has to be up. Someone has to be up. I can't do this. I look up and get confused. Where…this can't be right.

I walk up the walk, squinting at the address in the dark. 1101. His house. But it looks like it's been abandoned for years. I walk up to the front door, and ring the doorbell. No answer. I start banging on the door. No answer. I try the knob and it crumbles in my hand. My heart beat increases. I gently push the door open to be greeted by a cloud of dust.

"Hello? Anyone here?" I cough. A snap, right above my head. I look up to the ceiling, and see a huge hole in the ceiling about five steps to my right. I turn around. The wrong house. I'm confused. I'm disoriented. This isn't where he lives. But right as I'm about to walk out, two voices sound behind me, in the kitchen. I duck into a closet, where something squishy greets me. Too dark to find out what it is now.

"She's going to figure it out. Her dreams are still linked…" one voice says, worried, panicked.

"Good," the other one hisses. "She deserves to find out the truth, the truth of her horrible existence." Shivers run up my spine.

"So, this was always the plan, wasn't it? To kill her boyfriend, to lure her to you, so you could get revenge?" the first voice says, getting angry. Even though he's angry, he sends safety back into my body. A calm. He flips on a light, sending some into the closet. I look down and scream. Finn, his mom, bodies. Everywhere bodies. Bodies! The Finn one grabs me.

"RUN SOPHIE! RUN! VAMMMMMMMMMM" he starts, but the door opens and an evil face smirks at me, but to remember that face, I cannot because I'm awoken by falling out of my bed.

"Here," my dad yawns, handing me a pill and a glass of water. "It's been awhile since you've woken up screaming. What happened?" He scratches his five o'clock shadow and looks at me. I pretend to swallow the pill and sigh.

"Nothing. Just, I was…getting married to a zombie," I lie, quickly. My dad chuckles.

"Well, we all know you watch too many horror movies. Try to go upstairs and get some more sleep, because I am," he says, patting me on the shoulder before retiring back upstairs. I throw the pill into the garbage, put on my shoes and slip out the front door. His words running through my head. "Been awhile since you've woken up screaming." As far as I'm aware, I never have. I scan my memories, I remember dreams this vivid, of course. But screaming? Bodies? Evil? Something seems way too off, something seems familiar about it all though.

I pull my sweater closer, wishing Finn was with me. He always understood things better, caught on faster, kept me warm and safe. My feet must be in tuned with my head, because they guide me to his house before I even realize that's where I wanted to be. I look up, a light is on. Relief washes through me. I walk up to the sidewalk, and the light goes off. I look at the mailbox. "Johnson." Who…the hell are the Johnson's? I look around, feeling trapped, watched. I feel like I'm in the dream. Confusion sets in as I rush home, barging in the front door. I scan through the mail, trying to find the obituary. When that fails, I run to my room, trying to find pictures. All alone. No Finn. He's missing. I dig through my drawers, nothing. Chortle is gone. Closet! They are in the closet. The light flickers on, and my dad stands in the doorway, tired, confused.

"Where is all Finn's stuff? Where is it?" I shout. The sympathetic look. The crazy look. I'm not crazy.

"Who is Finn, Sophie?" he asks, calmly. My brain hurts. Who is Finn? Finn has been my best friend since I was five. Finn was the love of my life. Who is Finn? The world fades at the edges a bit, and a dark figure takes my dad's place.

"You created him. I destroyed him. Just like she created you, and I destroyed her. It's your turn, precious," it says, sending shivers down my spine. The voice seems familiar. Like a bad memory I locked away to never remember. Created him? The room changes, back to the way it looked when I was 5. Childish. I walk into the hallway.

"Sophie? Soophie?" a female voice echoes, sounding way too close to my mom's. I walk to her sick room, what is now the guest room. The door is shut and the butterfly is hung up again. I touch it, remember how I made it for her, and it went up when she was too sick or too tired for me to be in there. I touch the handle.

"I will kill her. I will kill him. How dare they take you from me!" the voice shouts.

"Sophie! Run baby!" her voice shouts. The door opens, and five year old me runs out, looking up at me, terrified, bleeding from the knee. The…knee, my triangle scar….

"Stop…..dreaming! Pills…..Sophie!" she says, but sounding as if she were down a deep tunnel. She looks so serious. "SOPHIE!" I jolt, and almost fall off the stool. Pills? I open my hand and see the white pill gleaming in my palm. Five year old me wants me to take pills? Maybe I really am crazy. I pop the pill into my mouth, take a chug of water and trek back upstairs, the world spinning. I fall onto my bed and sleep, sleep for three days.