Kimberly somewhat strikes me as the type of person to suffer in silence. If there was something wrong she wouldn't exactly let it be known.
I will warn you now, this is going to be dark. Really, really, self-harm trigger inducing dark. It ends well, but it's not going to be a pleasant ride to get there.
Enjoy.
"Look at you." Kimberly spoke to her own reflection in the mirror. "What game are you playing at, I wonder. You think you're different? You think you can change just like that?"
Kimberly slammed a hand over the glass of the mirror to cover the reflection of herself. She had just barely managed to dial back her strength enough not to shatter the offensive item into a thousand pieces.
Even with Mirror-Kimberly obscured, that didn't stop the words that came unbidden to her mind.
Traitor.
Backstabbing bitch.
"Stop it." Kimberly hissed, closing her eyes tightly and clutching at her head trying to block the sound out. "Just stop."
Honestly, Kimberly didn't even know who she was talking to. There was nobody else in the bathroom save her, and her parents were not even home. It was just her alone in an empty house in the middle of the night.
Kimberly all alone against her worst enemy.
Her own mind.
"Do you really think your team actually needs you?" The words might have been coming from Kimberly's own lips, but she didn't know if she was even saying them, or if it was just her imagination. "What do you actually do? Cheer them on?"
"I said shut up!" Kimberly slammed her fist into the mirror full on this time. The reflective glass exploding into a shower of razor shards upon impact.
"Oh Kimberly." Mirror-Kimberly was still there on a tiny portion of the glass that survived. "I can't lie to you, you know." The expression of Kimberly's reflection turned shifted into a depraved grin that would have not been out of place upon Rita. "All you did before was cheer too. And you turned on your team back then, that's all you ever do. Betray those stupid enough to get close."
"That's not true." Kimberly immediately fled the bathroom. "I'm not that person anymore."
"Keep telling yourself that." Mirror-Kimberly would not be so easily avoided. "Too bad you'll never believe it. This is exactly who you are, Kimberly Hart, the one who backstabs her so called 'friends'."
Kimberly retreated to her bedroom and sat at the edge of her bed. For a few sweeter than honey moments, Mirror-Kimberly seemed to disappear, that mocking voice gone.
Unfortunately, nothing good lasts forever.
"You can never be forgiven, but you can make up for it." Mirror-Kimberly reappeared.
"No… not again."
"But Kimberly." Mirror-Kimberly sounded disturbingly caring. "Don't you want to be free of all this guilt? All this pain?"
"I'm not doing it." Kimberly's voice cracked, knowing her willpower was falling faster than wood before an avalanche. "No, no no no."
"But it's so easy." Mirror-Kimberly giggled. "So easy, you'll feel like an idiot for not doing it sooner."
Kimberly again held her head in her hands trying to block the voice out, but it wasn't working. Her eyes just happened to glance over and see her phone sitting nearby right within her reach. Maybe she could…
"You really think that's a good idea?" Mirror-Kimberly admonished. "They already think you're weak. How do you think they'll react if they find out you can't handle a little guilt? That you think your problems are worse than theirs? Shame on you, Kimberly."
Mirror-Kimberly was right. The entire team had problems and issues, and Kimberly's were so unimportant when compared to theirs. No, calling any of them would be just plain cruel.
"But what do I do…" Kimberly sniffled softly, the last of her resistance crumbing.
"I told you already, you know what to do. It's the easiest, and best thing for you to do." Mirror-Kimberly reassured the sobbing girl. "I'm you, you can trust me."
"Okay." At last, Kimberly broke.
With trembling hands, Kimberly reached under her bed to pull out her… ugh she hated using the words but within her mind, she had taken to calling it her "therapy kit". A somewhat extensive first aid package along with a small razor that used to sit within a box cutter. Kimberly had since found a better use for the sharp blade.
"Remember, avoid the wrists. Don't want another mishap with mom." Mirror-Kimberly reminded the ranger as Kimberly took a seat on the floor, her back to the door.
It really had been an accident the first time. A broken glass bottle had slipped and slashed a deep cut just above Kimberly's left wrist. Her mom immediately freaked out after seeing the wound like any parent would. It had been an accident yes, but it did give Kimberly a solution for her problem.
Twisted and depraved though it was.
Pulling the leg of her shorts up higher, Kimberly had to stifle her vomit at the sight of all the cuts in varying stages of healing. Rangers healed from injury quickly, but not instantly.
"There you go, just like that." Mirror-Kimberly sighed happily as Kimberly pressed the metal blade into her flesh. With a flick of her wrist, she opened a fine line in her skin.
Kimberly gasped as she felt the first surge of pain. But pain was good, it distracted her, kept her thoughts elsewhere. Deep within Kimberly's mind, a small part of her was screaming to stop but she was too far gone to hear. One, two, more cuts followed the first.
Mirror-Kimberly was still talking, but the voice sounded so far away, Kimberly couldn't even understand the words anymore. That just meant it was finally working.
Swallowing hard, Kimberly slashed a fourth wound into her leg. Wrists were too obvious, they led to questions and unwanted attention. But legs? It was easily, scarily easy, to just wear leggings and jeans all the time. No more skirts and shorts when not in bed. Nobody sees, nobody asks questions, nobody sees how weak she is.
Kimberly moaned and leaned her head back to bask in the blissful silence. She could feel the blood running across her skin, but most of it was soaking into her shorts, staining the dark material a bright crimson. They would need to be thrown out later but that was an issue for another time.
The pink ranger may have overdone it a little tonight though, normally it didn't take so many cuts before she found her peace. Her clothes were often spared from harm thankfully, it made it easier to keep this nasty little activity from her parents. Oh well, dear old mom and dad wouldn't notice something like a pair of night shorts missing.
Kimberly was two seconds from making another cut when the universe chose that moment to remind her that it totally and utterly hated her with a passion.
"Hey Kim, I saw you light was on and…" Trini scrambled through the window with cat-like agility but stopped cold when she saw Kimberly.
Kimberly had been startled with Trini's arrival so much, she dropped the razor. There was any number of scenarios Kimberly could have concocted for that moment, but it was pointless. Neither was an escape possible, Kimberly was leaning against the only door away and Trini was in front of the window. Not to mention, she doubted she could outrun the yellow ranger with her leg in its current state.
Kimberly laying on the floor and bleeding heavily from a sliced-up limb, and a bloody razor less than a foot away.
There was no explaining this away.
Several emotions passed across Trini's face in the span of a single second. Shock, panic, anger, before finally settling on a blank stare.
Trini crossed the room to Kimberly so fast, she wondered if her fellow ranger had just teleported somehow.
The other girl swatted the underside of Kimberly's leg hard, probably harder than necessary, making her raise the limb up a bit higher. With that done, Trini took some of the gauze from Kimberly's medical kit and started cleaning up the wounds. When it was to her satisfaction, she wrapped more around it. It was strange, Trini seemed to know exactly what she was doing.
The whole while, Trini said not a word, her gaze betraying no emotion save focus. Kimberly herself was unable to even make a sound. Whatever she might have tried to let out got stuck in her throat as she watched the yellow ranger work.
Once done cleaning and bandaging, Trini stood up and moved over to Kimberly's dresser and produced a different pair of shorts before tossing them into Kimberly's lap.
Kimberly stared at the article of clothing for a long moment, her brain unable to comprehend what was even happening.
"Change." Trini spoke for the first time as she turned her back to Kimberly to give her privacy, her voice possessing an icy edge that would have made Rita cringe. "If you try to run, I will catch you."
Kimberly found herself obeying even without realizing she was. The idea of making for the door was a tempting one, but she knew Trini's threat was no idle one.
"O…okay." Kimberly croaked out once done changing her shorts, groaning as the act jostled her new wounds. Their ranger pain tolerance actually worked against Kimberly, she had to cut deeply to get what she needed from it. The pain should have brought Kimberly peace as it always did, but now it was doing nothing but make her sick.
Trini turned back around and moved to kneel directly in front of Kimberly. Her face, previously a neutral mask of indifference, had turned into complete, barely contained fury. "Talk, now."
"I… I can't." Kimberly bit down hard on her lip trying not to cry.
How could she? How could Kimberly explain that she was worthless, a complete waste of life? How could she explain that she was nothing but a traitor that would one day turn on her own team like Rita did hers? How could she possibly explain that the team was better off without her?
Trini's glare grew for a moment before softening considerably. "Legs are easy, aren't they?"
Kimberly stared at Trini, flabbergasted at her choice of words. "What?"
"Easy to hide." Trini continued. "Nobody can ask if they don't see the marks. Right?"
"Uh… right."
"It doesn't work, Kim."
"Yes, it doe…"
"No, it doesn't!" Trini raised her voice for the first time, she must have known Kimberly's parents were out for the night. "For a bit? Oh yeah, it works perfect, feels good even. But it's never enough. Like taking drugs, you need more and more just to get you there. Until you reach a point you've gone too far to go back."
Kimberly knew she was sounding childish right now arguing against Trini about this but all of her points died on her tongue when Trini brought up her arms. Several rows of scars covered both wrists, every single one years old and some barely visible. How Kimberly never noticed them she had no idea.
"It… don't… work." Trini hissed pulling both arms back.
"I…" Kimberly struggled to find her voice but it wouldn't come.
"Come on." Trini moved to Kimberly's side and slung the pink ranger's arm over her shoulders. "Let's get you to bed."
Kimberly said nothing, allowing Trini to pull her back to her feet. Her world spun as she realized how dizzy and unsteady she was. If Trini hadn't been supporting her, Kimberly would have already fallen on her face.
One step at a time with a barely mobile Kimberly, Trini guided her to her bed and helped her onto it before draping the covers over the girl.
Once Kimberly was in a position Trini found acceptable, the Latina took to laying at the pink ranger's side.
"Trini, you don't need to…"
"Shut up." Trini snapped. "Into girls or not, two sisters can share a bed, right?"
"Uh…"
"Right." Trini finished her own question before Kimberly even had a chance. "Now can it and try to get some sleep or so help me god, I will knock you the hell out."
Kimberly really wasn't sure if that last part was a joke or if she was serious. Judging by the venom in Trini's voice, she was all too ready to carry it out if need be.
Not wanting to incur Trini's wrath, Kimberly acquiesced to the demand.
Seeing as how she was facing away from her alarm clock on Trini's side of the bed, Kimberly didn't know how long she lay there before sleep finally claimed her. It brought a sense of odd comfort feeling the bed dipping from Trini's weight at her side, even though one was on top of the covers and the other under them.
When Kimberly woke to get ready for school, the first thing to greet her was the stinging pain from her leg. Unlike the previous night, the pain didn't make her feel better. It just made her all the more disgusted with her worthless self.
Waking up in such a state was nothing new either, but what was weird was Trini gone and Kimberly's therapy kit was packed up and put away. There wasn't even a trace Trini had been there.
Was it all a dream?
It had to be, there was no way Kimberly was unlucky enough for Trini to stumble across her in the middle of the night and find her in the middle of her therapy. Nobody has luck that bad, not even her.
Pushing those thought out of her mind for now, Kimberly got ready for school.
Kimberly might be a waste of life, but one thing she felt she excelled in was being an actor. During the day, she was perfectly normal and managed to fool the other rangers even with their bond. She would laugh at Zack's jokes, chat with Jason, hang out with Trini, and study with Billy. Every single one was fooled by Kimberly's confidence act.
At least, they had been fooled. As Kimberly would discover at lunch, one of her friends had seen past the illusion.
"C'mon Hart, you're the only one with a cookie left." Zack whined. "I'm starving here." The black ranger flopped himself dramatically onto the lap of a scowling Jason. "Everything's going dim…"
Kimberly rolled her eyes, lips lifting ever so slightly in another fake smile. "Sheesh, we finally managed to get rid of you? We should have considered starving you earlier."
"Ouch." Zack sat up just enough to see Kimberly over the table. "That hurts, I don't know which will put me in a coma first, lack of food or your meanness."
"For god's sake." Jason effortlessly lifted Zack off his lap and back into his own seat. "I'm not a pillow."
"But you are pretty comfy, I do have to admit." Trini supplied from Kimberly's side.
"Yeah, she has a point." Kimberly agreed. She pretended to raise the cookie on her lunch tray to her mouth, just to spite Zack.
"Very true. Jason does make for a great place to lay one's head. Which is surprising considering…" Billy joined in as well but trailed off when he saw the look Jason was sending his way.
"See?" Zack grinned like a loon. "Billy and the ladies got your number, chief."
Jason had no answer for that one, save a groan.
"Cheer up." Zack patted Jason on the back. "Embrace your pillowness. It's a good thing."
Kimberly's attention was ripped away from the boy's talk by Trini's hand on her leg. The same one she cut on the night before and in the exact same spot where the bandages were concealed under loose fitting jeans.
As if Trini knew right where it was.
"Hey Kim, I lost my notes for that test next week. Mind if I borrow yours?" Trini's hand gripped tighter.
"Sure." Kimberly sucked in a sharp breath at the spike of pain Trini's grip brought. With Kimberly's ranger empowered pain threshold, the hold on her leg should have been nothing. But Trini wasn't just holding, she was squeezing, crushing even, with her full strength. Her bones would be breaking were Kimberly not so durable.
"Awesome, you're a lifesaver." Trini smiled, but her eyes spoke differently.
It was the same look of anger Trini held when she was done patching up Kimberly's wounds in what the pink ranger thought was a dream.
Giving one last heavy squeeze, Trini released Kimberly's leg with a smile and went back to her food and the group discussion.
Kimberly meanwhile, was struggling not to hyperventilate. She must have managed to keep up most of her façade because nobody else noticed her panicking at this new development.
It wasn't a dream.
It wasn't a dream.
Holy hell, it wasn't a dream!
Trini was there last night! She saw everything!
This was supposed to be a single one-shot but the beast kind of got away on me and wound up longer than I thought. I felt a good stopping point was after the lunch table scene. Trust me, it does get much better and happier.