Title: Variables
Chapter: Change (1/4)
Rating: T
Pairing: Addison/Alex
Summary: One visit. That is what Addison has told herself. Life, however, hardly runs on a plan, so when change goes into the fourth gear a choice to look back may not seem so bad after all.
Note: AU version of 4x13 "Piece of My Heart." This may not heavily be Addison/Alex, but it's more than hinted at, especially in the last chapter. Please Review, much love to those who read my fics, and I hope you Enjoy.
Everything was normal, nothing had changed.
Meredith and Derek were still Meredith and Derek.
The Chief was still trying to keep her at Seattle Grace Hospital.
Mark Sloan was still a horn dog.
The interns were still complaining.
The new residents (also known as the old interns) were as competitive as ever.
And Alex Karev also appeared the same. A bit cocky, and still stiff with the affections.
He had stuck with neo-natal, even told her he would not let anyone but her in on his case.
Then Rebecca Pope showed up, and even then Addison had not been very surprised.
She moved out of Alex's way after the stiff hug--another thing that had not changed (her being another's obstacle).
That afternoon, more or less, she just observed the hospital that was witness to her breakdowns.
She had been a part of Seattle Grace Hospital for no more than a year, but that small period there saw more whirlwinds occur to her than any other time period in her life.
She was not able to salvage her marriage, could not keep Mark in line, could not keep Alex, and ultimately would not keep her job there.
Of course, neither could she define her life according to the men that had been a part of it. Her resolve to believe that was what kept her demeanor stoic on her visit.
But soon she learned that perhaps things were different.
As it turned out, Meredith and Derek were not a McCouple anymore.
That Callie, a person she would dare to call her best friend, was now divorced.
Miranda's marriage was now on the brink, as the woman herself seemed to be.
And Alex was different too. Somehow, something had changed since her departure. She could only guess that it had something to do with Rebecca (perhaps Ava was a more appropriate name, as that is what Alex called her consistently). Because, according to a theory or two, when a man akin to Alex Karev finds a woman he wants to commit to, he is bound to change.
However, from life experience, Addison knew that it takes more than a want for commitment, it takes more than one person's presence to change another person.
Change comes when an explosive combustion rides through your veins, makes your synapses fire, jolts your brain, and affects your heart indefinitely.
Perhaps love is capable of that, but rarely had Addison heard of, let alone witnessed, a love of that sort.
She knew there was more to Alex's change than met the eye, and it was evident during his outburst at the patient's husband who kept ignoring the possible defects of his unborn child.
Never had Addison seen Alex react to a patient in that manner. He wasn't just rude and condescending--he was outwardly frustrated and irritated. His preoccupation for the baby's health showed clearly on his face, and the worrisome tone infiltrated his voice.
Dr. Bailey had not hesitated to tell him that he was practically wearing his heart on his sleeve. Bailey actually advised him to take a small break to gather himself, so he went off.
And soon thereafter, Addison trailed behind him.
She had expected him to go to the NICU unit, as he had been prone to when she was a permanent attending there.
Apparently that had changed as well, because instead she found that his trail led to a supply closet.
Once there, she knocked because she did not want to be too intrusive. Three slow knocks, but he did not answer, so she took it as an invitation.
She opened the door slowly, just poked her head in.
"Is it safe to come in?" Addison asked tentatively.
He was pacing in the small space when she poked her head in. One of his hands was on his hip, and the other rubbed against his face. When she spoke, he stopped to turn on his heel, and took his hand off of his face.
"Hey," he answered slowly.
She smiled, returned the 'hey' and closed the door behind her.
"Having a rough day?" she leaned against the door as she asked him.
He shrugged nonchalantly and averted his eyes from her.
His answer was expected to be that vague, and in return she was expected to give him a tight smile--as she did.
"How's your day going, Dr. Montgomery?" he decided small talk to be the best path.
"Good, good," she nodded and when the room remained silent after her answer, she laughed and he chuckled.
"So," she widened her eyes and raised an eyebrow at him. She stood upright and took a few steps towards him.
"Is there a reasonable explanation for that little outburst, Karev?"
His mouth parted, and he shifted his eyes.
Quickly, Addison drew her hand up and added, "You don't have to tell me, just be aware of it and leave it outside of the hospital."
She barely finished her sentence when he burst out.
"Ava's pregnant."
"I know it's none of my bus--" when his words clicked in her brain she stopped talking and dropped her hand.
She looked at him in surprise and her mouth was left agape. Quickly, she closed her mouth and cleared her throat.
"That's why she showed up today."
"Oh," Addison worded.
"Well," she clasped her hands together, " does she have a plan? I mean, is she still with her husband, is this child--"
"It's mine," he clarified for her," and yeah, she's still with her husband." He shrugged and began pacing the room again.
Addison took a deep intake of breath and gathered her thoughts, pondering what to say next.
"If she came to you, Alex, you know its because she's expecting something from you--or am I wrong?"
"Of course she expects something," he said loudly with a tone of anger," but she shouldn't--"
She heard him inhale deeply, and then he stopped in his steps to turn to Addison, but darted his eyes away as soon as they met hers.
Finally, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes momentarily.
"She's still married. She should stay with him--I can't be that guy with a wife and kids."
Slowly, Addison walked up to be in front of him.
"That guy?" she questioned him while trying to catch his gaze.
"Yeah, that guy that does barbeques for family and friends. That guy that plays catch with his kids," he said this almost in a mocking tone.
Addison furrowed her brows and crossed her arms over her chest at his words.
"What?" he said when he saw her confused gaze.
"Nothing, I just--have you been talking to Callie?"
He smirked when he realized why she asked that.
"Ava kinda heard you and Callie talking a while back about me being the decent guy or whatever."
Her mouth formed an 'oh' but it also drew more questions to mind.
"That was the same day we…" she gesticulated her arms and laughed nervously.
"Yeah," he scoffed.
"And it was also the day you dismissed my invitation so…rudely…" she put the pieces together.
"Uh, yeah."
"Well," she exhaled and clicked her tongue. She looked up at him and smiled mischievously, and in one quick movement, slapped him upside the head.
"Hey!" he grumbled and rubbed the back of his head.
"What was that for?!"
And she slapped him again.
"Hey!"
"The first one," she began with a pointed finger at him, "was for being an idiot. The second for not realizing that you're an idiot, and the third--"
"Third?" he flinched and moved his head away.
She raised her hand to him but he stopped her arm.
"I got it," he smirked.
She cocked an eyebrow.
"You get that you're being an idiot?"
When he only looked at her like a deer caught in headlines she went on.
"You are a decent guy Karev, but you appear to be the only who doesn't see that."
"Dr. Montgomery…" he sighed.
"No," she cut him off, "You're a decent guy. You know better. Are you really willing to leave your own baby in the hands of someone else, Karev, without actually attempting to be there? Or are you going to quit before trying?"
He rubbed his face with the palm of his hand and stood silently for a moment. He let his head fall against the wall, shifted his feet, until he brought his eyes to hers.
"I'm not quitting," he said defiantly.
"Then what are you doing?"
"I don't know. I just know I'm not ready."
"It's called trying, Karev. You cannot say you are not ready, when you aren't even there."
"Yeah, well thanks, but weren't you the one who said it takes more than a well-meaning speech to change someone's mind?"
She rolled her eyes--"Touche."
"But hey," he reached out and touched her hand, giving it a small squeeze," thanks."
Feeling his thumb run over her knuckles all for a second, she felt her heart take a pause, but she breathed, "yeah."
"Most people would just scream and run off, but--it's cool that you're not being resentful after everything, you know?"
And he dropped his hand from hers, suddenly making her heart drop.
"What can I say? L.A. has done wonders for me," she smiled to the best of her ability.
"Looks like it has," he smiled back.
Their gazes stayed lock for several seconds until he said, "I should get back."
"Oh, of course," she nodded firmly and he gave her a small smile before he walked to the door.
He turned the knob, but before opening the door, turned his head to her one last time.
"You know, not that the new hair color isn't hot, but it isn't exactly Satan's color of choice."
She laughed and responded," Yes, well thank you for that putting that out there. I'll keep that in mind next time."
"Alright," he grinned.
"Alright."
And even moments after he walked out of the room, she was left smiling.
Then she shook her head, took a step to the wall and banged her head against it.
She closed her eyes, inhaled deeply, and remained quiet for a second or two.
Then she stood up, exhaled, pressed on her clothes, and cracked her neck.
"Alright," she said to herself," alright."
With a confident nod, she strode to the door, and walked back into the hallways of Seattle Grace Hospital with a proud and confident smile.