A/N: Ok, this is my first songfic so bear with me. This is focused on Remus' thoughts after Sirius' death. The actual pairing ends up being Remus/Severus, but it does focus on Sirius for a little bit. This was a random song that popped out to me after I listened to it for the first time. I figured that it would make a good fic, so here it is for you. Let me know what you think.
Title: Before the Sand Runs Out
Author: kemesan (aka -inuyasha'sgirl951) I changed my name.
Words: 2297
Song used for songfic: When the Sand Runs Out
Artist of song: Rascal Flatts
Album: Feels Like Today
Disclaimer: Never will I own either of the characters mentioned in the story. All those rights belong to the original creator, J.K. Rowling. No need go into more detail, you get the idea.
Remus sat by the grave of Sirius. 'It's hard, not seeing you every day, not talking to you. I miss you and I know that you were better than me in many ways. How were you able to do so many of the things that I should have been able to, but wasn't? Part of me feels like it was against me for you to be killed.' Remus laid the flowers at the grave and sighed.
I spent the morning at an old friend's grave
Flowers and amazing grace.
He was a good man.
He spent his whole life spinning his wheels.
'You know, if I had realized it sooner. If you had told me sooner, I would have tried harder to protect you from her. If I knew then, I know that you'd still be here. I'd have made it a point to protect you within my life. If I died, it would have been for you and for no other reason. I can't help but miss you now that you're not here. I wish that you were.'
Never knowin' how the real thing feels
He never took a chance or took the time to dance.
And I stood there thinking as I said goodbye,
Today's the first day of the rest of my life.
Remus sat by the grave, thoughts continuing to assault him. ' You know, you never felt the real form of love. You never took the chance for it, never took the chance on me. You never wanted to take the time to make it your goal, the chance on me. You didn't want to do the whole 'dancing around' thing with me. Direct and to the point. Why didn't you do that back in school? Was it that hard to face me in those times?' Remus sighed as he stood again, looking at the gravestone one last time before leaving. As he turned to leave, he muttered, "It's time that I get back to my life. It's the first day of my life without you, officially. I've been neglectent to those that need me. I'll see you soon. Goodbye."
I'm gonna stop looking back, and start moving on.
And learn how to face my fears.
Love with all of my heart and make my mark.
I wanna leave something here.
' I have to move on from you, as much as I need to. If I hold hope for your return any longer, it might be too long for me to handle. You told me to be happy. That's what I'm going to do. I'm not going to be afraid of love, and I'll accept it with open arms. The fear I need to face is the reactions of the others when I tell them. When I tell them how much I loved you before you died on all of us. I want people to remember me for everything that I've done, good and bad. I want to leave something here when the air strangles me.'
Go out on a ledge without any net,
That's what I'm gonna be about.
Yeah, I wanna be running when the sand runs out.
'I want to take risks. I've decided that's what I'm going to have to do. Risks for people to remember me by. I want to keep moving as I die, because I don't want to be immobile before I die unless it's on a battlefield. I don't want to die in the hospital. It's my new decision. To take risks.'
'Cause people do it everyday.
Promise themselves their gonna change.
I've been there, but I'm changing from the inside out.
That was then and this is now.
I'm a new man, a brand new man.
'I want to be like the others who moved on with their lives and told themselves to change. I'll be one of those people, but it will take my inner emotions to help me do so. The past is then, and this is the place for me to be. I'm going to be reborn, and new. I want this for myself and for the others. I want to have the strength to do this.'
And when they carve my stone,
They'll write these words:
Here lies a man who lived life for all that it's worth.
'I've decided. I don't want to have them carve on my gravestone that I wasn't able to do anything with my life. I'm going to live life for everything withing me, for everything I have in me, for everything it's worth. I want people to know me for the things that I do now, and for the better things of the past. Not for the bad things. This is what I want, so please, let this come true for me.'
I'm gonna stop looking back, and start moving on.
And learn how to face my fears.
Love with all of my heart and make my mark.
I wanna leave something here.
"I believe that it is time." Remus said to Severus, taking a sip of coffee.
"Are you sure? You know that once this decision is made, you won't be able to go back." Severus answered, looking at Remus over the rim of his cup.
"I'm sure. It's the only thing to do. Without Sirius, there's really no point to me being here. It will only remind me of the bad things. Please have it arranged." Remus said, standing and looking out the window.
"You loved him quite a lot, didn't you?" Severus answered, turning his attention to Remus.
Remus nodded in response and then continued. " But only half as much as I love you. I don't want to hold back anymore. It's time that I faced the things that I fear so much. That I move on with my life." Remus turned to look at Severus. "I don't want to live a life with only regrets. You'll tell the others for me, of course?"
Severus couldn't do more than nod. "I still can't believe that you wouldn't give it a chance. You know, what I talked to you about before." Remus only nodded again. "I'll probably be the person that misses you the most, you realize." Again a nod. "Yes. I'll tell the others. But only for you. If it were anyone else, I wouldn't." Severus stood and then went to the door. "Rem, I need you to be careful. I don't want to risk losing you because of a stupid mistake." Severus waltzed out the door, his robes billowing gracefully behind him.
"Severus, you don't have to worry. I won't do something stupid. I don't want to risk losing you either. If you wanted to, you could come with me." Remus muttered to himself. That's when he made his decision. Remus ran after him, down to the dungeons and into Snape's offices.
"Something you need in particular?"Severus asked, looking at the wolf sideways.
"Yes. I wanted to offer you something." Remus responded, pulling up a chair across from the potions professor.
"What is this offer of yours?" Severus asked, shuffling papers around.
"You could come with me."
Severus snorted. "You know I have obligations here. I can't just up and leave. You have that option. I, on the other hand, don't." Severus paused. "Besides, why offer it to me?"
"Because of how I feel about you." Remus answered, never faltering.
"And how is that?"
"The same way you feel about me." Remus answered, smirking slightly at the shocked face of the professor. "That's why I want you to come with me."
"I can't. Remus, you know how I feel, but I can't. Why don't you just stay here? You could teach Defense again. I wouldn't mind. As long as it was you." Severus answered.
"Sev, please. Do it for me. Come with me." Remus said, taking his hand.
"You know that I can't. Please Rem, don't make me choose something like this. I love you with all of my heart, but I can't do this for you. Anything else that you asked for, I'm more than happy to do so. I'm afraid this is the only thing that I can't give you." Severus answered, averting his gaze from the werewolves'.
"You're serious. You can't leave."
Severus shook his head. "What kind of talents would I have there?" When Remus didn't answer, he shook his head. "Not even you can think of something for me. There's another reason not to go. I have everything I need here, except for you."
"Severus, I have to go. I need to get out of this place for at least a year, to try and find myself. Again mind you. I want you to come with me. Can't you take a year leave? I mean, they don't have the grounds to fire you if you only left for a year. Won't you at least consider it?" Remus asked, a slight begging tone in his voice.
Severus nodded and sighed. "How long do I have?"
Remus waved his hand around. "Roughly 2 weeks. Should give you plenty of time to make your decision. You know where I'll be waiting if you decide to come with me." Remus went to stand, when Severus shot out from behind the desk and stood in Remus' path. He took Remus' chin in his hand and tilted his face upwards. The kiss was full of love and promise. The kiss was tender in every way, and it was full of emotions that Severus never allowed himself to express.
When they broke apart, Remus opened his eyes and looked at Severus' eyes carefully. "You'd better mean that. I'll be back for you when I get back."
Severus smiled, gently and nodded. "Don't worry. I'll wait forever for you. I love you."
Remus nodded and left the classroom.
And as the cold wind blows across the graveyard,
I think I hear the voice of my old friend
Whisper in my ear.
"I'm gonna stop looking back, and start moving on.
And learn how to face my fears.
Love with all of my heart and make my mark.
I wanna leave something here."
'It's time that I left. I'll be back, but you'll be worried unless I keep you updated on the things that I'm doing. Don't worry. I'm only going to be gone for a year.' Remus thought, taking another long look at the castle, 3 days after his talk with Severus.
Remus walked up to Sirius' grave again and sat. "Hey, I'm taking off for a while. I'm going to France. I'll be there for a year and then I'll be back." Remus said to the gravestone, eyes becoming teary again. "I still love you, but it's time that I moved on. No point me sticking around here, if all I'm ever going to do is cry." The tears finally spilled out of his eyes, only the second time since he died.
Remus got up, eventually and felt a chill as the wind blew by. As he left out of the gates, he could have sworn he heard Sirius' voice tell him 'good luck'. Remus smiled and apparated to Paris to begin his journey.
A year later...
"Remus you fool! I can't believe that you went and got yourself into this!" Severus shouted at him. "What were you thinking? Or were you even thinking at all? You had me so worried." Severus calmed down after that and sat by Remus' bedside.
"Well, at least I'm still alive. I guess that we won't be able to go running in the morning huh?" Remus asked, trying to joke. It was useless. He couldn't even make himself smile, let alone Severus.
Go out on a ledge without any net,
That's what I'm gonna be about.
Yeah, I wanna be running when the sand runs out.
"That was still a stupid risk to take. It might be years before you'll be able to walk again. I don't know what I'll do without you. You had me worried for a year, and then when I find out that you're here, you nearly gave me a heart attack. Not something I want with the year that I'm having."
Remus smiled gently. "Don't worry. I'll get better soon. You wanted to go running with me right? You wanted to take place of him for me." Remus smiled again. "We'll go running soon. I promise you that. I want to be able to run before my time here runs out."
"As do I. I want to run with you at my side before the sand in the hourglass runs out."
A/N: Ok so this is it. It got longer than I thought that it would, but what do you think? I know, it kind of ended up not really having much Sirius in it, but that's the reason that we got to this point in the first place. Not much really else to say, so I'll sign off for now. Jane!