Author: Matt Shand
Email: matthew_shand@b...
Feedback: Most welcome
Fandom: ViewAskew
Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Archive: Yes
Summary: What happens when Jay and Bob fight to far?
Notes: First slash fic be gentle :P Unbeta'd.
Disclaimer: Don't own the characters
In front of a small store in the suburbs, the shutters are closed and a paper sign saying "We are actually open." covers them. A tall dark-haired woman walks out of the store, turns to her left and keeps walking, she passes a pair of men who are leaning against the window of the store next door. One of the men is puffing from a dog-end, a quiet and slightly rounded figure in a long dark trenchcoat and black baseball cap, the other a tall thin figure dressed in rap style clothing, as the woman passes them the thin one turns to face her and shouts...
"Yo baby! Ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?!?..."
His shouting then becomes singing as rap music starts quietly playing around him
"Lemme lick your ass up and down, lick it till my tongue goes doo-doo brown...!"
With an entraged glare the woman turns and gives the pair the finger before smartening her step and speeding off round the corner, the thinner of the pair turns to his comrade and shrugs
"Fuckin rug-muncher ehh Bob? Damned lesbians always tryin ta fool us, bet all that bitch needs is some serious deep dickin..."
His silent comrade shrugs wordlessly and rolls his eyes ever so slightly before a young kid comes running up to the pair, heading straight for Bob and stopping just short of them he glances from left to right and leans forward conspirationally.
"Hey, I hear if I want to get some shit I've gotta find these two guys called Jay and Silent Bob, that's you two ain't it?"
Quietly Bob smiles as Jay starts banging one fist off the shutters in rythm with a song only he seems to be hearing, nodding slightly he exclaims.
"Yo, respect huh? I'm Jay, and this here's my hetero life-mate Silent Bob, representin..... So, you wants to score some shit?" He turns to his partner in crime as the young man nods "Bob, show him the shit."
Bob opens his coat slowly and reaches inside, pulling out a small sealed plastic bag with a gram or so of brown crumbly material in the bottom, a faint smile crosses his lips as he holds it out to the youth who reaches for it...
"Bitch! You gotta pay us first lil kid!! 15 bucks huh?"
The kid hands Bob the 15 bucks and glares at Jay as he takes the merchandise and hides it in his coat pocket, half-turning and starting to walk off the kid jerks a thumb at Jay and looks at Bob.
"How bout keepin that lil clown-shoe, fuck of a side-kick of yours on a shorter leash huh?"
Jay swiftly raised his fist and started forward to smack the kid, finding himself stopped by Bob's hand across his chest he looks sullenly at Bob as the kid runs off, Jay screaming at him as he rounds the corner.
"Side-kick? Fuck you kid! This tubby-fuck here doesn't even say anything! He's the damned side-kick!!!"
Looking down he found Bob's hand still across his chest and saw that he had his head lowered, slowly shaking it from side to side.
"Yeah? You calling me your fucking side-kick too now you fat-fuck!?!"
Bob looked up sharply with horror on his face as he shook his head emphatically. Jay just glared at him and tore his own hat off, throwing it to the floor in front of him in disgust.
"You know what fatty? Fuck you! I'm going solo, renolds style, I don't need some fat fuck keeping me down..."
Jay turned and stormed away from Bob, heading round the corner and out of sight. When he was gone Bob leaned over and picked up the abandoned hat, a single tear forming in his eye as he held it to his chest and walked slowly back to the flat, all thoughts of hanging out at the shop gone from his head with the loss of his comrade.
Alone he got home and opened the door, stepping to one side to let Jay through, then realising Jay wasn't there and stepping through sullenly and slouching on the couch like a man defeated. For hours Bob sat untill a knock came at his door, quietly and slowly he got up, still clutching the hat and walked to the door. He opened it, his face a mask of pain, and saw hi mouthy comrade there at the door, a look of suprise and confusion swept over his features until Jay grabbed his hat back and shrugged.
"hey man, uhh, I forgot something...............you're holding our shit..."
Bob's face cracked into a huge grin of relief as he hugged his colleague tight against him.
"Yo yo tubby! You ain't turning gay on me huh? Couldn't you just say something, or would that be to easy for you?"
Jay winked and stepped past Bob, heading to the couch, as he passed Bob shut the door behind him and turned, smiling faintly and whispering sotto voice...
"I love you, you stupid clown shoe..."
Email: matthew_shand@b...
Feedback: Most welcome
Fandom: ViewAskew
Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Archive: Yes
Summary: What happens when Jay and Bob fight to far?
Notes: First slash fic be gentle :P Unbeta'd.
Disclaimer: Don't own the characters
In front of a small store in the suburbs, the shutters are closed and a paper sign saying "We are actually open." covers them. A tall dark-haired woman walks out of the store, turns to her left and keeps walking, she passes a pair of men who are leaning against the window of the store next door. One of the men is puffing from a dog-end, a quiet and slightly rounded figure in a long dark trenchcoat and black baseball cap, the other a tall thin figure dressed in rap style clothing, as the woman passes them the thin one turns to face her and shouts...
"Yo baby! Ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?!?..."
His shouting then becomes singing as rap music starts quietly playing around him
"Lemme lick your ass up and down, lick it till my tongue goes doo-doo brown...!"
With an entraged glare the woman turns and gives the pair the finger before smartening her step and speeding off round the corner, the thinner of the pair turns to his comrade and shrugs
"Fuckin rug-muncher ehh Bob? Damned lesbians always tryin ta fool us, bet all that bitch needs is some serious deep dickin..."
His silent comrade shrugs wordlessly and rolls his eyes ever so slightly before a young kid comes running up to the pair, heading straight for Bob and stopping just short of them he glances from left to right and leans forward conspirationally.
"Hey, I hear if I want to get some shit I've gotta find these two guys called Jay and Silent Bob, that's you two ain't it?"
Quietly Bob smiles as Jay starts banging one fist off the shutters in rythm with a song only he seems to be hearing, nodding slightly he exclaims.
"Yo, respect huh? I'm Jay, and this here's my hetero life-mate Silent Bob, representin..... So, you wants to score some shit?" He turns to his partner in crime as the young man nods "Bob, show him the shit."
Bob opens his coat slowly and reaches inside, pulling out a small sealed plastic bag with a gram or so of brown crumbly material in the bottom, a faint smile crosses his lips as he holds it out to the youth who reaches for it...
"Bitch! You gotta pay us first lil kid!! 15 bucks huh?"
The kid hands Bob the 15 bucks and glares at Jay as he takes the merchandise and hides it in his coat pocket, half-turning and starting to walk off the kid jerks a thumb at Jay and looks at Bob.
"How bout keepin that lil clown-shoe, fuck of a side-kick of yours on a shorter leash huh?"
Jay swiftly raised his fist and started forward to smack the kid, finding himself stopped by Bob's hand across his chest he looks sullenly at Bob as the kid runs off, Jay screaming at him as he rounds the corner.
"Side-kick? Fuck you kid! This tubby-fuck here doesn't even say anything! He's the damned side-kick!!!"
Looking down he found Bob's hand still across his chest and saw that he had his head lowered, slowly shaking it from side to side.
"Yeah? You calling me your fucking side-kick too now you fat-fuck!?!"
Bob looked up sharply with horror on his face as he shook his head emphatically. Jay just glared at him and tore his own hat off, throwing it to the floor in front of him in disgust.
"You know what fatty? Fuck you! I'm going solo, renolds style, I don't need some fat fuck keeping me down..."
Jay turned and stormed away from Bob, heading round the corner and out of sight. When he was gone Bob leaned over and picked up the abandoned hat, a single tear forming in his eye as he held it to his chest and walked slowly back to the flat, all thoughts of hanging out at the shop gone from his head with the loss of his comrade.
Alone he got home and opened the door, stepping to one side to let Jay through, then realising Jay wasn't there and stepping through sullenly and slouching on the couch like a man defeated. For hours Bob sat untill a knock came at his door, quietly and slowly he got up, still clutching the hat and walked to the door. He opened it, his face a mask of pain, and saw hi mouthy comrade there at the door, a look of suprise and confusion swept over his features until Jay grabbed his hat back and shrugged.
"hey man, uhh, I forgot something...............you're holding our shit..."
Bob's face cracked into a huge grin of relief as he hugged his colleague tight against him.
"Yo yo tubby! You ain't turning gay on me huh? Couldn't you just say something, or would that be to easy for you?"
Jay winked and stepped past Bob, heading to the couch, as he passed Bob shut the door behind him and turned, smiling faintly and whispering sotto voice...
"I love you, you stupid clown shoe..."