Angry words ring around us, like glass shattering; broken promises and lost dreams echo off the walls of this house, like countless dreams before them. This is a house of the dead, where love dies… barren walls stained with the invisible blood of a thousand tears. I don't know why I said it. don't know why I couldn't just for once keep my mouth shut. We were just starting to get close… Why did I have to drive him away? Why do I always have to drive them away? It's like a nightmare in slow motion, and my mind travels back in time to another fight with another man who meant the world to me…
Why do I have to replay my relationship with every man I meet? Why can I just once let go of the past and reach out for love? Instead I hear my father's voice echo in my ears, accusations of weakness and betrayal. I wasn't meant for love; that is a vice that I am fated to be denied. And still I keep reaching into the flames, hoping that this time – just this once I won't be burned. Reaching for a flame bright enough to warm my heart….
This was going to be the one that changed everything, soul mates. We were going to make love in the rain, time was going to stand still and we were going to love forever. I hear the bitter laughter in my throat, mocking my own thoughts just as he thinks I'm mocking him. I believed… in life, a life that could never be mine.
My heart begs me to speak, to reach out for him, but the familiar ice flows through my veins, freezing my body in place, denying me movement or speech as I watch him walk away. The door slamming releases me and I fall to my knees, desperately searching for something to hold on to.
Failure again, gone… alone.
Love slipped through my fingers, and my mind reels confused and agonized like a wounded animal weaving between the glittering daggers of headlights in rush hour traffic. Pain brittle and sharp as my soul threatens to shatter altogether, leaving me as empty as the woman I have replaced.
I hear the scream as it wells up in my throat, a primal and broken thing, and the door opens. When the light spills into the darkened room, his silhouette reaches out for me. I can't find the strength to stand, to go to him, but he stops me gently… lifting me into his arms, refusing to let me crawl as so many others have demanded. He cradles me close. The scent of him overwhelming. Something opens in my heart and I fall into it, lost in the warmth of the flame he ignites.