Chapter 2
The Martha duel
BS: Note, read the 'Tell a tubby (teletubby) duelist to die"
It'll be easier on you foolish mortals!
Yugi: I've got to meet Martha Stewart!
Tea: Have you learned nothing?
Yugi: Yes! Toucan Sam says follow your nose!
Tea: No... about winning those contests...
Yugi: Oh, make sure you don't accidentally give drano to people that you don't want to kill!
Tea: You Dumbass! The Teletubbies! I don't want to have to come and save your sorry ass again!
Tristan: Hey Joey!...would you hate me if I went out with your sister?
Joey: I'd abhor you!
Tristan?
Joey: I just recently heard that word... I have no clue what it means!
Tristan: Really?
Joey: No I wouldn't hate you... as long as you keep her away from Duke!
Martha: (on tv duh) Yoga bags are so pretty, they fit Yoga bags, AND make you look special and most of all...you will feel a great sense of accomplishment for making a cylindrical object not used for sex!
Joey: That reminds me... go ahead and go out with Serenity, don't forget she likes to feel things so don't think she's being straightforward with you, she was blind after all!
Martha: Next we will show you how to eat what you want and always get the body you want! Liposuction!
Tea: I'm going to scream if I see her give another answer with that stupid nod!
Martha: No more vegetables! now it's meat!nods and dairy
Tea: Aaargh! I don't see why you'd want to meet her!
Yugi: Alright...Really? I'm caller 7? Yay! I get to meet Martha Stewart!
Tea: so 6 other people want to see her then, what's the world coming to?
Yugi: I get to bring 3 guests? really! Thank you! hangs up All I have to do is say my name up there and I can bring 3 other people! So you can all come!
Tea: No thanks.
Yugi: You could go to school and say you met a celebrity!
Tea: no
Tristan: Hey! Take me, Joey, and Serenity!
Joey: Oh sorry! On that day I have something I need to do!
Yugi:...I never said which day.
Joey: Ummm which day is it?
Yugi: Next Thursday..
Joey: Yep I have something on that day that cannot be missed!
Yugi: ...Hey, I know! Me, Tristan, Serenity, and Duke!
Tristan: Yugi, please-
Yugi: I've made up my mind!
Tristan: But
Yugi: I said " I've made up my mind!"
Tristan: fine.
Yugi: I'm going to call Duke! calls Hey Duke! How's it?
Duke: Great! I got a new cheerleader!
Yugi: Would you like to see Martha Stewart next Thursday?
Duke: Who's coming?
Yugi: Me, Tristan, and Serenity
Duke: Serenity eh? Of coarse!
Yugi: Yay! I'll meet you on Thursday at Martha Stewarts house!
Duke: Umm how are we supposed to get there?
Yugi: You figure it out! click
Tristan: Are you sure?
Yugi: YES! Joey, get Serenity to come!
Tea: I'm going to duel people at the food court and bet cards
Yugi: Want me to come?
Tea: No, you can watch Martha Stewart.
Joey: Fine calls Hey Serenity! You want to see Martha Stewart with Yugi, Tristan and Duke?
Serenity: Why?
Joey: I can't go and they want you to go
Serenity: Sure!
Yugi: Yeah!
Joey: Bye sis! hangs up
Yugi: I can't wait to see Martha Stewart!
Tristan: ...duke...
Yugi: What?
Tristan: It's nothing!
Yugi: ...okay, hey wait! I have an idea! Let's make something for Martha! I'm going to make her something...but it'll have to be small and light... I know! A leopard skin Bikini!
Joey Tristan: Ewww
Yugi: Fine... I wonder what Tea's doing
(they go and see Tea and Seto Kaiba dueling)
Tea: alright... I summon soul of purity and light by offering 2 light monsters from my graveyard and put this card face down...your turn
Seto: You remember you betted your Dark Magician girl for my blue eyes
Tea: yep
Seto: Well this will be the final move! Blue eyes attack!
Tea: Mirror force!
Seto: Oh S#!
Tea: Now I use-
Seto: Ring of destruction!
Tea: hey... no fair! it's a tie!
Yugi: Hey Tea! you didn't beat kaiba? I have!
Seto: Correction... Yami has... you know? Yami is such a funny name.
Tea: okay... why are you here?
Seto: Yami, Yami, Yami, Yami... Yami is Yummy, in my tummy, that I think is funny
Mokuba: You're not a good poet..
Seto: Shut up brat!
Mokuba: Don't ever tell me to shut up! Ooh more root beer! goes and drinks some cans
Tea:... I hope he knows that's not root beer... it's budlight.
Seto: Well Tea... our duel was quite... amusing
Tea: You didn't win
Seto: So?
Tea: it was a tie
Seto: Well if it weren't for your mirror force!
Tea: Well if it weren't for your ring of destruction!
Seto: Are you as turned on as me?
Tea: NO! ...whispermeet me in the bathrooms over there
Yugi: I heard that! how come you don't love me?
Tea: cause you're an immature poor bastard and I like people who're taller than me
Yugi: Hey there's Bakura!
Bakura: What! I'm just eating my lunch!
Yugi: pickles and a burrito?
Bakura: Yeah! Gotta problem with that?
Yugi: ...you're british...I thought you guys only had tea and crackers
Bakura: Biscuits, Yugi, biscuits!
Yugi:...can I have a pickle?
Bakura: No you stupid Jap! Go eat some sushi or squid!
Yugi: But they're so nasty!
Bakura: Are you threatening me?
Yugi: did you just quit smoking again? Dammit stop it!
Bakura: So? I can't find my nicotine patch!
Yugi: Go buy a new one!
Bakura: Can't... they won't sell it to people under 18
Yugi: Well yami's over 1,000 yrs old!
Bakura: He don't look it
Yugi: Well, plastic surgery has developed in recent years
Yami: And running on the beach naked with hippies makes you young at heart!
Yugi: See? Yami has the biggest heart in the world! it just doesn't work!
Yami: So don't use cell phones! my pacemaker will break craps!
Yugi: How?
Bakura: Are you a schizo?
Yugi: why?
Bakura: Who are you talking to?
Yugi:Yami
Bakura: Quit screwing with me!
Yugi:... hey! Did you know that I get to meet Martha Stewart?
Bakura: Oh my god! Martha! She's one of my role models! she and the golden girls! They are so sexy!
Yugi: ... I hope that comment wasn't made under the influence of ecstacy
Bakura: ... no, cocaine!
Yugi: Yay! some good stuff! I've got to get something for Martha Stewart! But what should I give her?
Bakura: a leopard skin bikini, duh!
Yugi: I thought I should too but everybody said it was wrong...
Bakura: There's nothing wrong about it! old woman almost naked is beautiful, it gives you a new respect for elders! Oh how I wish Martha would come to me with that pinroller! ... THAT'S IT! I NEED SOMEONE RIGHT NOW OR CHRISTMAS IS COMING EARLY FOR THE PIZZA GIRL!
(everyone turns to Bakura in disgust)
Yugi: Eww...
Pizza Girl: I'm right here baby!( does the shimmy and her love handles wag like shopping bags)
Bakura:... I... am... SO...sorry for that... comment!
Pizza Girl: My obesity has cause me to never find love! (starts bawling eyes out)
Yugi: and being able to stand straight up without falling forward
Bakura: Maybe working at the Pizza Place is a good job for you
Pizza Girl: You better hope I don't catch up to you cause I'd sit on you!
Bakura: Uh oh! (Bakura starts running as the girl waddled after him)
Yugi: ... I thought fat people couldn't run? Ooh! Spencer's Gifts!
(the day of meeting Martha Stewart)
Yugi: Hey Duke!
Duke: I guess we're going the same way!
Yugi: Yep! hey Duke your seat on the plane is right next to Serenity's!
Tristan! wanna switch Duke?
Duke: oh no I'm fine!
Serenity: I can't wait to meet her! I wonder if she'll give away door prizes!
Duke: Let's go on the plane!
(on the plane)
Duke: So Serenity... do you have a boyfriend?
Serenity: No...why?
Tristan: glare, glare
Duke: Just a question, someone as beautiful as you would seem to have a lot of people who want you
Serenity: Thank you, Duke. That was sweet
Tristan: ...must ...KiLL...Duke (eyes twitch)
Yugi: Ooh head sets! Yea! Hanson! (sings wrong words) Jukebox, yeah the Jukebox
Tristan: oh my god...
Duke: So what do you like?
Serenity: I like music
Duke: I do too!
Serenity: I like pop, soft rock, and some classical
Duke: I like just about everything...except country, they sometimes annoy me. I mean "www.memories?" and that one song by Garth brooks? how corny can you get?
Serenity: dunno, but you do have to give them credit as musicians, even though they kinda suck sometimes... hey that reminds me! do you ever watch American Idol?
Duke: Yeah!
(goes on for a while)
Yugi: (still singing the wrong words) Take your pants off doo doo, doo doo and make it happen
Tristan: It's take your passion and make it happen!
Yugi: doo dee doo!
Duke: So do you duel?
Serenity: Somewhat... Joey taught me a bit and I got a deck but it's not great
Duke: wanna duel?
Serenity: Sure!
( the flight attendant named Rosa come by in an outfit and talks to people in a high bubbly voice)
Rosa: If you'd like to duel go to the back room and there will be a miniature dueling field!
Duke: Perfect timing!
(they go and duel)
Serenity: All right, can I go first?
Duke: Anything love!
Tristan: kick his ass, kick his ass KICK HIS ASS!
(people stare at Tristan)
Tristan: go Serenity!...
Serenity: okay! first I'll play this monster defense mode! this is defense mode right?
Duke: Yes! You are a fantastic duelist!
Yugi: He'll always be my tulip, my tulip! and where he leads I'll follow, I'll follow
Tristan: IT'S HE'LL ALWAYS BE MY TRUE LOVE
Yugi: Yeah...that does make more sense
Rosa: (smiling and still speaking with the high happy voice) if anyone would like a magazine just raise your hand
(Yugi and Tristan raise their hands)
Yugi: Something PG
Tristan: Something not PG!
Duke: I will play Skull Assailant and have him attack
Serenity: This is my spirit of the harp, so... you lose life points right? (S8000/D7200)
Duke: WOW! How did you devise such a brilliant strategy!
Serenity: Really! It's that good!
Duke: Of coarse!
Tristan: Yeah of coarse it is! whisper, whisper cause Duke sucks!
Serenity: My turn and I use Fairy's gift to attack and set down a trap, I mean, a trap or magic card! heh-heh! (S8000/D7200)
(goes on for a while; duke plays a lame card and keeps accidentally attacking spirit of the harp)
(S7000/ D1200)
Duke: wow there is no way I can beat you!
Yugi:(reading Highlights for children)
Tristen: (reading Victoria's secret catalog) you have to have I.D. she says! oOoh!
Duke: My Ryukishin Powered will attack spirit of the harp! oops I made a mistake again!
(S7000/D800)
Serenity: I will have her attack you directly!
(spirit of the harp kills Duke with a snapped harp string)
Serenity: I've won!
Rosa: Please let other duelists who actually know how to play have a turn!
Duke: for a woman with such a sweet voice she sure knows how to hurt one's feelings
Rosa: We will arrive at our destination in an hour or so and all the people having 'whoopie' in the bathrooms...other people need to use them!
Man: Hey that gives me a new idea!
Woman: This honeymoon is so much fun!
Tristan:...eww
Yugi: Haha! That Goofus! he's so funny, but stupid! Why can't he be more like Gallant? Haha!
Serenity: Now I shall send you to the shadow realm!
Tristan!
Duke?
Yugi! (singing) I travel to Atlantis! I Travel to atlantis!
Tristan: Although I don't know the song I have a feeling it's the wrong words
Serenity: So what's that poster over there supposed to mean?
Duke: (turns around and sees a poster with Pegasus on it that says " Now I shall send you to the shadow realm, Duel monster's tournament XP coming soon) oh thank God!
Yugi: I travel to atlantis, everytime I think of you
Serenity: It's I travel to Romantis, I remember that song!
Tristan: I knew it!
Yugi: I thought Pegasus died at the hospital?
Tristan: unfortunately not... He was released with a glass eye that looks real except that it glows in the dark
Yugi: I feel sorry for him and Cecilia... I wonder how heartbroken he is...
(later at Martha Stewart's mansion)
MS(martha): Welcome to The hundred Acre Woods!
everybody?
MS: What?
Tristan: Where did you come up with that?
MS: If Michael Jackson can name his Mansion 'Never never land' from Peter Pan then I can name mine from Pooh!
Yugi: Okay...
MS: Would you like a balloon?
Yugi: No thanks, I've learned my lesson from what happened to little Georgie (steven king's 'IT')
MS: Yeah, that poor little boy...Bad, Michael Jackson, BAD!
Tristan:... Yugi, Pennywise isn't real
MS: Oh, well... I guess I'll give you the grand tour of my mansion, come along!
(they go inside)
MS: Here is one of my living rooms (she points to a room where you can see the back of a person's head crying while watching Golden Girls)
Pegasus: Oh Blanche! sniff Your only as old as you feel!
Tristan, Duke and Serenity: Pegasus?
Yugi: Golden Girls! I LOVE GOLDEN GIRLS!
(Yugi joins Pegasus on the couch)
Pegasus: Tissue?
Yugi: Thank you!
Pegasus: I'm sorry I tried to kill you!
Yugi: I'm sorry I had to defeat you!
Pegasus: I'm sorry I took the souls of Mokuba and Kaiba
Yugi: And I'm sorry that I don't care about them!
Pegasus: And... sniff... I'm sorry that I didn't say Goodbye to your Grandpa when he left!
Yugi: Huh!
Pegasus: He didn't tell you?
Yugi: No! what?
Pegasus: You SURE he didn't tell you?
Yugi: All he told me is that you took his soul and you were evil!
Pegasus: I knew I shouldn't of pissed him off!
Yugi: Why?
Pegasus:... Solomon is... my father!
Dun, dun, dun
MS: Darn! My computer has another virus!
Serenity: How do you put those sounds in?
MS: My bookie does it for me
Yugi: You can't be my father!
Pegasus: No! I'm your uncle!
Yugi: Then why is your last name Pegasus?
Pegasus: its Cecilia's last name... I took her's when we were married
MS: And soon you'll be Maximillian Stuart!
Pegasus: Yes! I am forever your faithful bitch! (turns to T.V.) Oh Dorothy! Hold me so tightly in your arms!
MS: Ooh! I love it when you give me new names!
Pegasus: (not paying attention)
Yugi: Uncle Peggy!( hugs Pegasus)
Pegasus: Get off me!
Yugi: No! hug, hug
MS: Would you all like the rest of the tour?
Serenity: What's a Sea Breeze?
Tristan: Well it's-
Duke: The winds over the Atlantic ocean!
Tristan:...
Serenity: Looks like some good kool-aid!
Tristan: That's not kool-aid!
Serenity: Oh.
MS: Hey! okay I admit it... that's my favorite drink, get out of there!
Pegasus: That was a great episode!
Yugi: (singing) Thank you for being a friend! Travel down the road and back again! You're heart is true
( a big long wet fart is heard)
All: ...
Pegasus: I didn't do it!
Yugi: Whoever denied it supplied it!
Serenity: That smells really bad!
Yugi: Whoever smelt it dealt it!
Tristan: Oh! For God's sake! Yugi! You know you're not supposed to have Mexican food!
Yugi: I'm sorry... I got a little emotional... Oh yeah! I forgot! Martha, I got you something! (hands her a bag with the telletubbies on them)
MS: Hey didn't the telletubbies die?
Yugi: Yeah!
MS: Who could of been brave enough too of take on those monsters?
Yugi: Well, I, wouldn't wanna brag but it was-
MS: THEY SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES!
Yugi!... it was Keanu Reeves
MS: That parALYzeD BastARD!...oOh! Fuzzy leopard skin underwear! I love it! Peggy? How about we go experiment?
Pegasus: (looks at another episode) Time is of the essence Rose! just wait!
MS: okay let's go on!
(they leave)
Pegasus:... Don't tell them about the end of that story from that book! Then they'll never leave the strip Club!
(with the group)
MS: And in here is my dueling arena!
(they look at a huge dueling Arena where there were lot's of platforms that could move around the room like a railroad)
Tristan: Do all of the platforms have to have Pastel colors?
Martha: Yes! I am the fashion designer here!
Tristan:...okay
Martha: and in here we have my maid who also checks up on the news and the stock market! She works part-time here and on Airplanes
Rosa: Hi ya'all!
Tristan: Your here too?
Rosa: Yes...My mommy made me work for her! And I just went and looked up and found who killed the telletubbies!
Yugi: Don't say it!
Rosa: Why?
Yugi: cuz I said so!
Rosa: Anyhoo, it was a kid named Yugi Moto!
MS: gasp YOU KILLED THE TELETUBBIES!
Yugi: Hey! You are making love to the drag queen over there!
Pegasus: Oh! that's just rude! And you're one to talk! I know about you and the Dark Magician!
Yugi: We didn't do anything! I swear!
Serenity: Eww gross!
Tristan: Do I need to call the shriek?
Duke: Or the shaman from your town?
Tristan: We don't have one...
Yugi: humph well, what about you and your funny bunny?
Pegasus: Hey! Cartoons are sexy!
MS: It's time for us to duel!
Yugi: Yikes!
Pegasus: And allow me to help you my dear!
MS: You! Rosa! you help us out too!
Tristan: Well then I guess I'll just have to help Yugi!
Serenity: I wanna duel too!
Duke: belch Yo! I wanna duel...duel you too...too wanna duel...chicken nuggets... (passes out)
MS: He drank everything in my wine cabinet!
Serenity: I can't stand people who get drunk! Duke! We're through!
Rosa: Do I have to duel?
MS: YES! Or do I need to call your mom and tell her the deal is off?
Rosa: No ma'am...
everyone: It's time to duel!
Yugi: A 3 on 3...how does this work?
MS: 4000 LP, turn order me, you, Peggy, Tristan, Rosa, then Serenity and with our all-star team, we shall not lose! And now!
(the duel stands roll around on the tracks and it lined up on 2 sides and everyone gets on)
MS: My turn, I set a card face down defense mode!
Yugi: I summon my Celtic warrior in attack mode and I'll leave him like that for fun!
Pegasus: My turn Yugi-boy! I play a monster in defense mode and a card face down! now...tristan-boy! your turn!
Tristan: Oh, shut up you twit! I play dark fire soldier in attack and I'll attack Pegasus!
(the face down card ends up being the mask of darkness) your turn
Rosa: ... umm I'll play a card in defense mode and stop there.
Serenity: Alright! I summon my dancing fairy to attack Pegasus!(P2300)
MS: Alright! now I flip cyber jar and now you should all now what to do!
(everybody draws five cards and then the field is set up MS-2 monsters face down/YugiBeaver warrior, 2 face down cards/Pegasus-Red archery girl/ Tristan- cyber commander and Robotic Knight/ Rosa- 1 card face down/Serenity- 2 cards face down)
MS: Do you think you really stand a chance against us now?
Pegasus: Especially with my Millenium eye!
Yugi: Well I have the power of the Millennium puzzle!
Pegasus: Well I see all! All is what I see!
MS: Well I have a millennium item of my own!
Yugi: No you don't!
MS: Check out the power of my Millennium Spatula!
Yugi: What could that possibly do!
MS: I could throw it at you!
Yugi: No! Don't do that! You'll ruin my pretty face!
MS: What pretty face?
Pegasus: Hey! We have the same nose!
Tristan: This is Anime moron!
Pegasus: I am going to kill you and killing you is what I'll do!
Tristan: ...okay
MS: Not even God can save you from my Millennium Spatula!
Yugi: Thank god I'm Atheist!
Pegasus: Let's play this duel in the shadow realm!
MS: Let's!
(they touch millenium items by having Martha poke him in the eye and then they are sent to the shadow realm)
Serenity: it's so dark!
Tristan: Don't worry, I'll try to get us out
Serenity: Try!
Tristan: I can't guarantee anything
Duke: Whoo! I'm floating!
(duke flies around in the shadow realm)
Yugi: Oh no! I'm in the shadow realm! I'm allergic to the powers of darkness!achoo, achoo
Yami: Let me take over!
Yugi: Where have you been?
Yami: Hey, what can I say? I got tired and decide to throw one of your teddy bears somewhere inside the Millennium puzzle and look for it!
Yugi: You threw one of my symbolic teddies?
Yami: Hey! You try not doing anything for 3 days!
Yugi: Did you find it?
Yami: No...but I found the legos I threw last week!
(everyone but Yugi looks at him and wonder who he's talking to)
MS: If you switch I'll have to hit you with this! (holds the spatula as the sunburst effect swirls around the top of it)
Yami:...you're on your own, bye!
Yugi: Hey wait!
Yami: I'm going to go look for your Scrabble game, remember?
Yugi: Scrabble! You threw that too!
Yami: Whoops!
MS: Your turn, Yugi
Yugi: My turn? okay so I sacrifice it for summon skull and attack Rosa!
Rosa: Thank you, now I get to use apprentice magician's effect and draw another card to the field
Yugi: stupid! I play a face down card
Pegasus: first I sacrifice red archery girl for summon skull as well!
Yugi: Yours will not prevail over mine!
Pegasus: then I activate...TOON WORLD!
(toon world comes on the field and turns summon skull into that green, muscle-head we know as Toon Summon Skull)
Tristan: You have got to be kidding
Pegasus: I'll attack Serenity because I don't like little girls!
Serenity: instead you like little boys.
Pegasus: What's wrong with that?
(summon skull flexes his biceps then blows everybody raspberries then gets ready to shock serenity as Yugi activates Spellbinding circle)
Yugi: Your summon skull is trapped
( toon summoned skull blows a special raspberry for Yugi)
Tristan: My turn and I play Raigeki and then I sacrifice my 2 monsters for my creature of mass destruction! come forth Mystical knight of Jackal!
(Mystical knight of jackal appears)
Duke: Ooh! Doggy warrior!
(Duke flies into MKOJ and he swats him with the back of his Katals into the shadows only for him to bounce back in elastic collision (otherwise never loses speed or gains it)
Duke: WEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Tristan: Next I'll attack Pegasus
Pegasus: I activate Enchanted javelin!
MS: I thought knights were supposed to have swords? What the hell is that in his hand?
Rosa: A katal, Ms. Stuart.
MS: Why can't he have a whip?
Pegasus: I do in my room!
Rosa: Can I go now?
Tristan: Sure.
Rosa: Alright I summon breaker the magical warrior and a card face down
Serenity: Alright for my move I will first sacrifice my 2 monsters for my wingweaver and then remove the 2 monsters I just put in my graveyard out of play to summon Soul of purity and light and I will use soul of Purity and light to attack Rosa
(rosa3900)
And then I'll attack Pegasus with Wing-
Duke: Whoo-hoo! I'm the only one flying! (flies into wingweaver's breasts and then gets smacked by wingweaver into MKOJ who again hits him into the shadows)
Pegasus: Aww! How come he's the only thing flying around?
Announcer: Yugi has met the -evil- Martha Stewart and is being forced into a shadow game with his friends alongside him….How will he win? How can he make sure his friends won't be sucked into the shadows? What is it with him and old women? Is Duke really the only one flying around? We'll see next time on Yu-yu y-y-y-y YUGI-OH!
TO BE CONTINUED…
author notes: heh, just like a real episode… stops in the middle of a battle. The reason I am doing this is for my fans who have been awaiting this and ever since my computer crashed a while ago (I finally got it working enough to pull this off and onto a floppy to upload it) …I still need to find where the other fanfic files on it are… anyhoo this isn't the ending…just wait a while for me to finish…o'kay?