This may possibly be the start of a new story. OR it could be just a one shot. Either way, this one is a lil somthin' somethin' I cooked up the other night! Let me know what you think! R&R. Show me some loveeee.
Anna
She doesn't get them much anymore.. Anxiety attacks for Amanda are few and far in between, and oddly, especially since she had Jesse.
So, as she sits here in this car next to Olivia, she can't help but wonder why on earth one is striking now. It builds up first in the tips of her fingers, the pads of them digging uncomfortably in the material of her jeans. It bubbles up slowly, steadily, until it reaches her elbows, shoulders, and finally just takes over her whole being. Her breathing picks up and she glances over at the woman in the driver's seat, and is relieved to see that Olivia is 100% focused on the road in front of her.
Amanda looks ahead, hoping that the passing trees and buildings lining the road will ease her anxiety, but it doesn't. As they get closer to the Rehabilitation center she's going undercover in, the dread and uneasiness grows stronger and more intense.
"Amanda?" She hears, and her head snaps to the side, eyes darting toward the older woman who's casting a curious side glance at her. "Are you alright?"
She clears her throat and attempts a nod, but her body feels frozen and she's afraid if she tries to speak, she'll break out into sobs. She can only hope that her Lieutenant can read her eyes and know exactly what's going on. She can only hope.
"Hey.." Olivia tries, a hand reaching over, fingers grazing the younger woman's shoulder gently.
"Pull over.." The blonde finally musters, a choked whisper coming out raspily. She lets her watery blue eyes drift back to Olivia and she sees that the older woman is confused and shocked. "Pull over please.." She rasps again, this time louder, shakier.
"Okay, okay.. Hold on while I try to find an exit.." Olivia whispers soothingly, hand coming down to rest on the other woman's shaky thigh.
Finally, after what seemed like eternity, they pull off the main road and onto a gravelly, hidden road. Olivia turns the car off and turns her body, "Amanda.. Tell me what's going on?"
The blonde unbuckles and opens the door, but stays put. She takes large deep breaths as she tries to calm down, but the bile rises in her stomach nevertheless. "I just.. Anxiety attack.." She sputters out, fingers running through slightly curled blonde hair.
"Okay. Is it because you're about to go undercover?" Olivia asks, fingers squeezing the younger woman's leg gently. When Amanda doesn't answer, she reaches up and grasps the other woman's quivering chin, turning her face slightly so their eyes can meet. "Hey, talk to me.."
"I just.." Amanda begins, shaky hands coming up to wipe unshed tears from her reddening waterline. "I don't know if I can do this.. Being undercover as an addict.. I don't know what I was thinking, accepting this job." She spits, yanking her chin out of Olivia's caring grasp. "I don't know what you were thinking by asking me to do it.."
"You had the choice to decline, Amanda.." Olivia replies softly, without conviction or venom or saltiness. "You have the choice to decline now.. Nobody's going to make you do it if you don't want to." Her brown eyes pierce into the blonde's head, gaze unwavering and full of compassion. She lets out a sigh and unbuckles, getting out and circling the car. She puts her hands on her hips and stands there, in front of Amanda, who is still seated in the SUV.
She steps closer and dips her head, "Amanda, look at me.." She waits patiently until the younger detective listens, turning her body so that she's facing her boss. "Take some deep breaths with me, okay? One," They both take a deep, long breath, then blow out. "Two," Another one, "And three.." And another one. They do this until Amanda's breathing has calmed, fingers shaking no more, and eyes nearly completely dried of tears. "You don't have to do this.. If it's something that you don't want, we can find someone else to do it." She reassures, reaching out to tilt the younger woman's head up. "You know that, right?"
"Yeah.." Amanda whispers, blinking once, twice, willing the tears away. "I want to do it.. I do.. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to-"
"Strong enough isn't a good excuse." Olivia interrupts, stepping closer until their knees touch, "You're plenty strong, Amanda Rollins.. If someone were to ask me to do something that hits close to home, I'd feel exactly as you do right now.. I respect the hell out of you for even considering going undercover in these circumstances. Truly."
Without thinking, Amanda reaches forward, grasping Olivia's blouse in clutched fingers and she presses her face into the older woman's stomach. She shudders as she let's out a few small whimpers, relishing in the sweet feeling of her boss' fingers threading through her hair. She doesn't acknowledge how inappropriate this may seem, she doesn't care in this moment.
She's about to go undercover, without much contact with this woman for God knows how long..
"It's okay.." The brunette whispers, wrapping her arms around Amanda's back, palm flattening against the expanse of it and caressing softly. After a few moments of soft words and comforting touches, Amanda pulls back and looks up at Olivia, her blue eyes a little less cloudy. She bites her lip as Olivia cups her cheek, and something shifts.
She reaches up slowly, fingers sliding around the older woman's tan neck, and she pulls softly. Olivia doesn't resist, and she lets the other woman pull her down and closer, until she's bending slightly and standing in between the younger woman's parted knees.
Olivia presses a hand against the side of the car, and her brown eyes search blue ones.
"Amanda-"
The blonde moves her thumb to the older woman's lips, effectively stopping her from speaking. She rubs the silky, plush flesh softly, pulling her bottom lip down ever-so-slightly.
"Kiss me." Amanda whispers, eyes wet with old tears, lips parted with anticipation, cheeks pink with swirling emotion. "Please."
Olivia breathes deeply for a moment before she closes the space between them, pressing her lips softly against Amanda's, and it's incredible. She moves her hand from the car and cups the younger woman's other cheek, parting her lips as the kiss intesifies. Amanda's hands lower to Olivia's waist, and she clutches the material of her blouse one again, this time bringing her impossibly closer.
They both pull back an inch, just enough to get a few breaths in, and Olivia smiles softly. "As much as I don't want to believe it, I kinda saw this coming." She whispers, a soft laugh pushing past her kiss swollen lips.
Amanda smiles back, letting out a shaky breath. "I'm going to do it… Go undercover. I need to. For the sake of those women." Olivia could hear the strength in the other woman's voice, and she nods.
"You say the words and we'll pull you out."
"Okay.." She pulls Olivia back in, this time kissing the older woman with a ferocity that wasn't there before. Their tongues brush together a few times, gathering and memorizing the sweet taste of one another.
It's not long before they're back on the road, Amanda reading through her fake identity file once more, and not a trace of anxiety. One hand is holding the folder while the other is entwined with Olivia's on the older woman's right thigh.
She's determined to do this and get the rehab worker that's abused his power, for Olivia at least, if not for the victims.