You'll Never Walk Alone

by Drama-Duchess

Ephram's brash attempt on suicide followed by a near fatal accident leads him to discover himself and how valuable his life is to those around him.

1. A Simple Plan

Author's Note: I apologize for taking such a long time to post this chapter. Things here have been really crazy lately. But I'm happy to say that I have finally finished conjuring up my next fic. This story takes place during Everwood's first season. I kinda liked it better when they were all young and innocent back then… Enjoy!

Title: You'll Never Walk Alone

Chapter 1: A Simple Plan

He sat comfortably on a patch of lush, well-fertilized grass. His eyes fell on the life-size statue of an angel before him. The delicate figure was made of white marble. The accuracy and precision of the angel's features gave the statue a life-like illusion. It was like as if it would spring to life at any moment. Her coat of gossamer and veil of lace was meticulously carved into the stone with care and detail. The sunlight casting its rays on her back gave a likeness of a halo. The angel's beautiful face was etched with a sad but peaceful expression. Her eyes were turned downwards and her open arms were stretched towards the ground in the most sympathetic fashion. She appeared to be comforting him. He allowed his mind to wander. Lost in tender memories and bittersweet thoughts, he closed his eyes. He was drifting. Suddenly, a crow's sharp squawk in the distance brought the boy back to reality.

In his hand was a Grande, hot non-fat cappuccino spiced with a dash of cinnamon from Starbucks. He played with the cup in his hands making no intention of drinking the contents. The beverage was not for him.

"Well mom, I never thought I would be talking to you this way in a million years." Ephram finally said. "I know I don't come visit you enough. It's kinda hard when we live so far away now." He tugged aimlessly at the blades of grass next to him. "Everwood is nothing compared to New York. It's too far away from you. But you know dad, he wants to make a fresh start. Dad tries real hard to make things right. He tries to understand me, but somehow, I don't think he gets it – at least not all of it. He means well, but he doesn't get me like the way you get me. I miss that."

Ephram cupped both hands around the paper container of coffee. The aroma of the hot frothy drink traveled up his nostrils. He bit his lip and sucked in a breath of crisp, cool morning air. The air passed the salty lump in his throat. His heart was bleeding and the he knew the tears were going to come soon. He cursed himself silently. He made a promise to himself that he would not cry. Not in front of his mother.

"Anyway, Delia's doing fine. She made honor roll at school." He spoke up again. Swallowing the tears, his voice quivered. "She's getting real smart. You'd be proud. We went out to dinner to celebrate last week. Then we went to Cold Stone's after for dessert. I had no idea they had a Cold Stone's in Colorado too. I was kinda surprised. I thought Cold Stone was a New York thing. It's pretty much the same. The only difference was the people behind the counter in the Denver one don't sing when you put a tip in their tipping jar. Delia had trouble finishing her Cocoa Banana Cabana. She totally underestimated the Gotta-Have-It size. Her ice cream waffle cup came out bigger than her. Me and Dad tried to help her finish it though. We had so much ice cream that day that you would've yelled at us." The boy tried to laugh but found it suddenly difficult.

- Don't cry. Don't cry. Keep talking. – Ephram coached himself.

"Delia's stopped sucking her thumb when she sleeps." Ephram began. "I know it took a while and it was tough, but she finally kicked the habit. It's been a little over two months since I last caught her with her thumb in her mouth. I just thought you'd like to know. Dad's real happy about it." He blinked back a tear. "Dad. Dad's keeping us in line. He can get real strict sometimes. One time, he grounded me for a whole week just because I failed my biology test. I guess it was my own fault for not studying. But it wasn't like I didn't want to study. It's just that my mind wasn't in the right place. When I open a textbook, nothing I read seems to sink in. I keep having thoughts and my mind thinks too much – about all sorts of crazy things. I don't expect dad to understand, though he tries to be so strong about everything. I don't even mind it that Delia turned out to be the brainy one." Ephram continued. "I know I can't compete."

"Dad's doing fine too, by the way. He misses you a lot. It really seems like he wants to make things work – you know the whole 'family' thing. He's working less – I don't think it's because he chooses to. I mean, the clinic is not exactly booming with business lately. The town is reluctant to trust new people like us. He says business is great, but between you and me, dad's stubborn as a mule." He whispered as if afraid someone would hear him talk ill of his father. "Because of the holes in his schedule, he's made it a purpose to spend more time around me and Delia. I haven't decided if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I used to hate him for deserting us but I think we're getting along better now than we ever had. It's strange – I know."

He paused briefly to collect himself.

"There's still times when I think we're not on the same wavelength. The relationship between him and me is nothing like what you and I had." The lump in his throat hardened. "I can tell you everything and you know the situation exactly. For instance, when I tell him I don't feel well, he blows everything out of proportion and starts fussing over me like I'm dying or something. Most of the time, it just turns out to be the common cold. That's why I don't feel like mentioning stuff like that to him anymore." Ephram said. "I know he's not a bad guy, that's what you would've said if you were here. Sometimes I feel like we're complete strangers. I don't know anything about him and he sure as hell doesn't know much about me." His voice shook.

It was difficult to speak with the lump swelling in his throat. He swallowed.

"Please don't think I'm evil because I'm not. At least, I don't intend to be. I really want to make things work. I want to let him into my life – more than anything. I don't mean to be difficult. I don't know why I purposely spite him when I don't mean it. Sometimes, I get so angry – so angry that it almost hurts. I don't know if I'm angry at dad or at you or at myself. I guess dad's always there so it's easy to make him the target him. Please don't be disappointed in me. If you were here, I know exactly what you would say. You would tell me to give him a chance to be my father. You would tell me to understand his position and let him care about me. You would tell me to forgive him." A tiny sob escaped his net of resistance. "You would tell me all this and more. You would tell me. It's so hard without you."

He sucked in the mucus forming in his nose.

"In my heart, dad's been forgiven a long time ago. I just never told him. I can't bring myself to telling him how I feel about anything. I – " He hesitated before continuing. "I don't know how to tell him that – that I love him." The boy felt ashamed. His face flustered even though no one was within earshot to hear his lament. "It's been so long and so many things have happened. He seems fed up with my attitude. Mom, I think you know how horrible I've treated dad the past year. I'm – I'm afraid that maybe he's given up on me and doesn't love me anymore. And – and that he's just putting up with me because he has to."

A few heavy tears danced on his eyelashes before drizzling down his cheeks. Guilt and grief were the heavy burden weighing on his shoulders. There was a profound sadness in his heart that made his chest hurt.

"I'm sorry, mom. I wasn't supposed to cry. I didn't want to cry in front of you. I have to be strong." Ephram quickly wiped his tears away with the back of a hand. He took a deep breath and stopped crying.

"You probably want to know how I'm doing. I'm doing ok." He sounded skeptical. "I've taken up the piano again. It seems to be the only thing that frees me from the world. I feel like I have control of my life when I'm playing – all my problems disappear and everything falls into place. The happy feeling usually doesn't last too long though. Well, I'm hanging in there the best I can. Each day is a difficult step without you but I'm trying to cope. I'm trying to tolerate dad. I'm trying to look after Delia, like I had promised. I'm trying very hard to be a good son. I'm also trying not to hate my new home all the time." His voice shook as sensitive thoughts floated back into his mind. Ephram sighed.

"School really sucks. I hate it. Kids there are so cruel. And everyone sees me as the outsider. They treat me like I've got a contagious disease or something. People just whisper and stare. Dad says small-town folk are like that – they find it peculiar when they see a new face. It's like an oddity. He thinks that's supposed to make me feel better. But can you imagine how I feel?" Ephram blinked. "Well, it's not so bad not having any friends. 'Sides, I keep to myself most of the time. Amy's the only one who actually talked to me. She's cool. You'd like her." The way he said that made it seem like there was something more. "Oh - but it's not what you think, mom. There's nothing going on between us. Amy has a boyfriend – Colin." He clarified after a short pause.

"Colin's alright, I suppose. He has amnesia resulting from the extensive brain surgery. I can't imagine what it's like to not remember who I am or who all my friends and family are. On the plus side, he's got good character and doesn't place judgments too quickly. I think it's because he's seeing stuff for the first time. Before the accident, he was the definition of popularity - the star athlete – the coolest kid in school. Now, he's just kinda - I dunno - lost. He doesn't remember being the one everyone adored. But he talks to me though. Dad saved his life and he feels like he owes me something. I don't know if I like Colin. I get kinda jealous when I see him and Amy together." He smirked.

"I gotta say that Colin's a lot better than Bright. Bright can't stand me. He's Amy's brother. Another jock. The all-brawn-and-no-brain type. Girls go crazy for him too. Once, I overheard him forbid Amy to talk to me. She doesn't succumb to threats easily and she still says hi to me when I run into her in the hallways. Honest truth is, I really like her, mom. If you were here, you'd tell me what to do. I could sure use some advice." He sighed deeply. "Ah well. I'm on my own now – I guess."

The heat from the coffee penetrated through the paper cup and scorched his hands. Ephram switched the cup to his right hand for a while.

"We visited Nanna and Grand pop down in Long Island." Ephram began. "They tell me they come visit you sometimes, when they get lonely. They miss you an awful lot. They look at the old picture albums all the time. I think when they see me and Delia, they see you and it kinda makes them think. Nanna always had a story to tell. She made us peppermint tea and heated up some homemade Ruglach. We sit for hours in her living room listening to Nanna tell stories about you when you were our age. Once we noticed Nanna crying a little when she told us the time you found a stray kitten and tried to sneak it in the house by hiding it zipped up inside your jacket. You knew Nanna never would've allowed you to keep it. Me and Delia went over to Nanna and gave her a hug. She kissed us so much that I don't think there was a single spot on our faces that her lips missed." Ephram's eyes blurred with tears. His chin trembled but he refused to give into weakness.

"Everyone misses you. Things are not the same without you." Ephram's cheeks felt hot. He swallowed the thick brackish knot in his throat. He never thought he could love and miss someone so much in his life. He decided to change the subject.

"Hey, mom, look what I got you." Ephram said trying to sound cheerful. He presented the cup of coffee in his hands. "It's your favorite. I haven't forgotten. Non-fat cappuccino with cinnamon. We stopped by a Starbucks on the way here and I got you one."

It was something of a tradition for people to bring the usual bouquets of flowers for their loved ones buried at the cemetery. Ephram was different. He didn't bring flowers. He wanted to bring something his mother was sure to enjoy - or at least would've enjoyed had she been alive. Besides, Ephram knew his mother's take on cut flowers. She preferred a living plant as opposed to severed ones. She didn't find the butchery of beautiful roses killed just for amusement too appealing. There were no plausible reasons to kill such plants that were neither for food nor necessity. Julia believed in preserving the life of natural beauty. Andy knew this and for that very reason, he brought marigolds planted in a big clay pot.

Ephram peeled open the white plastic lid from the coffee cup and poured the contents onto the grass a few inches away from Julia's headstone.

"There you go, mom." Ephram spoke to the monument. "You would've liked it." He whispered.

The headstone was a fancy one. It was made of white marble to match the material of the angel standing tall above it. The writing carved onto the stone was scripted into a neat legible lettering with fancy curly-tails at the end of each word. Ephram studied the perfect lettering on the rectangular upright monument. He must've read the epitaph a thousand times.

- Julia Nicole Brown -

July 27th, 1958 - October 15th, 2003

Beloved Daughter, Faithful Wife, Devoted Mother

Separated by mortality but always united in spirit.

Earth is a lonely place without you. Wait for us in Heaven.

Rest in Peace

Robbed of the one thing that meant the most to him, Ephram fell into an abyss of darkness. His mother had been brutally taken away from him. There was a sudden emptiness that filled the void in his soul as he read the words "separated by mortality" several times.

He meant to heave a sigh, but instead, a loud sob passed his lips. He could no longer hold in the tears. It was as uncontrollable as the tides crashing against the rocks. His heart ached and temples throbbed with pressure. The tears fell from his eyes.

"Mom." He cried. "It's not fair. Why did you have to leave me? Why" His sobs grew heavier while his tiny shoulders shook desperately. "Why did you leave me all alone? My life sucks. I want you back, mom. I want you back." Tears blinded him and his breathing became labored. "You have no idea what it's like. I feel so alone. Everyone in that crummy town hates me. I don't have any friends. I feel like a stranger around dad. Delia's really the only one in the world I can talk to and sometimes, it's not enough. She's great but she's only eight years old. If only you were here. I miss you. I miss you so much" He wailed.

Ephram's hands were wet as he continually brushed the tears away. He reached out with open arms and hugged his mother's headstone. The coldness from the stone was relief to his warm cheek. His tears of heartbreak and grief fell from his eyes and dripped onto the headstone like rain. He watched the limestone absorb his tears. Ephram didn't care if anyone saw him this way. He couldn't help the way he felt. The boy choked on a few sobs.

"I think about you all the time. There isn't a minute out of the day that I don't." He released his hug. "I try to be so strong but I can't. I need you in my life." He blinked.

Separated by Mortality.

Ephram read the words again. His chin quivered and he brushed away some more tears. "It's been a year and a half, mom. I can't get over you being gone. Seems like everyone is able to move on except me. I'm still stuck in the past. I can't move forward, mom. I can't – I mean – I won't. I'm afraid that if I move on, I'll forget you. I don't want to ever let go of you." The boy heaved. "Don't you get it? Without you, my life has no meaning. I may as well be dead too. If you can't be here with me, I want to be there with you."

He finally struck on some truth. He could not believe he said it out loud. The words came out strong and firm. The boy wondered if this was something he meant. He knew the thought had been bouncing around his mind for a while but he never admitted it. His eyes darted nervously left to right and turned his head around to see if anyone accidentally heard his sinful confession. Luckily, no one was within earshot and his secret was safe. In fact, there was no one else in the area.

The Cedar Grove Cemetery was located in New Brunswick – the East side of Brooklyn. It was not considered the best part of Brooklyn but Cedar Grove was the largest cemetery in all of New York City. The only barrier from a world of crime and impurity was the tall rusty gate made of twisted iron. Outside the gate, the streets were ridden with crime and impurities. Behind those gates, lies a tranquil and serene final resting place. Andy knew he could've found a better and more expensive plot upstate New York to bury his dearly departed. The only thing that stopped him was remembering something his wife said.

In his pre-marriage days, Andy used to bring Julia ice skating at the ice rink at Rockefeller Center just before Christmas. Julia loved going ice skating - especially right around the holidays. She knew Andy was partial to skating but it was her only request as a Christmas present. She didn't want anything else. Julia was Andy's one weakness. All she had to do to get her way was bat her long lashy greenish gray eyes and purse her soft pink lips into a naughty little pout. With that, she won him over.

They skated around and around the rink until their legs were numb with exhaustion. When fatigue hit, they would stop by the seventy-five feet Norway spruce located in the front of the rink and admire the millions of twinkling multi-colored light bulbs that glowed on the tree with purpose. Andy remembered how Julia used to rave about the way those tiny lights flickered on the massive boughs reminded her of glistening frost.

One night in mid-December, they took a stroll down Sixth Avenue after ice skating. It didn't matter which way they were headed. As long as they were together, they could've walked on forever. They reached as far as Central Park when Julia got distracted. The sultry and fragrant smell of roasting chestnuts swirled in the air above them and teased the couple with its sweet mouthwatering aroma. Intoxicated and appetite whet, Andy and Julia followed the smell to a street vendor peddling cooked chestnuts in a large glass roaster.

After turning the dark brown skinned chestnuts occasionally with a small metal shovel, the vendor dug his tough hands into the pockets of his thick down coat for warmth. He adjusted his wool hat and eyed the streets for customers. Andy and Julia approached the stand and bought a bag of piping hot chestnuts. They found an empty wooden park bench nearby.

The only thing separating them under the soft orange glow of the lamp light was that warm brown paper bag of chestnuts. Julia anxiously waited for Andy to peel the softened leathery skin of the chestnuts with a pen knife. They went through the whole bag of chestnuts. Full and satisfied the couple remained on the bench for a while nestled in each other's arms.

Julia looked up to Andy and said, "Don't you just love the city? There is no place in the world that I'd rather live in. If you really think about it, New York City is such a romantic place. What's not to love about it?"

"Are you sure I don't have anything to do with it?" Andy joked and secured his arm around Julia's shoulder.

"Oh Andy, from the words of the little girl in the checkered blue jumper dreaming of a better place over the rainbow – there's no place like home. Some people spend a lifetime searching for a place where they feel they can belong. Some succeed and others don't. But no one really stops for a moment and think maybe they don't have to look very far. What they've been seeking for has been right under their noses all along. I, on the other hand, know where I belong. I belong here...with you." She pressed a finger on Andy's collar. "My place is here. New York City will always be my home."

And Andy remembered and respected those words. "New York City will always be my home." He decided that Julia would've wanted her final resting place to be in the city that she loved.

The bond Ephram had with his mother was unbreakable. They had such a close relationship that sometimes Andy didn't quite understand it. Ephram knew his mother well. He could sense when she was the tiniest bit upset at him or his father. It was in the way she presented herself. He knew it when she was pretending not to be mad. He knew when she was bothered. And he almost always knew how to make things better. Like most mothers and their children, Julia and Ephram had their fair share of arguments. But they could never stay mad at each other for a long period of time. There was always a turning point. Usually, the two could be heard laughing and joking with each other before the day was over. Never go to bed angry.

Ephram knew how his mother felt about New York. Perhaps this is why Ephram loved the place so much. His mother showed him all that the city had to offer. He never wanted to leave. There were times when he felt like New York was his place too. He belonged.

Julia's untimely death changed everything. Things were suddenly different. The sense of closeness and warmth he once felt evaporated. Coldness surrounded him. No matter what his father or grandparents did or tried to do for him, Ephram fell deeper and into his loneliness and solitude. Things got worse and worse. He formed a thick barrier between him and the world. He shut people out when they wanted to help and understand him. He put distance amid his friends and family. His grades started slipping. He rarely touched the piano. TV and movies held no interest to him and even music itself was no longer amusing. Eventually, he came to a point where he didn't care about himself anymore.

The endless nights spent crying to get some sleep were the most difficult. His father would hear the sobs coming from his son's room in the middle of the night. Andy tried desperately to calm him but the crying and sobbing would only get heavier. It went on like this for weeks and it took two months before the boy could even get the nerve to talk about it. Andy mostly tended to Delia and explained to her why Mommy wasn't coming home.

"Mommy was in a horrible automobile accident." Andy would say.

"Mommy went to the hospital." Delia would point out.

"Yes. She did. But she was hurt very bad." He breathes. "Delia, mommy is with God in Heaven now."

Andy watches Delia's bright eyes start to water and chin quiver.

"Mommy loved you and Ephram very much." Andy continues trying to be strong.

Without another word, Delia understands and throws her arms around her father's neck and pull into a tight hug. They cry for a few minutes.

It was by far the most difficult conversation he ever had with a six year old. The difference between Ephram and Delia was that Delia reacted and Ephram didn't. Ephram kept to himself and allowed himself to fall farther and farther out of anyone's grasp. It wasn't because he'd lost his control. It was more because he allowed for it to happen. He wanted to disappear. He didn't want to feel anything. With that, he stopped speaking to people. When asked of him, he gave short indifferent answers. Sometimes, he only responded with a shrug.

Andy knew Julia's death had been especially rough on Ephram. It was the hardest knock down the boy had ever taken. After Julia's death, Andy took an indefinite leave of absence from the medical field. Andy spent many days being there for his children and waiting patiently by Ephram's side hoping the boy would say something. Andy took his kids out of the apartment so they could forget about being sad for a few hours. He took them to Coney Island, the Bronx Zoo, the NY Aquarium, the Planetarium, the Museum of Natural History, and countless other activities that Andy thought the kids would enjoy. Ephram tried to be enthusiastic about the effort his father was making but it was difficult to smile without the sad thoughts creeping up on him. Andy knew Ephram would come around when the boy felt he was ready.

Finally, one afternoon in the end of April, Andy brought them to the South Street Seaport for dinner at an upscale seafood restaurant called Sequoia on Pier 17. Andy thought it would be cool to get a table on the terrace so they could watch the boats go by at sunset. They had a little time before dinner so they walked down to the end of the pier. Ephram held onto the iron railing tightly with his fists. The salty wind coming in from the East River didn't bother him. Almost zombie-like, he gazed into the skyline without blinking. He dismissed a few comments made by his father and ignored the casual questions directed at him. Andy had no choice but to either talk to Delia or stayed silent.

Ephram's concentration was on a certain boat out in the distance. It was a huge commuter boat with an orange painted exterior. The ship had a naval appearance. It was departing from Manhattan Island. He watched the water beneath it slice open making white ripples as the boat accelerated.

"Great view, huh?" Andy said trying to strike up a conversation.

Ephram gave a shrug and continued to watch the boat.

"You know, you can see the Statue of Liberty from here." Andy said.

No reply.

"Hmm, the Hudson looks cleaner from this angle." Andy gave another attempt at humor.

No comment from Ephram.

"It's breezy here. If you're cold, we can leave." Andy began again.

Ephram remained silent and showed no signs of wanting to leave. He leaned his arms up on top of the railing. He folded his arms and rested the point of his chin on his forearm. Andy looked at Ephram for a while and turned his attention to the Upper New York Bay. He, too, stood silently listening to the tides brush against the pier.

Ephram's eyes followed the boat inching its way across the bay. Finally, the boy spoke voluntarily.

"When I was little, me and mom used to take the Staten Island Ferry to visit her aunt Jane." Ephram suddenly said out of the blue. This sudden outburst shocked Andy, but in a good way. He was brimming with joy upon hearing his son talk. Ephram had not struck up a conversation in weeks.

"That's right. Your mother's aunt Jane lived in Staten Island. Did you enjoy visiting your grand aunt?" Andy stammered.

"Yea. We always used to bring her potato knishes from Jackie's Delicatessen – you know – from down the block. Aunt Jane said they had the best knishes and always asked us to pick up some for her when we came to visit." Ephram spoke softly.

"You guys saw her, what, once a month?" Andy wanted to keep Ephram talking.

"Yea, until they put her in a nursing home after she had her stroke." Ephram replied.

"Oh, but a nursing home isn't so bad. They take good care of her there. We can still visit her if you like. She's in Brooklyn now. Much closer." Andy said trying to be hopeful.

Ephram clammed up again. He stared straight ahead watching the Staten Island Ferry disappear into a spec.

"Hey, I know! How about we take a ride on the ferry? You want to do that?" Andy said eagerly. "We're not pressed for time and the dinner reservation isn't until 7:30. We'll make it back in lots of time. It's a free boat ride so it's no loss to us. We can take a round trip. What do you say?"

Ephram turned to his father and for the first time in weeks, he flashed a cheerful grin. "I guess that's a yes." Andy boasted merrily. "Gosh, I miss seeing that smile." Feeling a major breakthrough, Andy was overjoyed. It gave him hope that the boy was finally snapping out of his depression.

"Delia, sweetheart, we are going to go on a boat ride. Doesn't that sound exciting?" Andy exclaimed while scooping his daughter into his arms. Delia was always the enthusiastic one and squealed with content.

The incident on the ferry that evening left a scar the size of a razor nick in Andy's heart. Andy saw a side of Ephram that he'd never seen before. The behavior frightened Delia and disturbed Andy. It shattered his heart into a million pieces.

Ephram wanted to go out onto the deck. Holding Delia's hand tightly, Andy followed the boy all the way to the far corner of the right side of the boat. It was not crowded. Rush hour was over leaving only a handful of people commuting on the ferry. Ephram rather liked it when there were less people. At least this way, he had the whole right deck to himself. They stood by the railing admiring the view in silence.

"Mom said this is the best spot." The boy finally spoke. His voice cracked. "She said from here, you can get an excellent view of the Statue of Liberty." He choked back tears as he tightened his grip on the rail in front of him.

This was one moment Andy was at a lost for words. He wanted to say something. Ephram was finally talking and he didn't know how to encourage it. Then, Ephram turned to his father with glassy eyes filled with tears.

"She knew this spot because a tourist told her a long time ago. Mom and Nanna used to visit Aunt Jane a lot way back when. One time, while they were on the ferry, they started talking to this woman who came from Europe somewhere. She was a tourist but it wasn't her first time visiting New York. She kept coming back to New York every year because this was her favorite vacation spot. One of her favorite things to do here was ride the ferry. She liked it so much that she made a tradition to ride it at least once every time she made it to New York. She knew the best place to get a real good view the Statue of Liberty." Ephram said in a huff. This was the longest he'd spoken at any given time.

Andy watched in awe. Ephram had both hands squeezing the rail like as if he would fall overboard should he release his grasp. The skin on his knuckles turned white and his face became equally pale. Andy grew alarmed but Ephram interjected before he could say a word.

"When me and mom took the ferry to Staten Island, we stood here all the time to look at the view." Ephram's breath was labored and his words came out choppy but understandable.

"Ephram, are you alright?" Andy asked with concern. He was still holding Delia's hand.

"We stood RIGHT here." He raised his already scratchy voice. "Mom would squeeze my hand when we pass by the Statue of Liberty and say, "My! What a delightful and charming view. Look how the Lady graces the harbor with such style." I won't get to hear her say that again." He said after a small sob.

"Ephram, it's ok." Andy said in a gentle tone. Delia watched her brother's behavior become more and more hysterical. She, too, became alarmed.

Still with his tight grip on the rail, Ephram turned his head to the bay. With tears flowing down his face, he looked at the foamy water brushing against the ferry. It was so easy to end his life right there and then. All he had to do was to take a leap over the railing and fling himself into the water. For the first time in his life, the thought of suicide crossed his mind. As fragile as his emotion was, the thought did not frighten him. At the moment, the idea of being with his mother was a tempting solution to the problem. But even if he wanted to do something, he vowed never to try anything in front of his father and definitely not do anything with Delia present. He wanted to spare her the pain.

"I won't hear her voice ever again. She's disappeared from my life. I-I don't know what to do without her. Who's going to take care of us? Who's going to take care of me" Ephram blubbered.

"Son, let's go inside the cabin." Andy put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Let's sit down somewhere, ok" He added in a comforting tone. Delia remained silent and watched nervously.

Full of grief and sudden anger, Ephram became increasingly agitated. He was engulfed in a sea of tears. The boy clung to the railing and whimpered miserably trying to hold in his sobs. His tiny fists were so firmly wrapped around the bar that Andy had to pry them off. Andy pulled him into a hug. At first, the boy rejected the embrace with all his might but eventually, he welcomed it and bawled into his father's coat.

"Shh. It's ok baby. I know what you're going through. I know. I'll take care of you. I promise. We all miss her." Andy's words were of little comfort to Ephram. The boy was shaking so badly.

Ephram felt weak. Suddenly, his knees gave way and he could no longer stand up. "Ephram! What's wrong" Andy shouted with concern in fear that the boy had fainted. Andy lowered the boy slowly onto the floor.

However, Andy was relieved to see that Ephram was still conscious after taking a closer look at the boy. Ephram fell into the warm embrace and muffled his sobs in the crook of Andy's arm. Andy rubbed the boy's back in a comforting gesture.

Watching her brother this way was heartbreaking and she felt so sorry for him. Through her young eyes, Delia always knew her brother to be the strong one. He never cried, at least if he did, he never cried in front of her. She was not used to seeing her Ephram weak. But, nonetheless, she showed her empathy by throwing her arms around them and contributing to the hug.

"Ephram, don't cry. I love you." Delia said with the voice of an angel. Ephram did not reply but he heard his sister's words. He pulled her into his arms and cried some more.

The three of them sat huddled on the floor in a tearful embrace. A few people sitting out on the benches on the deck glared over curiously to see what the commotion was about. Andy, Ephram, and Delia didn't care what other people thought. They were in their own world.

There after, Ephram gradually grew out of his depression. Andy tried his best to be the "perfect father", though sometimes, trying too hard backfired and pushed Ephram farther away. He learned from most of his mistakes. Andy brought up the subject of Julia a lot in front of Ephram. His objective was to get the boy to express his feelings because if he doesn't get that out, he will never be able to move on and accept what happened.

Talking about things seemed to make him a bit feel better but it didn't change the fact that his mother was still dead. Sometimes, Ephram retrieved into his dark place. In his dark place, there was a nothing. It was a void. There were no problems, no questions, no noise, no memories, no sadness, no happiness, and no feelings. He didn't want to feel. He wanted to go completely numb and block out the world. Andy never suspected anything out of the ordinary because Ephram hid it well.

It hit Ephram pretty hard when his father came home one day with the dreadful news that they were going to move to another state. The boy cussed and screamed and made threats. He wanted to remain in New York and live with his grandparents but Andy turned down the suggestion. In the end, Ephram had no choice but to follow.

Ephram often wondered - why Everwood? He couldn't understand his father's reasons for relocating to a place so far from the one place that his mother loved so dearly. It was rather obvious that his father wished for a new start but why did he have to pick an obscure place like Everwood. Moving from city to city was one thing. But moving from city to a minuscule town in the middle of nowhere was a drastic change - one that Ephram was not prepared for. Ephram couldn't just pick up his life and drop it somewhere else and pretend like it was no big deal. It just wasn't as simple as that. Besides, it was harder to remain anonymous in a small town.

Almost a year and a half later, Ephram found himself sitting in front of his mother's burial plot. He hadn't "visited" her in over four months and it seemed like each time he came, his emotions became more and more distraught. It was hard to get a firm grip on his feelings. All those memories he thought he had securely boxed up in his brain would come rushing forward like an avalanche. It hurt to look at that headstone. Part of him felt it was unreal like as if this was all a bad dream. He wanted so much to wake up.

Going back to New York was supposed to be an enjoyable family vacation. It was supposed to do more good than harm. It was supposed to take off the stress. Ephram was only fooling himself when he put on the appearance of a satisfied child. Each of the places he revisited brought back a memory of his mother. Eating at the same restaurants reminded him of how his mother loved and hated certain foods. The buildings, the sidewalks, the air, the ambiance - they all reminded Ephram of some incident involving his mother. Her life was written into everything. Somehow, part of her remained there - her smell, her personality, her voice, her face.

Ephram could almost hear her heels clicking against the pavement as she walked down the street with her Burberry khaki plaid purse swinging by her side. She would stop in front of the tall Barami windows to gaze at the mannequins dressed up in the latest styles of the season. Suddenly craving for a non-fat cinnamon flavored cappuccino, Ephram could see her going into a Starbucks afterwards. When he closed his eyes, he could smell the spices laced on his mother's breath as she spoke to him.

Feeling so much so quickly overwhelmed Ephram. It made him remember how big a role she played in his life and how much he missed her. It saddened his spirit that the one person he could turn to was gone. For the first time in his life, he realized that seeing New York hurt him. Everything about this city that he drew so dear and close to his heart suddenly gave him such miserable grief. Perhaps there was a reason why his father decided to move away. Perhaps now, Ephram was starting to understand a little as he sat before that headstone.

Most kids would never have passed up the chance to spend Spring Break basking on the postcard beaches of balmy Acapulco. The thought of sipping tropical drinks with little paper umbrellas in them was sinfully tempting. And it wasn't like Andy never suggested going to such places. In fact, Andy initially was thinking about taking his family to Cancun for the week. But Ephram felt it was an appropriate sacrifice to take the time to visit his dead mother's grave. He secretly carried the weight of his mother's demise. Perhaps the guilt running in Ephram's veins prevented him from achieving any form of pure enjoyment out of life. Andy conformed to his son's wishes and showed his support. Going back to New York was what Ephram wanted. He seemed so sure of himself. It was never a problem with Delia because she would pretty much go anywhere they took her.

The only occasional noise came from the G train that ran on an outdoor ramp above the edge of Cedar Grove Cemetery. Ephram watched the old and rickety silver train slither over the tracks and disappear into the distance. He turned back to the headstone.

"Mom, I'm going to fix it so we can be together. I promise." Ephram spoke as a few tears fell from his eyes. He couldn't stop reading and rereading the epitaph – "Separated By Mortality."

"HEY EPHRAM!"

The boy snapped out of his obsession when he heard his name called. He turned his attention to the source of the voice. It came from somewhere down the slope of the grassy hill. He saw his father standing by the rented sedan parked on the side of the road. Delia had already boarded the vehicle and poked her head out of the backseat window.

Ephram quickly wiped his tears away with the back of his hands and collected himself the best he could.

"Ephram – are you done?" Andy called. "We're done here."

"Just a second, dad." Ephram called back.

He didn't realize his moment "alone" with his mother went by so fast. Delia had to go to the bathroom and Andy went with her to search for a restroom in the cemetery ground's main office. The cemetery was the last stop before their flight back to Everwood. The whole purpose of the trip was to visit Julia's grave but somehow, both Andy and Ephram always found an excuse to put it off. Perhaps somewhere in their subconscious, they knew how much looking at that headstone would loosen their emotions and create a tumult of misery. Showing their respects to their dearly departed was the right thing to do.

Ephram gathered the empty coffee cup and lid. He got up and dusted his knees. Just as he was about to leave, he spun his head around for a final look at his mother's grave.

"It won't be long, mom. Our paths will meet sooner than you think. I promise you that." Ephram said with a heavy heart.

The car ride to JFK International Airport was quiet. Ephram sat zoned out in the front passenger seat. He gazed out the window but saw nothing. His mind was somewhere very far away.

"You ok?" Andy asked after a long period of silence.

"Yea, fine." Ephram replied hoping his father couldn't read his corrupt thoughts.

"You seem awfully quiet today." Andy observed. The boy shrugged and continued to look out the window. "Have you been crying?" Andy asked when he took another glance at his son.

"No. What makes you say that?" The boy objected instantly in defense.

"Your eyes are a bit red and puffy. That kinda gives it away." Andy concluded.

"Well, I wasn't. It's – it's probably allergies or something." Ephram rambled nervously. He shifted in his seat. He was careful not to let something provoke him to cry again. The last thing he wanted was to start a bawling fit right in front of his father.

"You know, Ephram. It's ok to admit it. There's nothing to be ashamed of. I know you miss her a lot." Andy said after a while.

"It's nothing. I'm fine. Really." Ephram reassured. "I guess I'm just a little bummed about going back to Colorado, that's all." He added.

"We'll come back in December when you get your winter break, if you want." Andy offered.

The boy shrugged. Ephram wasn't sure what he wanted and he couldn't think that far into the future. December was so far away and who knew what events could happen between now and then. Though one thing was for certain, he wanted to be with his mother more than anything. He wanted to see her, touch her, hear her voice, and smell her. The longer the time passed, the more he felt her memories were slipping and fading away. Ephram wanted to remember and yet it hurt so much to hold onto everything. His heart was not ready or strong enough to let it go and move on.

Hardly saying a word, Ephram tagged along obediently pulling his luggage. The most talkative one was Delia. She had questions about everything and Andy was very patient in answering all of her inquiries to his best knowledge. Ephram didn't mind the lack of attention. In fact, he was glad to be left alone. He wasn't in a talkative mood nor did he wish to be the center of attention. Right then, he just wanted to disappear.

A late lunch was eaten at the airport. It consisted of hamburgers, curly fries and Cokes all around. Ephram hardly touched any of his food. He claimed he wasn't hungry. Nibbling lightly on a fry, Ephram avoided eye contact. He felt awkward at the weight of his father's stares. Andy started getting worried about Ephram's recluse behavior. He wondered if Ephram was coming down with something. He hoped it wasn't the flu again. It's not normal for a teenaged boy to turn away grease. Then again, it wasn't normal for Ephram to be not hungry. As far as Andy could remember, Ephram was always hungry. He was a growing boy. Andy tried to strike up a conversation but Ephram would only give a few short responses.

On the plane, Ephram let Delia have the window seat. Andy found it strange how Ephram and Delia didn't fight over the window seat this time. It was unusual that Ephram would give up a window seat without a fight. Ephram settled into the middle seat and closed his eyes. He wanted to block out images going into his mind. His deep meditation was interrupted when he felt a hand on his forehead. His eyes shot open.

"I didn't mean to startle you. You seem out of it today. I just wanted to see if you had a temperature." Andy said as he took his hand away.

"I'm fine." Ephram said.

"You sure? Do you feel ok" Andy spoke authoritatively.

"I feel fine. Maybe a little tired - you know, from all the activity and excitement." The boy replied. "Why don't you believe me" He added after feeling the weight of Andy's eyes.

"Well first of all, you haven't made a peep since we checked out of the hotel, then you pass up a big juicy, artery clogging, grease-drenched hamburger, which on other days would have been called insanely delicious, and now, you let Delia have the window seat. You didn't even argue. You gave it up - just like that." Andy answered. "Something's gotta be up."

The plane taxied onto the runway. Delia's face was glued to the window. She loved to watch the plane take off. It was something about gaining speed and feeling the aircraft lift off that freaked her out. She loved that feeling. Meanwhile, the flight attendants stormed up and down the aisles with hardened but pleasant faces. They acted with such professionalism making sure everyone had their seat belts fastened and all the tray tables were in the upright position.

"So you think I'm weird just because I let Delia have the window seat"

"It's not like you at all, son."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, dad. It's a no win situation. When I argue with Delia, you think I'm a bad son. When I don't argue with her, you think I've lost my mind."

"That's not true." Andy quipped. "I just wanna know what's bothering you."

"Like I said, it's nothing. Nothing I'd want to get into." Ephram's voice trailed off as he stared blankly at the seat in front of him.

"Ephram, you can always talk to me." Andy said in a low overtone. "Even if it's totally crazy ideas or bad thoughts going through your mind - whatever they may be, I think I understand how you feel sometimes about certain things. It's not easy. But it gets better everyday. I promise you it does."

"I don't need to talk. I have nothing to say because nothing's wrong." Ephram shot back feeling flustered. It was like as if his father knew his reasons for being so withdrawn. He was ashamed.

"Yea, I know. But just in case you need a listening ear, you know that you can come to me with anything - anything at all. I'm here for you - 24-7."

Ephram let those words sink in. "Now that you got that off your chest, can I please take a nap now" He asked.

"Sure. Don't expect me to wake you up for the beverage and pretzels though." Andy said humorously.

Ephram smiled and closed his eyes. He thought briefly about what his father said. 'How do you tell someone you have suicidal thoughts? How do you know if it's serious or just thought up because you're angry? How do you start a conversation like that? And more importantly, how would they react? Would they be receptive or would they be horrified?' He thought. In the end, he decided he couldn't tell his father his shameful sins of the heart.

It was hard to fall asleep right away. Aside from the thoughts, the seats were so uncomfortable that it made his neck and lower back sore. He reviewed his current status. He thought about school - lonely and cruel. He thought about his father - busy and stoic. He thought about Delia - young and clueless. He thought about his friends - distant and self absorbed. He thought about his mother - beautiful and yearning.

Wouldn't the world would be a better place without Ephram Brown? What did it matter to anyone? No one was going to miss him terribly anyway. He was small and unimportant. His very existence was not necessary. Nobody needed him. In fact, he was slowing the world down. Ephram tried not to think too much of consequences.

Andy would have one less mouth to feed. He wouldn't have to support someone as useless and pathetic as Ephram. Delia is a way better investment on his time and on money. Without Ephram around, Delia wouldn't have to vie for their father's attention. It's always easier when there's only one. Of course, Ephram's friends probably wouldn't dwell too long on his death. Being branded as an outcast wasn't Ephram's idea of a life worth living. After a few hours of fashionable mourning, they would pick up their lives and forget poor, worthless Ephram. In the end, his mother was really the only one who would welcome him with open arms. She would hold him and smother him with sweet caresses. He could feel the gentle kisses her soft lips placed on his freckled face. Feeling enlightened yet depressed, it was then that his final decision was made. He was going to do it.

Overcome by fatigue, Ephram fell asleep before his brain could conjure up anymore troubled thoughts.

-

A week has passed since the Brown's return from their New York vacation. School was back in session for Ephram and Delia. Many would say it was like as if Ephram came back a different person. He ate less and less. Things that normally would have amused him before now bored him. He didn't have a desire to spend his time like any other kid his age. Instead, he came home straight from school each day like clockwork and locked himself in his room. When Andy came home, he was not greeted by the usual loud banging of horrific teenaged music. There was silence in his house, and this was quite out of the norm. Andy figured something was bothering his son. But the boy refused to talk and claimed he was fine. Andy believed that Ephram would come to him when he was ready. Though, he couldn't help but wonder what Ephram was doing so quietly in his room on all those pleasant sunny afternoons when he should be playing ball with his friends.

He spent hours every day lying on his bed thinking. He was trying to sort out his feelings - the feelings that made him angry, the ones that made him sad, and the ones that made him want to die. On several occasions, he attempted to write a last letter explaining why he had to do what he'd done. He never got passed the "Dear Dad, I'm sorry I let you down." He crumpled about a dozen pages of loose leaf and tossed them into the trash can before giving up. Once, Andy found one of these crumpled up pieces of paper. It wasn't like he was going through Ephram's garbage deliberately to see what he was up to. He was just doing the routine task of emptying the waste baskets from each room because the next day was trash collection day. A wad of paper had bounced out of the overflowing trash can and the words "Dear Dad" on the creases caught his eye. Out of curiosity, he straightened the piece of paper and read the one liner. Ephram's messy handwriting was scribbled in blue ink. Reading it surprised Andy and made him wonder what made his son write something like this.

Andy tried to bring it up casually later that day but that conversation didn't get too far.

"So how's school?" Andy asked as he sat down next to Ephram on the living room sofa.

"It's fine." Ephram replied starring at the television. A Coke commercial was playing.

"Are your classes going ok?"

"Yep. The usual. I'm not failing anything if that's what you mean."

"You know, how's the piano practice coming along?" Andy changed the subject. He tried to sound cheery.

"I'm not getting any worse." Ephram said nonchalantly.

"How's Amy then?"

"We don't talk that much. We're in all different classes this semester." The boy justified.

"How about other friends?"

"They don't really exist. What's this about, dad? Why the third degree?" Ephram was starting to feel like his father was interrogating him. "Am I in trouble? Did I do something wrong?"

"No! For Heaven's sake no! I just wanted to do a little catching up with my son." Andy drew back. He stared at Ephram for a few seconds. "Have you been sleeping ok lately? You have a bit of dark circles under your eyes."

"I sleep fine."

"Ephram, is there anyone at school that's giving you a hard time?"

"No, why would there be?"

"It was just a question." Andy was not having any luck. "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"I remember what its like to be fifteen. You may not believe this, but once – about a million years ago – I was your age. Times may have changed but the issues are pretty much identical." Andy offered. "I know it's hard sometimes – with peer pressure, trying to fit in with the crowd, meeting a parent's expectations." He paused before saying the last item. He figured "Dear Dad, I'm sorry I let you down" had something to do with that.

Ephram appeared indifferent. Andy was looking at the boy's profile. The light coming from the television reflected in his glassy greenish gray eyes.

"By the time I was fifteen, my dad had my life mapped out for me. He really knew how to put on the pressure. I had to hold a straight A average. Then there was the football team, the debate team, the yearbook staff, the drama club, and the math league. But dad insisted I take part in such clubs because the universities looked for students who participate in extracurricular activities as well as maintained good grades. It was crazy. It left me very little time for girls and goofing off. I used to cry and complain. But dad used to say, 'Someday when you've made your first million on Wall Street, you'll thank me.' Oh but I hated Wall Street. I could never be one of those people. We used to argue about it all the time. But then again, dad wasn't all that disappointed when I got accepted to Harvard Medical School." Andy told.

"The point is ?" Ephram finally spoke.

"The point is I'm not like my dad. I don't want you to ever feel like I'm pressuring you. Of course, I want you to do well in school and get into a good college. I think it's fair to say every parent wants that. Ephram, I don't think there's anything you can do to make me disappointed in you. You're a good kid. Whatever it is, even if I may object to it in the beginning, I will try to understand and support you." Andy said. "You seem to be under a lot of stress lately. I was hoping you can relieve some of it by talking to me about it. You'll feel better once you got it out in the open."

Silence.

"So, do you have anything you'd like to share?" Andy asked.

"No." Ephram replied. "But I'll let you know when I do."

Not able to get anywhere with the conversation, Andy stopped pushing.

Ephram had grown used to crying. He realized he'd been doing that a lot lately. But he couldn't help it. Every time he got lonely, he would start thinking. Unhappy images would pop into his mind. He became more and more depressed.

He spent hours just huddled in his bed looking at a photo of his mother that he kept in a 3X3" plastic picture frame on his night stand. She had long flowing brown hair that seemed to wrap around her shoulders like a shawl of silk. She was smiling at the camera. Her eyes dancing with delight.

Delia interrupted his ritual once. She was bored one afternoon and decided to see what her big brother was doing. The banging of small fists on his door had awoken Ephram from his trance. He quickly wiped away any lingering tears. Before he could turn around, Delia had already made her way into the room.

"Hey Ephram, whatcha doing?" She skipped towards him and plopped down onto the bed next to him.

"Nothing. Just chillin' out." Ephram cleared his throat.

"Are you alright?" Delia's eyebrows furrowed.

"Now, you're beginning to sound like dad." Ephram said lightly. "I'm cool."

"Are you mad at me?" She said while grabbing a worn out, raggedy teddy bear with floppy arms and legs from a nearby shelf.

"Mad at you! Why would I be mad at you?"

"I dunno." Delia shrugged. "Because you don't play with me anymore and you're always in your room. I figured you were mad."

"Del, I'm not mad at you at all. I can never be mad at you."

"Then what's wrong? You seem sad." She said as she gave the bear a squeeze.

"I'm just in a mood. Sometimes you feel like nothing's going right and you just want to disappear. You know, like you wish you were somewhere else so you can be happier." Ephram explained without revealing too much.

"Hmm." Delia said quizzically. "I know! It's kinda like when we're doing Social Studies, but I wished I was at recess."

"Well, something like that, I guess." Ephram said. "Delia – you know you've got a bright future. You're smart and pretty. Don't let anybody tell you any different. And don't let anything stop you from reaching your goals, ok?"

Delia nodded.

"Dad takes good care of you so you have to make sure you do the same, ok? Don't forget him. And all those good moments we shared, I'll never forget them. They'll always be with me no matter what."

"I know." Delia said.

"I don't want you to think I take stuff for granted. You can be a real pain in the ass and drive me crazy sometimes. We yell and scream and fight, but you're my baby sister and I can never hold a grudge against you. We argue so much only because we're so close. Don't take any of it personally, ok?"

"Why are you telling me all this?" Delia questioned. Her big hazel eyes blinked at Ephram.

"Huh? No reason. I just wanted you to know." Ephram said. Delia threw her arms around her brother and clung to him.

"Ephram, I love you." Delia murmured.

The words moved Ephram. His heart softened and at that moment, he wasn't sure if killing himself was such a hot idea after all. He told himself he wasn't going to cry but it seemed unlikely that he was going to stick to being as strong as he wanted to. A few tears rolled down his pallid cheeks. He couldn't remember the last time he felt such a warm hug. Just when he was convinced that the world was a cold place, leave it to Delia to make him change his mind.

"Why are you crying?" Delia said in a surprised tone.

"I'm not." Ephram wiped off all traces of tears from his face.

"Yes, you are." She objected.

"Well, I was touched by your words."

"Dad's right. You've been acting very weird lately." Delia chirped. "I wish you wouldn't be so sad all the time. Now, you're crying just because I said 'I love you'. Wait till he hears this one!"

"Del, you can't tell him that. I don't want you to tell him I've been crying." Ephram barked.

"But why?" Delia asked with curiosity.

"Because he's gonna start with me. And I'm not in the mood for a lecture. Please, do me a favor?" Ephram said. "Please?" He pressured with a pleading tone.

"Alright. Alright. I won't tell if you don't want me to." She gave in.

"Thanks. You promise, right?"

"I promise." Delia smiled sweetly at her brother.

"Do you like Boomer Bear a lot?" Ephram referred to the stuffed animal Delia selected from his toy shelf. She stroked the bear's black bally fur in a playful manner.

"Yea, he's fun." She giggled.

"Well, tell you what, you can have him." Ephram said.

"What! But he's your favorite! Are you sure you want to give it to me?" Delia babbled wildly.

"Of course I'm sure. I wouldn't give him up if I wasn't positive." Ephram responded amicably.

Delia alternated looks between her brother and the old bear in her arms. "Nah. I can't. I'll borrow him to play with but I can't keep him." She finally decided. "I know how much he means to you. It wouldn't be right."

Boomer Bear dated back to when Ephram was just a toddler. It was his favorite toy. He had always been rather attached to this stuffed animal and he never let it out of his sight. Wherever he went, Boomer Bear went too. Boomer Bear has been with him through the chicken pox, the measles, countless number of flu's and a broken arm. Ephram slept with it, played games with it, and fed it human food. They have rescued each other from many dangerous play battles. They accompanied each other when Ephram got into trouble. They got grounded together. Boomer Bear was his trusty sidekick.

No one knew why he singled out this particular toy to be his favorite. It wasn't an overtly attractive or cute teddy bear. At eleven inches tall, with long floppy arms and legs, the black furred bear was decked out in a silly looking rainbow stripe overall. It had black yarn for a nose and two black buttons for eyes. The left eye was a little crooked than the left eye because it had once been chewed off by young Ephram (during one of his cross moods) and sewn back on. When he had calmed down, he brought the bear and the button eye to his mother and begged for her to sew it back on.

Although, Andy always joked about taking full credit, no one really remembers who gave Ephram that bear in the first place. It was one of those gifts where it didn't leave a big enough impression on anyone to remember the giver. Andy believed Ephram's choice was random. He reached into his toy box one day and the bear was the first thing his little hands were able to grab.

"Delia, it's alright. I'm giving Boomer Bear to you. Really, you can keep him." Ephram insisted.

"But, why are you giving him away?" Delia began to say.

"Uh-uh. Take him. No questions asked." Ephram cut in. He sounded so sure of himself that it convinced Delia. "There's one favor I would like to ask of you though."

"What is it?"

"Boomer Bear is special. He's a part of my life that I hold very dear to me. We've been through a lot together – I think you know we go a ways back." Ephram said. "I want you to take care of him. Treat him with kindness and respect. He likes Oreo cookies with milk. He hates brussel sprouts and radish. He's allergic to bubble gum. And he likes to be scratched here." He said as he scraped Boomer's tummy with the tip of his nails. Doing this made Delia laugh.

Ephram didn't want to sound too serious. Part of him felt like he was losing his best friend. But he knew that where he was going, he wouldn't need Boomer anymore. Besides, he would want Delia to have it when he was gone.

"Besides, I think ol' Boomer will be much happier with you." Ephram said. Delia smiled and accepted her new toy with a hug. She also gave her brother a thank you kiss on the cheek.

But Ephram had his mind made up. He was going to end his life. Things were so dreadful and unhappy where he was. Nothing he did seemed to make things better. Delia was just a fragment of his happiness and that was not enough. Andy tried to give him space and be the "cool" dad. Ephram almost felt sorry for him. His father was trying so hard to understand him and yet at the same time, he was pushing him farther and farther away. Ephram's world had only bitterness and misery to offer. After his mother died, he's never really known warmth and gentleness. He felt so lonely and worthless. There was no one to run to. He had no way out - until now. He knew exactly how he was going to do it. He had it figured out a long time ago.

It was like taking cookies out of the cookie jar, except the actual cookie jar was easier to access. Timing and not being caught was the key. Ephram must've stood in front of the painted white wood rimmed drug cabinet in Andy's clinic for five minutes before getting the courage to open the glass doors. He was stunned by the multitude of drugs in the cabinet. A display of different sized bottles filled each of the five shelves. The bottles consisted of an assortment of medication ranging from tiny pills to medium capsules to chunky tablets to pasty liquids. Some were in dark glass bottles, while others were in transparent orange and clear plastic bottles. Edna had done an excellent job of organizing it all. All the drugs were clearly labeled and neatly placed in straight lines.

Getting to where he was now proved to be almost too convenient. Andy had asked Ephram to pick up an apple crumb cake from Momma Joys on his way home from school. At first, Ephram refused Andy's offer to swing by the clinic for a ride home. He preferred to walk home these days. But he saw opportunity so he consented.

Edna was the first one to see him enter. Amidst a pile of folders on one end of her desk, she sat almost hidden behind the monitor of her computer. Her fingers stopped pecking at the keyboard when Ephram walked in. With her bifocals still perched on the bridge of her nose, she greeted him and inquired about his well-being. Ephram replied politely that he was well. She informed him that his father was currently with a patient. Ephram told her about the crumb cake and the ride home. She smiled and told him to have a seat. He racked his brain for excuses to go into the medicine closet. Finally, he got up. Edna looked up quizzically from her desk. Ephram told her he had to use the bathroom and that he would be right back. She nodded and went back to her work.

He took a sharp left at the end of the hall. Making sure he was as quiet as a mouse, he tiptoed into the medicine closet. Ephram knew where everything was kept. He'd been to his father's clinic dozens of times and knew the office like the back of his hand. He closed the door quietly behind him and pressed the light switch on. The room was literally the size of a linen closet. There were no windows. The room served as both a supply closet as well as a place to keep drugs. On one side of the room were metal racks of everything from gauze pads and syringes. Other miscellaneous medical supplies filled the shelves in a tidy fashion. On the other side of the small room was the big cabinet with five deep shelves. All of which were brimming with drugs.

Ephram squinted at the long words describing the name of each medication, most of which he couldn't even pronounce let alone know what ailment they relieved. He scanned the containers quickly until his eyes focused on a small plastic pill container. The container's transparent orange nature allowed Ephram to view the contents. Flat, round and chalky white tablets the size of shirt buttons filled about midway to the cylinder container. A cotton ball squeezed into the bottle protected the precious pills. The white sticker label adhered to the middle of the bottle had words typed onto it. A single word drew his attention.

Codeine.

The bold black letters screamed to him. He didn't know anything about the other drugs in the cabinet but he definitely knew codeine. Everyone in his old school back in New York knew about codeine. If he'd learned anything at all, it would be that. There was something awfully wrong with the world if ten year olds didn't know the capital of New York yet knew exactly what codeine was. It was a narcotic analgesic – AKA – painkiller. Highly addictive and habit forming. Deadly if taken in high doses. It was perfect and should do the trick. He grabbed the bottle and placed it into the pocket of his hooded sweatshirt. He then ducked out of the room unnoticed and snuck back into the foyer. Edna looked up and smiled upon his prompt return.

Ephram remained quiet the ride home. He felt rather uncomfortable. This was the first time he ever stole something - except for that one time in New York when he was about six years old. But that really wasn't stealing since his father was friends with the owner. Andy brought Ephram to the deli down the block to get some milk. The section of the store that attracted Ephram to the most was the colorful packaging of candy and gum located right below the counter. It was all at eye level and within his grasp. When no one was watching, Ephram grabbed a pack of MMs and hid it under his jacket. Andy was busy chatting with old Joe, the owner of the store, and didn't keep a watchful eye on what Ephram was doing. Andy didn't know about the candy until they entered their apartment. Thereafter, he received a long lecture from both parents on stealing. They were not pleased with Ephram's actions. They made him bring the stolen candy back to the store and apologize to Joe as a punishment.

Andy took Ephram back to the store the next day. After Ephram gave back the candy made his confession to Joe, there was a long suspenseful pause. He thought Joe would be furious but he wasn't. The boy, who was on the verge of tears, was surprised when he found Joe suddenly smiling at him. Joe knew Ephram had taken the candy.

"You knew? How did you know?" Ephram gasped. When he's surprised at something, his eyes usually get real wide and round. Ephram didn't know the power he had for looking extremely cute and melting everyone's heart when he makes those big glassy eyes.

"See those mirrors there and there?" Joe pointed to two corners of the ceiling. Ephram whipped his head in both directions. "I can see."

"Then why didn't you stop me?" Ephram questioned. He felt horrible – almost sick to his stomach.

"Well, I was curious to see what would happen – if you would do the right thing. And right now, you did." Joe replied. He gave Andy a good-natured wink.

"So, you were testing me?" The young boy squealed.

"You could say that." Joe chuckled. "Look, you're a sweet kid. I hate for you to grow up a thief and end up in Rikers. I've heard stories about what goes on in there and trust me, you're better off living an honest life."

"I'm really sorry for stealing the MMs, I really am." Ephram pleaded. "I don't want to go to jail!" The idea of being locked up in a barred cell scared him.

"Have you learned your lesson?" Joe asked firmly but careful not to be too harsh with the youngster.

"Yes. I promise I'll never steal anything ever again. I swear." Young Ephram cried.

Promises were made to be broken. Part of him felt no remorse for stealing the drugs from his father's office because it was going to help him get to the place that he wanted to end up. The other part of him felt like he had committed a crime. The guilt was building.

"So Ephram, what do you want for dinner?" Andy said as they made a left turn onto Drexel Avenue.

Ephram shrugged indifferently.

"I was thinking of making your favorite." Andy said. "Chicken cutlet. Of course, it's not from scratch but -hey- Perdue already does a fine job of making prepared chicken. How's that sound?"

"Alright, I guess." Ephram said.

"It's been a while since we had your favorite. We can make a salad and heat up some Italian bread in the toaster oven."

"Whatever's fine."

"Maybe after dinner, the three of us can take a drive into town to get some dessert. We can save the crumb cake for breakfast tomorrow. I don't know about you but I have this weird craving for chocolate moose. You game?"

"Yea – if you want to." The boy said passively.

"You really need to cheer up Ephram. I don't know what's bugging you these days. Things aren't as bad as you make it seem. I know its hard being a teenager but can you imagine how hard it is to be a parent of that teenager who keeps to himself all the time?" Andy was getting a little impatient, though he tried not to show it. "I know Everwood is not your ideal place to live but it's a fresh start. You see things through a new eye. You know, should give it half a chance. You might even surprise yourself."

Ephram didn't say a word but he felt a million things. First of all, he was thinking about when he would get a chance to do the deed. It was just a matter of time before Edna did inventory and found out a bottle of codeine missing. Then she would report it to Andy and they would put two and two together and discover Ephram was the one who had taken it. Secondly, he caught a hint of irritation in Andy's tone.

Maybe it was all the pressure and the way he felt lately or maybe it was just his teenage adrenaline. It seemed like everything his father said to him was wrong. Through Ephram's ears, it sounded like Andy was against him even though that wasn't his intention.

Ephram was sorry – for being the dark cloud hanging over the family. He was sorry for being a nuisance. He was sorry for taking up space. He was sorry for existing. He never hated himself more than that very moment. He wanted to cry. A thick knot was already forming in his throat. But he had to hold it until he got home. He couldn't wait to go to his room and cry. People were insensitive and harsh – including his father. This gave him the extra push he needed to do what he needed to do. It gave him more reason.

"I hope Delia's been a good girl for Nina today. Delia can be a handful when she wants to be. But on the most part, she's an angel." He said as they finally pulled into their driveway.

When they walked through the front door, Delia flew into her father's arms and gave him a big hello kiss on the cheek while Ephram made a beeline for the kitchen to put the crumb cake into the fridge.

"My little princess!" Andy exclaimed as he scooped Delia up. "How was your day?"

"My day was great." Delia beamed.

"You're brave. I hope Ephram knows you took his Boomer Bear." He said nodding to the old toy that Delia lugged in her arms. "You remember what happened last time you took it from Ephram's shelf without asking, don't you? Your brother nearly bit your head off."

"Oh daddy, don't be silly. I didn't take Boomer. Ephram gave him to me. To keep." Delia rolled her eyes playfully. "Boomer is mine now."

"What? Now, what did I say about telling lies" Andy said as he walked into the living room still carrying Delia in his arms.

"But I'm not lying, daddy." She said innocently. "Ephram really did give Boomer to me. If you don't believe me, ask him."

Just as Andy was about to say something back, Nina came in from the kitchen. She greeted him.

"Nina, hope Delia was no trouble." Andy said as he let Delia down.

"She's no trouble at all." Nina replied sincerely.

"Thanks so much for 'sitting today. Ephram would've done it but as you know, he had to take a detour this afternoon. I can always count on you though. You're the best." Andy's good-natured laugh always made Nina giddy.

She unnecessarily tucked a piece of frazzled blond hair behind her ears. It was something she always did when she received a compliment from someone she liked.

Nina and Andy were friends and neighbors. They lent each other a helping hand in times of need. They had friendly family get-togethers. That was where their relationship always stood. The boundaries were never crossed. It was rather unusual how two people from two different backgrounds were able to maintain such a strong friendship at such a short period of time.

Andy was widowed and Nina was divorced. Andy was from the big city. Nina was from a small town. Andy was a cynical yet sympathetic man with status and a current superfluous career. Nina was a beautiful, wholehearted, carefree woman with a rather different outlook on life. She didn't see life as a struggle to gain wealth and prestige. She was an ambitious person. In fact, she can accomplish anything if she set her mind to it. But making sure she lived life to the fullest was her first priority. An incident in her past made her realize life should be enjoyed and not taken for granted. She held nothing back ever since. Of course she still had to pay the bills and take responsibility over her five year old son. She learned to be independent and fend for herself. So far, life was good and she was almost satisfied. Andy and Nina had a lot to learn from each other.

"Delia's a very good girl." Nina said. "She finished her homework and sat there quietly playing with that teddy bear. I fixed her a grilled cheese sandwich for snack."

"Thanks. I appreciate it." Andy replied as he watched Delia trying to make conversation with Ephram in the kitchen. He turned back to Nina. "Hey, would you like to stay for dinner?"

"Oh, I would love to but I can't. I have to pick up Sam from Carl's tonight." Nina said. "Maybe next time." She offered.

"Alright then." Andy sounded a little disappointed. They both stood there, neither one wanted to be the first to move.

"I best be going now." Nina finally said. "I'm supposed to be there by 5:30. That means I have fifteen minutes. Yikes! I better hurry." She marveled while checking her watch. "Bye Delia! Bye Ephram!" She shouted towards the kitchen.

"Bye Nina!" Ephram and Delia called back. Andy walked Nina to the door and exchanged their good-byes.

As Andy headed towards the kitchen, Ephram was heading out. The boy had a can of soda in his hand.

"Ephram – " Andy began.

"I'll be in my room." Ephram cut him off.

"Delia says you gave her your Boomer Bear." Andy said.

"Yea, that's right." The boy responded.

"You GAVE her Boomer Bear?" Andy repeated. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Yea, I did." Ephram said. "Why is it such a big surprise?"

"Because – isn't Boomer Bear like your prized possession or something?" Andy's eyes widened.

"Was." The boy corrected.

"I don't get it. I never thought the day would come when you give up your favorite toy. Boomer Bear was like your other half."

"Don't get so worked up, dad. The days of Super Ephram and his trusty sidekick Boomer Bear are over. You know that stuff can't last forever."

"But you loved that bear. I find it hard to believe that you don't want it anymore. I'm a bit – well – shocked, to say the least."

"I think it's time to move on. I'm fifteen years old. Don't you think it's time to stop playing with stuffies?"

"So you're saying that you gave Boomer away because you grew out of it?"

"Basically – yea." Ephram gave a carefree shrug and headed towards the stairs.

"Dinner's gonna be in a while. Give me – oh – until 8 at least. I'm not the most experienced cook in the world but I want to get it right. But it's gonna take some time so you better grab a snack if you're hungry." Andy said.

"It's ok. I'm not hungry yet." Ephram disappeared up the stairs. Andy heard the boy's door close with a light bang.

He then went into the kitchen to start preparing dinner. Delia was seated at the kitchen table trying to feed Goldfish crackers to Boomer Bear. When she learned that her father was going to cook dinner, she was always eager to help.

Ephram kicked off his sneakers and curled up on his bed. He took out the small container of codeine and played with it in his hands. He thought about what his father said to him earlier. "You really need to cheer up Ephram. I don't know what's bugging you these days. Things aren't as bad as you make it seem." It was his father's nice way of saying, "Lighten up! At least you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and a full stomach everyday. What more do you want?" Ephram knew he was lucky to have all those things but he was missing the one thing he needed the most – the love of his mother. The visit to the cemetery brought back all those feelings that he learned to suppress. His heart was bathed in darkness and he heard the echoes bounce around in his hollow soul. She was the only one who understood him and she left. He felt cold and unprotected, scared and naked. On the outside, he appeared composed but inside, he was falling apart.

He sat up and pulled opened the drawer on his nightstand. His fingers rummaged thru the messy drawer until he located the object of desire. It was a dainty heart shaped silver marcasite locket the size of a silver dollar. Ephram opened the locket carefully with his nails. A photo of his mother was lodged into the left side of the locket. On the right side was a timepiece that had stopped running a long time ago. Either the batteries have expired or some sort of chain was broken inside. Silver roman numerals depicted the hours on the face of the clock. The hands of the clock were made of thin and delicate silver.

The locket once belonged to Ephram's mother. In fact, it was the only thing Ephram had in his possession that belonged to his mother. He cherished it and valued it like gold. Even to this point, he refused to part with it. He gave away Boomer Bear but he was not ready to let the locket go just yet.

It was a locket with history – that's what made it so special. The locket was one of those heirlooms that were passed down from generation to generation. Ephram's grandmother had given it to his mother for her thirteenth birthday. Julia loved the antique feel of it so much that she kept it hidden under her pillow all the time and pretended it was a mystical ancient relic that brought good luck and granted wishes.

Ephram remembered the day his mother passed the locket onto him. It was right after one of Ephram's piano recitals at school. He was about ten years old. Julia explained to Ephram the significance of this timepiece and how she made him promise to take good care of it. At that time, the clock feature still ran. And Ephram remembered holding it every night before he went to sleep. He put the locket against his ear and listened to the soft ticking. It was like listening to his mother's heartbeat. It was comforting.

Julia had given the locket to Ephram with the photo side empty so that he could put a picture there of his choice. Ephram decided on a picture of his mother. He found the perfect picture of Julia from an old photo album. It was a random picture taken at a family Christmas party. Long dark brown hair flowed passed her shoulders. Her red turtle neck sweater brought out her rosy cheeks and painted lips. She had long black lashes and white teeth. Somewhere behind her was a Christmas tree. Ephram had cut out her picture and carefully snapped it into the side of the locket.

He stared at the picture. One by one, the memories started coming back again. He remembered his birthday parties, Delia's birthday parties, his mother's birthday parties, Christmases, Thanksgivings, New Year's, school fundraisers, school plays, mother-son school events, and most of all – the piano recitals. Ever since the exposure of his genius at playing the piano, he became very popular with the teachers. He was the center of attention. They saw it as the perfect opportunity to recruit him to vie for titles for his school. There were school contests, borough contests and state contests. Some of which he won, some of which he lost. But his mother was present during each and every one of those performances to offer moral support and a pep talk before the big moment. During those times he lost, his mother made him feel as special as if he won first place. She made him feel like a champ regardless of his losses.

But now, there was no one to spend long afternoons on trivial conversations. There weren't any more hot chocolate and playing cards on rainy days. The days spent laughing at each other's silliness until their stomachs hurt and tears spewed from their eyes were over. There was nothing left – just emptiness.

The big salty knot came back to his throat. His chin quivered. He snapped the locket shut and place it beside him. He closed his eyes and tried to make the images go away.

The words, "separated by mortality" grew louder and louder in his ears. He wanted the voices to stop. He wanted to be free of the intense pain throbbing in his heart. Tears found their way passed his eyelids no matter how tight he squeezed his eyes. Perspiration formed in his palm as he tightened his grasp on the locket. The silver chain was already leaving indentations on his skin.

A small sob passed his lips. He felt so miserable. He hated himself. He wanted so much to die. Tears flooded his cheeks. Ephram grabbed the bottle of codeine that he left in the folds of his blanket when he went to look for the locket. He brushed the back of his hand on his face to wipe away the tears. His hands shook as he read the description of the drug on the label over and over again. Codeine. Codeine. Codeine. He didn't care how many milligrams of codeine the container held.

There was one thing he knew for sure. Codeine Painkiller. And he was in a lot of pain right then. He desperately wanted the pain to go away. He popped the soda can open with his index finger single handedly. It was some stupid trick he learned to do – teenagers are full of those. After taking a sip of the cola, he placed the soda can on his night stand. His gaze went back to the bottle of codeine.

He wondered how many of those little white tablets he would have to take to overdose. Ephram always believed using drugs was the perfect way to commit suicide. It's painless, tidy, and quiet. You don't bother anyone and there's no mess to clean up. Drugs just put you to sleep and you never wake up. It was a peaceful way to make his exit. At least, that was what he thought.

Finally, he found the courage to peel the white cap off the bottle. He plucked the cotton ball out and tossed it aside. He tilted the container and about five small white pills poured forth onto his palm. With tears streaming down his face, he stared at the lethal weapon in his hand. There was still a tiny part of him that wished someone would come through the door and catch him. Maybe if someone cared enough, he wouldn't have to do it.

He watched the door for a whole ten minutes hoping that each minute there would be a knock on the door or a call of his name, but no one came. The house was quiet. His father was playing chef in the kitchen and Delia was his little helper. They forgot about Ephram. He was all alone.

'Why must it be this way?' He thought bitterly. 'Why did it have to end like this?'

There were no other choices. He believed the only thing that stood between him and his one way ticket to happiness was that bottle of pills. He may be scared but he was not a coward. Soon, that fear turned into anger. The anger was directed more so at his friends rather than his family. Feeling so much at once made his head spin.

'Who are they to judge me? They're just a bunch of selfish, narcissistic, ass-kissing liars. They don't give a damn about anything unless their asses are on the line. It's in their nature to bail out on you. Well, fuck them. Fuck all of them. Let them rot in this fucking hick town hell-hole. After all, I'm the loser, the freak, the worthless piece of shit that nobody gives a fuck about. They all wished I was dead anyway.' He thought.

The tears started again.

"Mom. Oh mom. I wish I was with you." Ephram moaned. He was so broken up inside.

The moment of truth arrived. Without delaying it any further, he popped the handful of pills into his mouth and washed it all down with several gulps of soda. The tears were almost uncontrollable now. He gave up in wiping them away. The front of his shirt was already moist. He swallowed the salty tears that found their way into his mouth.

He sat back against the bed board with the bottle of pills in his hands. He watched the door to see if anyone would hear his silent cry for help. Still no one. Heartbroken and hopeless, he continued his self-destruction. His hands shook when he tilted the bottle again to dispense another helping of pills. Five tablets slid into his palm.

Somewhere right below his room, Andy and Delia were in the kitchen aimlessly cooking dinner. They never suspected that one flight up, Ephram was making the biggest mistake of his life.

A tang of bitter medicine filled his mouth as the pills started dissolving in his saliva. He guzzled the soda to get the nasty flavor out of his mouth. After this, he ate yet another handful of pills. He decided that he liked the sound of the pills hitting against the plastic container when he shifted the contents.

Coincidentally, Delia was passing through in the hall at this very moment. She was on her way to her room to get her notebook. Apparently, she did an in-class writing assignment that earned her a check plus. Andy was eager to hear it.

Delia heard the sound of shifting of tablets in a plastic pill bottle as she walked passed her brother's door. It made an interesting rattle kinda like the way Tic Tac mints sounded when you turned the little rectangular container upside down. Delia had a fondness for sweets and was always in the mood for any sort of candy.

She turned Ephram's door knob and pushed the door open. "Hey Ephram, whatcha doing?" Delia said in a nosy voice.

Startled at the sudden invasion of his privacy, Ephram quickly hid the bottle of the pills in the pocket of his sweatshirt. He did not expect his sister to barge into his room like that. As much as he wanted someone to catch him in the act, he felt rather embarrassed at the notion that someone was going to find out his dark secret.

"Do you ever think of knocking first?" Ephram shot back in a harsh tone. He rubbed his face with both hands to disguise the act of cleaning away any trace of tears.

"Sorry. I didn't think you'd mind." Delia said still holding onto the door knob. "What's in your pocket?"

"Nothing." Ephram said as innocently as possible.

"But I heard a noise." Delia reasoned.

"Like what?" He fired back.

"I dunno. It was just a noise."

"Well, I didn't hear anything. There's obviously something wrong with your ears."

"What are you eating?" Her eyes shot at the Coke can on his night stand. She was always probing for food.

"Nothing."

"Are you sure? Because it sounded like you have candy." Delia poked. She played with the door knob by twisting to back and forth.

"Fine. It IS candy, ok? It's a tube of MM mini's. There you go. You got me. Happy now?" Ephram blasted.

"Can I have some?" Delia asked.

"No, you cannot. Do you mind leaving now? I was in the middle of something here." He said firmly.

"Please? Can I have some?" Delia asked again. She didn't know why her brother was so cross all of a sudden. He usually shared his candy with her. Most of the time, he let her have whatever he had left.

"NO! Now leave me alone!" Ephram hollered. He couldn't understand why he was so angry. He figured maybe it was the drugs starting to act up.

"Well, you don't have to be so mean!" Delia pouted. "Fine, I WILL leave you alone." She said in an agitated huff and closed the door behind her.

He was alone once again. It wasn't his intention to be so short-tempered towards his sister. She was only being a kid. But something inside his gut was so ill at ease. He didn't know what he wanted. He wanted to kill himself yet he wanted to be saved. Realizing he'd just pushed away any chances of being rescued from his situation, Ephram took out the pill bottle from his pocket.

He looked at the remainder of the pills in the cylinder container. There wasn't a whole lot left. He wondered if he'd taken enough. He also wondered when he would start to feel the effects of the drug attack his system and make his heart stop. Would he feel any kind of pain? Will it be quick? Would he know it when he died?

Ephram lied down on his bed and placed the bottle of pills back into his sweatshirt pocket. There were going to be questions that needed answers. So he decided to leave some sort of sign that he'd done this to himself. It was not an accident nor was it influenced or done by someone else. He put the bottle in a place where he knew his father would look – his pocket.

He took the locket into his fist and held it to his chest. A single tear droplet drizzled from his eyes. The tear stayed on his cheek for a brief moment before slithering down his cheekbone and into his ear. He gave a deep sigh. Finally, he closed his eyes, relaxed his muscles and waited for the drug to work.

He waited and waited patiently. After a while, Ephram really believed he was dying and the drug was taking control. He was drifting farther and farther away from the world. He felt as light as a feather and he could almost hear his mother's voice calling for him. The codeine was dissolving in the hot churning acids of his stomach and dispersing slowly into his bloodstream. The drug made his veins throb. The sensation of pins and needles filled his legs and chest. The end was drawing near.

At least that's what he thought. But he shortly awoke from his dream when he heard a pounding on his door, which he, at first, mistook it for a pounding in his head. He opened his eyes and found himself lying on his bed in the comfort of his room in the same position. It finally dawned on him that he wasn't dead – but instead, he'd fallen asleep. Disappointment swept over him.

"Ephram! Dinner's ready!" Delia shouted on the top of her lungs as she pounded her tiny fists on his door. "You better come down NOW!"

"Alright! Alright! I'm coming." Ephram grumbled.

The first thought that came to his mind was that – it didn't work. Perhaps he needed to have taken the whole bottle in order for it to be deemed lethal. However, he did change his mind about how he felt the second he sat up.

The room spun and his skin was clammy. There was something cold and metal-like in his hand. He looked to see what it was and it turned out to be his mother's locket. He'd forgotten about it. Putting the locket aside, he groaned and cradled his head in his hands. He felt extremely tired and sore like as if someone had beaten the crap out of him. His muscles ached and his stomach was doing flips.

He looked at the digital clock on his dresser. It blinked 8:45 pm. He had been asleep for nearly three hours. The question he asked himself was - did he really fall asleep or was he unconscious? THREE HOURS! The three hours felt like six hours. He couldn't believe how long it was taking to kill himself.

He tried to stand up only to plop back down onto his bed. His legs failed him – just like everyone in his life. He tried a second attempt to stand up. This time around, he was successful. He shook his head to clear the dizziness. Focusing on reaching the door, Ephram wobbled to get a firm grip on something to steady his stance. The bookcase was the first thing within reach. The room swam in slow motion and for the first time, he noticed the air was thin.

Groggy and dazed, he finally found the door and he made his way down the stairs carefully. Upon entering the kitchen, he was able to smell the aroma of cooked food. Surprisingly, it wasn't a bad smell – in fact, it smelled quite appetizing.

"Ephram! Hey, grab a seat. I know it only took me two hours to prepare this meal. You can't say I didn't try. Looks like food, smells like food. I hope it tastes like food. If not, we can chuck it and order something. I think the pizza place is still open." Andy joked. He was preoccupied with organizing the dishes and utensils on the table.

Andy put his heart and soul into the making of this meal and it showed. A large plate was set by each place at the table. Everyone had their own portion of chicken cutlet glazed with tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese. A large salad bowl of freshly tossed greens, tall glasses of soda for everyone, a dish of piping hot buttered corn on the cob placed in front of Ephram's seat, and miscellaneous condiments stood conveniently within arms reach.

"What were you doing in your room all this time?" Andy said as they took their seats.

"I was taking a nap." Ephram replied.

"Well then, hope you had a refreshing nap. I don't know about you but I'm starving. Please, help yourself. Dig in." Andy said.

Ephram stared at his plate. It looked good but some how he did not have much of an appetite. His stomach was uneasy. Both Andy and Delia had already begun their feast. They were complimenting each bite. With a hand holding up his head, Ephram picked at his food with a fork.

"Why aren't you eating Ephram?" Andy said with a mouth full of lettuce. "Something wrong with the food?"

"No, I'm not very hungry - is all." The boy said weakly.

"That's probably because of all that candy you ate before. It spoiled your dinner." Delia tattled.

"Shut up!" Ephram glared at his sister.

"Candy, huh" Andy said as he put another forkful of food into his mouth.

"Yea - candy that HE did not want to share with me." Delia replied. "He wanted to keep it all for himself even though I asked nicely if I could have some." She still did not want to let it go. "Stingy." She added with an annoyed pout.

"Oh, will you just shut up?" Ephram glowered. He was feeling pretty horrible already and did not have the burning desire to be involved in an argument.

"Now kids, can't we have a meal together without biting each other's head off?" Andy scolded in a patient tone as he chewed his food.

Thereafter, the only sounds heard were the clinging of utensils and chewing noises. With an elbow on the table and his hand holding up his head, Ephram continued to poke at his food with a fork. He just couldn't bring himself to ingest it. He looked up bleary eyed at his father, who was sitting across from him gorging on his ration. He was alternating between a forkful of salad and a forkful of chicken. Andy finally looked up.

"Ephram, I made buttered corn on the cob for you." Andy nodded to the plate in front of the boy. "I may not know a lot about your favorites but I DO know how much you liked corn on the cob drenched in butter."

This caught Ephram a bit off guard because he never expected his father to pay close attention to what he liked and disliked. If his father was observant enough to remember something as detailed as the way he liked his corn prepared, he wondered what other things his father remembered.

"My cooking doesn't come close to being as good as your mother's. But I can say that I think she would've been proud of me today because I made an effort to do the one thing I suck at doing and managed to turn it into a success." Andy complimented himself as Delia piped in to agree.

Ephram found the strength to cut a small corner of his chicken cutlet and stick it in his mouth. He chewed for the longest time. It seems the food just doesn't want to be swallowed. His throat was sore and probably swollen.

"Ephram, you look kinda pale. Are you ok?" Andy said cocking his eye in the boy's direction. Now that he had a substantial amount of food in his belly, he could slow down and observe everyone else.

"I'm fine." Ephram lied. "Dad?"

"Yep." Andy answered. He took a corn on the cob off the plate and sunk his teeth into the juicy, flesh of the kernels.

"You ever think about mom?" The boy probed.

"Think about her? Of course I do - just about every day." Andy put the corn down on his plate. "She was a big part of our lives and someone with that much influence does not readily get forgotten." He paused. Puzzled and in thought for a brief moment, he realized what made his boy so down in the dumps lately. "Is that what's been bothering you? Is this about your mother?" He guessed.

The boy played with the melted mozzarella cheese on top of the chicken cutlet. He was afraid to look up.

"Ephram – honey – it's ok to miss her you know. It's ok to grieve." He spoke gently.

And suddenly, it all made sense. Everything fell into place. This was the reason why Ephram was so withdrawn. Thinking back, Ephram's depression began shortly after they left the cemetery. This was the epicenter. Perhaps seeing his mother's grave again created an enormous amount of stress for the poor boy.

"I know you miss her a lot. Probably more so than me and Delia put together. I know you and her were especially close. I'll admit that I was never around long enough to let our relationship grow. But I sure hope that I can establish what you and your mother had some day. I know I can never fill in that void – that missing link – completely but I would like to try." Andy offered. "A day doesn't go by without sprouting an argument but we're a team. None of us should ever feel like they must take on the world alone. We help each other. That's what we're here for. Especially now, since your mother's no longer with us. We need to stick together."

He paused.

"Don't think that I don't feel for you, son. I think about you and Delia all the time. I love you guys so much that it hurts. It's tough to lose a spouse and I used to think the world ended – at least, my world did – but then I realized that loosing a parent is tougher especially when you're at such a young age. I know your loss is very deep and your soul is scarred. You can't put images out of your mind. Sometimes, you get this funny feeling in the pit of your stomach – it's kinda like your insides turning into a big chunk of ice. Losing your mother was something you can never be prepared for. No one can be prepared for something like that. And – and I don't expect you to be because it's life-changing. It can never be completely zapped from anyone's memory. However, I do expect you to talk about it and maybe even cry a little. I want to hear your thoughts – whatever or however stupid they sound. I want to hear it again and again until you get it all out of your system. I won't mind hearing it." Andy continued as he wiped the drippy butter off his fingers with a napkin.

"Things will never be the same. We all know the variables have changed. You mean so much to us and I would hate to see you going through anything alone. Maybe we can wad through the mud together. We love you very much, Ephram." Andy added.

That was pretty much all he needed to hear from his father to know that he cared. The boy was moved to tears. The tears were coming down his face in bucketfuls. He couldn't hold it in anymore. His eyes blurred and vision weaved in and out of focus. It was the drugs.

His father directed words of sympathy and comfort to him. Maybe it wasn't the first time he'd heard it, but it was the first time the words actually sunk into his brain. It almost sounded like his father understood what was going on inside his head. Perhaps he really did understand. Maybe there was no need to have eaten those pills after all. Regret.

"Why are you crying?" Andy gasped in concern. Delia turned to face her brother.

"I made a horrible – horrible mistake." He said through sobs. The boy hung his head down and occasionally wiped his face with the back of his hands.

"Nothing can be that bad. Tell me what." Andy nudged.

"It's bad. Real bad." Ephram whimpered. He felt weak and dizzy.

"We can work it out. I promise we can." Andy offered.

"I – I stole from you." The boy bleated as his small shoulders shook with each sob.

"Oh? You did?" Andy asked curiously. "I'm sure whatever it was, it could be replaced." He couldn't imagine what Ephram could've possibly stolen. The only thing he could think of was money.

"No. It can't." Ephram covered his face with both hands. "It can't be replaced."

"Alright. How much?" Andy was starting to get worried. Ephram was starting to look horrible. His face was ghastly and he was shaking something fierce. The boy was taking very deep breathes.

Ephram shook his head from side to side.

"How much money was it? Whatever amount it was, I won't get mad. Just tell me." Andy spoke eloquently.

"It's not money." Ephram said.

"It's not?" Andy was surprised.

"I'm so ashamed. So ashamed." He said through clenched teeth between deep draws of air.

"Please Ephram, tell me what did you steal." His voice was firm and concerned.

"I stole some drugs from your office." He confessed. A pain in his chest told him something terrible was about to happen.

"You did WHAT!" Andy nearly shouted in shock. The last thing he wanted his son to be was a drug dealer. How could it lead to this? Andy questioned himself. Of all things, how could Ephram swipe drugs from his clinic – after all he's done for him? Andy imagined his son peddling prescription drugs to his classmates as a means of getting high. "How much did you steal?"

"This was the first time. I swear." Ephram cried. The room spun faster and faster. He couldn't see straight anymore. He couldn't tell were they because of the tears or because of the effects of the codeine. "I-I-I just wanted the pain to go away. Please don't be mad at me. You have to believe me! The pain was so horrible. I –I only wanted to take enough to kill the pain. Honest." He rambled with some words more coherent than others.

The words rang in Andy's head. He was reeling from shock and his body was suddenly consumed with fear. 'Ephram didn't resell the drugs. He took them for himself?' Andy thought.

"Ephram, what are you saying?" Andy slid his chair back to stand up. "Tell me you didn't. Tell me you didn't."

"Dad, I – I don't feel so good. Please. I didn't mean to do it." Ephram got up irritably from his seat. "I-I need to lie down." He mumbled. His knees buckled under him before he could take a step. The boy collapsed. He fell like a sack of flour. The frail weight of the boy's body hit the hard wood floor with a small thump.

"Ephram!" Delia shrieked in horror.

"Oh my God! Ephram. Ephram!" Andy cried as he rushed to his son's side.

Ephram was still conscious. Desperately gasping for air, the only sounds that came out of his mouth were inhuman grunts and wheezes.

"Ephram – tell me what drug did you take? What drug did you take?" Andy's voice cracked. The boy did not reply – or rather he couldn't.

Andy groped the boy's pockets frantically in search of any remnants of the drug he took. He found the plastic tube of codeine in Ephram's sweatshirt.

"Oh no. You didn't! Tell me you didn't!" Andy was close to crying when he read the label. "Ephram." He grabbed both the boy's shoulders firmly. "Ephram, how many of these did you eat?"

Ephram's dull eyes fluttered. He did not respond to the sound of his father's voice.

"Damn it Ephram! How many did you eat?" Andy cried again hoping to get an answer out of the boy.

Horror-stricken, Andy watched Ephram's eyes roll into his skull. It wasn't long before the seizures started. The boy's muscles broke into harsh spasms. A clump of white bubbly foam-like substance oozed out of his mouth and drizzled down the corner of his lips like an erupting volcano. He choked violently on the slimy discharge as his whole body racked with brutal tremors. The back of his head smacked involuntarily against the hard floor.

Andy prevented the boy from further injuring his head by putting an arm under the neck.

Watching this scene unfold right before her very eyes, Delia became frightened beyond words could ever describe. She didn't know what was going on. Her brother's body was jerking and flopping around like a fish out of water. This was a very disturbing sight for an eight year old. She couldn't understand what was happening to Ephram and why he was having such a violent seizure.

"Daddy – w-what's wrong with Ephram?" Delia said hysterically. She saw the abnormal matter coming out of the boy's mouth. And judging from the terrified way Andy was handling the situation, it was obvious that something was very, very wrong.

Andy peeled Ephram's eyelids back to discover his pupils had become much smaller than normal. One word. Overdose. Judging by the effect the drug had on him, Ephram must've eaten a lot of pills. Andy's seen it a dozen times before – but he never thought it would happen to his son. Ever.

Andy instructed Delia to get his cell phone from his coat pocket. Without question, the girl ran to the hall coat rack and returned with the phone in jiffy. Andy dialed 911 and requested emergency medical assistance immediately. His son was dying.

The race to save Ephram's life was critical. It was a race against time – of which Ephram did not have much of. Ironically, the boy's wish was coming true. He wanted to join his mother in Heaven and he was sure headed in that direction. He was going to a better place. This was what he wanted all along.

End of chapter 1

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for the next chapter!