Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn! is not mine.

Sawada Tsunayoshi

1. A Girl

Tsuna sighed wistfully, peering shyly through her bangs at the tall baseball player in her class.

She knew that he'd never look at her. Who would, after all? No one likes Dame-Tsuna.

Yamamoto-kun was popular, good-looking, and smart whenever he studied for tests. Tsuna wasn't as pretty or anything that boys liked. Yamamoto-kun would be much better off with Kyoko-chan. It'd be that perfect match where everyone knows that the two in question are just suited for each other and aren't jealous of the couple at all.

It's not as though Tsuna would ever confess, anyway.

So when the baby who'd came as a tutor to stay at Tsuna's house popped up, she was understandably startled.

"If you have a crush on him, then seduce him. Otherwise, I'll shoot," he threatened, chameleon shifting into a gun in his hand.

Tsuna stared at him, paralyzed. She'd take injury and death over embarrassment any day.

Reborn shot her in the forehead.

Pause.

"Reborn!" Tsuna cried, flames erupting on her head. "I'm going to confess to Yamamoto with my dying will!"

She immediately ran towards Yamamoto, who hadn't seen her coming yet.

"Yamamoto-kun!" Tsuna shouted, tackling him. "I like you!"

Yamamoto Takeshi looked up at the usually petite, quiet girl on top of him, who was certainly not petite or quiet at the moment. He went red then redder as his gaze passed from the weird flame on her forehead to her bra and then her underwear. She had very nice, pale skin and he could feel how soft it was.

Boys who are thin, cowardly, and have scarily big eyes might not be attractive, but girls with those qualities are, at least to some people.

"I like you too," Yamamoto answered dazedly, then passed out.

He did not dream of baseball.

2. Tall

"Pathetic scum."

Xanxus sneered beautifully, just the right mixture of contempt and menace and malice. He looked down at Tsuna, the Varia leader sure that he was dominating the piece of trash.

Or rather, he tried to look down at Tsuna. It failed.

At the tender age of thirteen, Tsuna was already as tall as some basketball players. Those large eyes blinked disingenuously from above Xanxus' head. At least the scum had the grace to look intimidated, though.

Nana swore that it was all due to her homemade chicken and rice.

Privately, Tsuna wished he was shorter. He'd be less noticeable that way. In fact, he had stopped eating chicken and rice for several years now. It hadn't helped.

Xanxus frowned. His servants edged away, recognizing warily that he was in one of those moods when wine bottles flew.

Xanxus kept sneering and took a step up on the stairs. Now he was – still half a head shorter than Tsuna.

He went up another step. Now he was exactly at Tsuna's height, with their eyes meeting on the same level. Tsuna's eyes were tearing up, he noticed to his satisfaction – but he should be taller than that trash to get the proper effect.

Xanxus stopped inching up the stairs and growled. He leapt up onto the ceiling of the building behind him. Finally, the fake scum had to look up at him!

From the shadows, Mukuro watched with a sympathetic wince. He could remember fighting with Tsuna and finding himself in a similar situation when he'd tried to lift Tsunayoshi up and throw him into the wall.

Height is also a weapon, of course. Luckily for Tsuna, he doesn't have to think about using it.

3. A Vampire

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, he was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him – and I didn't know how potent that part might be – that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

Tsuna seemed cursed to be perpetually hungry.

It had started when he'd been turned by Reborn.

This baby in a suit had strode up to him from on top of a fence on day and told him, "I will make you into the tenth vampire king of the Vongola."

Tsuna had protested vigorously. Then the baby bit him on the neck.

Tsuna had fainted, all that blood he could see pouring from his own neck far too much for his delicate sensibilities.

The next time he'd woken up, he was a vampire.

He was not a great vampire. He couldn't even be said to be a mediocre vampire.

Tsuna was, in fact, a failure as a vampire. He had cut his lip with his own teeth once and he'd had a number of close calls concerning his teeth and his tongue.

Even worse, Tsuna couldn't feed on human blood. The closest he had gotten to it was buying some raw meat and draining the blood from it. He'd blacked out at least once during the process.

Tsuna had combined the blood with ingredients for a smoothie. He'd still thrown up afterwards.

Due to his inability to drink blood properly, Tsuna had found himself desperately in need of blood.

"Go out into the world, Dame-Tsuna, and get your own blood," Reborn told him. "Otherwise, I'll kill you for good."

Tsuna had obeyed and decided to snack on the first person he saw. This seemed a good candidate, healthy-looking though with pale skin. The human also possessed ink black hair and ice blue eyes.

Tsuna had tried to jump on him, as Reborn had taught him, so he could pin the victim's limbs down while drinking from his neck.

He pounced, opened his mouth – and his teeth became acquainted with the iron taste of a tonfa.

"Were you trying to attack me, herbivore?" the man he'd soon recognize as Hibari Kyoya asked him, mouth quirking up in a feral grin. "I'll bite you to death."

In about two seconds, Tsuna's intended victim for his first foray out into the human world promptly bit Tsuna to death. It hurt a lot.

4. Married

Haru was sobbing softly at the front of the seats.

Her Tsuna was getting married. It wasn't to her. It wasn't even to Kyoko-chan. Instead, it was to that other girl, one of his guardians, Chrome Dokuro.

How dare that girl marry her Tsuna! Haru would definitely steal him back with her dying will! She would definitely be the wife of a mafia boss. Definitely! Ha-hi!

Well, she'd do something like that. Or maybe her Tsuna would realize that it was actually Haru that he loved.

Haru perked up. She turned her head to smile in Tsuna's direction in case he was looking. Unfortunately, that was the moment he pulled Chrome's veil back and pressed a shy kiss to one side of her mouth.

Haru broke into a wailing frenzy again. Kyoko-chan gave her a concerned look, patting her hand gently.

"It's okay, Haru-chan," she said softly. "Tsuna-kun still really cares about you, you know."

"Ha-hi!" Haru coughed, struggling to express all her feelings of indignation and pain in words. Kyoko-chan offered her a handkerchief.

Being involved in blowing her nose in the handkerchief and mopping up her eyes, Haru was almost quiet for the first time since attending the wedding and she heard the sound of someone else who seemed as much in pain as she was.

She looked on her left. Naturally, she saw Gokudera, also crying into the tablecloth.

"Why are you crying?" she demanded.

"Shut up," he snapped back, intimidation only slightly marred by the tears dripping down his face.

"You're jealous!" Haru squealed, immediately making the connection. Obviously, Gokudera was in love with Chrome. That meant that once Tsuna realized that he did not love Chrome Dokuro, then Gokudera could marry her and Haru would marry Tsuna. It was perfect!

She got an incredulous stare, then a muffled "no" from Gokudera, who had elected to bury his head back into the table.

"I don't believe you! What do you think when you imagine my Tsuna and Chrome together on their honeymoon?" Haru asked, trying to make Gokudera admit that he was crushed at such a prospect.

Gokudera wailed and ran out of the room, furiously scrubbing at his eyes. Most of the other guests, especially Mukuro who was possessing some poor nameless idiot's body for the duration of the wedding and other… activities, looked amused. Others, like Bel, cackled out loud.

"But…" Haru remarked slowly, needing to work out her thoughts out loud, "Who's going to be on top?"

5. Dead

The Vongola Decimo, feared leader of one of the greatest criminal organizations in the world, floated serenely in nothingness.

He laughed exultantly, without either mouth or throat to do so physically.

He was finally free from all his scary guardians and enemies.

He would never find himself embarrassed in front of all his classmates and anyone else he knew again.

In other words, he was free from Reborn.

Though, there was Kyoko-chan... who would never look at him anyway. He was probably better off dead.

Finally, Tsuna could just be himself and stop worrying about people trying to kill him or do other horrible things to him.

He could rest…

Then Tsuna found himself inexorably being pulled back.

"No! Let me die!" he pleaded with a higher deity, otherwise known as Reborn.

His mind raced furiously as he tried to think of any regrets that he'd had when Reborn shot him.

Oh, yeah… he'd wanted to buy better-looking boxers.