Screw the Game, I Love You More
Okies, so I just finished Ender's game for my Summer Reading Assignment, and with me being a total yaoi fanatic I couldn't help but find some. This, in my opinion, is the way things should have gone, but, alas, 'twas not to be. Anyways, this was my favorite pairing, and I just had to get their story out, so enjoys!
Disclaimer: I do not own Ender's Game, obviously, because if I did then this would've been how it ended. I do, however, own this plot that the amazing plot bunnies of awesomeness bestowed upon me.
Warning: This story is guyxguy for those of you not familiar with the term "yaoi", so if you dislike that kind of thing don't read this. Also, there will be swearing and sexual references.
Entry 1
Do you ever feel like nothing makes any sense? Like you spend your whole life going through the motions that other people tell you that you're supposed to, but never tell you why? Take the buggers, for example. The buggers are a race of giant, insect-like alien things who've invaded Earth twice in the last century. Luckily, we were able to fight them off each time, but we have to keep on our toes. It's drilled into our heads from the day we're born that the buggers are returning.
But no one has seen a bugger for over seventy years. You'd think that if they were coming, they'd have come by now. Stories of the Bugger Wars are just the military's way of keeping us all under their control. They are the real enemies.
How do I know? I've spent the last five years at Battle School preparing to fight the buggers once they - supposedly - attack.
They're trying to break us so we'll do what they say without question. They've already succeeded with most of the commanders. That's why I'm not one, even though the teachers have tried to promote me several times. I would not let them break me. Those evil bastards will not control me.
My name is Dink, and I don't feel like nothing ever makes sense. I used to, but that was before I met Ender.
From the first time I saw him in the Battle Room, he was always on my mind. He never did anything but float in a corner during battles, never even took his gun out. A friend of mine was in Salamander Army with him, so I asked her about it the first chance I got.
"Hey, Petra, what's the deal with that kid who doesn't shoot?"
"Oh, you mean Ender? He's a Launchie the teachers thought was good enough to get promoted. Bonzo doesn't want him fighting in the Battle Room because he's so inexperienced. He won't even let him practice with us."
I thought this was a stupid thing for Bonzo to do, and it was probably the reason he had been losing so many battles. I wasn't surprised when I found out that Petra had been giving him extra training, but when it came out that he spent his free time training with the other Launchies to hone his skills, I decided to look into it.
I went to watch Ender train with the Launchies quite often. He was improving rapidly, and if I wasn't so entranced with Ender, then I probably would have noticed that the other Launchies were, too. In fact, my eyes never left him. They followed every little twist and turn his body made, and for some strange reason, some of these movements gave me butterflies.
Then one day I heard that in a battle with Leopard Army, right when the Leopards were about to win, he came out of nowhere and took out just enough of the enemy so they couldn't go through their gate before he was frozen himself. I was so happy that Bonzo had finally given Ender permission to fight. Then Petra told me that Ender had been acting against orders. Immediately, I went to try and convince my commander, Rose de Nose, a complete git, to make a trade for Ender with Salamander Army. I didn't tell Rose this, but knowing Bonzo, Ender would no longer be safe in that army after disobeying an order. I had to get him out of there before Bonzo hurt him. I didn't even know why I cared. There was just something about this little Launchie that made me want to protect him.
Fortunately, we got him out of there the next day. Apparently, Bonzo had been all too eager to trade him. He even started spouting how Ender was one of their best in null gravity. He never said anything about how Ender had fired his gun against orders. Unfortunately, we didn't get him out fast enough. The previous night, Bonzo had beaten Ender up for disobeying orders. That news infuriated me. How dare he lay a hand on my Ender? Wait, my Ender? What was that?
My heart leapt for joy in my chest when Rose told me Ender would be in my toon. As soon as the commander had walked away, I placed my hand over it and stared at it, confused.
Before long, I found myself keeping tabs on Ender. I was pleased to find out that he had started taking personal combat classes. If Bonzo or anyone else tried to harm the boy, then at least he'd be able to defend himself.
The first day of battle training with Ender was a little awkward for me. As soon as he walked in he came over to me and started telling me things I already knew, his name, his lack of real experience. I cut him off.
"Why would I have asked Rose to get you for me if I didn't already know this stuff?"
Apparently, that caught him by surprise. "You asked for a Launchie? Why?"
I racked my brains for a good answer. I couldn't tell him that I'd wanted to protect him from Bonzo; he'd probably think that was creepy. Which it probably was. So I told the closest to the truth I could get.
"I've watched your practice sessions with the Launchies. I think you show some promise. Bonzo is stupid and I wanted to get you better training then Petra could give you. All she can do is shoot."
These facts were true enough. And after a little arguing about how Petra was a good teacher, he finally dropped it and we got to work. Ender caught onto our formation pretty quickly. I still had to try and control the butterflies in my stomach and the blush I was sure was forming on my face every time he moved, though. Thankfully, no one in my toon noticed, and if they did, they didn't say a word about it.
So. That's how it started. We'll see what happens tomorrow.
Entry 2
Rose is being a complete ass. He knows he can't stop Ender from using his desk. Why doesn't he just grow up and stop being such an idiot? Dammit, he's pissed now. Ender just told him that Bonzo had lied about him in order to trade him. Rose threatened him and walked away. OH, HELL NO! One of my toon members just told Ender he was dumb! How dare he? I just wanna punch him and tell him to shut up and to never speak that way to Ender! But I won't. Ender wouldn't like it.
I can feel his eyes on me now. What do I do? I'm gonna look up.
Why does he have to look at me like that? Doesn't he understand what it does to me? Of course not. I don't even understand it.
Entry 3
Ha ha! Take that Rose de Nose! We had a battle this morning with Centipede Army, and Rose tried to get Ender taken out right at the beginning just to make a point. But his plan backfired and Ender led us to victory. So much for making a point.
Entry 4
I usually stay late after practices to just float in the null gravity while no one is watching. There aren't many pleasures in life at Battle School, so I try to take advantage of this one as often as I can. Today, though, Ender decided to wait for me. At first, I thought he'd leave after a few minutes, so I just stood there and we stared at each other from across the room. God knows I wanted to stay like that forever…
What? Why the hell do I keep thinking stuff like that?
Anyway, after a moment, it was obvious he wasn't going anywhere, so I snapped out of my trance and stripped off my flash suit. I pushed off the floor and just floated around the room for about ten minutes, and then I launched myself off a wall back to the floor and put my flash suit back on.
Ender and I walked back to the barracks together and changed into our regular uniforms. I asked why he'd waited for me and he simply said he wasn't hungry.
"Well, now you know why I'm not a commander," I'd said. Then I told him about how I'd gotten promoted twice to commander but I'd refused. When he asked why I tried to explain that the teachers were just bastards who wanted to control us. They make all the armies hate each other so they'll kill each other in the games and we go crazy from it all.
"I refuse to let them do it to me. I won't let them run me," I said.
"Why don't you go home?" he asked.
"Because I can't give up the game. I love this."
And it was true. I'd become addicted to it.
He still didn't get it. He'd only been here a year, so he couldn't see that becoming a commander made people go crazy. I told him about the old books in my desk I'd read and that they'd given me a good idea of how real children actually were. And real children weren't us.
There's another thing we don't do here. Cry. In the old books, the children would cry, but we didn't. Battle School sucked all the childishness out of us.
"You know, Bonzo is crazy for hating you so much. He shouldn't be trying to kill you, he should be trying to get his game straight. But then again," I couldn't help but laugh a bit, "you and me are both crazy, too."
He smiled, and my heart felt like it was melting. I just wanted to reach over and touch his lips with my fingers, but before I could, he said, "Maybe you can be a commander and not be crazy. Maybe knowing about the craziness means you don't have to fall for it."
He'd almost convinced me with that, but I was still skeptical. I told him how they were aiming at him, too, but he already knew that. He said they'd brought him here to make him a tool so he could save the world.
The thought of someone trying to make Ender a tool enraged me. I also couldn't believe that he still thought buggers were coming. The buggers aren't coming back. They're just a way for the I.F. to stay in power. Why doesn't he see it?
Entry 5
I'm lying in bed, thinking about Ender as always. I think about what he said earlier about not having to fall for their tricks if I was a commander. What if he was right? Then I thought about when he smiled at me and I suddenly felt a strange heat in my pants. It shocked me so much that I almost jumped off the bed. I'm so frustrated with all this stuff with Ender that now I've decided to look it up on the nets.
Lucky for me, I got Ender to program a security system in my desk so the teachers can't track what I'm doing on it, because I know they do. Damn, I'm paranoid. First I'm looking up that unusual heat in my dick. Ah, I've found something.
Oh, shit. Since you don't know, I just slammed my head into the wall. The reason that I did this being that, according to this, heat in my penis means I'm becoming sexually aroused. Translation: I just got turned on thinking about Ender. But why would I do that? Now stop shaking your cyber thoughts at my slowness. We don't have health class in Battle School ya'know.*grumbles as I launch another search* Now I'm looking up all these strange feelings I get around Ender, like the butterflies. Oh, here we are.
Banged my head into the wall again.
Oh. My. God… I'm in love with Ender.
One Year Later…
Entry 6
Sorry, I haven't written anything in a while. A lot has happened since I found out I was in love with Ender. Rose de Nose graduated and I took Ender's advice and succeeded him as commander of Rat Army. Sadly, though, ender has been transferred to Phoenix Army. He's a toon leader under Petra's command.
What's even sadder is Ender seems to be getting rather depressed lately. Now that he's a toon leader, and one of the best I might add, he'd become quite a legend at this school. Every Launchie knew his name, and everyone had a high amount of respect for him.
Yet, with all that respect came isolation. All his friends seemed to distance themselves from him, and it was obvious that he was feeling lonely. It's starting to make me depressed seeing him like that. I just wanted to take him up in my arms, kiss the top of his head, and tell him it would be okay because I still love him.
He wouldn't stand for that, though. He wasn't the type to be comforted because he was tough. Damn, he'd probably get pissed and punch me in the face. Then again, probably not. He's not that kind of person either.
Entry 7
Ender was crying? No, no. How could I not have realized things were this bad? Petra told me earlier that Ender had been reading something in his desk, and suddenly he just broke down.
Petra's been giving me a lot of intel on Ender ever since I confided in her that I was in love with him. At first she was skeptical, but once I'd convinced her that it was true, she'd had a rabid fan girl attack and swore she would help me out. The whole experience had been rather disturbing, just not as disturbing as Ender crying.
Entry 8
Wonderful news! Ender has been promoted to commander! That's a real accomplishment for being only nine. What's not wonderful news is that the teachers are being shitty-assed motherfuckers again. They made him command Dragon Army, which has been dead for four years because they never won any of there games. They also only gave him a bunch of Launchies and a few veterans that sucked. What the hell are they playing at? He can't command an army like that!
Entry 9
Surprisingly, I was wrong. Apparently, Ender can command an army like that, because he's won every one of his games so far. Even though they weren't supposed to start getting battles until after three months of preparing, he's still on top. What's strange is Ender doesn't have his army use formations. They just do random things and they win.
I remember talking to Ender at lunch after his first victory. It had been the first time we'd spoken in a while, but I didn't waste time on trivial stuff, I told him that he needed to be careful because the other commanders saw him as a threat. He joked that I was the one who had said it was a stupid game and it didn't really matter.
I argued that he'd been the one who had gotten me to play along with them. But I wouldn't be playing games with him. He wouldn't beat me because I taught him everything he knew.
Then he said a funny thing. Not funny, "ha-ha", but a different kind of funny. He said it was good to know that he had a friend here. I didn't respond. The truth was I didn't really want to be his friend anymore. I wanted to be more than that. But as long as Ender wants me to be his friend, then sure as hell I'm going to be.
After an awkward silence I got up and went back to my own table. It had been getting difficult to just sit there and stare at his beautiful face. It was all I could do not to reach across the table, pull him towards me, and brush my lips against his. When I turned back to look at Ender, I saw him having a friendly conversation with Carn Carby, the commander of Rabbit Army, whom he'd just beaten in the games. I felt a pang of jealousy for the fact they could have conversations without awkward silences and we couldn't.
In my mind I imagined myself beating Carn's face in if he ever touched my Ender. But, of course, I really wouldn't, because Ender wouldn't like it. He's just not that kind of person.
Entry 10
Ender really did deserve to be at the top. So far he's beaten Rabbit Army, Phoenix Army, Ferret Army, and several others. He's even beaten my army, but I don't mind because he's starting to be happy again.
Well, he was starting to be happy again. Those fucking bastards are messing with him again, and it's making me severely pissed off. They made Ender's army fight two battles in one day. No one does that, it's against the rules. What's more is they fought Salamander Army in the second battle, which is crossing a line because everyone knows Bonzo hates Ender. And they were cheating, too, because they had all the lights on, no stars, and Salamander Army was hiding around the door so they could taker Dragon Army out as they went through.
But, of course, they did not, because my Ender is a genius and he thought of a really awesome way to beat them before they even got out there. And you can bet Anderson, that stupid bitch, was pissed off because it was obvious that the battle was set up so Ender would lose. He told that bitch off, too.
Entry 11
We have a problem. Ender embarrassed Bonzo so much that the crazed commander now thirsts for my Ender's blood, and he won't stop until he gets it. I have to warn him. There's been Salamanders roaming around near the Dragon's barracks a lot in the past few days. Ender cannot be alone at any time, because if he is, then Bonzo will take that chance to kill him. No one is going to take my Ender from me!
I've sent Petra to warn Ender about Bonzo's intentions. He'd already noticed the Salamanders, and apparently his Dragons won't leave his side no matter how much he protests, thank God. But it wasn't enough. Knowing my Ender, he'd probably find a way to slip away from them thinking he could take care of himself. He had to know from me, so I snuck a note into his cabin that read:
DON'T BE ALONE. EVER.-DINK
I have to protect him. I just pray he listens to me.
Entry 12
I was waiting at lunch for Ender to come back after defeating Badger Army in the games. I knew he'd win, he always did. But he should have been back already. He usually finished his battles pretty quickly. I noticed a movement out of the corner of my eye. For some reason, Bonzo had just left with a few of his cronies. Realization hit me. Ender!
I got to the bathroom just in time to hear voices. They had Ender cornered in there! I ran in yelling and begging for Bonzo not to hurt him. Bonzo's friends held me back so I couldn't interfere. I screamed that he deserved to die if he touched Ender. Then the boys that held me slammed my face into the door and I didn't say anything else. All I could do was watch.
But, unfortunately for Bonzo, he is stupid, and Ender was able to beat him until he lay unconscious on the floor. While his friends went to help him, I grabbed Ender's towel, thrust it at him, and led him away. Behind us we could hear the teachers running towards the bathroom. I rolled my eyes thinking, 'Oh, great. Now the cavalry arrives, the fuckers.'
When we got to his room, I forced him down onto the bed, and scanned his body for injuries. I was relieved to find he had none. Ender was really shaken up. I assured him that they'd ice Bonzo for what he did, hoping that would make him feel better. It didn't, because then he started crying, and I started to panic. Ender cried out that he hadn't wanted to hurt Bonzo, but he wouldn't leave him alone.
I couldn't think of anything to do except wrap my arms around him and let him cry into my chest. So I did that. He didn't protest like I thought he would, he just let me hold him. We stayed like that until his weeping slowed down and finally he stopped. When he pulled back I didn't want to let him go, but I did anyway. I had to tell him something important.
"Ender, I need to tell you something important."
"What is it?"
"Ender, in about an hour, the teachers will bring you your battle instructions. You'll be fighting two armies this time."
His eyes widened in shock. "How do you know this, Dink?
I swallowed. "Because they asked Rat Army to be one of them."
Ender started yelling at me before I could even finish, "How could you? Weren't you the one who said you refused to be run by them? What the hell do you think this i-?"
I clamped my hand over his mouth, my sudden weight accidentally causing him to fall over on the bed with me on top of him. But I didn't stop.
"Will you be quiet for a moment? Dammit, Ender, I told them no! I refused to be their puppet in this big, elaborate show to try and break you! And you know what else? I quit the games, Ender!"
I removed my hand from his mouth, and he looked up at me with his intense eyes. Both our breathing started becoming labored.
"Y-You quit the games...for me? Why? I thought you loved the games."
Looking into his eyes, I knew I couldn't resist them any longer so I cupped his face in my hand.
"Aw, screw the games, Ender, I love you more."
And with that, I crashed my lips into Ender's. This action shocked Ender, but after a few minutes he wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me closer, and started kissing back.
I smiled at this. The boy I'd loved for almost four years was finally kissing me! I shifted my arms so we'd be in a more comfortable position, then my tongue grazed his lips, begging for entrance( yes, I'd done my homework so I knew what I was doing...mostly). This shocked him into opening his mouth, and my tongue shot in, exploring every part of it.
After about ten minutes of making out on Ender's bed, I reluctantly pulled away. He had to prepare for his battle. Ender groaned in complaint when I got up. I chuckled at his antics, but they died in my throat as my eyes caught sight of the position he lay in on the bed. I whimpered a little as I realized that he actually was my Ender now. In a flash second I was down on him again, kissing him hungrily, him doing the same to me.
I chuckled again as he moaned into my mouth. I lifted myself up and smirked at him.
"Hm. I must be good at this."
"You have no idea," Ender gasped out.
Damn, he looked adorable like that. I grinned and planted a small kiss on his lips before getting off him. Ender grabbed my wrist.
"Come on, one more round," he begged me.
I leaned down and pushed the hair out of his eyes.
"Sorry, Ender, but we don't have time. You need to prepare for your battle. They're gonna be here so-"
I heard footsteps approaching the door. I quickly hid in the closet as the door opened softly, then closed. I stepped out and watched my Ender pick up the slip of paper and read it.
"Who're you up against?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his waist and looking over his shoulder.
WILLIAM BEE, GRIFFEN ARMY, TALO MOMOE,
TIGER ARMY, 1900
Ender sat on the edge of his bed, his hand trembling.
"I can't do this," he said in a defeated voice.
I came over and cupped his face in my hands, then placed a comforting kiss on his lips.
"Yes, you can," I said when we'd pulled apart.
Ender looked me in the eye and said, "When this is over, I'm quitting the games, too."
Ender started looking around the room. I realized he was searching for his flash suit. Then he sighed and turned to tell me that he'd left it in the cleaners. I offered to go get it, and snuck out his door while he went to go tell his army about the battle.
We met back in his room a few minutes later. I sat on the bed while he changed into his flash suit, and I got this sudden feeling of dread that I wasn't going to see my Ender again for a long time. With this in mind I grabbed Ender and pulled him towards me, kissing him roughly on the mouth. When we were done, I held his face in my hands and said, "I love you, my Ender. Remember that."
Ender had a confused look on his face for a few seconds, but then he smiled and said, "I love you, too, Dink." Then he turned and walked out the door and headed for the Battle Room. I fell back on the bed and waited for him to return.
A short time later he came back ranting about Major Anderson being a pussy bitch. I chuckled a bit at that. However, I hated seeing him so upset, so I grabbed his hand and waited for him to calm down enough to tell me what happened. Then he flopped down on the bed and closed his eyes. I sat there stroking his hair to try and sooth him. A few minutes later, someone knocked on his door.
"Go away," Ender said softly.
Whoever it was kept knocking. Ender breathed out a sigh and told me to hide. Once I was safely in the closet, Ender told his visitor to come in. apparently it was Bean because Ender told him to leave. However, Bean did not leave. Instead, he told Ender that half of the commanders had been graduated, and Bean, along with all of Ender's toon leaders and assistants were being promoted to command the armies.
I gritted my teeth. The bastards were trying to wreck Ender's army! And Ender knew it , too. Ender told Bean that he wasn't going to play the game anymore. Then he told him about Bonzo, I could tell he was still really upset about that.
There was another knock at the door, and I heard Major Anderson and Colonel Graff enter the room. First, Graff reprimanded Ender for how he blew his temper at Major Anderson earlier. Then someone handed Ender a piece of paper and heard Bean say, "Graduated?"
I gasped. No! No! They can't take away my Ender! Not yet! Please don't let it be true!
But it was true. Ender asked if he could go tell his army, but Graff wouldn't let him because his shuttle would leave in twenty minutes. I bit my hand so that I wouldn't scream. Before my Ender left I heard him tell Bean he was going to Command School. Then the door slammed shut.
My God. Ender was gone. No! I slid down the back of the closet and held my face in my arms.
I waited until Bean had left and his footsteps had faded away before I came out. I snuck out and went back to my room where I cried for hours.
Entry 13
It's been a year since Ender graduated and went to Command School. I haven't played a single game since then. That pussy bitch Anderson was in charge now. He's changed the rules back to the way they were before now that Enders's gone. It's completely pissed me off.
My guys weren't too happy about not playing anymore games, but they got used to the free time eventually.
I'd told Petra about what happened between Ender and me the day they graduated him. At first she'd been absolutely thrilled. But then I told her he graduated and she promised that once we graduate then she'd help me find him. I was grateful of that. Petra was supposed to have been graduated last year, but she never was and we couldn't understand why.
Entry 14
Last night we understood why. Last night Petra and I, along with Ender's friends Alai and Shen, and Ender's whole army were graduated and sent to Command School. Bean got excited and told everyone that that's where Ender was. Petra and I pretended to be surprised by this news because no one else knew I'd been in the closet that day.
That didn't mean I was pretending to be excited. I was probably the most excited one there. I was going to see my Ender again! I'd been waiting for this day to come! Damn, I've become such a sap, but I don't care because I love Ender!
Then a thought came to me. We'd only been together for about forty-five minutes before he had to leave. It's been a year since then. Would he still love me?
I looked at Petra, hoping she'd see the question in my eyes. I think she did, because without hesitation she mouthed "of course" to me so no one would hear. I nodded, still worried what the real answer to that to that question would be.
Turns out when we arrived at Command School, we wouldn't be able to talk to Ender for another three months. I almost broke this desk over the man who told us' head, but I kept my cool. Ender would've wanted me to.
A few days later we started practicing on simulators. We could talk to each other through headsets so we were always in contact. One guy said that Ender was practicing on a simulator, too. We just weren't able to speak to him on a headset.
Entry 15
It's been three months and the guy finally said we could talk to Ender. I asked when we got to see him and he laughed in my face. I almost punched him in his. When he stopped he said we weren't going to see him. We were just going to speak to him over the headsets. As of today, he was our commander and we were his squadron leaders.
When we got to our simulators, we found they'd changed the controls. The man informed us that we would be practicing actual simulated battles with the buggers while being led by Ender. All we had to do was put the headphones on, and Ender would be there in a few minutes.
I put on my headphones and switched it so that Petra and I were on a private channel.
"I'm getting the butterflies again, Petra," I said excitedly.
"Great! Now flip the channel back so you can hear the love of your life speak to you, dumbass!"
"Oh, right!"
I switched it back. I could hear Ender arguing with some old sounding guy. My heart pounded harder in my chest at the sound of his voice. I braced myself when the old guy said,
"But even so, I think you won't be concerned. They're listening to you right now. Put the headset on so you can hear them."
There was a beeping sound when Ender put the headset on.
"Salaam," Alai whispered.
"Alai," said Ender.
"And me, the dwarf."
"Bean."
Everybody greeted Ender so he'd know they were here, too. I was last.
"H-Hey, Ender," I said in a tentative voice. I had no idea what he still thought of me, and I was afraid I might not like the answer.
"Dink...H-Hey."
Ender sounded like he was afraid to speak to me. I knew it. He doesn't love me anymore. But I'll still try to be a great squadron leader to an even greater commander, because I still love him.
"I didn't know you were here," he said. "I didn't know you were coming."
I tried to sound like I was fine.
"They've been flogging us through the simulator for three months now," I said, hopefully in a convincing voice.
"You'll find that I'm by far the best tactician. Dink tries but he has the mind of a child," Petra joked.
I wanted to slap her. Why would she say that? Especially in front of Ender.
Entry 16
We've practiced fighting the bugger invasions on the simulator for weeks. Ender is an awesome commander, and I'm not just saying that because I'm in love with him, I mean it. We won every simulated battle Mazer Rackham threw at us under his direction. He never complained or got annoyed whenever one of us made a mistake. Although, Alai once told him he should.
The one thing I truly hate from all this is that Ender is growing distant again. No one feels like they can actually talk to Ender anymore. The old relationships are starting to disintegrate.
Everyone is beginning to get exhausted. All of our reaction times are getting slower and slower. In a recent practice, Ender accidentally pushed Petra to hard and she basically shut down for a few minutes. She hasn't been there for the last few practices since then.
Entry 17
Ender had an accident last night. Only Petra and I were told because we were the oldest squadron leaders, and they didn't want to put the extra pressure on the younger ones. He'd bitten his hand in his sleep while having a nightmare. When he woke up, he'd realized his hand was all bloody. My poor Ender. They're breaking you apart, aren't they?
He's not eating either. The people here put him on a bland diet, but he still wouldn't eat anything. He'd eat if Mazer told him to, but if he didn't then he wouldn't. I wish I was there to make him eat. I just want to hold him...
Entry 18
Ender passed out during practice today! He was drilling me and Bean when he blacked out and fell on the floor. I was screaming into his earpiece the whole time asking if he was okay. I'd heard something smash onto the ship controls and then fall onto the floor. I heard people run in, frantically yelling about his face being all bloody. Oh, God, Ender, what's happening to you?
Entry 19
Ender was sick for three days. When he was able to come back we still won all our battles. However, we only had one a day now, and he was made to go to bed earlier. They asked me to sit in his room and watch him at night while he slept, just to make sure he was all right. I constantly took my hand and brushed some hair out of his eyes, or just lightly touched his face. He reacted slightly to my touch, but didn't wake. I was glad for this, because I didn't want him to see me.
Entry 20
One night, Graff and Rackham came and asked me to step out for a moment. I did, but listened at the door. Graff was worried about Ender because he was breaking down. Rackham said it was fine because Ender only had a few days left of it. I sighed with relief. Ender couldn't take much more of this.
Entry 21
On the night before his last day, I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "It's okay, Ender, today's your last day."
The corners of his mouth twisted upwards as he slept. I wondered whether it was my voice or the words he reacted to. It was probably the words. He doesn't love me anymore, remember?
Entry 22
Ender was late today. When Bean asked why, he paused before telling us he overslept. None of us believed him. Ender never overslept. I figured they'd told him today was his last day and he didn't want to tell us for fear the news would pressure us into doing better. Good thing I didn't tell them, either.
The enemy number of today's battle simulation frightened me a little. They outnumbered us a thousand to one. How could Ender beat them in his current state? 'No,' I thought to myself, 'I believe in Ender. He can do this because he's amazing and can do anything.'
Ender was silent for a while until Bean said, "Remember, the enemy's gate is down."
Everyone from Ender's army laughed. Apparently, it was their little inside joke. Even Ender started laughing. This would normally make me happy, but that was drowned out by the sudden jealousy that Bean could make Ender laugh and I couldn't.
After a bit, he started whispering orders into the microphone. The ships in our fleet darted around a bit, not following any set plan. After a while, we made it through the enemy forces and honed in on the planet. Once we were in range, Ender has us all fire our Dr. Devices. When the devices hit the planet, it started bubbling and exploding on the surface like a huge volcano. In a couple seconds, the planet broke apart. The force of the explosion came back and destroyed all our remaining fighters and the whole enemy fleet.
I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding. Ender had done it. I knew he would. All of us cheered.
I heard the beep as Ender took off his headset. All the spectators in his room were whooping and cheering, too. A lot of them came to congratulate him on his victory.
But something was wrong. I could hear Ender talking to Rackham, and Ender was angry. I heard Rackham reveal to Ender that all the battle simulations we'd been doing for the past few months hadn't been games. They'd been real battles against the Buggers. It had been the Third Invasion with our actual troops being led by Ender. The sudden realization hit me that these people had tricked all of us into committing genocide. I could imagine Ender's face, although I didn't want to, full of anguish, despair, grief, and guilt.
Entry 23
I sat outside Ender's room with everyone else. Everyone else except for Alai, that is. He'd been the only one allowed to go in and sit with him. Ender had been unconscious for weeks, and we'd all been locked in this part of the building to avoid the war against the Warsaw Pact going on outside.
I heard Alai speaking to someone inside Ender's room. I tensed up. Ender was awake. Petra noticed me tensing, and reached over to grasp my hand to comfort me. It helped. Bean got up and opened the door. I heard Ender speak to him.
Petra pulled me up and dragged me into the room with my hand still in hers. Ender noticed and turned away immediately. I quickly released Petra's hand.
"Hey, the hero's awake," I said trying to lighten the mood.
We talked a little about the Warsaw Pact war that had just ended. Then we talked about Ender being crazy. Suddenly, Ender started hugging Bean and Petra, saying how he'd missed us and wanted to see us for the longest time.
Petra kissed him on the cheek. He told us we'd been magnificent and that he had screwed up using us so much. But I told him it was okay because everyone was fine now.
"I don't have to be your commander anymore, do I?" Ender asked us. "I don't want to command anybody again."
"You don't have to command anybody," I said softly, "but you'll always be our commander."
After a little while, Ender said he wanted to speak to me in private. Everybody was confused, but Petra grinned at me as she shuffled them all out. I turned back to Ender. He was looking down at his fidgeting hands.
After a few awkward minutes, he said, "So, you and Petra, huh?"
I blinked. "What do you mean?" I asked, genuinely confused.
He looked like he was about to cry again. "It's okay, I guess. I mean, if that's what you want," he said half-heartedly.
I couldn't figure out what he was going on about, then I remembered his reaction to when Petra and I had walked in holding hands. He thought we were together now, and he's upset about it. He does still love me!
I chuckled and he looked up. "Me and Petra aren't together, Ender."
"But, when you walked in…"
"She was holding my hand for comfort because I was worried about you. She knows, Ender. I told her before I told you."
"Well, why didn't you say anything when you got here?" he raised his voice slightly.
"Well, why didn't you? From the way you spoke to me since the day we started here till the end, it sounded like you didn't even remember the time we spent together right before we left! I thought you didn't love me anymore! But that didn't stop me from loving you. If you only saw me as a squadron leader, then sure as hell, I was gonna be the best squadron leader you would ever have. Remember when you blacked out that one practice? Ever since then I've sat by your bedside every night just to make sure that you were all right. Stop playing games with me, Ender. Don't you remember what I said to you that day?"
A strange look passed over Ender's face as he thought back to the day he left. Then in a quick movement, Ender grabbed my face and crashed his lips into mine, dragging me down on top of him. My hands braced myself on either side of his body, and I smiled as I opened my mouth to his.
We had only been making out for about two minutes, when we started hearing whooping, cheering, and cat calls. We looked up to see everybody watching us through the window. Both of us blushed a deep shade of red in our embarrassment at being caught. Everybody filed into the room to congratulate us on our relationship. Petra hugged us both at the same time, saying that if she'd have had to try one more thing to get us together then she would've exploded. We laughed at this.
We were glad that our friends approved. We're not sure how our families would react, though. The fact that I'm a guy five years older than Ender might not sit to well with his parents. But it wouldn't make a difference what they thought. Yeah, it would hurt if they didn't approve, but we'd still be together, anyway. They'd just have to deal with it.
5 Years Later…
Entry 24
I lay here in bed staring at Ender's beautiful form as he sleeps beside me.I was so thrilled when Ender had accepted my offer to come live with me. I mean, yeah, he'd been fifteen, but he'd gotten himself emancipated after his parents refused to let him date another guy. We were living in the house by the lake that Ender had stayed at before going to Command School.
Today had been Ender's sixteenth birthday. The whole day had been great, but it was nothing compared to the celebratory sex we just had. My young lover is thoroughly exhausted now, as he should be, since he is just as, if not more, amazing at sex as he is at everything else he does. Hold on, he's waking up.
Approximately 1 hour later…
Ender woke up and told me to stop writing and go to sleep. When I said after I finished writing this, his bottom lip jutted out and started quivering. I couldn't resist just 'cause he looks so damn sexy like that, and I bit it. We started having a very heated make-out session, followed by another round of extremely heated sex. Damn, if every birthday's like this, I don't want them to stop coming. Of course, I don't want them to stop coming anyway, because I love Ender.
Okay, now I'm really exhausted, too. Also, Ender's glaring at me, so I have to put you up for now. Ender will give me the silent treatment for the next few days if I don't. He doesn't let up even though he really wants to, just because he's stubborn, haha. I love my Ender too much to make either of us go through that. Yes, MY Ender.
And they lived happily ever after…
Finally! I am donzo! You know how I told you guys in the first Author's note that I'd read Ender's Game for my Summer Reading? Well, I've decided that I'm going to turn this fanfic in as my Project, because we have to turn in a project about the book we read. Of course, I'm gonna have to edit the more school inappropriate stuff out, but it's still gonna be good...I hope. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this! Please review, because I love hearing from readers! Thankies!