Summary: During the infamous R Season when Mamoru breaks up with Usagi for
her protection because of the nightmares that he has been plagued with (AN:
Baka), Usagi is stricken with heartache and her soul is filled with
emptiness and longing. She is then struck with an idea. She knows that it
is probably hopeless to ever get back together with Mamoru, but as long as
she can be close to him. . . that's all that matters to her.
AN: This is my interpretation of how it should have happened. I didn't like how they made Usagi beg and plead Mamoru to come back to her (who does?). Regardless of the fact that she's extremely sensitive, tends to cry a lot, and trips on her own two feet constantly--- she does have _some_ dignity.
I know this has been done before, but give it a chance! I've been aching to do one for a long time. Plus, for the time being. . . no Chibi Usa. Her dropping in on Mamoru and Usagi while they were kissing never happened. Hey I like the little runt. . . sometimes ::shrugs sheepishly:: But I think Usagi and Chibi Usa's first meeting could have gone better. Not that I didn't think it was cute! ^_~
Also, the lyrics used in this story are called, 'This Old Heart of Mine (is weak for you)' and are sung by the artist: The Isley Brothers.
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon. Not very original I know.
' ' ~ Indicates thoughts.
_ _ ~ For emphasis.
Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 1: I'll Take What I Can Get
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
/Oooh, this old heart of mine/
The human heart is a curious thing. All the emotions a person feels was centered around it and through it. It is a known fact that the mind is the most logical part of the body; it tells the person what to do, think, or say. The heart, on the other hand, helps the person to realize or recognize what should be done, whether the mind agrees or not. Of course, sometimes by emotions and instinct alone can lead to disastrous results if you're willing to open yourself up without any consideration that you may just get hurt. Making a leap, taking a chance on someone or something doesn't always turn out the way a person thinks it should.
A person. . . shall we say. . . Usagi Tsukino?
Usagi Tsukino was a girl with a sweet, caring soul who had a heart of gold. It shouldn't have happened to someone like her. But then again, why shouldn't it? It could happen to anyone.
For two whole months, Usagi was the happiest girl alive. She and her Senshi didn't have to fight any youmas, they were able to have more time for themselves and it felt good... it was the most normal thing they had for the longest time. And she had a loving and wonderful boyfriend. In Usagi's eyes. . . everything was perfect.
Until a week ago. . .
Even now, walking barefoot in the park in her pajamas so late at night, Usagi couldn't understand the sudden change in Mamoru's demeanor. How can a person say 'I love you' and say 'I don't love you' the next?
She shook her head, feelings of bewilderment and an ounce of betrayal rushed through her; however, heartache overrode the first two emotions.
Usagi had a lot of nerve to be walking around in a deserted park at two o'clock in the morning. Luna would be furious if she found out she wasn't sleeping soundly in her bed. Usagi didn't want to worry the feline, but it was more of a need than anything else to get out of the house and get some fresh air. She felt she was suffocating in her own home.
Taking big gulps of air into her lungs, she wasn't feeling any better.
Usagi's lips quivered as she put a hand over her heart, feeling it twist in agony beneath her palm. She knew it wasn't possible, yet, being ultra- sensitive as she was now. . . she could imagine it.
/been broke a thousand times/
She never thought she would have to feel this way again. One thousand years ago, she was Serenity, Princess of the Moon Kingdom (not that she still isn't) and she had fallen in love with Endymion, Prince of Earth (Mamoru Chiba, as he was now formally known as). Their love was pure and true. But then, they were torn apart when the Moon Kingdom was under attack.
Queen Beryl of the Negaverse, was filled with rage and jealousy that she, Serenity, had Prince Endymion's love. Beryl tried to kill her but got him instead when he shielded her with his body to save her. Knowing that she couldn't live without him, she committed suicide.
Usagi chuckled bitterly, as her mind flashed with memories that added more ache to her beating heart. She could remember how happy she was that day when she had found her prince once more, the look of love and adoration he gave her as he laid dying. Taking his last breath, she was filled with that aching need to follow him in death. She couldn't bear to have history repeat itself, so with the help of her crystal, she revived him. When he was alive once more, fate had to be cruel and he had been taken from her.
More memories came--- faster now.
The time he was brainwashed by Beryl, serving the Negaverse and fighting against her. It was like a slap in the face. When she was able to get him to remember her and who he was, she was filled with hope they wouldn't be separated ever again. When she had defeated the Negaverse she, her Senshi, and Mamoru had forgotten each other, as if they had never met. But when she was the first to get her memories back, the first thing she did was run to Mamoru. . . and he didn't remember her, claiming that she was crazy. That wasn't the only problem she had. She had to fight with an annoying girl over him. And when he remembered her once more. . .
"Ugh! Stop! No more!" Crying, she whispered brokenly, "No more." She closed her eyes, in an attempt to stop the flow of her tears. Then, tried to take off her mind by getting absorbed with how her feet felt stepping onto the wet grass, each time she took a step.
After a few minutes, she gave up. With a haggard sigh, she gazed up at the moon for comfort, for guidance. "What am I going to do mother? Only a week has passed me by, yet it feels more like I have been wallowing in misery for the past seven years."
As she had expected--- she didn't receive an answer.
This little outing, wasn't helping her one bit. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she turned around and went straight home.
~*~*~*~
"Usagi-chan? Come in, Usagi!"
Minako was waving her hand in front of Usagi's face. When that didn't work, she snapped her fingers. Getting desperate, she began to clap her hands. That didn't work either. She picked up her straw from her shake, cleaned it with a napkin then started whacking her on the head with it.
Sighing, Makoto put a restraining hand on Minako's arm. "It's no use, Minako-chan. Leave her alone for now."
Pouting, she protested, "But. . ."
"Hitting her on the head with a _straw_ isn't going to snap her out of it," Rei said in exasperation. She turned to look at the depressed odango and suddenly had the urge to bash Mamoru's face in with a burning fist that came from being the Senshi of Fire.
"But. . . we can't just allow her to stay this way," Minako persisted.
Putting the book away and taking off her glasses, Ami decided to join in on the conversation. "Give her some time. It wasn't too long ago that. . ." She glanced nervously at Usagi. "She was content and happy with her life and then out of nowhere it was snatched away from her. It can't be easy." She said, as ever being the voice of reason.
Minako glared at Ami. "Hello? I am the Senshi of Love. If anyone knows anything about love and heartache it would be me!"
They all rolled their eyes, save for Usagi who was still staring solemnly out the window.
"All I'm saying is she doesn't feel like being bothered," Ami replied calmly.
"And all _I'm_ saying," Minako mimicked. "Is that it isn't good for her to be so sad twenty-four hours a day!"
Ami was beginning to show signs of irritation. "I still say we should leave her alone for now."
Turning her body around to face the blue-haired girl next to her more fully, she retorted heatedly, "And I _say_ that as her best friends it is our duty to comfort her and help her through it!"
Makoto and Rei watched open-mouthed, as the two girls started bickering, in fascination. Never would they have considered those two to fight about anything. Especially Ami! Sweet little Ami was getting into a verbal fight!
'Unbelievable,' thought Makoto and Rei simultaneously.
As this went on, the automatic doors to the Crown Arcade chimed open, signifying that it had a visitor.
Usagi's attention outside the window disappeared, she turned her gaze away from it, knowing exactly who had entered.
Mamoru.
Usagi's breath caught as she watched him stroll toward one of the stools, greeted Motoki and ordered his usual cup of black coffee.
/Each time/
She swallowed, a suspicious lump began to form in her throat. 'Not again!' a voice inside her cried, 'not with him here!' She began to hyperventilate but felt slightly calmer when a warm hand rested on her shoulder. Usagi turned, catching Rei's eye.
"Usagi-chan? Are you alright?" Rei asked, concerned for her best friend's well being.
Not being able to speak, she shook her head, tears pricking the corner of her eyes. She shakily pointed in Mamoru's direction.
Following the direction of Usagi's hand, she saw the familiar form of Mamoru hunched over, drinking a cup of coffee. Rei's eyes narrowed in anger. Her thoughts from before came rushing back to her, it was very tempting to give into it. She released a frustrated sigh. Not with Usagi here, it would only make her more upset. She couldn't be the one to cause her anymore pain. 'That Mamoru is one lucky bastard!' She seethed inwardly. If it weren't for Usagi's protest for her and Makoto to not beat him to a bloody pulp, he would be in the hospitable by now, licking his wounds.
She turned her gaze back to Usagi, images of how many ways she could torment Mamoru faded away. Her eyes softened in sympathy. "Do you want to get out of here?"
Rei received a nod.
"Okay let's go then," she started to stand up with Usagi's hand in hers but halted when Usagi tugged frantically. "What's wrong?"
Usagi looked scared.
She scrutinized her friend for a minute and looked back at Mamoru. Her mind made the connection. Being psychic sure was useful. "I get it. You don't want him seeing you?" It was more of a statement than a question.
Usagi nodded again.
Makoto finally turned away from Minako and Ami, who was surprisingly, still arguing and noticed Usagi was upset and Rei had a thoughtful expression. "What's going on?" That question alone brought Minako and Ami up short.
Rei replied, "I'm trying to think of a way for Usagi to leave the arcade."
Minako, not understanding, said in an obvious tone of voice, "But Rei, the exit is right over there." Then she blinked as comprehension dawned on her. She gave the priestess a stern look. "Have you been breathing too much fumes from that fire you meditate in front of? It isn't doing anything good for your brain you know."
That snapped Rei out of it. "WHAT?" She turned to Minako, furious with her remark.
"Oh boy," Makoto muttered to no one in particular, "Minako is just getting into trouble with everyone today, isn't she?"
Usagi slowly slid down her seat, not wanting Mamoru to see her and took her untouched milkshake with her. All evidence that she was even there. GONE.
Rei dangerously moved toward Minako. "What was that?" she asked, deadly calm.
Gulping, Minako cautiously walked backwards, sweat dropping. "Eh, heh heh heh. Nothing Rei. . . absolutely nothing at all!!!" Then she peered down at her watch and widened her eyes dramatically. "Oh look at the time!" She waved cheerily to everyone. "See you later!"
Rei, who had fast reflexes, grabbed the back of Minako's shirt before she had the chance to escape. "Oh no you don't! You're coming with me!!!"
Minako looked over her shoulder nervously and was about ready to scream at the deadly glint in those dark brown eyes. "Can't I take a rain check?"
Rei didn't bother answering, already dragging the poor girl out of the arcade with everyone staring sadly after her.
Here and there comments were thrown:
"She's a goner."
"From now on she'll be breathing dirt instead of air."
"I wonder if anyone will find the missing remains of her body?"
"She's dead! She's deader than dead! Way dead as in no possible means be resurrected dead! Deader than---"
"Shut _up_ Ayumi!!!!!"
Back over at the table where Makoto and Ami were seated and Usagi who was currently hiding under the table. . .
Ami glanced at Makoto. "You think she'll be alright?" she asked worriedly, her fight with the bubbly blond forgotten.
Makoto flicked her ponytail, unease apparent on her face. "I don't know. Did you see the look on Rei's face?"
Ami stood up. "We better go after them! Who knows what Rei might do?"
The brunette nodded. "Right! Let's go Ami-chan!" And they were off.
"Um, guys?" Usagi called out cautiously, a few seconds after they left. She looked around her from where she sat on the floor, noticing that her friend's feet weren't visible. 'They're gone. . . they left me. . . alone.' Her heart pounded frantically and her hands were shaking. Scratch that. Her whole _body_ was shaking.
Usagi nibbled her lips nervously. She laid her shake on the floor and crawled slowly until she reached the end of the table. She didn't want to come out in the open, Mamoru was probably still here. She poked her head out to make sure if he was still there or not.
He was there.
She wanted to groan in frustration. Why is it that he was the only person who could make her act and feel so foolish? Kami-sama she was acting like a coward! But she couldn't do it. She couldn't take the chance of him seeing her, noticing her. She was afraid of what he might do or might not do. She just wasn't ready!
The only option she has was that one exit. How was she going to leave without him seeing her? And Motoki would surely greet her, blowing her cover, and then Mamoru would turn around in his seat and. . .
She squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to think of the possibilities. They would all turn out painful either way.
"Usagi?"
Usagi's eyes snapped open. She gazed at the intruder who had broken her reverie fearfully.
Wait a second. . . his eyes were a soothing green. . . not a stormy blue. She sighed in relief and smiled.
"Hi, Motoki-san."
He grinned warmly at her but his eyes were filled with concern. "What are you doing hiding under the table?" He asked gently. Seeing the sadness and nervousness in her expression, he switched to humor, wanting her to feel at ease. "Though, I can understand with friends like yours, who wants to be seen with them anyway? Take a seat under the table, I always say." He gave her a wink.
Usagi giggled, her muscles loosening as she did so. With Motoki making her laugh, her heart felt lighter than before.
"So, what are you doing?"
She sighed. "I'm hiding from Mamoru," she confessed. The words sounded childish to her ears and she blushed from embarrassment.
Motoki wasn't laughing. He looked at her worriedly. "Usagi-chan? What's wrong?" It was then that he realized that the break-up that Mamoru had told him about, didn't part on the best of terms as he thought it had. True. . . Mamoru didn't give him all the details. All he said was: 'Usagi and I broke up'. And that was that. Motoki figured that they had both agreed to it.
Motoki shook his head grimly. That Mamoru sure was sneaky. He was real good at giving answers that were straight to the point but also give nothing away at the same time.
"Ummm." Usagi was speechless. What could she say to that? There was so much she could say but it _still_ wouldn't be enough to describe what this break-up from Mamoru was doing to her.
Motoki gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry Usagi-chan. You don't have to tell me anything. I know it must be hard."
Usagi gazed at him inquisitively. 'Did he really? I doubt it. He still has his girlfriend Reika. She's thousands of miles away but at least they haven't broken up. That's love for you.' Her eyes began to water.
Motoki's eyes widened. "Please, Usagi don't cry. Is there anything I can do? Tell me and I'll do it." He didn't like seeing her so upset; she was like a little sister to him. His lips thinned. He was going to kill Mamoru! Well, not exactly, he'll just scare him a little bit. 'What are you going to do?' His mind mocked. 'Give him a wedgey?'
He frowned darkly. 'I'll think of something!'
"Well," Usagi began, "there is something. . ."
Motoki peered at her, interested. "Oh? What is it?"
Usagi bit her lip. "Could you help me escape the arcade without Mamoru seeing me? It would really mean a lot to me." She gave him the puppy eyes.
'. . . mean a lot to me. . .' Her voice echoed in his head and with the look she was giving him, he couldn't say no, even though he wasn't going to in the first place. He grinned at her cheekily. "Sure, Usagi-chan. I would gladly help you to escape from that spawn of Satan."
Usagi giggled at Motoki's silly name calling at Mamoru at her expense. Inwardly, she sighed, 'Now why couldn't I have fallen for someone like Motoki?' But in her heart she knew why. Mamoru was the other part of herself. There could never be anyone else. Even if she had never met Mamoru, and fallen for someone else. . . it wouldn't be the same intense can't-be-without-you kind of love.
"Come on," he said, holding out his hand.
She looked at it for a second and grabbed onto it. He pulled her up. Once again, she started to panic. 'He's going to see me. . . he's going to see me,' she chanted. Her head went every which way. Any spectator would think she was someone who had escaped from jail or something.
Motoki chuckled lightly. "Usagi-chan, calm down."
She tried to smile up at him, but couldn't. Her eyes kept swishing from side to side. She was paranoid, so sue her. Oh no. . . she was shaking again! "Uh, Motoki-san? What now?"
Gazing down at her, he sighed mentally. She was a nervous wreck! "You're going to hide behind my back."
She stared at him, waiting for more details on the plan. After waiting a minute for him to say more, impatiently she replied, "And?"
"And. . . that's it." He put a hand behind his head, slightly embarrassed.
Usagi couldn't believe it!!! "That's it???"
A blush spread throughout his cheeks. "That's it." He nodded. Kami-sama, he was so humiliated! He wants to become a doctor and he can't think of a better plan? 'Wow, you're sooooo smart,' his brain stated sarcastically.
'Shut up!' Motoki screamed. Won't his mind just let him rest for once?
Uh oh. . . does this mean he talks to himself a lot? How scary. . .
Usagi sighed. There weren't any other brilliant ideas that she could come up with either. So far, Motoki's plan was the only thing that could work. "Let's do it then."
Motoki nodded. "Stay close to me, alright? Step where I step. Move when I move. Don't speak when I. . ."
"I get it Motoki!" Usagi snapped. 'Jeez, he reminds me of Minako!'
Motoki sweat dropped. "Right." Then he started to walk casually with Usagi right behind him. When they came near Mamoru he walked side-ways. Patrons at the arcade, stopped to watch the spectacle. They shook their heads and watched in amusement. Never was there ever a dull moment, is what went through their minds.
'Almost there. . .' thought Motoki and Usagi as they neared the entrance but they both froze when they heard Mamoru say: "Hey Motoki? Could you pour me another cup of coffee?"
'EEK!!!' Usagi grabbed onto the back of Motoki's shirt for dear life. 'We're sooooo close!!!!!!' She wailed silently. 'Stupid Mamoru,' she grouched, her demeanor switching all of a sudden, 'he always had bad timing!!!'
"Uh, yeah Mamoru, just give me a sec." Motoki sounded too cheery. So cheery in fact, that Mamoru had to turn in his seat to face him. Mamoru raised a brow questioningly when he saw his friend's expression. It looked. . . well. . . fake.
"Motoki?" Mamoru frowned. 'What the heck is he doing?'
Motoki grinned at him, but even to Mamoru's eyes it was strained. "In a minute. If you'll just turn around," he did a swirling motion with his finger, "in your seat, I'll be with you shortly." Then added, "After I do an important errand."
Mamoru tilted his head. Not ready to let his friend off the hook yet. "An errand? What kind of errand?" He asked nonchalantly. But inside he was burning with curiosity and suspicion. Something wasn't right. He could feel it.
Motoki laughed nervously, wanting very badly to put his hand behind his head; though, he knew that if he did that, Mamoru might see Usagi hiding behind him. "Oh, just this thing I have to do for my sister. She wanted me to hand some note to someone, if I saw them at the arcade."
"Who?"
Now it was Motoki's turn to raise a brow. "Why so curious Mamoru?"
Mamoru shrugged his shoulders, grinning. "Just wondering."
"Alright." Motoki nodded.
"Yep." Mamoru nodded right back.
They faced each other for a while. . .
"Well Motoki? Aren't you going to deliver this note of yours, so I can get my coffee?"
Motoki met him dead on. No way was he going to let Mamoru intimidate him. "When you stop staring, I'll go."
Mamoru chuckled, shaking his head. "Why is it a secret? This arcade is filled with people."
"It's not a secret," protested Motoki, "your stare is annoying the hell out of me. That's all!"
Mamoru held up his hands in surrender. "Okay! I'm turning! I'm turning!"
When Motoki was sure that Mamoru's back was completely turned and he wasn't peeking. He motioned to Usagi with his hand to make a run for it.
Usagi didn't even hesitate for a second and scrammed right out of there. Who knew how long Mamoru could restrain himself from peeking over his shoulder?
/you break away/
When the automatic doors chimed as it opened, Mamoru had chosen that exact moment to look over his shoulder. The only thing he saw in his line of vision were two golden streams of hair swaying in mid-air. His good mood vanished and his heart clenched in guilt and regret. 'Usako. . .' His mind whispered. The object of his dreams. . . the one who owned his heart. The very one he let go to protect from preventing the frightening visions from coming true.
At first, he wanted to ignore them, didn't want to believe they were more than just dreams. He was happy and for the first time in his life, he was satisfied. He wasn't alone anymore, with her he could never feel that way, she completed his soul--- he didn't need anything else. But when the dreams came and demanded him to stop seeing her, unless he wanted her dead, he was reluctant. He was afraid of being alone again and he couldn't bear to be without her.
He loved Usako.
'It's Usagi now,' his mind stated glumly. Mamoru frowned gloomily. That's right. He no longer had a claim over her. She was available to any man who wanted to take her out. He made a fist. Feelings of jealousy running rampant through his veins at those faceless men he has yet to meet. Or probably never meet. He wasn't a part of her life anymore. What happened today was a perfectly good example that she didn't want to have anything to do with him. He shouldn't complain--- he deserves it.
Lost in his thoughts, he was unaware of Motoki's inquisitive stare.
'That break-up with Usagi was hurting him after all,' he thought with some satisfaction, as he watched his friend's normally composed features shift from sadness to unadulterated fury.
Motoki didn't feel the urge to hurt him anymore. What he decided to do was to make Mamoru realize that he needed Usagi. He knew that he couldn't tell his friend what to do but he could push him in the right direction.
He just wondered how the _hell_ he was going to accomplish _that_ feat.
~*~*~*~
After running all the way home, Usagi burst into her room panting as she if she'd just ran in a marathon. She went straight to her bed and flopped onto it facedown, making the bed bounce as she did so.
'What a day!' Her mind exclaimed. Usagi turned on her back, trying to get more comfortable, and stared up at the ceiling.
'I shouldn't have run away like that,' she thought sadly, when her hard breathing came down to a minimal level and she was able to contemplate more clearly.
Is this how it was going to be from now on? Her and Mamoru avoiding each other like the plague for the rest of their lives? Usagi shook her head, not liking the sound of that. They have known each other for so long. Long before they were re-born into this world. They were friends, weren't they? It would be a pity to just throw it all away.
"We can't let that happen," Usagi whispered fearfully to the empty room.
She won't let Mamoru allow that to happen either.
Usagi knew in her heart that this separation from Mamoru was tearing her apart. She didn't think she could last much longer in the state she's in. . . walking around like a lost soul.
She realized with sudden clarity, that she needed to be near him. It no longer mattered to her that they were no longer together, that she couldn't hope for the possibility of being one with him again: mind, heart, and soul. If she couldn't have all of him, then she could settle for less. It was killing her not being able to see him face to face, to talk to him. . . just being with him makes her happy.
'But the most important thing of all,' her mind said in hushed tones, 'is that he's happy.'
Usagi gasped as if she were struck by lightning.
All this time. . . she's been wallowing in self-pity and she never gave a second thought to what Mamoru wanted. How could she be so selfish? If she really loved Mamoru, no matter how much it hurt to discover he no longer loved her, she would let him go. She didn't want Mamoru to feel obligated to stick with her and feel miserable. It's his happiness that matters. . . not hers alone. Why did it take her so long to figure that out? She should have always known it!!!
'But its not too late.' She still had the chance to be friends with him, to let him know that she supported his decision of his break-up with her if he was unhappy and that she forgave him.
Usagi felt more at peace, for some strange reason. Or maybe it wasn't strange at all. Maybe by just realizing that loving him didn't have to hurt, that seeing him happy, being in his life was better than nothing at all.
For the first time in more than a week, a soft smile appeared. She'll talk to him tomorrow, she decided. And then everything will be right with the world.
Her world. . .
~*~*~*~
^_^ So, what do you guys think? It's less crazy and more normal than my other story, no? Lol. But I have to say that this is my favorite by far and the lyrics to the song helps a lot in my book =p I'm such a romantic *sweat drops* Any ways, I hope to see you guys in the next chapter!!! ^_~ See ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AN: This is my interpretation of how it should have happened. I didn't like how they made Usagi beg and plead Mamoru to come back to her (who does?). Regardless of the fact that she's extremely sensitive, tends to cry a lot, and trips on her own two feet constantly--- she does have _some_ dignity.
I know this has been done before, but give it a chance! I've been aching to do one for a long time. Plus, for the time being. . . no Chibi Usa. Her dropping in on Mamoru and Usagi while they were kissing never happened. Hey I like the little runt. . . sometimes ::shrugs sheepishly:: But I think Usagi and Chibi Usa's first meeting could have gone better. Not that I didn't think it was cute! ^_~
Also, the lyrics used in this story are called, 'This Old Heart of Mine (is weak for you)' and are sung by the artist: The Isley Brothers.
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon. Not very original I know.
' ' ~ Indicates thoughts.
_ _ ~ For emphasis.
Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 1: I'll Take What I Can Get
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
/Oooh, this old heart of mine/
The human heart is a curious thing. All the emotions a person feels was centered around it and through it. It is a known fact that the mind is the most logical part of the body; it tells the person what to do, think, or say. The heart, on the other hand, helps the person to realize or recognize what should be done, whether the mind agrees or not. Of course, sometimes by emotions and instinct alone can lead to disastrous results if you're willing to open yourself up without any consideration that you may just get hurt. Making a leap, taking a chance on someone or something doesn't always turn out the way a person thinks it should.
A person. . . shall we say. . . Usagi Tsukino?
Usagi Tsukino was a girl with a sweet, caring soul who had a heart of gold. It shouldn't have happened to someone like her. But then again, why shouldn't it? It could happen to anyone.
For two whole months, Usagi was the happiest girl alive. She and her Senshi didn't have to fight any youmas, they were able to have more time for themselves and it felt good... it was the most normal thing they had for the longest time. And she had a loving and wonderful boyfriend. In Usagi's eyes. . . everything was perfect.
Until a week ago. . .
Even now, walking barefoot in the park in her pajamas so late at night, Usagi couldn't understand the sudden change in Mamoru's demeanor. How can a person say 'I love you' and say 'I don't love you' the next?
She shook her head, feelings of bewilderment and an ounce of betrayal rushed through her; however, heartache overrode the first two emotions.
Usagi had a lot of nerve to be walking around in a deserted park at two o'clock in the morning. Luna would be furious if she found out she wasn't sleeping soundly in her bed. Usagi didn't want to worry the feline, but it was more of a need than anything else to get out of the house and get some fresh air. She felt she was suffocating in her own home.
Taking big gulps of air into her lungs, she wasn't feeling any better.
Usagi's lips quivered as she put a hand over her heart, feeling it twist in agony beneath her palm. She knew it wasn't possible, yet, being ultra- sensitive as she was now. . . she could imagine it.
/been broke a thousand times/
She never thought she would have to feel this way again. One thousand years ago, she was Serenity, Princess of the Moon Kingdom (not that she still isn't) and she had fallen in love with Endymion, Prince of Earth (Mamoru Chiba, as he was now formally known as). Their love was pure and true. But then, they were torn apart when the Moon Kingdom was under attack.
Queen Beryl of the Negaverse, was filled with rage and jealousy that she, Serenity, had Prince Endymion's love. Beryl tried to kill her but got him instead when he shielded her with his body to save her. Knowing that she couldn't live without him, she committed suicide.
Usagi chuckled bitterly, as her mind flashed with memories that added more ache to her beating heart. She could remember how happy she was that day when she had found her prince once more, the look of love and adoration he gave her as he laid dying. Taking his last breath, she was filled with that aching need to follow him in death. She couldn't bear to have history repeat itself, so with the help of her crystal, she revived him. When he was alive once more, fate had to be cruel and he had been taken from her.
More memories came--- faster now.
The time he was brainwashed by Beryl, serving the Negaverse and fighting against her. It was like a slap in the face. When she was able to get him to remember her and who he was, she was filled with hope they wouldn't be separated ever again. When she had defeated the Negaverse she, her Senshi, and Mamoru had forgotten each other, as if they had never met. But when she was the first to get her memories back, the first thing she did was run to Mamoru. . . and he didn't remember her, claiming that she was crazy. That wasn't the only problem she had. She had to fight with an annoying girl over him. And when he remembered her once more. . .
"Ugh! Stop! No more!" Crying, she whispered brokenly, "No more." She closed her eyes, in an attempt to stop the flow of her tears. Then, tried to take off her mind by getting absorbed with how her feet felt stepping onto the wet grass, each time she took a step.
After a few minutes, she gave up. With a haggard sigh, she gazed up at the moon for comfort, for guidance. "What am I going to do mother? Only a week has passed me by, yet it feels more like I have been wallowing in misery for the past seven years."
As she had expected--- she didn't receive an answer.
This little outing, wasn't helping her one bit. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she turned around and went straight home.
~*~*~*~
"Usagi-chan? Come in, Usagi!"
Minako was waving her hand in front of Usagi's face. When that didn't work, she snapped her fingers. Getting desperate, she began to clap her hands. That didn't work either. She picked up her straw from her shake, cleaned it with a napkin then started whacking her on the head with it.
Sighing, Makoto put a restraining hand on Minako's arm. "It's no use, Minako-chan. Leave her alone for now."
Pouting, she protested, "But. . ."
"Hitting her on the head with a _straw_ isn't going to snap her out of it," Rei said in exasperation. She turned to look at the depressed odango and suddenly had the urge to bash Mamoru's face in with a burning fist that came from being the Senshi of Fire.
"But. . . we can't just allow her to stay this way," Minako persisted.
Putting the book away and taking off her glasses, Ami decided to join in on the conversation. "Give her some time. It wasn't too long ago that. . ." She glanced nervously at Usagi. "She was content and happy with her life and then out of nowhere it was snatched away from her. It can't be easy." She said, as ever being the voice of reason.
Minako glared at Ami. "Hello? I am the Senshi of Love. If anyone knows anything about love and heartache it would be me!"
They all rolled their eyes, save for Usagi who was still staring solemnly out the window.
"All I'm saying is she doesn't feel like being bothered," Ami replied calmly.
"And all _I'm_ saying," Minako mimicked. "Is that it isn't good for her to be so sad twenty-four hours a day!"
Ami was beginning to show signs of irritation. "I still say we should leave her alone for now."
Turning her body around to face the blue-haired girl next to her more fully, she retorted heatedly, "And I _say_ that as her best friends it is our duty to comfort her and help her through it!"
Makoto and Rei watched open-mouthed, as the two girls started bickering, in fascination. Never would they have considered those two to fight about anything. Especially Ami! Sweet little Ami was getting into a verbal fight!
'Unbelievable,' thought Makoto and Rei simultaneously.
As this went on, the automatic doors to the Crown Arcade chimed open, signifying that it had a visitor.
Usagi's attention outside the window disappeared, she turned her gaze away from it, knowing exactly who had entered.
Mamoru.
Usagi's breath caught as she watched him stroll toward one of the stools, greeted Motoki and ordered his usual cup of black coffee.
/Each time/
She swallowed, a suspicious lump began to form in her throat. 'Not again!' a voice inside her cried, 'not with him here!' She began to hyperventilate but felt slightly calmer when a warm hand rested on her shoulder. Usagi turned, catching Rei's eye.
"Usagi-chan? Are you alright?" Rei asked, concerned for her best friend's well being.
Not being able to speak, she shook her head, tears pricking the corner of her eyes. She shakily pointed in Mamoru's direction.
Following the direction of Usagi's hand, she saw the familiar form of Mamoru hunched over, drinking a cup of coffee. Rei's eyes narrowed in anger. Her thoughts from before came rushing back to her, it was very tempting to give into it. She released a frustrated sigh. Not with Usagi here, it would only make her more upset. She couldn't be the one to cause her anymore pain. 'That Mamoru is one lucky bastard!' She seethed inwardly. If it weren't for Usagi's protest for her and Makoto to not beat him to a bloody pulp, he would be in the hospitable by now, licking his wounds.
She turned her gaze back to Usagi, images of how many ways she could torment Mamoru faded away. Her eyes softened in sympathy. "Do you want to get out of here?"
Rei received a nod.
"Okay let's go then," she started to stand up with Usagi's hand in hers but halted when Usagi tugged frantically. "What's wrong?"
Usagi looked scared.
She scrutinized her friend for a minute and looked back at Mamoru. Her mind made the connection. Being psychic sure was useful. "I get it. You don't want him seeing you?" It was more of a statement than a question.
Usagi nodded again.
Makoto finally turned away from Minako and Ami, who was surprisingly, still arguing and noticed Usagi was upset and Rei had a thoughtful expression. "What's going on?" That question alone brought Minako and Ami up short.
Rei replied, "I'm trying to think of a way for Usagi to leave the arcade."
Minako, not understanding, said in an obvious tone of voice, "But Rei, the exit is right over there." Then she blinked as comprehension dawned on her. She gave the priestess a stern look. "Have you been breathing too much fumes from that fire you meditate in front of? It isn't doing anything good for your brain you know."
That snapped Rei out of it. "WHAT?" She turned to Minako, furious with her remark.
"Oh boy," Makoto muttered to no one in particular, "Minako is just getting into trouble with everyone today, isn't she?"
Usagi slowly slid down her seat, not wanting Mamoru to see her and took her untouched milkshake with her. All evidence that she was even there. GONE.
Rei dangerously moved toward Minako. "What was that?" she asked, deadly calm.
Gulping, Minako cautiously walked backwards, sweat dropping. "Eh, heh heh heh. Nothing Rei. . . absolutely nothing at all!!!" Then she peered down at her watch and widened her eyes dramatically. "Oh look at the time!" She waved cheerily to everyone. "See you later!"
Rei, who had fast reflexes, grabbed the back of Minako's shirt before she had the chance to escape. "Oh no you don't! You're coming with me!!!"
Minako looked over her shoulder nervously and was about ready to scream at the deadly glint in those dark brown eyes. "Can't I take a rain check?"
Rei didn't bother answering, already dragging the poor girl out of the arcade with everyone staring sadly after her.
Here and there comments were thrown:
"She's a goner."
"From now on she'll be breathing dirt instead of air."
"I wonder if anyone will find the missing remains of her body?"
"She's dead! She's deader than dead! Way dead as in no possible means be resurrected dead! Deader than---"
"Shut _up_ Ayumi!!!!!"
Back over at the table where Makoto and Ami were seated and Usagi who was currently hiding under the table. . .
Ami glanced at Makoto. "You think she'll be alright?" she asked worriedly, her fight with the bubbly blond forgotten.
Makoto flicked her ponytail, unease apparent on her face. "I don't know. Did you see the look on Rei's face?"
Ami stood up. "We better go after them! Who knows what Rei might do?"
The brunette nodded. "Right! Let's go Ami-chan!" And they were off.
"Um, guys?" Usagi called out cautiously, a few seconds after they left. She looked around her from where she sat on the floor, noticing that her friend's feet weren't visible. 'They're gone. . . they left me. . . alone.' Her heart pounded frantically and her hands were shaking. Scratch that. Her whole _body_ was shaking.
Usagi nibbled her lips nervously. She laid her shake on the floor and crawled slowly until she reached the end of the table. She didn't want to come out in the open, Mamoru was probably still here. She poked her head out to make sure if he was still there or not.
He was there.
She wanted to groan in frustration. Why is it that he was the only person who could make her act and feel so foolish? Kami-sama she was acting like a coward! But she couldn't do it. She couldn't take the chance of him seeing her, noticing her. She was afraid of what he might do or might not do. She just wasn't ready!
The only option she has was that one exit. How was she going to leave without him seeing her? And Motoki would surely greet her, blowing her cover, and then Mamoru would turn around in his seat and. . .
She squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to think of the possibilities. They would all turn out painful either way.
"Usagi?"
Usagi's eyes snapped open. She gazed at the intruder who had broken her reverie fearfully.
Wait a second. . . his eyes were a soothing green. . . not a stormy blue. She sighed in relief and smiled.
"Hi, Motoki-san."
He grinned warmly at her but his eyes were filled with concern. "What are you doing hiding under the table?" He asked gently. Seeing the sadness and nervousness in her expression, he switched to humor, wanting her to feel at ease. "Though, I can understand with friends like yours, who wants to be seen with them anyway? Take a seat under the table, I always say." He gave her a wink.
Usagi giggled, her muscles loosening as she did so. With Motoki making her laugh, her heart felt lighter than before.
"So, what are you doing?"
She sighed. "I'm hiding from Mamoru," she confessed. The words sounded childish to her ears and she blushed from embarrassment.
Motoki wasn't laughing. He looked at her worriedly. "Usagi-chan? What's wrong?" It was then that he realized that the break-up that Mamoru had told him about, didn't part on the best of terms as he thought it had. True. . . Mamoru didn't give him all the details. All he said was: 'Usagi and I broke up'. And that was that. Motoki figured that they had both agreed to it.
Motoki shook his head grimly. That Mamoru sure was sneaky. He was real good at giving answers that were straight to the point but also give nothing away at the same time.
"Ummm." Usagi was speechless. What could she say to that? There was so much she could say but it _still_ wouldn't be enough to describe what this break-up from Mamoru was doing to her.
Motoki gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry Usagi-chan. You don't have to tell me anything. I know it must be hard."
Usagi gazed at him inquisitively. 'Did he really? I doubt it. He still has his girlfriend Reika. She's thousands of miles away but at least they haven't broken up. That's love for you.' Her eyes began to water.
Motoki's eyes widened. "Please, Usagi don't cry. Is there anything I can do? Tell me and I'll do it." He didn't like seeing her so upset; she was like a little sister to him. His lips thinned. He was going to kill Mamoru! Well, not exactly, he'll just scare him a little bit. 'What are you going to do?' His mind mocked. 'Give him a wedgey?'
He frowned darkly. 'I'll think of something!'
"Well," Usagi began, "there is something. . ."
Motoki peered at her, interested. "Oh? What is it?"
Usagi bit her lip. "Could you help me escape the arcade without Mamoru seeing me? It would really mean a lot to me." She gave him the puppy eyes.
'. . . mean a lot to me. . .' Her voice echoed in his head and with the look she was giving him, he couldn't say no, even though he wasn't going to in the first place. He grinned at her cheekily. "Sure, Usagi-chan. I would gladly help you to escape from that spawn of Satan."
Usagi giggled at Motoki's silly name calling at Mamoru at her expense. Inwardly, she sighed, 'Now why couldn't I have fallen for someone like Motoki?' But in her heart she knew why. Mamoru was the other part of herself. There could never be anyone else. Even if she had never met Mamoru, and fallen for someone else. . . it wouldn't be the same intense can't-be-without-you kind of love.
"Come on," he said, holding out his hand.
She looked at it for a second and grabbed onto it. He pulled her up. Once again, she started to panic. 'He's going to see me. . . he's going to see me,' she chanted. Her head went every which way. Any spectator would think she was someone who had escaped from jail or something.
Motoki chuckled lightly. "Usagi-chan, calm down."
She tried to smile up at him, but couldn't. Her eyes kept swishing from side to side. She was paranoid, so sue her. Oh no. . . she was shaking again! "Uh, Motoki-san? What now?"
Gazing down at her, he sighed mentally. She was a nervous wreck! "You're going to hide behind my back."
She stared at him, waiting for more details on the plan. After waiting a minute for him to say more, impatiently she replied, "And?"
"And. . . that's it." He put a hand behind his head, slightly embarrassed.
Usagi couldn't believe it!!! "That's it???"
A blush spread throughout his cheeks. "That's it." He nodded. Kami-sama, he was so humiliated! He wants to become a doctor and he can't think of a better plan? 'Wow, you're sooooo smart,' his brain stated sarcastically.
'Shut up!' Motoki screamed. Won't his mind just let him rest for once?
Uh oh. . . does this mean he talks to himself a lot? How scary. . .
Usagi sighed. There weren't any other brilliant ideas that she could come up with either. So far, Motoki's plan was the only thing that could work. "Let's do it then."
Motoki nodded. "Stay close to me, alright? Step where I step. Move when I move. Don't speak when I. . ."
"I get it Motoki!" Usagi snapped. 'Jeez, he reminds me of Minako!'
Motoki sweat dropped. "Right." Then he started to walk casually with Usagi right behind him. When they came near Mamoru he walked side-ways. Patrons at the arcade, stopped to watch the spectacle. They shook their heads and watched in amusement. Never was there ever a dull moment, is what went through their minds.
'Almost there. . .' thought Motoki and Usagi as they neared the entrance but they both froze when they heard Mamoru say: "Hey Motoki? Could you pour me another cup of coffee?"
'EEK!!!' Usagi grabbed onto the back of Motoki's shirt for dear life. 'We're sooooo close!!!!!!' She wailed silently. 'Stupid Mamoru,' she grouched, her demeanor switching all of a sudden, 'he always had bad timing!!!'
"Uh, yeah Mamoru, just give me a sec." Motoki sounded too cheery. So cheery in fact, that Mamoru had to turn in his seat to face him. Mamoru raised a brow questioningly when he saw his friend's expression. It looked. . . well. . . fake.
"Motoki?" Mamoru frowned. 'What the heck is he doing?'
Motoki grinned at him, but even to Mamoru's eyes it was strained. "In a minute. If you'll just turn around," he did a swirling motion with his finger, "in your seat, I'll be with you shortly." Then added, "After I do an important errand."
Mamoru tilted his head. Not ready to let his friend off the hook yet. "An errand? What kind of errand?" He asked nonchalantly. But inside he was burning with curiosity and suspicion. Something wasn't right. He could feel it.
Motoki laughed nervously, wanting very badly to put his hand behind his head; though, he knew that if he did that, Mamoru might see Usagi hiding behind him. "Oh, just this thing I have to do for my sister. She wanted me to hand some note to someone, if I saw them at the arcade."
"Who?"
Now it was Motoki's turn to raise a brow. "Why so curious Mamoru?"
Mamoru shrugged his shoulders, grinning. "Just wondering."
"Alright." Motoki nodded.
"Yep." Mamoru nodded right back.
They faced each other for a while. . .
"Well Motoki? Aren't you going to deliver this note of yours, so I can get my coffee?"
Motoki met him dead on. No way was he going to let Mamoru intimidate him. "When you stop staring, I'll go."
Mamoru chuckled, shaking his head. "Why is it a secret? This arcade is filled with people."
"It's not a secret," protested Motoki, "your stare is annoying the hell out of me. That's all!"
Mamoru held up his hands in surrender. "Okay! I'm turning! I'm turning!"
When Motoki was sure that Mamoru's back was completely turned and he wasn't peeking. He motioned to Usagi with his hand to make a run for it.
Usagi didn't even hesitate for a second and scrammed right out of there. Who knew how long Mamoru could restrain himself from peeking over his shoulder?
/you break away/
When the automatic doors chimed as it opened, Mamoru had chosen that exact moment to look over his shoulder. The only thing he saw in his line of vision were two golden streams of hair swaying in mid-air. His good mood vanished and his heart clenched in guilt and regret. 'Usako. . .' His mind whispered. The object of his dreams. . . the one who owned his heart. The very one he let go to protect from preventing the frightening visions from coming true.
At first, he wanted to ignore them, didn't want to believe they were more than just dreams. He was happy and for the first time in his life, he was satisfied. He wasn't alone anymore, with her he could never feel that way, she completed his soul--- he didn't need anything else. But when the dreams came and demanded him to stop seeing her, unless he wanted her dead, he was reluctant. He was afraid of being alone again and he couldn't bear to be without her.
He loved Usako.
'It's Usagi now,' his mind stated glumly. Mamoru frowned gloomily. That's right. He no longer had a claim over her. She was available to any man who wanted to take her out. He made a fist. Feelings of jealousy running rampant through his veins at those faceless men he has yet to meet. Or probably never meet. He wasn't a part of her life anymore. What happened today was a perfectly good example that she didn't want to have anything to do with him. He shouldn't complain--- he deserves it.
Lost in his thoughts, he was unaware of Motoki's inquisitive stare.
'That break-up with Usagi was hurting him after all,' he thought with some satisfaction, as he watched his friend's normally composed features shift from sadness to unadulterated fury.
Motoki didn't feel the urge to hurt him anymore. What he decided to do was to make Mamoru realize that he needed Usagi. He knew that he couldn't tell his friend what to do but he could push him in the right direction.
He just wondered how the _hell_ he was going to accomplish _that_ feat.
~*~*~*~
After running all the way home, Usagi burst into her room panting as she if she'd just ran in a marathon. She went straight to her bed and flopped onto it facedown, making the bed bounce as she did so.
'What a day!' Her mind exclaimed. Usagi turned on her back, trying to get more comfortable, and stared up at the ceiling.
'I shouldn't have run away like that,' she thought sadly, when her hard breathing came down to a minimal level and she was able to contemplate more clearly.
Is this how it was going to be from now on? Her and Mamoru avoiding each other like the plague for the rest of their lives? Usagi shook her head, not liking the sound of that. They have known each other for so long. Long before they were re-born into this world. They were friends, weren't they? It would be a pity to just throw it all away.
"We can't let that happen," Usagi whispered fearfully to the empty room.
She won't let Mamoru allow that to happen either.
Usagi knew in her heart that this separation from Mamoru was tearing her apart. She didn't think she could last much longer in the state she's in. . . walking around like a lost soul.
She realized with sudden clarity, that she needed to be near him. It no longer mattered to her that they were no longer together, that she couldn't hope for the possibility of being one with him again: mind, heart, and soul. If she couldn't have all of him, then she could settle for less. It was killing her not being able to see him face to face, to talk to him. . . just being with him makes her happy.
'But the most important thing of all,' her mind said in hushed tones, 'is that he's happy.'
Usagi gasped as if she were struck by lightning.
All this time. . . she's been wallowing in self-pity and she never gave a second thought to what Mamoru wanted. How could she be so selfish? If she really loved Mamoru, no matter how much it hurt to discover he no longer loved her, she would let him go. She didn't want Mamoru to feel obligated to stick with her and feel miserable. It's his happiness that matters. . . not hers alone. Why did it take her so long to figure that out? She should have always known it!!!
'But its not too late.' She still had the chance to be friends with him, to let him know that she supported his decision of his break-up with her if he was unhappy and that she forgave him.
Usagi felt more at peace, for some strange reason. Or maybe it wasn't strange at all. Maybe by just realizing that loving him didn't have to hurt, that seeing him happy, being in his life was better than nothing at all.
For the first time in more than a week, a soft smile appeared. She'll talk to him tomorrow, she decided. And then everything will be right with the world.
Her world. . .
~*~*~*~
^_^ So, what do you guys think? It's less crazy and more normal than my other story, no? Lol. But I have to say that this is my favorite by far and the lyrics to the song helps a lot in my book =p I'm such a romantic *sweat drops* Any ways, I hope to see you guys in the next chapter!!! ^_~ See ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!