Fire and Ice
He was tired. He couldn't believe the day he had but somehow he still couldn't stop. He made his way slowly to the locker room. Shower, change clothes, grab your bag and then out of here. Off to the next gym to train. To let off some steam. To somehow find the peace he longed for so badly. Maybe if he tried hard enough today he would be able to sleep for a few hours. He doubted it. But hey, he always had been a pretty positive guy. So stay optimistic, Evan. Just stay optimistic.
He stared into his full glass. He didn't notice anything around him. He just sat and starred. The same way he was doing it for the last couple of weeks. House show, taping, a random hotel bar, a glass of whiskey, two glasses, countless glasses. Somehow making it back to his room and falling into a dark and dreamless sleep. He knew that the other members of the WWE were watching him. Closely, intensely. Some of them had a glimpse of compassion in their eyes but most of them just saw the main eventer crumbling in front of their eyes. One enemy less. One person less to beat. But he didn't care. He stopped caring on the day he left. He stopped caring for himself, he stopped caring for his passion, he just stopped.
Evan could feel the hot water on his skin. He closed his eyes for a second but opened them straight again. Fuck. Big mistake. He should have known. Closing his eyes always meant one thing. Seeing him. Instantly. He couldn't fight it. Oh he had tried so hard but he never succeeded. He was there. Inside his head, inside his heart. And it didn't matter how much he lied to himself. Evan knew that Randy was always with him. He knew that he would start dreaming about him as soon as his head would hit the pillow. That's why he fought so much. He worked until he was completely exhausted, hoping, praying that the dreams wouldn't come. That he wouldn't be able to almost smell the other man's skin, to feel it's softness. He tried everyday. But everyday in vain. Every single day he would come and visit him. Every night in his dream. Just to leave him the next morning letting him alone with his aching hearts and a few tears on his pillow.
Randy downed another drink and gave the bar tender a nod to fill his glass again. He was not in the mood for speaking even if it was just for ordering another whiskey. He waited until the bar tender had filled up the glass again and then stared again in the golden liquid. Golden... His thoughts had his own ways of thinking and suddenly he was there again. In his mind, in his veins. He could see the other man as clear as if he would stand in front of him right here. He could hear him laugh, gently, soft, like velvet in his ears. He saw the golden skin almost glowing. He ached so badly. He wanted to touch him. He wanted to feel him. He wanted him back. He sighed and closed his eyes before he down his drink in one go. This needed to stop. He needed to stop. He couldn't take any of this anymore. He couldn't tale the pain anymore. The ache. The constant loneliness. When he met Evan he never thought that he would fall for the other man so badly. But he had and now there was no way out anymore. A whole ocean between them was not enough for his feelings to fade away. He just wondered what it would take to finally get Evan Bourne out of his system.
He slowly packed his bag. The little incident in the shower had hit him like a truck. It always happened when he expected it least. Today had been a good day. Full of training, fights and distractions. He hardly felt anything just the buzz from flying through the ring and the cheers from the fans. Here in Japan he was the star. Here he was the one people screamed for and wanted a piece of. Why didn't it work out in the WWE the same way? Maybe, just maybe he wouldn't be in the mess he was in right now. Maybe things would have turned out okay. Maybe he and Randy... No, he didn't want to think about it. It was too painful just to acknowledge the possibility. He had done the right thing. He was sure about that. So sure. Or wasn't he. He sighed deeply and slowly made his way to his car. Just a few more minutes he would be in his hotel and he knew that his way would be straight to the gym. He knew that he would dream about nothing else tonight. Just him. His eyes, his smile, his gentle touch. No this had to stop. He was destroying himself. Most likely Randy had forgotten about him already and was right now with his newest flirt.
"Hey Orton." He closed his eyes and hoped that the other one would just go away if he ignored him long enough. But the other man had different plans.
"How long do you plan to play the lonesome ranger?" John Cena sat down next to Randy and ordered a beer and a coke. He watched the younger man intently and finally shoved the coke towards him.
"Here. I think you should maybe swap your drinks around for a bit." He smiled but his eyes betrayed him. He was worried about his best friend. He was very worried but he had no clue what was going on.
"Who are you? My mother? I am old enough to decide what I drink. Thank you very much." Randy didn't even look up, still nursing his glass in his hands.
"I might not be your mother but I can call her if you want. Maybe you are willing to talk to her, you stupid dickhead." John sighed heavily and wiped his hands over his eyes. He was tired. He could see that Randy was hurting but he couldn't help unless Randy decided that he finally might want to speak to someone.
"Why would I want to talk to her? I am fine, John." Even in his own ears it sounded pathetic.
"Yeah right. You are completely peachy and happy as a bunny. Clearly. I mean the signs are there. You are not talking to anyone anymore. You hang around in every bar you can find instead of maybe doing something productively with your time. Yeah man. You are right. You should maybe think about changing career paths and go into stand up comedy. I think you would be brilliant." His voice was dripping of sarcasm but he couldn't help it. Against his will Randy had to smile a bit.
"Am I so bad?" For the first time he met John's eyes.
"Yeah, man. You are. If you are not careful a few of this wrestling hyaenas will eat you alive. I swear to god." John hoped that Randy might finally tell him what was bothering him but he was not so lucky. Instead Randy smiled a sad smile at him and nodded.
"You are right. I will be more careful. Thanks, John. You are a real friend." And with that he stood up and made his way to the lift.
"You know Evan. You need to stop that." Evan barely noticed the other one until he grabbed his hands and forced him to sit down.
"What do you want, Alvin? Just leave me alone." He tried to stand up again but Alvin just kept him down. He had no chance against the former MVP.
"Nope. Not gonna happen. Listen, Evan. I know we are not the closest friends or anything. But I like you. I respect you. And out here we need to watch out for each other. And when I see how a brilliant wrestler is trying to destroy himself, then I will step in. I won't just watch him going to hell. You understand me?" Evan looked up and saw just worry and compassion in Alvin's eyes. And he was right. They were not the closest friends in the world but since they worked for the same league they had started hanging out more and more. And Evan had to say that he respected the other man.
But how could he explain any of the mess he was in? How could he explain to him that his heart was breaking, every day, every minute, just because there was someone missing in his life? Evan just looked down to the floor.
"Okay. Tell me. What is it? Why do you try to kill yourself with all this training? This really is not healthy anymore Evan. You need to be careful." Alvin's voice was low and honest. Evan started to relax. Maybe he would understand.
"It's just... I can't... I don't..." But how to start?
"Let me guess: Someone broke your heart?" Evan looked up with surprised eyes.
"How do you know?" Evan asked.
"Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt." Alvin smiled.
"No, no, no. You are not escaping this easily today. I want to know what's wrong, Randy." John marched into the younger ones hotel room as if he owned it. He had stayed a bit longer in the bar just to realise that he couldn't let Randy going on like that. He needed to do something. He wouldn't just watch him destroying himself.
"And believe me. I won't leave before I know what is going on. Do you hear...?" Suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks. He saw Randy sprawled out on his bed sleeping. He had been crying that was for sure. John could still see the wet traces on his face. He felt a sudden pang in his chest. He didn't think that things were so bad. Randy hardly ever cried. He was a tough guy. He would rather destroy a hotel room than cry. But there he was. His face all wet and in his hand his mobile. John stepped a bit closer and took a blanket from the other bed. He gently laid the blanket over the sleeping form of his best friend. He took the mobile out of his hand and...
He gasped in shock. The picture on the phone was without a doubt the reason for his friends trouble. Why hadn't he seen that earlier? He couldn't believe how stupid he was.
"So heartbreak then." Alvin looked at Evan and passed the water bottle over to him. They were still in the gym where Alvin had found the younger one.
"Yep." Evan just took a big gulp out of the bottle.
"And was it so bad? So bad that you need to punish you like this every night?" Evan kept quiet for a bit before he answered.
"Yes." His voice was low and almost just a whisper.
"What did she do?" Alvin looked at him with a warm impression.
"He did nothing." Evan watched the other on carefully but he didn't even flinch.
"I did everything. I left him. I said that I need to go back to Japan. I just wanted him to be proud of me. To be proud to be with me. He didn't even tell his friends about me. He was too ashamed." Evan could feel the tears building up in his eyes. He tried hard to swallow them down but he could feel a few escaping. Quickly he wiped them away.
"Are you sure about that? Him being ashamed? There might be other reasons why he didn't tell anyone." Alvin offered.
"Maybe." Evan agreed. "But to be honest. It doesn't matter anymore. I have lost him. My stupid pride cost me the best thing ever in my life. I am sure he moved on by now. He is not the kind of guy who is alone for long, believe me. But the problem is..." His voice just got lower with every word. He stared to the floor not even noticing Alvin anymore.
"The problem is that I miss him like mad. I physically ache for him. I feel like I am going crazy. He is always there, in every thought. I want to tell him so much and want to be able to see him but..., It's all over now. And I just miss him. I miss him so much." Evan closed his eyes and tried not to sob. But before he knew what happened two solid arms sneaked around him pulling him in a soft hug.
"If you miss him, then maybe tell him that. You never know. Maybe he feels the same. And if not you have lost nothing. Maybe a bit of pride but we already established that pride can be a stupid thing, right?"
Evan tried to think. Maybe he was right. Maybe he really...
"Here buddy. A hot coffee from the hotel bar just for you." His smile was almost blinding and Randy tried to tear his blanket over his head.
"Go away, John. It is way to early." His muffled voice sounded strained and John was not surprised. After yesterday nights session he for sure would have a hang over from hell.
"Nah, we actually need to leave in an hour and I thought I am a nice friend and help you with the packing and everything since I assume you might not be in the best form of your life today." John just put the coffee mug on the bedside table before he started walking through the room packing Randy's things.
The younger man watched surprised.
"John?"
"Yeah?" Cena didn't even look up.
"Why are you doing all this for me?"
"That's what friends are for, isn't it? Helping each other through rough times. Are there for each other if someone has his heart broken..." Now John was watching Randy intensely. The younger man blushed furiously.
"How do you know?" Randy's voice was low.
"I have seen the picture on your phone. Sorry. I didn't want to be nosy. But you had it in your hand yesterday when I tucked you into bed and that's when I saw it. Why didn't you tell me earlier, Randy? You know you can trust me." John sat down next to Randy and laid a heavy arm around his shoulder.
"I don't know. In the beginning I just wanted it to be Evan and me. I fell so hard for him. It scared me shitless. And when he left I didn't want people to pity me for being dumped." Randy could feel the tears coming but he tried to push them back. He snuggled a bit closer to John's chest and tried to feel a bit of comfort in the embrace.
"He was the first one who really meant something, you know. I wanted to make everything perfect. I was so scared to mess things up. But it looks like I have a habit of messing things up big time. I mean he didn't even just leave WWE. He left the country. No the fucking continent." Randy laughed bitterly.
"But what do you expect? Randy Orton is no one someone would fall in love with."
"I think you are wrong here, Randy."John said gently. "I don't believe that Evan would be like that."
"Why did he leave me then? Why didn't he stay? God I miss him so much, John. I don't understand what is happening to me but I feel like I am losing my mind without him."
"Maybe you should tell him then."
"Miss you." Two words but never had something been more terrifying for the young high flyer. He looked again on his mobile and let his thumb run over the words. They were nothing but the truth but still it didn't feel right. He looked again on the phone before he pressed delete and pushed the phone back into his pocket.
Randy was playing with his mobile for about an hour now. John could hardly look at it anymore.
"Will you just send something for god's sake? You are driving me mental." He told him off.
But what could he write? Nothing too corny. Nothing too heavy. Just a note to see if the other one still cared. Just to see if there was still something.
"x"
Just one letter but Evan knew it.
It was time to go home...