Iris,
by DrGemini86 (DrGemini24) Summary:
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Daniel, dressed in a cream ribbed sweater and brown trousers, watched from the corner of Sam's bedroom as the Major sat down on her bed, clutching a pillow to her stomach, looking very sad. He had watched over her and the rest of his friends since he had ascended, helping out as much as he could without… and a lot of the time, with Oma gently reminding him of the Others and what they could do to him for breaking their non-interferences laws.
She was the only one he hadn't revealed himself to, for reasons that, despite his noncorporeal form, he found very difficult to cope with. The bottom line was that if he did reveal himself to her, he wouldn't be able to go back, not after watching her cry so much over him. He was shocked despite his noncorporeal form that she… and Jack and Teal'c were so deeply affected by his passing.
A glowing tear ran down his cheek as he watched her sniff and then sob into her pillow. He came every night that she was home, knowing that she talked to him. If only she knew that he was really listening.
"And
I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me
somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I
don't want to go home right now…"
Never mind not being able to go back if he showed himself to her, he was having difficulty now… Oma, as she always did, would remind him in his head that he couldn't stay for long. She knew him too well… not as well as Sam did though, and knew that he wouldn't remain invisible if left to his own devices.
He wanted to hug her, to tell her everything was alright, but he felt Oma metaphorically shaking her head. He watched passively instead as Sam talked as she cried, saying,
"You've missed so much, Daniel… I just know you would have loved to meet Ayiana… and Egeria. You were so enthusiastic on hearing about Egeria from Anise. If you were here…"
"And
all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your
life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss
you tonight…"
She sniffed and lie on her back, "… God… you know how much I love you, don't you? I wish I'd told you when you were here." She cried harder. "I'm sorry, Daniel. I… when you asked me out, I freaked out. I don't know what came over me. The truth is that I'm a fool… and I am so overwhelmingly in love with you that it hurts."
He froze in the corner. She had never said that in her almost-nightly talks to his 'ghost'. He thought back to when he had finally built up enough courage to ask her out, only to have her politely let him down. They had silently agreed to never talk about it again, and their friendship remained albeit to a lesser degree. Now she was admitting that she had made a mistake…
Was she just saying it to appease her conscience now that he was 'dead'?
She sniffed into her pillow again and whispered, "I've missed you, Daniel. After everything, the things that we've seen and done, I just want you here with me. I want my best friend back." And she began to grumble drowsily, "Why the hell did you have to sacrifice yourself for the Planet of the Idiots?! They didn't appreciate you… we do… we appreciate you, we always have… and you went away."
'Oma, please… just this once'
"And
I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd
understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you
to know who I am…"
'The turn of seasons is continuous. It does not happen once'
'Please, Oma. Don't make me beg. She needs me. Sam needs me and… what's the point of all of this if I can't be here for her when she needs me the most?'
Feeling his mentor grudgingly agree, he kneeled at Sam's bedside, reaching out shakily at first to touch her hair. He almost cried when he felt her soft hair, the first corporeal thing he had felt in most of a year. She jumped, startled at the contact and turned quickly, coming face-to-face with him.
She struggled to sit up, fumbling for her sidearm and he said, gently placating her, "Sam… Sam, it's me… it's really me."
Her
eyes still moist, she asked, looking confused and scared, "How?
You're… I don't even know what happened… there wasn't a
body… no memorial service…"
He sat on the edge of
the bed, in front of her, and reached out to smooth her cheek,
replying softly as he gazed at her, "It's a long, long story…
but most importantly, I'm not dead." He held her hands and smiled
a little, "I watch over you though… always." He leaned forward,
kissing her cheek, "Thanks for talking to me."
Looking panic-stricken, she asked, her hand slowly moving to her cheek in a daze where he had kissed her, "You heard everything I… oh God…"
He shook his head, still smiling as he replied, "Don't be embarrassed." He sighed, his smile fading as he gazed at her, "I miss everyone… I miss being human." Her eyes widened in confusion and shock, and he shook his head again, "No… I'm energy. I'm choosing to take on this form." He waved dismissively. "That's not what's important now. Right now…" he sighed, "… you need to live your life. You can't hang onto me. I learnt the hard way what hanging onto someone long gone can do to you. Please don't make the same mistake that I did."
His nonexistent heart hurt on watching her cry again, and she asked, "Will I ever see you again?"
He smoothed her cheek, whispering, "I'll always be there for you. You were never alone and you never will be."
"But you're alone up… there. Why can't you come home?"
He grimaced. "It's complicated." His expression softened. "I want to, believe me, I want to, but…"
She snapped through her tears, "But what?! You're always helping other people, giving your life for people you don't even know! Didn't you ever think how we… how I would feel that one day you wouldn't be there anymore. For God's sake, Daniel, I can't mourn for you on-base. Colonel O'Neill won't even talk about it… Teal'c… Teal'c will talk about it but only when he thinks the time is right and you know how reserved he is. All I have left is Janet. Everyone just moved on, going through the 'gate and doing things while you're who-knows-where. I don't even know if you're alright or what you're doing…"
She broke down and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close, and he whispered against her hair, tears in his own eyes, "Sam… I don't know what to say, except to say that I'm sorry. If I hadn't had done what did, an entire planet, including you, Jack and Teal'c would have been blown up. Still…" he sighed, "… it wasn't enough because it looks like war could break out. War would mean death, famine, pain… So, I'm sorry that I couldn't come up with a better solution."
"And
you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth
in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you
bleed just to know you're alive…"
She sniffed against his shoulder, remarking as she punched his shoulder, "Daniel… just stop it. You did what you did… you're a hero."
He sighed, and she continued, smoothing the back of his head, "You saved them… but you couldn't save yourself. And in your time of trouble, no-one could help you. The Kelownans treated you as a saboteur… our own allies were unavailable. After everything you've done, after everyone you've saved, no-one was there to save you."
"Oma was."
"You know what I mean."
Nothing was said for a few moments, and then she asked, "Did you hear everything that I said?"
He nodded, and she said, now smoothing the back of his neck as she leaned her head close to his, their arms around each other, "I can't let you go, Daniel. I can't move on. It's been so long but I can't. You don't know how hard it is to go to work in the morning, to go through the 'gate, knowing that you won't be there any more."
She continued, beginning to cry again, "I never got to tell you how I feel about you. I love you, Daniel. I did then and I do now… I'm sorry for turning you down, for saying 'no'. I wasn't ready but now that I am… you're gone."
"And
I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd
understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you
to know who I am…"
He whispered, his lips close to her ear, "I'm here now. I love you, Sam… with every ounce of my being, from the very first moment that we met. You have no idea what you do to me."
"I have an idea. I hurt you."
She took a deep breath and continued softly, gazing into the endless pools of blue before her, "I love you as well, Daniel. I love you." She smiled as she stroked the side of his face as he continued to gaze at her, "I love you as so much more than a friend."
Smiling too, he kissed her gently and slowly, taking his time as she, with equal slowness and tenderness, caressed the back of his head and neck as she returned his kiss fully. Despite being noncorporeal in reality, he shivered at the contact, the action sending delicious tingles up and down his spine and all over his body.
When they came up for air, they grinned at each other, getting their breaths back, and she asked, her smile fading as she began to realise the consequences, "You can't stay, can you?"
He gazed at her regretfully as his hand cupped her jaw, smoothing her cheek with his thumb, "Oh Sam… I wish I could… but I'm not even allowed to be here. Oma grudgingly let me show myself to you tonight otherwise she would have called me away a long time ago." He smiled slightly, "I just came to tell you that you're loved and that you're not alone. I'll always be there for you."
She shook her head sadly. "But not like a lover."
"Love hurts, Sam… but we still do it because it feels good. Not only does it feel good, it's natural too and the most wonderful feeling imaginable."
She asked sceptically, "It's natural for one half of a relationship to be… energy?"
He shrugged, remarking, "I don't have all the answers. It's just another plain of existence."
"And
I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd
understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you
to know who I am…"
Running her fingers through his hair as she looked up at him, memorising everything about him in case she lost him before she could say goodbye, she said, "So many questions… but I'm guessing you didn't come here to play 20 Questions."
He smiled. "Remember when we used to bamboozle Jack when we played it? He banned us from playing it on missions because he never won."
She smiled back. "He did once… surprising even Teal'c when he said that the answer was 'Pulsar' in three goes."
"He's a lot cleverer than he lets on."
"Yeah…"
They kissed once again and she asked, now looking coy, "How long can you stay for?"
He blushed, replying with a little smile, "I don't know."
His smile vanished. "Are you sure? Are you sure that this is what you want?"
She nodded and replied as she held onto him, "Yes, Daniel. You're still you."
"Yeah. When I was me, you said 'no'."
"That was my fault – not yours. If you'd asked me again instead of giving up, I would have said 'yes'. Unusually for you, you gave up too easily."
He smiled as she looped an arm around his neck, bringing him eventually to lay over her as they resumed kissing. He pressed a series of gentle kisses to her throat, intensifying the gesture as she groaned beneath him, the sound something that he had only dreamt of before when he was corporeal, and, after she had fiercely removed her top, the Ascended Archaeologist gaping at seeing her almost naked form, his lips moved further downwards.
She cried out his name, tugging at his hair as he drove her to the brink of eternity, and she felt as though she had freefallen into oblivion. She lie back, breathing heavily as she remarked, gazing up at him as he lay over her once again,
"Oh my God… that was… that was… oh, Daniel."
She stretched up to kiss him, her body rising to his as his clothes and the rest of hers somehow vanished. During the kisses and caresses that followed, resulting in one Astrophysicist being appreciative of several more of his talents that she hadn't before realised that he possessed, she raised her eyebrows briefly, impressed, on glancing downwards at his body.
He entered her swiftly, plunging deep into her as she groaned, feeling as though she had melted into the bed beneath her. He kissed her as he moved within her, hearing her cries of his name, and his cries of hers intermingle with each other and the sound of groans. He whispered in her ear as he felt her near her climax,
"I love you. I love you so much. I'll always be there for you, no matter what. No matter what happens… I will always be there."
He smiled, panting and grunting softly as she screamed at the growing and then overflowing rush of pleasure, and he groaned, following her into one more leap into oblivion.
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Now fully dressed in his casual Ascended wardrobe, he sat on the edge of the bed as he watched Sam sleep, and he smiled, kissing her temple. She would think it had all been a dream in the morning… but she would feel better and hopefully get some closure. He sighed sadly, knowing that he may never see her again and he whispered,
"Bye, Sam."
He smoothed her hair and then reluctantly joined Oma as the Ancient took on human form just to smirk at him.
"I
just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I
just want you to know who I am…"
– Fin
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thanks for reading! Much appreciated.