Hello, lovely readers. If you're reading this it means that you actually found the plot interesting and I'm so proud for this. This story has a special spot in my heart cause I'm dedicating it to my best friend that killed himself last winder so I'll appreciate every comment, favorite or alert that it'll get more. So, this isn't going to be a light story. It will have some deep things in here such as anorexia, bulimia and eating disorders in general. It won't be too angsty and it's have humor too I'm just warning you about the themes. If you're offended in any way I apologize. Finally, this story is about finding yourself and your true love.

Pff the A/N is way too long. Sorry. I hope you'll enjoy this story.

I don't own teen wolf or any of the characters.

"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win."

―Stephen King.

Dear mum

Life was so damn hard. It really was. It shouldn't be this way, right? It shouldn't feel like every breathe was so much effort. I mean, I'm nineteen. I should be living my life to the fullest like everyone else. I should have a girlfriend or a boyfriend that would make me feel special, friends that would make fun of me when I'm hangover, a father that would be fucking proud of me.

Were they too much to ask? Didn't I deserve those things that most people my age had without fighting for them? Why am I so different from the others?

I moved in my new apartment today. The university was only five minutes away and it was just perfect for me. Not too small but not big. It's just the right size for two college students because yeah, my roommate was Scott.

To be honest I was a little anxious about moving in with Scott. Don't get me wrong, he's my best friend and I loved him so much but he's kind of sloppy and messy and all those things that I couldn't stand. But it was good to know that I would have someone to look after me because sometimes I was afraid of myself.

It's been a month since I was released from the Eating Disorder Clinic, after being in there for almost six months. These months were really difficult but at the end I had made it. Now I was fifteen pounds heavier than when I had gotten in but I was still considered way too thin, even though I couldn't see why. In fact I wasn't fully recovered yet according to the doctors. I had to go there for a check every month so they would make sure that I was still gaining weight.

Everyone was so excited that I was finally out of the clinic but I was more scared than anything else. How did the expect me to gain more weight on my own when I couldn't even finish half of my meal and every time I saw the view of food all I could think was calories. In fact I knew that deep inside me I didn't want to gain weight.

All this weight that I had gained made me feel ugly every time I stared at a mirror. I had a huge belly and my thighs were way too fat and I couldn't see my fucking collarbones anymore and...

"Stiles," Scott's voice snapped me out of my panicked thoughts.

I sighed in relief because I knew that if he didn't say anything I would have a panic attack again.

"Yeah," I said walking towards the couch where I knew he was sitting.

"I'm going to order a pizza," he said and I shivered, "do you want one?"

I immediately felt guilty, seeing his hopeful face. I knew that Scott was worried for me more than anyone else. We were practically brothers, it was our job to look after each other. Not that I was any good at watching after him these past months.

"I- I ate," I lied but it was hopeless. Scott knew me too well to believe me.

"No you didn't," he stated, his face falling. "Please, Stiles, don't do this. You have to eat something. Remember what the doctors said? Five small meals".

Five? I didn't even have one meal and it was almost night.

"I- I can't eat pizza," I said, pleading him to understand. Too many calories. "I'll go out, okay? There's a dinner near our building. I'll go there and eat a salad or something".

He stared at me, trying to decide if he trusted me enough or not. At the end he sighed, defeated. "Okay," he said. "Go but please, Stiles, you have to eat. Please".

I gave him a fake smile and put on my red hoodie. "I promise, I'll eat," I told him reassuringly, trying to push the guilt away, knowing that I probably wouldn't keep my promise.

I was out of the apartment before he could have a chance to make me promise anything else. When I walked out of the building the sky was already dark and the air was cold. Colder than I expected. I pushed my hands in my pockets and walked towards the direction I knew the dinner was.

It didn't take me more than a few minutes to find it and when I was in front of the door I stood there, taking deep breathes because it was the first time in three years that I would walk into a dinner.

Don't be a chicken, Stiles, I thought.

Why was so afraid of walking in? It was a dinner. No one would make me eat anything that I didn't want to.

So, after several deep breathes I walked in, sighing in relief when I saw that there wasn't any other people. At least if I puked, I wouldn't have to do it in front of many people.

So, I took a seat in a booth and looked around me, hating the way all those foods smelled. I was already feeling like I was going to be sick.

"Hello," I heard a female voice and I gasped, startled.

The girl was standing in front of me looking concerned. Great, she must think I'm crazy.

"Are you okay," she asked worriedly.

"Um, yeah, you just startled me," I answered.

She was really pretty with long black hair, big blue eyes and sharp cheekbone but the only thing I could think about her was if she was skinnier than me.

"Oh," she said, blinking. "Um, do you want me to get you something?"

I looked at her trying to decide what I should do. I thought that I could do this but now I couldn't. I couldn't order something. I started panicking again because seriously, what kind of a freak couldn't order a fucking meal?

"Um, a- an orange juice," I stuttered, feeling like an idiot.

She raised an eyebrow. "Only that?" she asked.

"Um and a- a salad?" it was more of a question than a request.

"Okay, so an orange juice and a salad?" she asked, frowning a little.

"Yeah," I answered, trying to be casual and confident.

She wrote them in her tiny note book and then gave me a bright smile. "Why don't you come and sit with us?" she asked. "It's just me and my brother, really. As you can see we don't have any other customers and I'm starting to be really irritated with him".

"Um..." I said, not sure about what I should do.

"Oh, come one," she whined. "You're alone, right? A little company won't hurt, okay?"

She gave me this pouty look with her big eyes and I knew that I wouldn't be able to say no to anything she asked. "Okay," I said simply and her face brightened.

She led me to a table at the back of the dinner. There was sitting a guy that frowned when he saw us.

"Who is this?" he asked, as soon as we were near enough. He didn't seem too friendly to me.

"This is..." the girl trailed off, looking at me questioningly.

"Stiles," I informed her.

She smiled. "I'm Laura," she told me and then turned towards the guy again. "He's alone and I would feel like a horrible person if I wouldn't invite here so he's going to sit with us. Oh, Stiles, by the way this is Derek".

Derek glared at me and I had to keep myself from taking a step back. Even with this too unfriendly attitude I couldn't deny the fact that he was drop dead gorgeous. Messy black hair, pale skin, sharp cheekbones, pink lips and -if I could see right- perfect body.

Laura made me take a sit as she went to give my order to the chef. I sat there awkwardly, trying to look anywhere but Derek and I actually sighed in relief when she returned with a glass of orange juice.

"So," she said happily when she sat beside Derek and opposite from me.

"Are you new here?" she asked.

"Yeah," I asnwered, feeling more than a little uncomfortable.

"College?" she asked knowingly.

"Yes, first year," I asnwered.

"So, you're eighteen," she said enthusiastically.

"Um, no I'm nineteen," I corrected her. "This should be my second year but I had some... health problems so I lost a year".

"Oh, pity," she said looking honestly sad for me. "Well, I graduated from college but it's Derek's third year as a college student".

My eyes widened a little at this because I was so sure that he had already graduated. "He's only three years older than you," she continued cheerfully.

"I can't see why this would be interesting to him, Laura," Derek said, through greeted teeth.

"Oh, shut up," she told him dismissively. "We're just chatting. Anyway, what is your major?"

The night went on like that and I found myself relaxing, even as Derek was still unfriendly and frowny. At some point put in front of me an enormous plate of salad and I played around with eat trying to seem like I was eating but not taking even one bite.

When it was time to leave Laura demanded that I would come the next night because she was really enjoying my company and I left feeling happy. Maybe I would go tomorrow again.

It was only when I went back home and saw Scott sleeping on the couch that I felt guilt because I didn't eat anything this day.

Tomorrow I would eat, I promised to myself. At the time I didn't know who I was trying to fool.

So what do you think? Sorry about any errors. It is unbetaed and English isn't my first language.