This was supposed to be just me figuring out how to write pesterlogs. Unfortunately, a couple weeks passed and suddenly it was over 2k words.
[Part 1: Stop.] [Part 2: You are here!]
There is a version on AO3 (with color!): tinyurl dot com slash shmsbtw (thats the acronym of the title btw)
A light, bright and insistent, flashed at the corner of Rose's computer screen. She looked away from the word document she was using to jot down plot notes to blink at it.
- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:15 -
Oh well. She could use a break anyways. The mouse moved and the little box flashed as she clicked on it.
Pesterchum, as obliging as ever, popped up on the right side of the screen.
GG: hello!
GG: youre rose, right?
Well that wasn't alarming at all. Rose mentally counted the number of days since she'd published her book. 17. It was highly unlikely that the Baroness had both gotten her claws on a copy and already deduced its true meaning, but Rose believed in always being prepared for the worst.
She clicked a small purple button at the bottom of the screen, and a loading circle appeared. After several seconds:
[Error: Unable to trace source]
That was fairly alarming. Rose had bought the best tracking systems money could buy, and it was a little disconcerting to know that she was being contacted by somebody who could buy even better firewalls.
TT: I'm afraid I will have to say it depends on who's asking.
TT: And on your intentions towards me.
"gardenGnostic" replied eerily quickly.
GG: of course!
GG: i understand that this must seem kind of suspicious
TT: Just a little.
GG: but i really want to talk to you
GG: hehe, yeah
GG: my name is jade!
GG: and i read your book
Jade. The name sent Rose's mind scrambling, but she couldn't for the life of her remember why it seemed significant. Her foresight was telling her to trust Jade, but she also knew that her foresight fell woefully short when it came to telling her when it was safe to trust people.
TT: I'm impressed. I didn't think anybody would be able to finish it in the meager days since its publication.
GG: oh, i didnt
GG: its actually really hard to read
GG: and i kept having to use a dictionary :/
Rose felt the first flashes of irritation.
TT: I'm sorry if this comes off as rude, but why are you contacting me?
GG: wellll
GG: if im being honest, i really didnt like your book at all!
GG: it was very boring :P
Rose almost closed the tab, but then the next message came through and she froze.
GG: but i got to chapter four, and i think that theres a lot more to your book than it seems!
GG: youre one of those conspiracy theorists, arent you?
Rose narrowed her eyes. She knew the dangers when she'd gotten the book published, just as Dave knew the danger he would attract if he pursued his movies. They were both undeniably painting themselves as targets, although she'd hoped that she'd been discreet enough that she wouldn't be noticed a mere seventeen days after her first publication.
Still, her foresight had never steered her wrong before.
TT: I prefer the term revolutionary, actually.
GG: oh, good
GG: me too
TT: It's catchier.
GG: it is!
GG: and i agree with many of your statements about our government and the baroness
GG: id like to meet you in person
GG: pesterchum isn't the safest place to discuss this!
GG: as im sure you know, ms lalonde!
TT: I do.
TT: How do you propose we meet? You can't think that I trust you from what little conversation we've had?
GG: you insult me!
TT: Not that our conversation hadn't been perfectly delightful.
GG: dont worry, I know your type ;D
GG: i am also very paranoid
GG: id like to meet somewhere public
GG: youre free to be ready for a strife, of course
TT: Have you taken into account that we might not even be in the same time zone, much less the same country?
GG: yes, actually!
GG: but ill be in new york tomorrow
GG: thats where you live right?
TT: You already know the answer to that.
GG: i do, heh
GG: but i thought id be polite :)
TT: Your consideration has been taken note of.
TT: May I bring an associate of mine?
GG: um id prefer it if you didnt :/
GG: but i guess its okay
GG: can he be trusted?
TT: Again, I can only assume you already know. I never mentioned a he.
TT: But yes. At this moment, I am inclined to trust him much more than I trust you.
GG: lol thats fair!
GG: in times like these you never know
GG: can we meet at the met?
GG: ive always wanted to see it!
TT: I suppose. There are nicer places in New York.
GG: that's okay
GG: its not like were meeting to sightsee or something!
GG: were just having a friendly chat ;D
TT: At noon, then?
GG: yes! ill see you then! at the entrance?
TT: Agreed.
- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 11:03 -
Well then. That was certainly interesting.
- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 11:04 -
TT: Dave.
TT: Dave.
TT: I know you're awake.
TG: holy shit
TG: somebody call the press
TG: rose fucking lalonde is trying to spam me
TG: cancer has been cured
TG: the starving children in africa have been liberated
TG: global warming has flown into the literal fucking sun
TG: our ice bears or whatever are throwing a goddamn party
TG: complete with vodka and the macarena
TT: Are you done?
TG: yeah
TG: i mean im never done talking
TG: but yeah you can talk
TT: Thank you for your consideration.
TT: Somebody read my book and contacted me.
TG: oh shit
TG: is that good or bad
TG: like did they send snipers after you or were they complaining about your godawful word choice
TT: Neither, surprisingly. She saw through my metaphors and wants to discuss our cause.
TG: well then
TG: wow
TG: that was fast
TT: She admittedly hadn't read the entire book, but she'd read far enough to grasp my message.
TT: I'm meeting her at the Met, and we agreed that I could bring an associate.
TG: alright, gotcha
TG: ill be there before you can even get your car started
TG: wait you don't have a car
TT: I don't, and don't push yourself too hard. We're meeting at noon, and I want you prepared in case she betrays us. I don't believe she will.
TG: is this a rose thing
TG: or A Rose Thing
TT: I have no idea what you're talking about.
TG: bs
TG: you totally do
TG: so is this like
TG: a seer thing
TG: goddamn it rose you know what im talking about
TG: did you see it
TT: No.
TT: But I just have a feeling.
TG: okay cool
TG: ill bring my sword then
TT: As if you wouldn't.
- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 11:18 -
Rose arrived at 11:00 exactly. She brought only her computer and her needles and her wallet. She needed the wallet to get in and her needles because she never knew who she might meet and the computer in case she needed to take notes.
She spotted Dave immediately; he was leaning languidly against the wall, his face passively interested and his ever present shades shielding half his face.
She came over and stood next to him, absentmindedly reaching into her wallet to hand him a stick of gum.
He took it with only the slightest nod in her direction, as aloof as ever.
"I trust your flight went well?"
His lips twitched into the barest flicker of a smile. "Fastest fucking plane I've ever seen."
Rose smiled crookedly in return, her eyes raking sharply over his body. He was dressed simply, t-shirt and jeans, and so she was sure he'd flashstepped all the way here. She wished he wouldn't do that, but she was hardly in a place to be criticizing him.
Some of her habits were just as self destructive, if not more so.
And so she simply leaned against the wall next to him, watching as people entered and exited the museum. "How long have you been here?"
"Not long." He reached up to rub his eyes, his glasses briefly sliding up to reveal the dark bags that ringed them. "So. Eighteen days, huh?"
She shifted her shoulders, acknowledging the change in topic. "Yes."
"Eighteen days." He let out a low breath, the air whistling between his teeth. "Damn. Whoever this girl is— she works fast."
Jade arrived at the museum at 11:45am on the dot. She was different than Rose had expected.
She was older, for one thing. The exclamation marks and emojis had made her seem much younger, but her hair was streaked with silver and there were laugh lines around her eyes. Her hair was wild and curly and let completely loose, its tangles falling haphazardly over her coffee-colored skin and her brilliantly green eyes. Something about her was bizarrely familiar.
She was also wearing the most deplorable dress Rose had ever seen; it looked more like a patchwork quilt than a dress.
Jade turned and grinned widely when she saw the two, coming over and waving. Rose revised her opinion; the smile — buck toothed and stunningly genuine — somehow made the dress look good.
It didn't escape Rose's notice that she stopped far away enough to react to a strife. "Hello! You're Rose, right?"
Rose smiled, but Dave remained passive beside her. "I am. And you're Jade."
Dave held out his hand. "Dave Strider."
Jade took it, her smile still as bright as ever. "Jade English."
Rose felt as if the rug had been pulled out from under her. Jade English? The Baroness' adopted daughter? The once heiress, before she'd run away and started her own company?
No wonder she'd looked familiar; her face was on most of the articles claiming to know about the Baroness' true identity.
"Nice to finally meet you," Dave said, smoothing over the moment easily.
Jade relaxed. "Me too, actually! I'm always delighted to meet likeminded friends." Rose and Dave shared a look. Jade noticed, and laughed. "Don't worry, you don't have to call me your friends." Her vivid eyes moved to Dave. "Where do you fit in? Are you her agent?"
The left corner of Dave's lip curled upwards just slightly. "Nah. I'm just her associate."
She smiled again. "Rose did mention that!"
Rose was a little disconcerted with the ease with which she laughed and smiled. Most of the people she met — especially those involved in the metaphorical war against the Baroness — lived in constant solemnity and fear.
"Now," Jade declared, propping her hands on her hips. "Tell me what you know."
- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 6:21 -
TG: so
TG: englishs kid huh
TG: no wonder she was so fast
TG: just
TG: goddamn
TG: she was impressive
TT: Hmm.
TT: Do I detect a hint of admiration, Mr. Strider
TG: dont even start
TG: i saw you ogling her too
TG: your eyes were just fucking glued to her
TG: like
TG: like
TG: idk man
TG: i can't even think properly right now
TG: she kept talking circles around us
TG: nobody talks circles around us
TG: were like the kings of talking
TG: fucking
TG: circles around other people
TG: dammit i had a better one
TT: I think it was her genuinity.
TT: We're used to dealing with liars and spies.
TG: yeah
TG: like that one guy last week
TT: Yes.
TT: Pity we had to bury him really. I'll miss his soufflés.
TG: what the fuck
TG: he made you souffles?
TT: Yes, and they were delightful.
TG: dammit rose
TG: you didnt tell me that
TT: Dave, I'd already eaten it by the time you showed up.
TG: yeah right
TG: you wouldnt have shared anyways
TT: You're not wrong.
TT: But we've digressed.
TT: Jade English will undoubtedly be a crucial ally.
TG: you know what my next question is
TT: Dave.
TG: youve seen her havent you
TG: with your freaky powers
TT: I haven't.
TG: wait really
TG: i thought
TG: you kept making comments while we walked around that shitty museum
TG: like
TG: dammit i still cant think of anything to say
TT: You place too much faith in my Sight, Dave.
TG: well
TG: youre always right
TT: Thank you.
TT: For this matter, however, I'm afraid we must rely on our mere mortal minds.
TT: To put it simply:
TT: Mr Strider, do you trust Jade English?
TG: thats the question of the whole fucking year isnt it
TG: kiddies be lining up outside walmart to hear the news
TG: people all of the world are on the edge of their seats
TG: prepared to jump into the air and throw their caps
TG: and
TG: fuck
TT: That was an admirable attempt.
TT: But I'm afraid it was a far stretch from your usual.
TT: I'd give it a four out of ten.
TG: excuse me for a second maam
TG: im too busy blushing
TT: As much as I'd love to spare my dear associate the embarrassment
TT: We have much more pressing matters to attend to.
TT: Do you trust Jade?
TG: ...
TG: yeah
TG: i know i shouldnt
TG: im always the one telling you to delete your emails and change your locks and all that
TG: but jade
TG: jades good
TG: i dont know why
TG: but she is
TT: Alright then.
TG: thats it
TG: just
TG: "alright then"
TG: what does that even mean
TT: It means "alright then"
TT: I am going to send Jade the annotated copy of CotL.
TG: is that the one i drew dicks on
TT: Unfortunately.
TT: It also contains everything we know, in clear language.
TT: I am sure that she will be able to supplement our information with her own.
TG: cool
TT: I am also hoping that she will be able to aid us financially.
TG: bullshit
TG: youre lying
TT: How can you possibly know I'm lying?
TT: I'm in the bedroom. There is a solid two inches of wood between us
TG: nah i can always tell
TG: also do i have to sleep on the couch
TG: i walked around in a museum today with two crazy ladies
TG: the least you can do is give me the bed
TT: No, it's my apartment.
TG: come on lalonde
TG: show a little compassion
TG: pretend its christmas
TT: What was my tell?
TG: what
TT: How could you tell I was lying?
TG: but then you wont use it anymore
TT: You can even have the right side of the bed.
TG: fuck yes
TG: you only use the word hope when youre lying
TG: because you know
TG: youre edgy
TT: I don't know whether I should feel affronted or touched.
TG: lets go with touched
TG: anyways whyd you say you hoped
TG: jades rich shes got like her own company
TT: Not for long, unfortunately.
TT: I won't tell her that, but I suspect she already knows.
TG: thats shitty
TG: because of the batterwitch?
TT: Of course.
TT: So we've decided to trust Jade?
TG: i think
TG: yeah
TG: lets do it
TG: send her the dick book
TT: I've already asked for her coordinates.
TT: Please don't tell me that we are actually going to start calling it the dick book.
TG: fuck
TG: yes
TG: dick book it is
TG: rose
TG: hey rose
TG: youre going to send jade the d
TT: Oh my God Dave.
- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 6:54 -
TG: hey wait i still get to sleep on the bed right
- gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 2:46 -
GG: i just asked rose if there was a reason that there are dicks drawn in between your notes?
GG: and she redirected me to you
TG: oh yeah
TG: those are mine
TG: fraid the next set will have to cost double
GG: omg
GG: mr strider i am very much looking forward to working with you
GG: i think it will be fun :D