Hello,
This is my first fanfiction in English, so please, do not hesitate to tell me any mistake you notice.
Yours,
Killy Lily
PS: I do not own Merlin. If I did, Merlin would have done the Socrates-style, which means he would have told everyone in the castle: "Oh please! I am the greatest wizard you'd ever know. I have saved all your lives more than thirty times, you clumsy prats, and that because the Great Dragon said it was my destiny. And YOU would accuse me to be a traitor, not to do my job? Then, go to hell!" and gotten killed immediately. OK, i do not own The Apology either.
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Prologue
Arthur's body was lying on the boat, with all his armor and cloak. By looking at him, you could think he was only asleep, as if something could awake him and that he would stand up and knock you out for disturbing him. But his pale face and his servant's eyes full of tears showed things otherwise. The young man would not return.
Merlin felt broken. He couldn't even believe Kilgarrah's words: his friend couldn't come back because he failed to protect him. It was all his fault. If he had done everything Kilgarrah advised him to do, nothing would have been this way. He could have been the greatest wizard of all Times, protecting the King Arthur and helping him to unite Albion. Instead, he had been to weak and evil ones had taken advantage of his naivety. What a great destiny of his, now that the only hope was gone! What was he going to do now?
"Emrys."
He shivered. That voice. She had been haunting him a long time and he thought she was gone now. Couldn't she just die and let him rest in peace? Maybe it was just a ghost. After all, how could she survive after that the sword went through her body? He didn't turn back.
"Emrys, I know you have heard me. Look at me." The owner's voice sighted.
He couldn't. She couldn't be here. She was dead. He had seen her body falling slowly and her eyes reflecting the gray sky, the same one as when he poisoned her the first time.
" Merlin." Her voice was softer.
Couldn't bear it any longer, he turned toward her. Morgana was standing here, with her tousled hair and her black dress. He looked hastily for his dagger, in vain.
"Aren't you tired to always think you have to kill me when I am in front of you?" She sighted.
Their looks met...
"Aren't you tired now that you killed everyone that matters for me?" He replied angrily.
... then turned away.
"I don't expect you to forgive me. But do not think I will forgive either."
He startled. What should he be forgiven by her for? He glowered at her. SHE was the one who should be begging for forgiveness to everyone she had hurt. Not that she deserved to be forgiven. Evil ones just had to stay where they are sent. To the darkest and most faraway hell. But it seemed that even hell spit her out.
" I saw you don't even realize what you've done. Look at me. NOW!"
She got closer to him, raising his chin with her thin finger. He was too weak to move, but not enough to stop glowering.
" You killed them. All of them."
" YOU MADE ME!" she cried.
He was going to say something to protest, but she did not let him.
" Where were you when I needed a friend? Where were you when I needed someone to understand? You turned your back on me, suddenly, sending me suspicious looks when you thought I wasn't looking! Do you really know how it hurt? If I have chosen the wrong side, that is because I thought I was alone, that only Morgause could understand! So of course, I went with her and let my hatred for Uther take out all the rest! You have said earlier you always blame yourself for what I have become, but that is not enough!"
"What should I have done? Let you kill everyone with the spell your bloody sister put on you?" He shouted
"You should have told me!" She cried.
She let go of his chin. His head lowered. He wanted to reply to her, to let all his hatred out, but she was right. He didn't even try to reason with her in that moment. He just listened to the Dragon's words and poisoned her. He could still remember her look that day. A mix of surprise, betrayal and shock. It still hurt him. Badly. He couldn't take it anymore. He handed his dagger to her, looking resolute to end it.
"Past is Past. You can kill me if it pleases you, but it won't erase the wrongs you've done."
She blinked, feeling confused. He was totally helpless. She didn't like to see him that way. Furthermore, she had her mission to do, and he had to be ready.
"No. Killing you is useless as your destiny is not fulfilled. After all I had seen, I did not return in order to do it."
He startled, surprised. She moved toward her brother's boat. Merlin rushed before her, in order to stop her. He was still suspicious. What would she do to Arthur's body? Morgana smiled. He couldn't help himself to protect him, even now. Good. He was ready. Although a bit annoying too.
" Let me see my brother, Merlin. I am the Highest Priestess. I must take him to Avalon." She said calmly.
"Why should I trust you?" he replied.
She lift one eyebrow, with still this amusing smile on her lips.
"Because I am the only chance you have to see him raise again."
He looked at her dumbfounded. How could he raise again? He had to reason with her. Seriously.
"He's dead."
Morgana smiled. " That does not mean he won't return" she said.
He hesitated.
"Besides, you OWE me. If you had trust me, everything would have been different" she added with an amused tone.
He couldn't reason with her. She always got what she wanted (except the throne of course) and this day would be the same. So he let her go in the boat, hoping she said the truth. There was something in her eyes who made him uneasy, as if what she had seen brought her some kind of wisdom. Before leaving, she said with a teasing tone:
"Don't forget to take care of Gwen. My poor brother would get angry at you if he discovers that his beloved queen is not here for his return."
He stood, only nodded. She smiled him sadly. That reminded him of his old feelings, he sent it back to her, as the boat went away from him. To the mists of Avalon.
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2012. Several centuries passed, including several nights waiting in front of Avalon. No news of the two had come. But Merlin couldn't even think she lied to him that day. Not after having seen her smile. He did everything he had to, ignoring even the dangers of the wars in order to fulfill all of it. She had to come back. To prove him he was wrong to doubt her.
Each day he would come back, his eyes sparkling with hope and impatience. Then, they would fill with challenges. He would begin to throw stones at the water, just in order to see the trouble he would made on the surface. Finally, he would look at his reflect, his old reflect. He would see his white beard and the wrinkles on his face. And, once again, he would notice that his clear blue eyes were the same, maybe a bit graver. He knew he could easily come back as he was before, but he wanted to wait for them to come.
He turned his head toward the mist one last time. On that day of december 21st, nothing was coming, like any other day since THAT day. He sighted and turned away from it. Then, he stopped. It seemed to him that he heard someone calling him. He smiled.
"Emrys!"
She was back.