Say Goodbye
A/N: So yeah this is my first Twilight fic…and of course I figure the best way to dive into the fandom is to do so by going with the against canon pairing. Yes this is a Jacob/Bella focused piece. Don't like it? That's okay. I'm sure someone out there will. Besides I think Jake needs more love than he gets.
Beta'd by: They-Call-Me-Orange. Thank you so much for doing this, even without knowing the fandom. You truly are the best beta evah.
Disclaimers: I own nothing but my love for doomed ships. The story is based around Schuyler Fisk's 'Songs that Say Goodbye'.
Bella knew she shouldn't be here. Knew that no good could come of her visiting him now. Visiting him after she has already said her "I dos," after she's made her vows and promises to the one person in the world she knows he'd rather die than see her with.
But these are the last few hours of humanity she has left and despite Edward's misgivings and Alice's pleas to stay and enjoy the night bonding, all Bella really wants (really needs, the little voice in her head whispers) is to be here at La Push. To be here with the sun, be here with Jacob.
She needs these last few hours to be spent with him, even though she knows it'll only hurt them both more later on and that she's being beyond selfish by doing this to him.
So here she is. In her little red truck; the only other piece of him she has besides her charm and her bracelet; staring at his door, willing him to come out and be her Jacob for a little bit longer. It's a bit funny, in that sad sort of way that everything is right now, how she's never before felt this nervous about visiting, not even when she thought he was part of Sam's 'cult.' She can't help but think that despite all the phone messages and notes she sent he's still going to refuse to see her.
But then, like the sun after a rainstorm he's there. With that smile that she loves fighting its way onto his beautiful face. And somewhere deep inside she knows that for today, for this last time, for these final hours they're just going to be Jacob and Bella. Nothing more, and nothing less. She knows that he's not going to make this any harder on either them than it already is, even though she can tell it's slowly killing him inside being with her and knowing that this is goodbye, knowing that they can never be together like this again.
As they walk along their beach (Bella knows she'll always think of it as theirs even after he's gone and its just her and her frozen heart) her pale hand cosseted in his much larger and much warmer one, she thinks of all she wants to say, all she wants to tell him, all she needs to tell him before it's too late, before this magic moment ends, before they say goodbye, break apart and walk away.
She wants to tell him that she doesn't regret showing up that day with those motorcycles. She doesn't regret appearing in his life as that broken, empty shell, as damaged goods, because she likes to think that just as she knew he could fix those bikes, she knew he could fix her too. She likes to think that it was meant to be that she'd end up at his little ramshackle house, needing to be put back together again. Needing him to put her together, make her whole again.
She wants to tell him how much she'll cherish the days, hours, weeks they spent together. Wants to tell him how when the fire of Edward's venom rages through her veins, making her forever young and forever cold and forever less than who she is now, she'll cling to the warmth of the memories he made with her during that time, cling to them like the life-line they are, and always will be.
There are so many things she wants to tell him, so many apologies she wants to make. She wants to apologize for breaking him like this, for making him love her and then taking her love away. She wants to apologize for loving him and for that love not being enough. She wants to tell him that despite the vows she made and the promises she swore to Edward, her heart will always belong to him, always belong to Jacob.
But she holds her tongue. She keeps her thoughts to herself and keeps quiet. She refuses to break him apart again, refuses to pull him to pieces again. She refuses to destroy their last moments together with words she means and promises she can't keep. Instead she just closes her eyes and enjoys the moment. Enjoys her last day in her sun, in his gravitational pull. She just lets them be nothing more than Jacob and Bella.
A/N: And we're done. Reviews and criticism are welcome as long as the latter is constructive. Thanks for reading.