A.N
I originally posted this over on livejournal but thought I'd add it here too. Its linked to a small drabble I wrote based off of a meme on livejournal.
If anybody is interested in reading those, lemme know and maybe I'll post those too.
K-H
Brother.
Our clothes were always the opposite of our personalities. You who were always so open and approachable wore the most somber of colors. I who was more closed off and preferred to keep people at a distance always wore brighter colors of the spectrum, even if the colors I chose were just as bland.
It was in that moment, when you truly left me, as your body finally failed you and your spirit moved to a place I couldn't reach you. When the landscape of my mind became such an empty and desolate place without the presence of you . That I looked up through my tears and saw your black jacket draped on the back of that chair.
You hadn't just simply forgotten it. I know you left it there for me. You knew all along how lonely I'd be without you and yet you went anyway. Idiot. As if that alone could make up for you not being here with me.
It was the one time I found that I couldn't understand you at all, you and your desire to leave.
But then I was always the one content with the here and now, and you had always been looking to somewhere I couldn't see.
Most just assumed I wore it to mourn you. But only you would understand, that I wore it to keep you with me. Because it was the only real thing that symbolized you, that was left to me. I hadn't wanted you to leave. I hadn't been ready to let you go then and I still wasn't ready, so I clung to it. And damn you, you'd known even then that I would need it.
I was scared, frightened to leave all I had known without you there to be my support. But I had to find you, I needed to find you. To scold you, to hold you, just to be with you again. To give you the goodbye I couldn't when you left our home.
And so I stare out of this airplane window, snorting at the irony that you finally got your wish. I had always kept you grounded and you had always been trying to get me to loosen the bonds I put upon myself that tied me down. You finally got me to fly Gene, to leave my safe haven for the unknown And every moment you faded further from my memories I damned you for it.
Damn you for leaving, damn you for leaving me alone.