Title: The wish
Jag's musings while he is being forced to work with Jaina.
NOTE: I'm pretty sure Jag's feelings are nothing like this so it is AU. Some spoilers for Exile
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Star Wars. It belongs to George Lucas and his people.
I stare at her from afar. She barely notices me except when grumbling about having to follow my orders. She doesn't though, she argues as much as possible and gets out of what she doesn't agree with. Oddly I don't mind. Just seeing her gorgeous eyes, even when she is ignoring me, or yelling at me, makes me forget about all the bad times, all the arguments that went on for years, and how I got exiled from my family.
I doubt she feels the same way, or even understands. I have to put on a stoic exterior and be coarse and ignorant. She can't know that I regret leaving, that I missed her. If she did, she, and, of course, her new boyfriend, would laugh. I can't make it even harder for me to work with her.
Her eyes show a fierceness and a focus that I have never seen before. They were there, but they were not all. There was love, regret, and hope. Now she seems to have given up on all but fighting. Love for her family seems to have diminished even. She has lost hope for them. Lost hope in everything except fighting.
Her ability to take command is wonderful. She is a natural leader. At nineteen with little command experience she took command of a squadron and made it work. She is amazing. She needs to know I do not hate her or resent her presence. She needs to know.
I wish I could tell her. But I know I can't. I can't face rejection again. She doesn't love me back.
Please comment!
Kathleen