Note: Toad uses xe/xem/xyr pronouns and is an NB/enby (as in, non-binary) in this story, so rather than "he," you would instead use "xe;" rather than "him," you would instead use "xem;" rather than "his," you would use "xyr." There are plenty of resources on the internet regarding this (known as neo pronouns) that you can read up on—I suggest you do if you haven't already. I understand if it's difficult if it's your first time seeing these pronouns, but we all have to learn eventually.
Thanks! I hope you enjoy the story!
Nine-hundred-and-ninety-eight, the steward counted. Nine-hundred-and-ninety-nine. One thousand forks, spoons, plates and napkins all set up for the royal family dinner. At last, the incessant nagging from Toadsworth would end, the constant worrying from the Princess would cease, and xe could at last leave the castle for the night and, maybe, finally find some peace.
It happened that Toadette was there to see the fungus so worked up and upset – a sight that moved her to come to xem and put her hand on xyr shoulder. She consoled xem, "Toad? Is everything all right? You seem really tense..." Toad looked at her and wordlessly told her all she needed to know with the exhausted look on xyr face. "Oh..." Toadette frowned, sliding the consoling hand off of xyr shoulder, before she offered, "... well, I know somewhere you can go that'll help you unwind."
When Toad heard Toadette's words, xe was certainly intrigued, and—much as xe would have thanked her for the thought whilst turning down her offer of help on any other day—xe couldn't help but figure it couldn't hurt anything about the night. "Okay," Toad nodded as xe walked away from the table, the sound of Princess Toadstool's insufferable relatives babbling away faded from earshot, "what's this that's supposed to be so helpful for me?"
From what Toad knew of Toadette, she was not the kind to keep a secret, yet she looked left and right to make sure no one was within earshot of the two. Once she was sure, she whispered to Toad, "It's called Shroomwood. It's a club that has... well... sex-workers is the right term for it... they dance and all, I think you get the idea." When the blue-vested fungus heard that, xe nearly turned red. "I know, I know, it's... a lot... but it does the trick. You'll have to bring your ID, they don't want anyone too young to be walking in, y'know," she added.
"... Yeah, I-I-I've got it with me," Toad said, "I'll give it a shot, Toadette. Thanks for the idea." With that, they waved their goodbyes and Toad made xyr way out of the castle. Not wanting to attract much attention to xyr search for the very mature establishment xe was looking for, xe decided against asking for directions and figured xe'd know it when xe saw it.
As xe scanned the kingdom, walking through every corner, there were many innocuous stores and restaurants outlining the roads, and xe read the name of each one. It took a long while, and xe almost skipped it when xe at last found 'Shroomwood.' It was so understated, no neon signs or 'dirty' posters to be found outside. "I guess I'm not the only one who wants to be inconspicuous about this..." Toad thought to xemself, before walking in.
Once xe was inside, another toad stopped xem and held their hand out expectantly. "Uh..." the fungus said, worriedly, not knowing what the toad was asking for, before realizing, "Oh! Right, ID, I've got it here." xe reached into xyr back pants pocket and got it out, handing it to the other toad. The toad in dark shades that hid their eyes inspected the ID closely before handing it back to the fungus. "Thanks," Toad thanked the toad, though handing xem back xyr own ID wasn't this huge favor they did for xem, xe realized. With that out of the way, xe turned a corner and saw it all.
"Holy... c-crap," Toad 'swore,' as that was the naughtiest word xe knew. Nothing less sufficed for what was such an astonishing sight. Lights dimmed all around the crowd while the dancers on stage were lit up dazzlingly. Birdoes, Koopas, and other Toads were spinning and kicking their way through their performances and it was nothing short of an amazing sight to behold for Toad. Xe had heard of these types of places before, and sure, xe had watched xyr share of 'adult' videos as well, but something about seeing it happen right before xem was awakening something within xem. "Oh wow..." Toad said, as xyr jaw gaped.
Slowly, xe made xyr way through the crowd to get a closer look. Where xe was, there were two on stage – one was a purple-shelled koopa, whose gyrating motions were causing xem to see the turtle in a light xe never thought to see them in before; the other was a Toad, wearing a sparkling vest... and nothing else. If Toad's dot-eyes could widen, they would have widened further than they ever had before.
Up in the ceiling, a speaker broadcasted the voice of an announcer that Toad couldn't find, try as xe might to look through the crowd. "Give it up for Lustshroom and Tasty Turtle, everybody!" The speaker rang across the room as applause erupted all around Toad, eliciting xem to clap along. They didn't do bad at all, after all, so they deserved it. "Now, for the main event," announced the man 'in the ceiling,' "it's-a the one you've all been waiting for, the 'stache you throw your cash at, the one and the only Spicy Meatball!"
"Who's 'Spicy Meatball?'" Toad wondered to xemself, only to have xyr question answered better than xe ever could have, as the floor of the stage immediately in front of xem opened and the red-capped plumber Mario jumped onto the stage from under it.
Toad's jaw dropped.
Like a professional, Mario wrapped his hand around the pole next to him and began to circle it, scoping out the audience. It was unthinkable, Toad thought, to find the most wholesome person xe had ever known in this secret, dirty area. What could this sweet, innocent plumber do that could be at all stimulating? It was then that Mario locked eyes with Toad, and the fungus's heart skipped a beat. Xe could see the mustachioed dancer tighten his grip on the pole as he leaned his back against it, swaying his hips from side to side. "N-no way..." Toad gasped.
It continued on like that for only a brief moment before Mario jumped up to the pole and wrapped his legs around it, spinning around it as though it were one of the flagpoles he had gone down so many times before, and the crowd erupted. Whistles were blown and woos were yelled from guy and girl and enby in the club as Mario showed his steward friend just what he was made of. As Mario reached the ground, he rose up on one foot before slamming it down and pulling the straps of his overalls down. Toad's face flushed in a way xe hadn't expected it to while watching this, as Mario dropped his overalls and introduced the fungus to his exposed-legs and skimpy outfit.
Xe could see the plumber's crotch, once obscured by his overalls and now free for the whole club to see, yet Toad felt xe might as well have been the only one in the club as Mario continued to gaze upon the steward. He gyrated and hopped across the stage, spinning around the pole like an expert, tossing his hat up in the air before throwing his shirt off, then catching the hat with his left hand. He kicked his right leg out before going into a split, shaking his tush while in the split, which only made the crowd grow more and more excited.
The finale was nearing, and—at this point—Toad was hot and bothered all over, captivated by the plumber's performance. Xe held onto each move the plumber made, as he pressed his body against the pole and swung his hips from side to side once more. He took one step, and then another, before backflipping into the pole and spinning around it once more, hopping off to the edge of the stage and then tossing his hat into the crowd. It flew around the club, countless clubgoers reaching up to get it, before it circled around and fell on Toad – spinning on xyr head before settling at a crooked angle. Mario gave the fungus a wink. Toad fainted.
When xe came to, the club had cleared and xe appeared to be alone. The scent of the area had gone from musky to that of a dentist's office. Xe picked xemself up, realizing xe had been clutching onto the red cap of the plumber who had wowed xem with his provocative dancing the whole time xe had fainted. It then occurred to xem that xe should give the cap back...
It hit xem that xe would have to approach Mario after that performance.
Shivers of awkwardness ran down the fungus' spine, xe had no idea how xe could look at the plumber the same way xe had before. Then, xe felt a gloved hand tap xyr shoulder. "Hello?" A voice with a heavy accent came from behind. Toad almost fainted a second time.
"That's-a my hat, ha-ha," Mario giggled, taking the cap from the fungus' light grip. Putting it on, in his overalls and shirt once again, Mario walked over to the front of Toad and faced xem once more. "Are-a you okie-dokie? I'm-a gonna hope that-a my show was-a so nice for you, Toad!" Mario smiled brightly, as if he hadn't done the dirtiest dancing Toad had ever seen in xyr life, earlier that same night.
Quietly, Toad began to stammer, "You're... y-y-you're..." grabbing the plumber's attention before Toad finally exclaimed, "you're hot!" Immediately after, xe covered xyr mouth with both xyr hands and flushed once more. "What did I just say?" Xe worried, embarrassed beyond belief. Yet somehow, Mario knew how to melt the tension like he had grabbed a fire flower, putting his hand on the fungus' shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.
Looking into Mario's blue eyes and finding no malice, just love and understanding like always, Toad sighed and embraced him. "You did really good," Toad muttered, xyr mouth against the plumber's chest. "You did so good, I'm so glad you're not going to be mean to me," xe mumbled.
Mario chuckled softly and rubbed the fungus' back, "Okie-dokie," he smiled at the fungus, holding xem sweetly, "okie-dokie."
In a day full of surprises, there was one last surprise for the steward. After all the work xe'd gone through earlier in the day, the stimulating surroundings xe had been in, all the energy spent, a warm smile grew on the fungus' face. Toadette was right, after all, Toad thought. "Coming here was a good idea," xe told the plumber, which warmed his heart more than all the adoration from all the clubgoers he had ever received.
What a zesty night.
The End