Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that appear in this story. And it should go without saying that there ain't no money coming my way by doing this.

A/N: The story that follows is for fun and is a solid AU. The characters (and the cameo characters) won't be exactly as they were on the show and you'll see why fairly quickly. That also means I won't be rehashing any of the show's timelines, disasterpieces, shitty love interests (because you can't polish a turd no matter how hard you scrub it) or anything else that will get in the way of said fun. Enjoy yourselves or not?

_#ThePoisonApple_

#1Nite

"Pass some I.D. through the drawer please."

Jane scoffs at the request and the awaiting metal drawer open in front of her. Still she reaches into her inner jacket pocket and pulls out a small wallet, "What? I got 'cop' tattooed on my face or something? Or is this your way of telling me I look that young?"

"It's the law in this great state since we serve alcohol." A voice announces through the speaker cut into the two-way glass. "That and you know I'm pretty sure the owners want to keep their liquor license."

Jane nods and takes out her driver's license and tosses it into the drawer. The drawer snaps closed and for a few minutes there's only a kind of silence. That is if you don't count the sounds of the traffic on the street and the low hum of the off-white fluorescent lighting burning over Jane's head.

"The rules for entry are simple; tell me your color preference when I give you the options and then I'll give you a number. And well...the rest is pretty self-explanatory when you get inside, but in the end this is just what you would call a liberal establishment."

Jane's forehead wrinkles at her reflection in the two-way glass, "What kind of place is this any way that has you sitting behind a two-way mirror?"

"Red means: 'Taken'. Yellow means: 'Taken but willing'. Green means: 'Single'." The male voice intones through the silver speaker poking out of the glass like a growth. "If you see someone who does it for you can give their number to a server and a message that will show on all the screens in the club. Or you can punch in their number and the message on one of the pay kiosks at any of the tables or booths."

Jane shifts her weight from left to right. So much for a simple night out but at least on the plus side it's not like there was a line to get in this place. It's just supposed to be a bar not some loud thumping club or some wannabe Studio 54 revival.

"You got it? So you game or not?"

"Yeah, I'm game." Jane stuffs her hands in the front pockets of her jeans and rocks back on her heels. "Gimme a green tag."

The man behind the glass neatly writes the next number in line based on the current in-going headcount with a black Sharpie pen on a green sticker tag, "That'll be ten bucks."

"I thought this place had no charge?"

"That's only for the day hours when this is just a bar." The metal drawer slides open and Jane reaches in to get her driver's license back. "After ten you gotta drop a ten to get in."

Jane puts her driver's license back into her wallet and then replaces her wallet back inside the inner pocket of her jacket, "Cute rhyme. You think that one up all by yourself?"

"Nah, it was me and one other guy after we had a few."

"That's funny." Jane pulls out some folding money and then hands over a crinkled ten dollar bill with two dog-eared ends and places the bill into the waiting slide-out metal drawer. The drawer snaps shut again. "So is this like your warm-up gig for later when it's open mic at this place?"

"Nope, I'm sorry to tell you that this is the last time you'll be seeing me." The man behind the glass says with a grin as he takes the tall and outrageously good-looking woman's money. Why she's single is a mystery to him but at least she wasn't lying about her relationship status. The man behind the glass puts the requested green tag with #76 scrawled on it in the drawer and then shoves it open. "Welcome to The Poison Apple...enjoy your evening."

In the daylight hours it's just a bar called 'Tankard's' so apparently everything so far is true. Jane reaches inside the drawer again and pulls out a plain green sticker the size of those 'Hello, my name is' nametag stickers with a white strip. But there is no Hello greeting just a number on the white strip and Jane's assigned number is seventy-six for the night.

Jane is tempted to not bother with the damn thing. But with a slight grimace Jane tears off the backing on the sticker and then sticks it on her jacket over her heart. The wall or rather now a door to the right of Jane buzzes and slides open like an elevator door as the overhead lighting turns red. Jane wonders if she's now entering the red-light district or if she's about to feel like Deckard from Blade Runner when he goes into the club looking for Zora.

Never mind Jane's thinking earlier that this place was some closeted 54 upstart. Now it's looking more like a modernized speakeasy style joint with this secret entrance; only they're not hiding the fact that they sell booze. Jane steps into the red lit corridor and walks roughly eight feet before she's faced with another sliding door that opens to the sounds of passable music, conversation and more themed lighting. As Jane walks into the decent sized crowd of people it's hard not to notice that everyone is attractive for the most part.

That's not too unusual in Jane's opinion though since some clubs have policies about the type of people they let in. This one apparently has a 'no one under an eight' in the looks department allowed or something to that effect. Jane tugs on the cuffs of one of her nicer blazers. These days Jane does make an effort to dress better now that she doesn't have to worry about other cops getting it into their head that she's on the 'take' or whatever. That and as a Fed there is a dress code to maintain and it doesn't condone a different colored T-shirt for everyday of the week.

Jane struts towards the bar with a pleasant smile on her face because there is no overly loud music she's gotta scream over to be heard. The hard to miss feature of the place, so far, is the menu which is a huge ass screen. As Jane glances over the menu her smile dims down to a grin before it finally fades as her eyebrows scrunch together.

'99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall' Menu:

1. Abbey Normal

2. Alimony Ale

3. Anti-Hero

4. Arrogant Bastard

5. Ass Clown

6. Bad Elf Ale

7. BallSmack!

8. Barely Legal

9. Bitch Please

10. Big Beaver

11. Big Cock

12. Big Tiddy Assassin

13. Black Cock

14. Blind Pig

15. Blithering Idiot

16. Brown Shugga'

17. ButtFace

18. Butterfly Flashmob

19. Cactus Queen

20. Camel Toe

21. Canturbury Cream Ale

22. Captain Kickass

23. Cats Piss

24. Chocolate Starfish

25. Chunky Girl

26. Collars-N-Cuffs

27. Cornholio

28. Cougar Bait

29. Daisy Cutter

30. Damm Classic

31. Dark Lord

32. Dead Guy

33. Demon

34. Doggie Style

35. Double Chin

36. Dragon's Milk

37. Druid Fluid

38. Dry Humpkin

39. Dubbel D's

40. Duck Duck Gooze

41. Effinguud

42. El Diablo

43. Evil Dead Red

44. Evil Twins

45. Evil Queen Fire

46. Fancy Lawnmower

47. Fat Squirrel

48. Fat Weasel

49. Forever Unloved

50. Fucking Hell

51. Fuggles Imperial

52. Fuzzy Baby Ducks

53. Gandhi-Bot

54. Genghis Pecan

55. Golden Newt

56. Golden Shower

57. Good Chit

58. Good Ryebrations

59. Hairy Beanbag

60. Happy Ending

61. Haulin' Oats

62. Henry's Root Beer

63. Hibernation Ale

64. Hobgoblin

65. Hoppy Blonde

66. Horny Devil

67. Horse Piss

68. ill Tempered Gnome

69. In-Heat Wheat

70. Immortal Ale

71. Java The Nut

72. Judas Yeast

73. Jumping Cow Ale

74. Kangaroo Love

75. Kiss My Face

76. La Belle

77. Little King's Cream Ale

78. Left Hand

79. Loose Cannon

80. Lumpy Gravy

81. Mad Elf

82. M.I.L.F

83. Mephistopheles

84. Moaning Myrtle

85. Money Shot

86. More Cowbell

87. Morning Glory

88. Motor Boat

89. Mother's Milk

90. Muffin Top

91. Mustache Ride

92. Nacho Punch

93. Naked Evil

94. Nugg E. Fresh

95. Nugget Nectar

96. Nut Sack

97. Old Chub

98. Old Engine Oil

99. Old Horizontal

100. Old LegHumper

101. Old RingWorm

102. Old ThunderPussy

103. Panty Peeler

104. Parabola

105. Parking Violation

106. Pearl Necklace

107. Pecker Wrecker

108. Pepperation H

109. Plead The 5th

110. Poisoned Apple Cider

111. Polygamy Porter

112. Pork Slap

113. Quadrupel Penetration

114. Queens Lager

115. Raging Bitch

116. Rebellion Blonde

117. Red Wolf

118. Roach Fart

119. Rumpkin

120. Samuel Jackson

121. Sausage Fest

122. Scorned Hooker

123. Sextacula

124. Sex Viking

125. SheepShaggers

126. Sit On My Face

127. Smooth Hoperator

128. Smuttynose

129. Soft Dookie

130. Substance Abuse

131. Taint Town

132. Tart Of Darkness

133. Three Sheets

134. Threesome

135. Tramp Stamp

136. UB40

137. Undead Party Crasher

138. Unicorn Killer

139. Utopias

140. Vampire Blood

141. Vanilla Ice

142. Velvet Merkin

143. Vergina

144. Vertical Epic

145. Voodoo Doughnut

146. Wailing Wench

147. Wet Dream

148. Whiskey Dick

149. Wicked Ale

150. Wizard Sleeve

151. WoolyBack

152. Yeastus Christ

153. Yellow Snow

154. Yeti

155. Yippie Rye Aye

156. You Will Fail Ale

157. Zombie Dust

It's not a rule that you have to read over the entire menu but it sure is fun or at least it can be. The bottom of the menu reads: 'Ordering Instructions: Shout out the name or number of the brew of your choice to your server of choice'. There is a man behind the bar and even with his back to Jane she sees that he's dressed in what has to be a good old fashioned vest and long sleeve white shirt combo. For a second Jane finds it odd that other than the bartender no one is at the bar but her.

"Beer me!" Jane says loudly as she sits down at the bar.

The bartender turns around and he is a man in his forties, stocky-ish but he attempts to grin at Jane rather boyishly, "Sure...what's the number or the name of your poison, milady?"

Jane grimaces because being called milady is barely one-step above being called ma'am, "Alright...oh, so many choices and they all sound so much fun."

Jane's eyes zero in on #113 or otherwise known by name as 'Quadruple Penetration' which sounds all kinds of stuffed and painful if your mind is dirty enough. But seriously just who in the hell would order that? Or how about that #12 'Big Tiddy Assassin' is respectively sandwiched between a beer called 'Big Cock' and another called 'Black Cock'. Jane rolls her eyes as she scans further down the menu. The only beer that Jane knows would be the shit, as in good shit, is #139. But a Sam Adams Utopias is some damn expensive good ass shit.

"I'll try a number #79."

"Oooh, so close!" The bartender makes a face and claps his hands together. "Man, I thought for a second there you were gonna order your number."

"My number?"

"Yeah, the one on that tag there near your chest area." The bartender points to Jane's green tag with its #76 written in Steve's neat freak scrawl. Pete schools himself not to look at the hot tall drink of water's boobs too much since she's probably the punch first and ask questions later type. "But hey, that's cool going another way and we have that in stock. So, one classy German brewed 'La Belle' coming right up."

Pete turns around and starts tapping on a small screen that lights up in red. Jane looks around briefly. The crowd isn't really paying much attention to the bar itself. The main focus seems to be out on the dancefloor but whatever is going on isn't enough to spark Jane's interest for the moment.

"Say, why does your menu say '99 bottles' when you sell a hundred and fifty seven kinds of brew?"

"Oh, some beers are only available seasonally and some people make it a point to try all we have to offer. Not all in one night because I am licensed to cut you off at some point. But we occasionally have a few bottles of the rarer seasonal stuff but we always guarantee no less than having ninety-nine flavors in stock. Plus, it's a cheap gimmick and people love those. I mean why dare to be too original?"

Jane can't imagine wrapping her lips around and swallowing the contents of beer #102 'Old ThunderPussy' according to the red digital readout on the electronic menu.

"You are what you drink." The bartender says with a roguish smile. Jane resists the urge to roll her eyes; instead she reads his name tag: 'Pete'. "And to be honest one of my favorite perks of the job is people telling me their order. Some use the number but other's get a thrill out of saying some of those super fun names."

Pete leans closer to the bar and rests both hands on the bar top, "Most of the patrons find an easy laugh regularly in number sixty-nine on the menu."

Jane already saw that gem. And even though all the beer is listed alphabetically how hard up for a laugh do you have to be to put a craft beer called: 'In-Heat Wheat' as number sixty-nine?

"So this the place where people come to try on their funny-named 'beer goggles'?"

"Yeah, people come here to hook-up but there's nothing sinister at work here. It's not like we tell you to pick out a safe word with your matching number before going to one of the backrooms. You have to have a membership first and recent STI test results."

"You'd better be kidding."

Pete smiles, "I am."

"What the hell is this place then?"

"How much about your life do you remember, Jane?'

"Enough to wonder how you know my name when I haven't said it."

"Relax, I'm just trying to ease you into it."

"What do I need eased into?"

"That you're a character on a television show that's been canceled for a while now."

"Really? That's your way of easing into it. And I call bullshit by the way."

"Where? Cause I don't see any shit?" Pete laughs but Jane isn't having it. "We're in the club up in here and I don't want to ruin my gators."

"Do people really let you walk around thinking that you're funny?"

"No, not really but you can't blame a girl for tryin'." Pete is smiling like the overgrown man-child he very much is. "Look, I was on a TV show too and it's been over three years now since everything ended and the last thing I remember is my partner who would never want me was doing exactly that. Wanting me. But when I woke up here, I guess that's a good way to say it, Myka was with HG the person she belongs with and damn if all the shippers weren't right."

"Shippers? Really? Okay, what are you on?"

Pete shrugs because he already told her the truth whether she believes it or not, "You're missing the best part of this place Jane."

"Yeah, what's that?"

"Here you can be with the one you choose not the person some writer thought it would be best to saddle you with." Pete smiles and winks at Jane. "Caskett, isn't even canon here like it was on the TV show. See, the actor also played Malcom Reynolds on Firefly so there's a monopoly. Mulder and Skully keep going back and forth from here to back to the show. People really have an endless appetite for X-Files no matter how much time goes by. But Dana and Fox hate how their appearance keeps changing now because the actors have aged."

"Ma, has finally driven me crazy! I'm doped up in a some psycho ward!"

"Afraid not. This is your life Jane Rizzoli; character retirement."

"No! I was going to Paris with Maura and then I was going to start my new job with the FBI!"

"Really? And how are both of those things working out for you?"

Jane's strong jaw works open and then closed a few times as she tries to recall what she did yesterday or even last week. Nothing comes to mind except what she's done in the past.

"Fuck!"

The bartender smiles and sticks out his hand over the bar, "Hi, I'm Pete Lattimer. I was written as screw-up Secret Service Agent with clingy mama's boy abandonment issues and then I became a Warehouse Thirteen Agent with all the same baggage."

Jane just stares at Pete's extended meat hook of a hand before taking it on auto-pilot. His handshake is as real as far as Jane can tell. Pete lets go of her hand and Jane's just kind of hovers in the air before it drops on the bar.

"Yeah, it's a lot to take in but I got good news for you."

Jane is confused more than a little. How does a person process that they're not real? Shit this is worse than trying to make sense of The Matrix movies. It's twenty years later and Jane still has no fucking clue what those movies were about other than they had some cool looking violence and Trinity. But hey maybe she'll bump into Neo tonight and ask what's up.

"Hey, hey, hey." Pete waves his hand in front of Jane's faraway expression and Jane slaps his hand. Pete makes a face because yep this woman is a bit like Myka; she be hittin' on him too. "Maura is here and she's been waiting on you."

"What?"

"Maura is here."

Jane narrows her eyes at what she now considers to be a smiling jackass behind the bar, "And?"

"Don't you wanna finally get with her? Nobody is going to judge you here. And oops girlfriend there is no Casey Jones to get in the way or Dr. Ian. I know you hated him. Only beloved characters live on in this plane of existence. I think it's fueled by fanfiction personally which I'm glad for. Lots of people were super pissed when Pyka happened. It really wasn't my idea and if I could've kept it from happening I would've. Kissing Myka is like kissing my sister and I'm so not into that."

"Pyka? Just what in the actual fuck is that?"

"A ship name. Your's and Maura's is Rizzles by the way." Pete says as nonchalantly as can be; like he's telling Jane it's going to be sunny tomorrow. "Xena and Gabby are everyone's fave uber power couple for the last several years running. They both have many skills." Pete laughs and slaps his hand down on the bar top. "Hey, I just remembered the time in season two you told Frost in your sexy voice that you had mad skills."

"My what?"

"Oh come on? That thing you do where you speak lower and sexier. You know I could never tell if you were doing it just to be funny or because you were trying to see if you could get another kind of rise out of someone."

Jane makes a face, "Well then let me help you out I wasn't trying to be...sexy. Much less with Frost. He was like another younger brother but better than the younger brother's I have."

"He's here too Jane." Pete says with a fond smile and he bunches up the bar rag in his hands. Jane's fictional brothers aren't popular characters, they both were kissing Maura, and hence they aren't here. Angela Rizzoli is though but she's off on another storyline with Korsak. Jane will hate that when she finds out. "Barry Frost is beloved too. You might see him here tonight if you stick around long enough. Barry and Maura usually come in together every so often."

Jane swallows roughly and her eyes are watering, dammit. She can see Frost again. He didn't really die in a car accident? It feels too good to be true. Jane has so much she wants to tell him but if her life was no more than entertainment then he probably already knows everything. Pete seems to have watched her show and how exactly does that work?

"So how do or did you see...the show I was on?"

"Duh, a television. Your show 'Rizzoli & Isles' is in syndication."

Jane taps her fingertips on the bar in a random pattern, "So it works like the television I watched in my fictional life?"

"We're characters." Pete shrugs and squints his eyes in annoyance like Jane is making his head hurt from overthinking the scenario. "I was cooked up out of thin air but you come from a best-selling crime novel series. And you pretty much don't appear how you're described in the books. But you and me and all the other characters we'll always look like the actors that played us on TV."

Pete eyes go wide as does his smile, "Dude, I finally met Buffy Summers the other day!" Jane looks unimpressed and that just sucks so Pete's smile turns upside down. "So this place is just a kind of rest-stop while what goes on outside these walls is more of a choose your own adventure thing...most of the time."

Jane scans the bar again and yeah she can see it now. All those faces that seem familiar. She's a canceled TV show character. Her dreams have been weirder and scarier. God, this is like a version of The Matrix or something.

"I could really use that beer now."

"Oh my bad! We have that in stock by the way." Pete's frown disappears as he goes back to the screen and taps in the number and then the perfectly chilled bottle pops out from a drawer under the screen. "Sorry, to make you wait but I wasn't sure you still wanted it."

"You better believe I want it now. I want it more than I've wanted anything I think."

Pete pops the cap off the long neck and then hands the bottle to Jane, "You sure about that?"

Jane scowls but takes the beer from Pete. The perfectly chilled beverage goes down smooth. Jane wonders how much of a tab she can rack up to at least get shit-faced in this dream.

With her beer nearly half gone Jane sets the bottle down on a coaster, "Hey, where's your partner? Myka right."

Pete smiles a little sadly, "Yeah, she moved on to another setting with HG but they visit every once and a while. Right now they're off living one of those sexy adventure type deals without the 'Danger, Will Robinson!' part. And probably having sex too on every available surface that's comfortable for at least ten minutes."

Jane would've done one great spit take if she'd had a mouthful of beer, "HG?"

"On our show HG Wells was a very hot Victorian era woman." Pete mimes the shape of a woman or rather a voluptuous hourglass while his lips pucker. "I got to make-out with her first though."

"The HG Wells?"

"Yep, she was a super villain at first with a saucy British accent to boot but with deeper motives that came from an unimaginable hurt. She was locked in bronze for over a hundred years with only her thoughts to keep her company." Pete starts twirling the bar rag in his hands. He's one step away from miniature towel snapping someone. "It sucks what the show did to her character for the sake of plot. Talk about pain and angst. Holy shit, it was enough to drown in lemme tell ya! Myka saved HG though and they fell in love. But the writers and producers wouldn't let that actually happen on the show where people could see."

Jane has never really given much thought about her sexuality. The only time it was addressed was with Maura before the undercover gig at the lesbian bar. Jane has just slept with guys here and there for no good reason but at least now she has a clue as to why that possibly is.

"Who, um...who are you with?"

"Steve."

"Who's that?"

"The guy who gave you your entry number."

"You're gay?"

"Nah, not really." Pete kind of shrugs and waggles his hand back and forth. "And we don't use those labels here. I consider myself more open-minded and besides Steve is a great guy. We've talked about possibly having an open relationship when Scandal gets canceled and that fairy tale show. I'm a fool for Olivia Pope and Regina Mills." Pete smiles, raises a finger in the air and then licks the tip of his pointer finger and makes a sizzling noise. "Those two are the hottest of the hot and I still love boobs and Steve knows that's not going to change about me. We'll always get along even though he didn't used to laugh at my jokes but he does now. I'm the pitcher by the way if you know what I mean."

Jane's eyes are wider than they've ever been, "Thanks for sharing."

"No problem." Pete smiles and fidgets with his towel again. Pete's met Maura Isles and he thinks she's great. Pete even put the moves on her a little to see if she would bite but she didn't. "So are you gonna hook-up with your LLBFF?"

Jane should be listed in to the dictionary as a part of the definition of the word: 'reluctant'. Although, 'stubborn' would suffice too. At any rate Jane feels that her world has crashed into an ocean of lies so who's to say now is the best time to turn the corner she was scared shitless of. Maura Isles isn't for the faint of heart and that's meant to be taken as a compliment.

"Answer me something." Jane begins as she tries to peel the label off her seriously good tasting German beer. The label doesn't want to yield to her nimble fingers though. "Why all the production to get in? And all the other stuff Steve hinted at if we're all just walking-talking fictional characters?"

Pete smirks, "Every story has to start somewhere now doesn't it? And you're Detective Jane Clementine Rizzoli." Pete straightens up and puffs out his chest. Jane suddenly wants to punch him for thinking it's acceptable to just blurt out her middle name. "So how else were you supposed to find your way here for the first time? You needed something suspicious. A lot of people do to get their attention."

"Why are you here?"

"I'm a fictional character too, duh. And I'm stuck looking like this if that's not enough."

Jane rolls her eyes, "Why do you stay in this bar?"

Pete frowns a little since Jane just spoke to him like he's five and slow, "Why not? I get to meet people. I have a near endless supply of free beer without worrying about beer gut. We all do as for as that goes. Some of the beer is seasonal but I don't really get why that is?"

"And just how many beers has Maura Isles drank, Pete?"

For one reason alone the thought of Maura ordering #124 a.k.a 'Sex Viking' is funny to Jane because of the case they worked. Leave it to Maura to know about Viking dwarves and then manage to work it into conversation.

"None actually. She prefers wine as you and I both know." Pete grins and pulls down on the front tail of his vest which is fitting a little tight. Pete feels more bloated than he normally does since today is one of his fat days. "So that's why she goes to the wine bar around the way for a drink. They don't have a menu as fun as the one here though."

But of course Dr. Sommelier would have to find the non-chalkiest wine available in whatever the hell kind of place this is. Jane hasn't been convinced this isn't some kind of drunk mind fuck she's having; she's been playing along.

"But you said Maura comes in here."

"Yep." Pete smiles at what's going to be good. It has to be. "And heads up she's coming this way. So look sharp Detective McBadass."

"Very funny." Jane picks up her bottle of beer and drains what's left of it. The urge to belch is there but Jane stifles it as she sits the empty bottle down. "Can I get another?"

"Only if I can join you." Jane would know that voice anywhere just like the weight of the presence she now feels behind her. "I've been waiting for you."

Jane closes her eyes and prays, yes prays that she'll wake up. But when Jane opens her eyes a few seconds later she's still in a bar with stupid ass beer names that are in fact funny.

"Please turn around? I used to be your best friend or rather I hope I still am." Maura says as she tentatively places her hand on Jane's shoulder. "I found the truth unsettling too but then I remembered that none of the awful things I went through for what was entertainment value were real. But the one thought that brought a smile to my face was you. I've missed you."

Jane swivels around on her barstool and smiles. She doesn't have to be hardass anymore and she certainly isn't feeling what she wouldn't hesitate to call homophobic. And if Pete isn't completely full of shit then maybe everything is alright even if none of it was real. Maybe nothing at all at any given time is real. But as Maura's hand slowly slides off her shoulder and Maura reaches for her hand Jane quickly finds she doesn't give a shit about real.

"I've missed you too, Dr. Smartypants."

Pete clears his throat loudly and Jane turns slightly to glare at him. Pete smiles at one of his favorite ships reunited, "Hey, um...hi! Don't mean to interrupt but I just remembered and since you're new; Jane you may want to watch out for Bo the succubus and her girlfriend Dr. Lauren Lewis. They usually show up on Wednesdays which would be now. Maura knows who I'm talkin' about, right?"

"Hello, Pete and thank you but I'll watch after Jane." Maura says sweetly and Jane is two seconds away from asking what the hell a succubus is. "Actually, I hope Bo and Lauren stop in. Dr. Lewis is rather brilliant and last week we talked at length while Bo was feeding."

If it weren't for Maura holding onto her Jane would so be in the bathroom or something splashing anything but the water in the toilet on her face to wake up.

Pete clicks his tongue and winks at Maura, "Good looking out. So you feel like trying a brew tonight, Doc?"

"Maybe? What did you have Jane?"

"La Belle." Jane says while lacing her fingers with Maura's. Jane never thought she would actually get to do that again. The first and last time was the day they worked that building collapse. "But for you and your taste buds Maur I would go with a Utopias."

Maura grins, "Pete I'll try a #139, please."

"Aww, any chance one of these days you'll order #32 for laughs?"

"We'll see." Maura thinks Pete's childish glee is sweet and yes her ordering that beer would be funny given what her character did. "But are you sure you wouldn't want me to order a #143?"

Jane glances up at the menu and snorts a little at Maura's suggestion. Jane's not going to think too much about the innuendo implied. Maura's a doctor or a fake doctor and she's seen all kinds of vagina's and wangs.

"You're right, Doc. That could be funny too." Pete arches one eyebrow and slowly turns towards the touchscreen. "But we'll come back to that another time. I owe you a #139 first and another 'La Belle' for Jane unless you're feeling something else?"

Jane smirks, "How about a #50? It's all I'm thinking right now."

Jane has never smoked crack but when she worked in the drug unit she sold rock though dressed as the cheapest hooker a five minute nut could buy. And yet all this somehow feels worse and better than those days. It's only better because of Maura but Jane still wants to drain the bottle of craft beer called: 'Fucking Hell'.

Soundtrack: "Call Me" by Blondie

A/N 2: Half the fun of this opening is the list of craft beers. All but four of them are the real names for the 'flavors'. The ones I added for giggles can be picked out of the line-up if you're schooled in craft beer. I laughed so hard as I typed each and every one. And yeah this premise is crazy but fuck it I'm having fun. Not everything has to be a canon-compliant ode to angst that takes itself way too seriously.