Crawl

It's the usual walk home after the last train. Ritsu Onodera fastened his coat tightly as the winter air hit him leaving the confines of the station. He felt cold. Though somehow thinking about it, he doesn't know if he's cold because of the snow falling heavily around him or because of the fact that Takano had been distant to him the past couple of weeks.

He felt irritated. Usually it was Takano all over him, pushing and shoving and making advances till he gave in, making sweet yet highly seductive innuendos almost always ending up with a fist on Takano's head and the grunts of pain that would induce an unexpected ring of pleasure in his ears he can't quite understand why. Nowadays, he's just his boss, ordering him around with cold, dead eyes and unusual humorless sarcasm. He felt irritated again. Not because of Takano's recent demeanor but because of himself. How idiotic can he be? What is he expecting? He heaved a sigh and walked the familiar uphill path to their apartment. It loomed brightly ahead and was relieved that he was able to go home.

The elevator doors opened and as he stepped out, he noticed that Takano's front door lay open. He heard people talking as he approached and his chest constricted painfully when he realized who the other voice was from.

It's Yokozawa-san.

Yokozawa-san.

Why does he have to run into him here? And why does he have to feel like he's dying because of the pain in his chest?

He walked on, his head hung low. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. That's the game plan.

"Oh. It's you." Yokozawa's bark came from the doorway. He heard a cat meowing from inside but he didn't look up. He could also feel another set of eyes settling in where he's standing.

"G-gg-g-good evening." He mumbled. How pathetic that must sound.

"Masamune, I'll go now. The food is in the fridge just heat it up for tomorrow. Sorata, say goodbye now." Yokozawa picked up the cat and held it up, possibly so that Takano can pet him.

"Ah, thanks. Sorata, come visit me again when your Uncle Yokozawa is not too grumpy, eh? Bye-bye…" Onodera looked up and saw him petting the cat affectionately. He also noticed that Yokozawa and Takano were standing way too close.

Irritation.

He was about to amble past them when Takano's eyes locked with his.

Onodera flushed. He looked away and went straight to his front door and fished desperately for his keys.

IDIOT.

He heard the ping of the elevator. Yokozawa-san must have left already. Onodera is now making so much noise looking for his keys. Why does he have to lose them now? He dug deeper into his bag and felt the cold metal graze his finger. He stood up and poised to insert the key in when he noticed that Takano's door is still open. He peeked sideways only to be startled by Takano's disquieting figure standing in the doorway.

"Nani?" Onodera asked suddenly. Takano's eyes are boring into him, and the only thing he could mutter right now is a weak, pitiable "what".

Takano cocked his head, turned his back to him and slammed the door shut without a word. Onodera stood there stunned. What happened just now?

Onodera slowly went inside his apartment. What is Takano's problem? Why is he acting strange all of a sudden? Why is he not talking? Why is he getting more and more irritated about this? Why won't he freaking taunt and insult him the way he used to? Why?

So Yokozawa-san is with him. Big friggin' deal. They're probably doing it nightly. They're probably together all the time, laughing together, drinking together and taking care of the wretched cat together. He doesn't want to admit it but he feels somehow… jealous.

Wow. As if the "patheticness" won't stop.

Onodera knew that he had no right whatsoever to be hurt, to control of whatever Takano wants to do in his life… but now sitting alone in his dark apartment, he missed how Takano does everything – the way he would yell at him, the way he would say "Huh?!" when he says something ridiculous, the way he would console him, his desolate efforts of cheering him up, the way he would say "I love you" no matter how many times he continue to reject them.

Has Takano finally given up on him?

The chill hit him again. Onodera trembled, involuntarily hugging himself to calm his nerves but to no avail. Tears threaten to fall. The pain is becoming unbearable.

He stood up with an indignation rapidly swelling inside him. What IS his problem? If Takano is going to make him feel miserable might as well be clear with it. Fine, he can play around with Yokozawa-san and the damned cat all he wants but Onodera will not let Takano make a fool of him again.

Like the last time.

Onodera ran outside and decided to confront Takano once and for all. He's been in his head long enough and he's not putting up with it anymore.

Panting, he stood at Takano's door ready to ring the doorbell when the image of Yokozawa-san's smug face crossed his mind. Infuriated, he forgot about the door bell and knocked on the door loudly.

No answer.

Pissed beyond belief, Onodera knocked, rapped and pounded at the door – a fuming Takano opened the door.

"What in the hell are you doing, idiot?!" Takano bellowed.

"I was knocking on the door and you wouldn't answer!" Onodera snapped back.

"You call that knocking?" Takano asked with raged incredulity. "What do you want?"

"Eh?" Onodera blanked.

"What do you want? Or are you sleepwalking again?" Takano sneered.

Onodera blushed. What is it that he wanted to say anyway? Isn't he determined to confront this man just a minute ago? Why is his throat suddenly dry? Why –

"Why is your face is so red?" Takano's voice pulled him back to reality.

There he is. Takano acting like normal again.

"I… I… I… want… to… say… some… thing… Well… yeah… that's it." He muttered incoherently.

"If you're only going to ramble stupidly just go home. I don't have time for this now. Good night." Takano moved to close the door.

Onodera felt terrified. It would all be over if he let Takano close the door on him.

"Wait! Takano-san!" Onodera pulled the door open again.

"What?" Takano's voice is quiet, his back to him.

"Are you… I mean… Takano-san… I…" Onodera's voice is starting to crack. Why does this have to happen to him now?

"Let go." Takano-san yanked the door forcefully.

Onodera's hand slipped on the knob and he started losing his balance. To break his impending fall, he grabbed Takano's shirt sending both of them down on the floor, the door shutting behind them with a loud thud.

"BAKA! Are you always this clumsy? I almost fell flat on my face thanks to you!" Takano's booming voice hurt his eardrums.

"Sumimasen! Sumimasen! Sumimasen!" Onodera apologized profusely. This isn't going the way he wanted.

"What is it that you want anyway? Stop gibbering!" Takano roared at him.

Silence.

Onodera sat cross-legged across Takano, who is now looking at him intently, one hand resting on his cheek.

"I was just… wondering" Onodera started "Are you… mad at me?" There. He finally said it. He could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks.

"Huh?"

Onodera saw goose bumps rise in his skin. It was the all too familiar sound buzzing blissfully in his ears. How come something so simple is making him feel like he's on edge?

"I mean… you! You don't talk to me anymore… it's like… you're avoiding me or something…" Onodera is becoming more self-aware as the minute passes.

"So what if I was?" Takano replied shortly.

Onodera choked. He can feel his eyes burning.

"Why though? Did I do something?" he asked determinedly looking at the floor.

"Why do you ask? Isn't this what you want? You always get mad at all the attention I'm giving you anyway." Takano said matter-of-factly.

He doesn't know if it's the almost toneless delivery or the fact that Takano is somehow already confirming his dreaded theory earlier. Onodera found it hard to breathe.

"I see." It was the only reply he could muster.

"That's what all this is? You over think a lot when left alone, do you?" Takano said.

"Yeah I'm always the idiot aren't I?" Onodera retorted. He wanted to disappear.

"What are you thinking now, Onodera?"

Thump. Thump. Thump. His heart beat wildly in his chest.

"Nothing. " The stinging in his eyes is becoming more intense.

Takano sighed loudly and plopped lazily on the floor.

"Yeah it's always nothing with you now isn't it? You take me for granted so easily. I kind of wish you were like before – right up my face, trembling all over me." Takano's voice had an almost bitter fondness to it.

Thump. Thump. Thump. It was ripping Onodera apart. Takano is making him remember all the things he's been trying so damn hard to expunge from his memories.

"You… you made me this way! This is all your fault! Takano-san!" Onodera lost faith in his voice completely.

It's so unfair. Takano-san never fails to get to him. But it's so different now. Again, he knows that he has no right to feel mad or hurt but he can't help it. One day Takano-san is all over him and now he's like a big block of frosty indifference causing a yearning he didn't even know existed inside him.

"Onodera?" Takano called out, his voice had a slight hint of concern.

"I'm fine! I'm… fine…" but his voice had already given him away.

Takano heaved a sigh.

"Uso-tsuki." It was this recognizable taunt in which Onodera's resolve gave away.

Stupid, stupid Takano!

"I don't know why I'm so irritated…. I feel like I'm going crazy! Seeing you everyday and you looking at me like you don't know me! It hurt because I didn't know why! I was thinking about it only to get upset that you've been on my mind the whole day! So…"

Onodera's tears strangled his words. He sobbed noisily, wanting to get away as soon as possible, but his legs would not move. His hands started shaking and he grabbed the fabric of his jeans to keep himself from crying out loud. He heard a faint noise and Takano's arms choked his tears away.

Onodera knew that he could stay forever inside those warm, comforting arms.

"Tell me more" he coaxed, long fingers running through his hair as he went "I want to know how you feel." Takano's voice was low and caring and kind. Like he's back to the Takano he knew.

How can he still feel this much for him after all these years?

"I don't know why I have to feel irritated about it! I tried to focus on work but I can't do even that! I'm just… just not… just not used to you being so cold to me. And Yokozawa-san! I…" Onodera whimpered. He doesn't know what he's trying to achieve by saying these things, but just this once, he allowed himself to be selfish.

"What did I tell you about Yokozawa? I can't believe you're still on about that." Takano said giving him a gentle squeeze. "To think that I have been doing so well convincing myself that I can live without you and here you are, inadvertently making me fall for you again. Seriously, what am I going to do with you?" Takano teased.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Onodera's ears must be failing him.

He felt Takano's warm hands reach for his chin, tilting his face up, his tear-streaked faced red and exposed. Takano groaned affectionately.

"You're *hic* making *hic* fun *hic* of *hic* me again…" Onodera sobbed between words, his cheeks blushing scarlet.

"You just won't stop seducing me, won't you?" Takano breathed in his face. "Kawaii ne…" Takano brushed up against him

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Onodera tried to pull away from him. Takano is back to saying uncomfortable things to him. He doesn't know why that gave him an awful lot of comfort.

"Sorry." Takano said in his ear.

"Eh?" Why is his heart beating so fast?

"I did avoid you. I was afraid that one day I won't be able to control myself being around you all the time. It drove me crazy too, with you running in my head non-stop. You were just there and I couldn't even touch you. I thought I was going insane." Takano murmured in his ear, stroking his back and holding him tighter.

"But you have Yokoza-"Onodera's sentence cut short.

"Idiot! Have you not been listening to me?" Takano grabbed his shoulders and pulling away. "God, you drive me crazy!"

Takano gently wiped his tears, "What is it more do you want?"

Onodera knew it is useless to resist. Takano's smoldering gaze bore deeply into his making him devoid of everything but Takano – his voice, his warmth, his scent – Onodera's senses drowning in those passionate brown eyes.

"I just… missed you… so much…" Onodera said; his eyes cast downward to hide his embarrassment.

If only Takano knew just how much.

For a moment he thought Takano smiled, but before he could register the expression, Takano's lips gently covered his own.

"I love you, Onodera." Takano's lips brushed lightly against his only to swoop and claim his lips again; taking his breath away the deeper it went.

Onodera let Takano's kiss sweep all of his earlier doubts. He thought that as long as he's inside Takano's arms, continue to kiss him the way he's doing now – then everything really is all right.

Onodera closed his eyes and ardently returned Takano's burning kisses. Maybe he was imagining it, but he could almost swear that for one second there, Takano tasted like the sweet, reminiscent scent of cherry blossoms warming the cold, winter night into their own private spring.