(The Blackout in the Blizzard)
A/N: I watched this episode the other day and this story idea popped into my head.
I don't own Bones.
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Booth slouched on his stadium seats and glumly stared at Parker's bedroom door. Brennan was staying over for the rest of the night since the streets were still unplowed and he didn't feel comfortable with her driving home in the middle of the night on dangerously slippery streets.
It had been a long day and it had been filled with tension, anger and sadness. Of course, it hadn't started out that way. When he'd seen the stadium seats dumped on the sidewalk for trash pickup, he'd been shocked, amazed and excited. He'd recognized them right away. They were from the Vet, Veteran's Stadium to be precise. He'd instantly been filled with avarice. He wanted those seats, no he had needed those seats and he needed Brennan and Sweets to help him get them home.
He'd begged and made promises just to get them to help and they did help although with loud protests and constant complaining. Still the seats were his and once he had them in his apartment building he'd felt a brief moment of triumph until like most things that reminded him that his life was a big joke, the city lost power and with it the elevator carrying his seats up to his floor.
Those seats went from being a treasure to an obstacle in a matter of seconds and with it he was once more reminded that for everything good that happened in his life, he had to suffer for it first.
Stuck in an elevator with those seats was just the beginning of Booth's minor detour into hell. His partner was outraged that his obsessive behavior was keeping her from a set of remains in the Lab. His young friend, Lance Sweets was being an all-around pain in the ass and he couldn't get away from either one of them. His hopes for a good day was quickly dashed and he was left as usual trying to fix a problem that didn't have an easy solution.
Booth moved his hands along the arm rests and thought about how ironic the situation had been. He had wanted those seats for purely selfish reasons. The blue painted wooden and steel seats were a reminder that his father had been a good father at least once in a while and he wasn't always the hated monster that he became when he drank. Booth needed that reminder because of his own personal demons. His father had been a good man at one time in his life, but because of his service in Vietnam, his bouts of depression and his struggles to overcome his PTSD, Edwin had slowly moved from that goodness to a form of evil that terrified Booth even as an adult. Booth's greatest fear was that somehow he would become his father.
The numerous beatings, the violent rage let loose on Booth and his mother and sometimes his little brother had affected Booth in ways he didn't like to think about. His grandfather had tried to talk to him about it, but Booth didn't know how to explain it. He had learned as a young boy that love was rarely free from pain. He'd loved his father and mother and hated them at the same time. He loved them as a dutiful son should. He hated them for the pain and terror they had put him through. His father and mother were supposed to love him because isn't that what parents are supposed to do? What he got was beatings and abandonment.
His mother had taught him his most powerful lesson. When someone you love doesn't want you, then leave. If someone crushes your heart then give up and don't look back. It wasn't something he could just unlearn and his grandfather didn't seem to understand that. Why let someone inflict you with pain when you can just move on?
The example his mother had given him had been a harsh one and it made him acquiesce when relationships failed. He had learned to move on when someone didn't want him and to rarely look back or fight for what he wanted. It seemed that he didn't have it in him to fight for love, but to just keep searching and hoping that somehow love would find him.
Booth shook his head. The seats he was sitting on were bringing back some powerful memories and not all of them good. He had told Brennan they reminded him of his one perfect day, but they also opened a flood gate to the horror of his childhood and all of the mistakes he'd made in his life.
"Booth." Brennan was standing in the doorway of Parker's bedroom and staring at him with concern. "Why don't you go to bed? You must be tired."
Booth stared at the empty beer bottle on the coffee table and tried to let go of his morbid thoughts. "I'm fine, Bones. I just have a lot on my mind. I'm not really tired right now." He looked over at her and tried to smile, but failed. "I'm sorry you got caught up in my . . . in my obsession."
"Don't apologize Booth." Brennan stood in the doorway and debated about whether or not to enter the room. Finally she chose to remain where she was. She wanted to give her friend some space. "You explained about your one perfect day and I understand. I really do. Until I was fifteen, I had parents that I could count on. We were a happy family until they disappeared and I know you didn't have that. You have a right to want a reminder of something good in your childhood. You deserve it."
A warm feeling filled his chest and Booth gave her a genuine smile. "Thanks. I mean it Bones. Thanks. I know you thought I was crazy about wanting these chairs, but you helped me anyway and . . . well, you're a great friend. We . . . we're going to work this out. You and me. We're going to figure it all out. I just need time . . . we need time."
Brennan knew she was ready and didn't need time for anything, but she knew her partner was still in pain. His trust has been broken, their friendship had been fractured, but they were slowly repairing the cracks. If she had to help him rescue junk from sidewalks to prove to him that he could count on her, then she would do that. He had been there for her when she needed it in the past and she had been there for him, so she knew that their friendship was not completely broken. She also knew that because she was ready, when he was ready for more from her, she would not hesitate to give that piece of her that she had always guarded. She had finally realized that guarding your heart from everyone left you alone and sad. There was no happiness to be found in protecting your heart from emotional attachments. Booth still needed to learn that lesson. She knew he was a heart person, but he hid parts of himself so well that most people didn't realize they weren't seeing all of him. She even suspected that she hadn't seen all the parts that made him who he was and she wasn't sure she ever would.
She thought it was ironic that a man she considered a very romantic man had never been able to give himself completely to someone. From her observations and his tales of past relationships, Booth always presented a bright cheery side to those he pursued, but never allowed them to see the darkest parts of him. Everyone except her. She knew of his childhood. The beatings. The abandonment by his mother. Rebecca's rejection, Tessa's, hers and Hannah's. She knew about all of his hurts and had a small hand in his spiraling downward slide to unhappiness. She wished she could undo her rejection outside the Hoover, but she had had her own demons to deal with at the time and since she was practical, she refused to dwell on it. She knew that Booth would have to trust her when the time came if they were ever to move forwards as a couple.
She wasn't sure what it would take to earn that trust, but she hoped he would find a way to see it because it was there for him. She trusted him like no other and he could trust her. It would just take time for him to realize it.
"Would you like me to sit up with you?" Brennan felt sad for her partner. "We could watch a movie."
He appreciated her offer, but he wanted to be alone. "No, that's okay." Booth stood up. "You go back to bed. I'm going to my room. I think it's safe to say we won't be going to work tomorrow. It's going to take them days to plow the streets. Night."
She watched him move slowly over to his bedroom and before he disappeared into the room, Brennan called out. "Good night Booth. If you need to talk, I'm here."
"Thanks Bones." Booth turned to face her. "I appreciate that."
After the door was closed to his bedroom, Brennan walked out into the living room and sat down on the stadium seats. Her hands rubbing the arm rests, she realized that these stupid chairs may have been the game changer she had been looking for. She and Booth had been dancing around their fractured relationship for a long time. It was interesting that it was his quest to own something from a perfect day from his childhood that had caused them to finally talk to each other honestly and without the fearful caution that had been separating them for so long.
A sad smile on her face, Brennan sighed and stared at Booth's bedroom door. Her childhood and his childhood had scarred them very deeply. She knew that. Even though she didn't believe in psychology she had to admit that the damage done to them both as children made them distrust easily. Angela and Booth had been the first people in her adult life that she had trusted well enough to help her navigate a world she didn't understand. Imagine her surprise when she had realized that Booth didn't navigate the world as well as she had thought. He was a fascinating subject and she never tired of learning things about him. Truthfully, she wouldn't mind if that turned into a lifelong project.
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Let me know what you think of my story. Thank you.
