Willow and the Wrong Pi
Freelancer AKA LancerFourSeven
Author's notes: I had a dream.
Willow sat down in her usual place at the front of the class and reviewed the textbook while she waited for her professor. It was only a few minutes.
Professor James said, "Alright class, continuing where we left off yesterday, we were evaluating theta with respect to x divided by pi, or 3.0, and it all boils down to 1…"
His voice faded out as Willow wondered if she was having a mini-stroke. '3.0?' she thought to herself. How could a math professor say that with a straight face? She was about to raise her hand in protest of that ridiculous statement when she noticed that no one else in the class had even raised an eyebrow. She flipped a few pages of her text and saw: Pi = 3.00000000014159…
She raised her hand.
"Yes, Ms Rosenberg?"
"I'm sorry professor, but I'm feeling ill, I have to go." And she got up and stumbled out of the class.
"Certainly, Ms. Rosenberg, go, go, I hope you're feeling better tomorrow," said Professor James to Willow's back as she hurried out.
Willow practically ran to her Tesla and very nearly ran over another student as she whipped her car around and drove off campus.
She drove to Giles' house and ran to the door, pounded on the door desperately.
"Yes, yes, what is it?" said Giles as he opened the door, "stop pounding on my door!" He looked at Willow in surprise and said, "Willow? What's wrong?"
Willow pushed past him and said frantically, "Giles, what's pi?"
"Er, what?"
"Pi, pi! The ratio of a circle's circumference to it's diameter! The value, what's the value?"
"Willow, surely you know what pi is."
"Yes, tell me anyway!"
"It's three, of course. Or three point zero, zero, zero, etc, until it becomes one four something or other. But you know this, right?"
"No Giles, I don't know that. For nineteen years I thought, no absolutely knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that pi equals three point one four one five nine two six five three, etc."
"Now Willow, that would make calculating with various circles and such much more difficult, and really, in what kind of universe would that make sense?"
"Giles, it is what it is. But I am positive. The only explanation I can think of is that I somehow ended up in the wrong dimension!"
"Hmmm, well, that is one explanation, I suppose. However, it's not the simplest explanation I can think of."
"Yeah, yeah, maybe I had a stroke, or I'm just plain crazy."
"Well, you have to admit, you have a bit, ah, shall we say – giddy – ever since the presidential election."
"Giddy? You think I've been giddy? Surely clinically depressed and nearly suicidal would be more accurate."
"Depressed? Why? You worked so hard on President Sanders campaign, and when he won you were over the moon. What happened, did he not keep a campaign promise?"
Willow's jaw dropped. She staggered backwards, tripped, and fell sprawling onto Giles' couch. "Preh, preh, preh, president, President Sanders? Bernie Sanders is president here?"
"Of course, what kind of bounder would vote for that tosser, that pillock, that utter twat Trump? It doesn't make any sense that he would have found enough numpty yobs to win the election. Even in America."
"Uh, well, yeah, it is illogical. So who's the vice-president in this dimension?"
"Tulsi Gabbard."
"Oh," Willow said faintly, "good. And what's Hilary Clinton doing these days?"
"She's the senator from New York; but why would you ask, you know this."
"You know something, Giles, you're right. This is my universe, I belong here after all. I just had a temporary brain intransigency. Life is good: pi equals three for all practical purposes, we have a sensible government, I have great car, what else do I need?"
The door opened and Tara walked in. Willow smiled. "And Tara and I are going shopping. Ta ta, Giles."
As Tara and Willow walked down the sidewalk towards Willow's Tesla, Tara said, "We're not really going shopping, are we?"
"Of course, assuming that 'shopping' is a euphemism for wild and crazy sex."
"It is now."
The End